"Because I don't trust the medical droids to keep whatever the results of those tests under wraps," I said.
"And if it ever becomes public knowledge that I am unfit to handle the responsibility of leading the saner half of the galaxy against Darth Angral, this whole venture will come down around our heads. None of the people I managed to drag into this from the Empire came entirely voluntarily."
...
Unsaid went the knowledge that we did not have the time to delay. Not when we were outmatched in terms of military strength, funding, government support, logistics, and who knew what else.
"Visiting an organic doctor would have much of the same risks," she observed, slumping slightly in her seat. "Except those vulnerabilities are the result of both people and records."
"Which means I get to continue reveling in my ignorance," I said with a happy sigh. "Everybody wins."
"That attitude is going to get you killed one of these days," she warned.
"Probably," I admitted. "That's why I've got you watching out for me."
"Is that why you keep taking these stupid risks?" the Little Jedi asked with an affronted tone.
"Do they really count as risks if things keep turning out alright?" I asked.
"Just use common sense!" she said, turning to glare at me.
"Common sense? In this galaxy?" I scoffed, meeting her glare. "We're hunting down a man searching for superweapons to avenge the son who got killed on his orders. Common sense checked out a while ago."
For a long moment, we just kept up our mutual glares. Sure, the Little Jedi was operating heavy machinery. Sure, I was placing my life in her hands. But when had a lack of wisdom ever stopped me?
Eventually, of course, she gave up and returned her attention to our flight path.
"I hate it when you make sense," she muttered.
"I hate that it makes sense," I said, my own tone not too different. "How much longer until we get to the Panteer Palace?"
"Not much longer," the Little Jedi said with a sigh. Once again, we were over a sparsely seeded forest, the trees forming an uneven plain of green. Somewhat like the world's worst golf course, really. Off in the distance, I could see a buttressed tower of pale grey stone reaching towards the sky. No doubt that was it.
"Best to walk the last kilometer, I think," I suggested. "I don't think they're too accepting of speeder traffic."
We landed a brief walk away from the Panteer Palace, now occupied by the forces of House Ulgo. The front lines were hardly a single cohesive line, and we had managed to slip in through one of the irregular gaps in their air defenses within eyesight of the sprawling palace grounds. Of course, that did not mean we hadn't been spotted on the way in; In fact, I was rather counting on it.
The Little Jedi set down the speeder in a convenient clearing, and I grabbed hold of Lord Praven's immobile form before hopping out. Briefly wondering how best to carry him, I ultimately settled on carrying him like a sack of potatoes, slung over one shoulder.
"You have a plan?" the Little Jedi asked, locking the speeder we had borrowed from the Thul estate.
"Always," I said. That anything beyond step one was 'improvise' went unsaid. It was common knowledge. "Get into the same room as Bouris Ulgo and convince him that his entire perception of the Sith as a whole is deeply flawed."
"Just because you believe the galaxy is insane doesn't mean you have to actively add to it," she said.
"I will have you know that my plan is perfectly reasonable," I countered. "After all, I have something the good King Bouris wants. He has something that we need."
"A single unconscious Sith is hardly worth an entire fleet."
"No, but a single unconscious Sith will get him to listen to me long enough for me to mention what I found on Taris," I said. "Aboard the Endar Spire."
"What could you have found aboard a wrecked cruiser that crashed three centuries ago that he could possibly want?" she asked, furrowing her brow as we marched through the woods. Between the racket we were making just from walking and the noise of our conversation it was only a matter of time until we were stopped. "Somehow, I don't think Bouris Ulgo will consider some three-century-old relics to be valuable enough to let us borrow his fleet."
"He won't," I agreed. "But returning the remains of one Trask Ulgo might convince him that I am not the kind of baby-killing and planet-destroying monster that he believes all Sith are."
"That's your plan?" she asked, coming to a stop in the middle of the woods. "Give him the remains of his long-dead relative and hope he makes an exception for you and doesn't gun you down on sight?"
"We both know he won't, not when I'm traveling with a Jedi," I pointed out. "He's enough of a patriot for that to give him pause. Lord Praven will give him an excuse to see me. That, too, is unusual. Returning his relative's remains without demanding payment will be completely anathema to the popular image of a Sith but fitting with the pattern of behavior I have shown."
"You're taking an awful risk," she warned me. "And what do you expect to get out of this?"
"The chance to make my case for his support," I said. "Best case scenario, Alderaan gets a cease-fire, and we get part of a fleet. Worst-case scenario, we have to fight our way out and try our luck getting the Thul fleet."
The Little Jedi did not immediately respond.
"We really need to work on your planning skills," she muttered.
"I'd suggest you prioritize your covert insertion skills," called a voice from up ahead. Turning towards the voice, I found a force of twenty men and women, each and every one of them clad in red and tan armor, and carrying blaster rifles that were pointed in my direction. At their head stood a man carrying only a blaster pistol, though there was what was clearly a communicator in his ear. The man in charge no doubt. "You two have got to be the worst infiltrators I've ever seen. Put those hands in the air, drop the package, and then we'll see what happens."
Clearly, we had been found. An over-dressed Sith Lord and a diminutive Jedi Shadow had a way of drawing attention in a forest, and that was before we started talking. After we started talking, well, it had been a miracle we hadn't been found sooner. Then again, being found by Ulgo forces was part of the plan.
For a brief moment, I thought not about what to say but which voice to use.
"That package is a present for King Bouris Ulgo," I said, switching from the imperial accent I had been using as my default to the ambiguously American accent that was my natural accent. Or, as the people of this galaxy would recognize it, a Republic accent. "Seems rather rude to get it dirty. We have business with the king, and I'm certain he will be interested in at least two of the things I bear."
Despite this show of defiance, I still put my hands in the air.
"A present?" the man in charge asked. His eyes drifted down to my belt and lingered on the lightsaber mounted there. "What kind of present?"
"The unconscious Sith Lord kind," I answered, relishing being able to speak in my natural voice for a little while. "That there's Lord Praven, one of the Sith who is trying to steal a Republic superweapon being kept here on Alderaan."
"His Majesty cares little if the Sith Lords he kills are clean or dirty," he said. "Drop the package."
Yeah, best not to push my luck.
Lord Praven hit the dirt with a solid thud, and the man in charge promptly put a pair of stun bolts into his back.
The Sith Lord, still dosed to his lungs on painkillers, did not so much as twitch.
"Well, at least you know how to deliver a present," the man allowed. "What was this second thing you had for His Majesty, Tabloid Sith?"
Wait, Tabloid Sith?
He recognized me? And didn't shoot me on sight?
Hah! Perfect!
Another victory for the suicidally audacious plans!
Oh.
Hang on.
Tabloid Sith.
That's how he recognized me.
Damn it.
...
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