The sound of waves lapping against rocks was the only thing that filled the loud silence after the voice shattered the moment.
We both turned, still locked in each other's arms, eyes snapping to the pale ghost of a teammate we'd utterly forgotten. Sai stood there—arms at his sides, head tilted slightly, as if watching two platypuses do calculus.
His face was the blank expression he always wore, but he blinked slowly. Judging. Recording. Probably filing a report in that weird brain of his.
Naruko stiffened in my arms. I felt it—like a twitch before a thunderclap.
She looked at me. I looked back. No words. Just breathe. My hand still on her waist. Her body pressed to mine, soft in all the wrong ways, and the right ones too. Her chest heaved. Not from exhaustion. From panic. Or maybe something worse.
I blinked.
Then she exploded.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Naruko shrieked, every trace of seductive femininity vanishing as she shoved against my chest with surprising force. She leaped backward, but her head hit the rocky outcropping behind her with a solid thunk.
The transformation burst in a cloud of white smoke.
"OW! Damn it, what the hell was that, you bastard?!" Naruto's voice cracked as he emerged from the dissipating smoke, one hand clutching the back of his head. "And you, you pale-faced weirdo, what the fuck are you even talking about?! There was no — we weren't — NOTHING HAPPENED!" His face burned crimson as he gestured wildly between us. "And you!" He whirled back to me, voice climbing higher. "You're such a damn pervert! What kind of sensei — I mean — that wasn't even - GAH!"
He crouched down suddenly, both hands cradling his skull. "Ow, ow, ow... stupid rock... stupid pervert….."
"I am confused," Sai said in that emotionless tone, blinking slowly. "Naruto, you were transformed into a female and appeared to be enjoying intimate contact with Eishin-san. Why are you now distressed?" His pale eyes shifted to me. "And why do you both look as though you've seen a ghost? Did I interrupt you foreplay, Eishin-san?"
"Mm." I hummed absently, staring down at my hands. I could still feel the phantom warmth of her body pressed against mine. The way she'd fit so perfectly, like a missing puzzle piece sliding into place. Now my arms felt strangely empty, incomplete.
It was... odd.
I was a horny bastard, always had been. And in a world where death could find you on the next moment you blink, I'd never bother with restraint.
Life was short and not pretty — why not take pleasure where you could find it? That's why I hadn't hesitated with Kushina. Fucking the Jinchuriki and the Hokage's wife could have gotten me killed, but so could any number of things in this profession.
It was shinobi life. Nothing different there.
But this... this was different.
I'd been with countless women. Beautiful, skilled, experienced. But none of them had ever felt like... like that. Not better necessarily, just... extraordinary. Like every nerve ending had been set ablaze.
My pulse was still off. My skin remembered the way Naruko fit against me like we were puzzle pieces carved by some perverse God. That wasn't just arousal—it was gravity. A strange, dizzying pull. Like falling toward a star you knew would burn you alive.
And it was a dude. Naruto, of all people. Naruto.
Fuck.
I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm down. It had to be the lack of action lately.
It had been a week. Just a gods-damned week without a warm cunt to bury myself in, and suddenly my cock was conducting interviews for new applicants, regardless of gender. First Haku, now….
I needed to find that widow. Tsunami, Inari's mom. Supposedly grieving and vulnerable. Probably lonely. Probably tight. Probably just desperate enough to let me fuck the hunger right out of her. Out of me. Dammit, I'd rail her until my balls emptied like broken gourds—
"Then I apologize for interrupting you, Eishin-san," Sai said in that matter-of-fact tone. "I should have waited."
I looked at him for a moment, not quite sure how to respond to that.
Naruto saved me the trouble.
He shot up like a rocket, jabbing his finger at Sai. "FOREPLAY?! What the hell! Stop saying weird shit like that!" His face burned even redder as he whirled toward me. I wondered if he knew what foreplay was. "And you! You total pervert! What kind of sick bastard tries to k-kiss another dude?! I knew you were pervy, but this? You knew it was me, ya bastard!"
At least he knew what kissing was, or the fact that we were about to.
Don't know how to feel about that, but I couldn't let it slide.
Even feeling off-balance and slightly embarrassed myself, I forced a composed smile and looked at Naruto with mock innocence. "Kiss? I was just going along with your little performance, Naruto. You're the one who created such a... convincing feminine persona. I was simply playing my part."
"PLAYING YOUR PART?!" Naruto sputtered. "You super, super pervert were the one leaning in! You were the one who—"
"Who what? Responded to your obvious invitation?" I tilted my head, maintaining that teasing smile. "Really, if you didn't want that kind of reaction, maybe you shouldn't have made yourself so... alluring."
"I wasn't being alluring, you pervert! That was just—"
"Natural talent, then?" I chuckled softly. "How interesting that you knew exactly how to act so seductively without any effort at all."
Naruto's eye twitched dangerously. "Maybe because YOU'RE the one with the dirty mind! It was just an innocent prank, and you turned it into something perverted!"
"Mm, but you didn't move away," I pointed out casually. "In fact, you seemed quite... comfortable in my arms. Almost like you wanted—"
"I DID NOT WANT ANYTHING!" Naruto shouted, but there was a telltale crack in his voice.
"Come on don't be shy," I asked smoothly. "Besides, if it really meant nothing, why are you getting so worked up about it?"
For a moment, Naruto seemed to struggle for words. Then his face, slowly, split into a grin he should not be feeling. "Because you're the one who got all worked up, you perv. Look!" He said, pointing directly at my crotch.
Following his direction, I glanced down at the obvious tent straining against my pants. The shinobi gear was designed for flexibility, but even the stretchy fabric felt uncomfortably tight right now.
Add in salt to injury, the bastard's laughter rang out triumphantly. "Ha! See?! You can't deny it now, you total perv! Getting all hot and bothered by a guy — that's so messed up!"
I held up a click of a tongue.
"You seem awfully interested in looking at this place, Naruto." I looked back up with a slow, knowing smile. "First barging into my house while I'm naked, now staring at my... reaction. Should I be flattered by all the attention?"
Naruto's face went from victorious to absolutely mortified. "I-I wasn't staring! I just noticed because it's so obvious! And I didn't mean to see you naked. You're the pervert for not putting on clothes!"
"Was it though?" I tilted my head thoughtfully. "Because if you wanted a better look, all you had to do was ask."
I made a show to unfasten my belt.
I needed to make sure Naruto never tried that seduction jutsu on me again. This whole situation had gotten too close to... whatever that was. If embarrassing him so thoroughly was what it took to ensure he kept his transformations to himself, then so be it.
Naruto sputtered incoherently for a moment before finding his voice. "Why would I want to look at your stupid... your dumb... GAH! You're the one who's into weird stuff!"
"Are you sure about that?" I asked, my fingers still toying with my belt. "Because you're still looking, Naruto. And your face is getting redder by the second."
"I AM NOT LOOKING!" Naruto exploded, his hands flying up to cover his eyes — though I noticed his fingers were spread wide enough to peek through. "AND MY FACE IS RED BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING A TOTAL FREAK!"
I shrugged casually, letting my hands drop away from the belt. "Hey, you're the one who keeps bringing up my... situation. I'm just offering to satisfy your obvious curiosity."
"I DON'T HAVE ANY CURIOSITY!" Naruto shouted, his voice cracking embarrassingly. "Why would I want to see your stupid... your dumb... THING!"
"Then why haven't you looked away?" I pointed out with an amused chuckle. "In fact, you seem pretty fixated on it for someone who's not interested."
Naruto's hands shot down from his eyes, then immediately back up again in panic. "I'm not fixated! I'm just... I'm just making sure you don't actually..."
"Actually what?" I leaned forward slightly. For fuck sake, I didn't know where I was leading with this but his frustration had good effect on my ego and my fucked up brain keep seeing the feminine features over his. "Take it out? Would that bother you, Naruto?"
"YES! NO! I mean..." Naruto's voice reached a pitch that could probably shatter glass. "STOP BEING WEIRD!"
I shrugged again, a lazy smile playing at my lips. "Well, if you ever change—"
"THAT'S IT!" Naruto's face was practically purple now. "You're completely insane!"
With that final declaration, he vanished in a swirl of leaves and displaced air.
I looked in the general direction he'd disappeared, deep into the forest, and couldn't help the wide grin that spread across my face. Perfect. That should keep him from bothering me with his sexy jutsu... for a while at least. The bastard was stubborn, prideful, and had the attention span of a goldfish.
Three traits that virtually guaranteed he'd forget this lesson eventually.
A subtle shift to the side reminded me I wasn't alone.
I turned to find Sai still standing there, watching the whole exchange with that same unreadable expression. We stared at each other for a long, awkward moment.
"What," I scoffed. "You want to take a look too?"
Sai tilted his head thoughtfully and eventually said, "Yes."
"..."
"..."
"….. what?"
"For artistic reference." The socially void extraterrestrial lifeform said, "The human form is quite fascinating from an anatomical perspective."
"Oh….. I see." For the sake of my sanity, I decided to ignore that completely unexpected response. "What are you even doing, Sai?"
"I stayed outside this time and didn't interrupt your intimate exchange," Sai replied matter-of-factly.
The fuck do you mean!
I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on. "It wasn't an intimate exchange — we were literally just shouting at each other. But you know what, forget it." I waved my hand dismissively. "Just follow Naruto into the forest and continue your training after he calms down. We'll regroup later at the inn."
Sai looked in the direction Naruto had disappeared, then back at me. He didn't move.
"What?" I asked, exasperated.
"I don't understand the point of your delay. You said you'd show it."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Mmh. The weather is rather nice today, wouldn't you say, Eishin-san?"
I….. I heaved what was probably the biggest sigh of my entire life, "Just... go." I said in a small, defeated voice
Sai nodded once, then vanished in his own swirl of leaves.
Alone at last, I stared up at the sky. "What the fuck is wrong with these people?" I muttered to myself.
But then again, nothing was quite right with me either, I thought as I made my way toward what I believed was the general direction of the home of the widow.
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