"All right lets head up stairs, your mother wants to discuss something important."
Miss tolu hurried the children up the stairs, I guess I would not be able to tell them their bible stories to snug them in tonight.
It was just my mom, dad and Luther that were at the table. I could bearly swallow my food. I did not know what to expect from the three of them. I placed my spoon down as I awaited their voices. I took the spoon up again and decided to continue eating.
" Luther, you are in love with my daughter right?"
I glanced immediately at Luther, he looked at me shortly and then adjusted his posture and cleared some food with his tongue before speaking.
" Yes, I am in love with your daughter. I want to get married to her and make her a part of my life." He stared into my eyes as he said the words without any emotion. I had been ignoring his emotions and he had probably gone ahead to tell my parents about it because he was aware of how much I respected their decisions. I thought that tonights dinner was going to be like any other that my mom would tease Luther and I about us looking good together.
There were cutting corners here. They headed straight to the point. I looked up into my parents eyes. My mom was not putting on her willful and exuberant mien anymore and my dad continuously chewed down on a chunk of meat as he stared at me through his glasses with the same expression Luther had. A poker face; telling me that they were no opportunity for me to say no.
It seemed that my dad had gumbled down some pieces of bone in his mouth and had difficulties speaking " –I – I" my mom rushed to pat his back and give him water.
I was watching the scene but I wasn't present, something had blurred my vision and I felt hot sauce on my eyes. I felt my breathe becoming uneasy. My mom and dad did not respect my decision to stay unmarried. They wanted me to get married and go through the same pain. I knew that no matter how understanding they were, they would never understand or get the point.
I looked at Luther, I saw his eyebrows knitted together, I could feel the wave of hypocritical compassion he felt. If he felt a little bit of compassion, he would not have come here. I stood up from my chair so I could get up and hurry along to my room but my knees weren't cooperating. I hurriedly fell down as fast as I stood.
" Peace, Luther here came to seek for your hand in marriage, I now that you are an Adult and I can not make the decision for you. So I invited him over so you can discuss with him personally." He stood up from his chair and my mom followed suit she gave me a finger heart and blew a kiss to me . Her eye brows were raised and the tension that was on her face wipped off with a huge smile.
" Good night Father, mother. Have a good night rest"
My dad raised his hands up and walked slowly to his room that they usually stayed in whenever they came to stay over at my place.
I watched my dad walk slowly to the stairs. I really wanted to have a father to daughter talk just him and I. the dad I knew in front of my mom and everyone else was someone entirely different when we were alone.
He would sing for me and we would play chess with one another. He would tell me about everything that had been going on in his life and we would stare at the stars with one another when I was little. My mom would tease us back then and call me his second little wife. I was in my head and I did not even know when a smile had appeared on my face.
My conscience spoke to me. I enjoyed my days with my father and my mother. I enjoyed a complete and healthy home. I remembered how desperate my children were for a father. Was I being selfish?
I remembered that I had company in the room when I heard the chairs shifting.
I felt arms wrapped around me from the back.
" Luther.."
" Let me hold you Peace, don't be afraid. You will not fall in love with me."
" What we are doing, what you are doing is wrong."
" what really is wrong? The fact that I told your parents that I want to get engaged to you so that your mom would stop bothering you with weekly blind dates with strange men, huh?...or the fact that I am giving my long time friend a hug?"
Luther
I awaited a scolding or a moving away or a walking away but she stood there. A once in a lifetime opportunity. I decided to let go of her. I did not want to seem desperate. I turned back to see her face and I saw her red shot eyes and tears dripping from her eyes racing to her jaws.
" what is wrong peace?" I wondered if I was the one that got her this upset.
" I want you to leave me alone Luther"
"oh…"
" But you keep on giving me reasons to want to accept you."
" I am only starting." I smiled at Peace, for years she had been giving me the cold shoulder. I had finally been able to get to her heart, was I getting to her heart or was I hurting her the more;I was well aware of her decisions to stay alone till after her divorce with her ex. I knew that she loved God and would not want to develop feelings for another man while she was still legally married to him.
She cried the more and and I did not know if hugging her would appease her tears. Her shoulders curved inwards and her heads fell down,that was a cue. she needed support. I grabbed her palms and I drew her as close to me as I could. I wish I could absorb some of her emotions.
" Luther, you know that I don't want to hold you down. You know that, you do." She created space even while I was holding her in an embrace.
" Peace, ever since we met in high school. I have always admired your innocence and passion for the beauty of life. I am a moody person but anytime I would watch you play tennis in highschool or watch you play wih your kids..it always warmed my heart. I know you feel like I would be burdened by the children. But no, I love them peace, they are like my own children. My heart beats for you and I all I want to do is have my precious friend, safe and sound in my heart." I lifted up her delicate hands as slowly as I could, I placed it on my chest.
I saw her almond eyes staring at the hands placed on my chest, I felt like she was avoiding my eyes. I could see her innocent stare at the place where her hand was kept. She closed her eyes and went mecurial, from a state of calm and peace to that of anguish.
She used her free hands to cover her mouth. " I am so..soss.sorry.." she cleaned her tears, "what if these feelings change, what if you decided to let me go. Let me out of your heart?" I squeezed her hands as gently as I could and I raised her chin with my fingers.
" I won't, the four chambers of my heart were designed to keep you in."I let go of her hands and I held her waist slightly. Ploddingly drawing her closer to me. I grabbed her face with my two hands and I could feel her hesitant faint breathing on my nose as I drew closer. I continued my odyssey, he journey to her lips, maybe this would mark a seal of my love to her. Maybe our kiss would stir up some emotion within her. I felt her dainty palms rub against mine, maybe as a form of resistance. Nevertheless, I still went in closer, I wanted her to feel my lips on hers, it could explain everything.
So I hoped.