'Am I going to be okay?'
It was a hard question for a man that had lived his live in a small village. It made him think about situations where he could have lost his life, but there was only on moment where he was in danger and he escaped it by playing in a forest.
'How am I going to survive a battlefield, I have never killed someone. Can't even remember the last time I smashed a mosquito.'
2 weeks had passed since the Fray's visit. Edith's and Caelus hug had ended quite fast and their conversation followed suit. The silence that filled the gap that the warm atmosphere left felt uncomfortable.
The dinner itself was okay, but that was all because of Charles and Jonathan stories. Edith and Caelus had barely anything to say, so the Fray's left after eating.
'What am I suposed to say to her, the next time we meet? Hey how has your day been or how did you enjoy the dinner, shouldn't work, right?'
The young man scratched his head with his left hand. His eyes were fully focused on a canvas infront of him. This canvas showed a blue sky that had some orange, yellow and red in it, hinting that the sun was rising, or falling.
But that sun was nowhere to be seen, nor was the ground, the people, the village, the forest or the world in that matter. The perfect world that Caelus wanted to portray didn't come to mind. He was to occupied by all the things that where happening right now.
So the only thing he did, was painting the sky. With every stroke a bit more detail, but at some point even that stopped.
He was just staring into a sky of twilight.
"Still not done with that painting? You need some help, maybe some tips from your old man?"
Caelus looked at his dad, who had received a new job.
"No I am fine, I have to figure out what the ideal world looks like."
His dad than slowely glanced at his sons canvas from his stool.
"The ideal world huh, your quite passionate with this one. Why not draw the world as it is, I could help you with that."
"No no, I don't want to make a perfect copy with this one. I want to be expressive, I want it to be what could be, i want something new, I want It to be mine."
Jonathan stood up and walked towards his son, who was sitting on a stool infront of his painting. The old mans hands now layed on Caelus shoulders while his gaze was on the painted sky.
"Allright have it your way. You already have a decent looking sky, now you only need your muse, your object of interest. You already know what that object is, but you have no clue how it looks."
Jonathan put his right hand on his chin while his left hand stayed on Caelus left shoulder.
"Well, an ideal world can't exist, as long as we are different. We all want and need different things. My ideal world cant coexist with yours. I like painting what's here, while you like painting what could be."
Caelus turned his head towards his dad
"You shouldn't paint the ideal world, cause it doesn't exist, nor will it ever exist. Painting 'your' ideal world is more possible. So you should focus on things you want, maybe you learn a few things about yourself to."
Caelus was perplexed.
'He actually gave good advice'.
The young man didn't know what to say. Jonathan now walked back towards his own work, he didn't have any other wisdom to give.
"Thanks dad".
Jonathan sat down, not showing any reaction of what was said by his son. He faked not hearing it.
"Oh, it might be possible to paint the ideal world. It could only be created if every difference disappeared right. Than the ideal world would be a white canvas." Caelus theorised while smiling.
Jonathan thought for a moment before giving a reply.
"That would be a very easy job, I wish that my customers where as, as euuhh special as you. I would only need to buy a canvas at that point." He said while grinning.
"Well I am not interested in a boring painting like that. I will do some research before I continue."
Caelus stood up and placed his utensils on a small table next to him. He than headed towards the door.
"Ah before you go, could you get some potatoes from the market, we ran out yesterday." Jonathan said while painting the tail of a white chihuahua.
Caelus sighed. "I'll take care of it."
The young man had left the workspace. He took his jacket and put on his shoes before heading outside.
The wind outside felt soft and had a tenderly warmth to it. The sun shone undisturbed over the fields and houses, spring had finally started.
Caelus took a deep breath and walked towards the market. There he met some old acquaintance, had some nice conversations and eventualy bought the potatoes.
But than he heard something interesting from an old couple that walked past him.
"Ohh have you heard, the priest will arive earlier than expected. They say he will be here next weak." The old man said
"Huh? Really? Does that mean that the festival will be next week?" The old lady asked.
"No, the mayor's son is going to be knighted so the mayor send a letter, asking the priest to do the ritual sooner. He will be holding the ritual for every young men in the village, so they have their gift before heading to war. The festival itself will be held later this summer."
"Ohw those poor souls, I hope that they will....."
The old couple had disappeared in the crowd.
'So it's going to be next week. I wonder how they are going to notify everyone in such a short time.'
Caelus first reaction to the information he obtained by eavesdropping was a smile.
But that it didn't stay for long.
'What if its a useless gift, what if its useful but it wouldn't help me through the war, what If I die before using it,what if the limits are to burdensome?'
Gifts could be powerfull tools, but that didnt mean a lot these days. Most of humanity was gift less a century ago, only a few nobles or wised elders were able to aquire it back than. They were seen as demi-gods who protected Humanity.
But that changed in recent years. The church, who was a small cult at the start of this era, had found a way to unluck gifts. This caused a big domino effect to happen. The church began taking requests of nobles to unlock their gifts and they got rich by doing this, they grew and grew, ever so bigger with the years. They became so big that they were seen as the one and only true religion. At some point they included normal people In the rituals, this happend because of a deal with the king. Now most people had gifts, brennen was a great example of that. A small village, wouldn't have had people with gifts a hundred years ago, but now most of its population has them.
So having a country with 'gifted' people is a great boon, but the enemy was in the same situation. You can have a super gift, but what happens when your peers, competitors or even your enemies have better ones.
You wouldn't be anything special at al.
Jonathan is quite the famous artist because of his weird gift to be able to copy and paint everything he sees perfectly. This caused a big problem with his competitors. Every painter who practiced realism had to compete with someone who could create exact copies.
The realism artists have a big and sturdy wall between them and the truly beneficial jobs. Other painters were more lucky, they were saved from johnathan.
Cause his gift gave him a limit. He wasn't able to create any other kind of painting than a copy.
Johnathan started as an painter that was only focused on expressive paintings, but after his ritual it became an impossibility for him. His arms would stop before trying to create something different from a copy. This was painful in the beginning, but the old man started to enjoy his new style a lot after some time.
'With a gift comes a cost. I can still hear him say it.'
Caelus had reached the library, he took some books he had interest in and sat down.
The first book was called 'human nature'. Caelus enjoyed this book a lot, it told him about how humans yearned for the same things but in different degrees. The smallest differences in yearnings between two people could make one a Saint and the other a Demon according to the book. It also gave some insight in human emotions and reactions that could or would follow.
The second book was called 'gods grace'. It told the story of how ' the one' created the world.
The one was a lonely existence that floated through nothingness, it was not sure that that nothingness was him or something else entirely. Its existence in and on itself was a complete question to it, so it decided to create.
That creations would be the proof of its existence. It used his skin for the cosmos, it used its eyes for the planets, it used its tears for the seas, it used its heart for the sun, it used the rest of his body for everything that is now alive or lifeless. Humanity was special because they came from the brains.
' so god created everything from itself huh. Did it manage to make its ideal or was everything a failure'.
Caelus shook his head.
'It didn't want an ideal, it wanted something, it didn't want to be perfect it just wanted to be'
The young man looked up, he had more questions now than he had before.
But he had one that was the most important.
'What do I really want to be? A painter isn't everything I want to be, right?'
Caelus put the books back in their place.
'Who do I want to be?'