The moment Ryuji heard those words, he realized someone had misunderstood him. He immediately turned around and looked at the speaker.
"Sorry, I was talking about this guy. No matter how you look at it, he must've been cursed by the springs here."
Ryuji pointed at Ranma, whose life force hadn't diminished at all. Honestly, even for him, if he were that weakened and then had his head smashed into a mountain by such a massive hammer, he'd be on the verge of death. But this Ranma? Just a bloody nose and a few scratches.
It was absurdly tough…
In every possible sense, ridiculously tough.
But when Ryuji finally got a good look at the girl who had spoken, his eyes lit up.
Her clothes and hairstyle were traditional, but her face was strikingly pretty. Though still a teenager, her figure was already well-developed. What puzzled him, though, was how she could swing a hammer the size of a pumpkin with arms that showed not a trace of muscle. That made him click his tongue in admiration.
The girl, clearly displeased at his lingering gaze, pointed her hammer at him.
"Tch! Can't even admit what you said? Men really are useless!"
Of course she'd noticed Ryuji's eyes roaming over her, and it annoyed her. And this nonsense about someone being cursed by a spring? What was so strange about a panda showing up? In Jusenkyo, people rode pandas to school! What was weird about it?
That's when Ryuji remembered who she must be. Shampoo.
Shampoo, the most promising young warrior of the Joketsuzoku. Back in the original story, when Ranma and Genma stumbled half-starved into her tribe's martial arts tournament and ate her prize feast, she challenged Ranma to a duel.
And, of course, she lost.
Then, following custom, she gave Ranma the "Kiss of Death."
According to Joketsuzoku law, if a woman kissed another woman, it meant a vow of lifelong pursuit until one of them died. But if the opponent was a man…
Then she had to marry him.
That was how Shampoo ended up entangled with Ranma in the first place.
Of course, rules were rules, but people bent them. The truth was Shampoo was drawn to Ranma not just because of custom—his strength, looks, and surprisingly kind heart beneath all his shameless antics made him hard to let go of.
But now…
Looking at Ranma unconscious on the ground, and Genma being fed chocolate by Misato of all people, Ryuji realized he'd arrived at just the right time—before Shampoo's entanglement with Ranma had even begun.
Her expression of annoyance almost made Ryuji laugh.
"So you think I'm lying, and you want to teach me a lesson for it?"
Shampoo nodded, straightening her back and pointing her hammer at him with righteous fury.
"That's right! You're a man who looks down on women! If you've got any guts, duel me!"
She was seething. In her tribe, women were stronger—always had been. The strongest man of her generation could barely withstand three moves from her. And this outsider dared to insult women?
"Ah, let me be clear—I didn't mean it that way. I've already apologized. But if you insist on pressing this…"
Ryuji's expression hardened.
"Then if you lose, you'll have to deal with the consequences. You'll get pregnant. And you won't even be the only mother of my children! That's right—I have a harem!"
He was dead serious.
If Shampoo insisted on fighting him over such a trivial misunderstanding, then—like some magical girl... he'd make sure she understood the meaning of regret!
"Harem man…"
Shampoo's glare grew even frostier.
The Joketsuzoku had never shared their husbands with other women, not in the old days and not now. And this guy dared declare such a thing right in front of her?
If that wasn't provocation, what was?
"To say such things before a Joketsuzoku warrior—you're ready to die, aren't you?!"
She swung her massive hammer straight at his head.
Ryuji only tilted his head slightly, letting it whistle past.
The hammer smashed into the ground with a deafening boom, leaving a crater so large Ryuji couldn't help but click his tongue again. Even he, relying on pure strength without flames, would've found such destruction troublesome to replicate. Shampoo had done it effortlessly.
"No wonder—it's a comedic manga world after all…"
He muttered as he dodged. Both Ranma's absurd durability and Shampoo's ridiculous striking power confirmed it.
"You calling me a joke?!"
She didn't understand his words, but her anger only grew. With her other hammer, she swept at his face. To Ryuji, her speed was laughable. He calmly raised a hand, caught her wrist mid-swing, and stopped the weapon cold.
"You'd better stand down. This is my last warning as a harem man."
He was genuinely serious. Shampoo was one of his favorite characters. If it were someone like Sailor Moon picking this fight, she'd already be bent over and punished by now.
"Never!"
She punched at him with her free hand. Ryuji sighed at her stubbornness and casually shoved her chest.
Shampoo felt like she'd been hit by a truck. She was blasted backward, her hammers flying from her hands. One clonked Genma on the head just as he was about to lick chocolate from Misato's fingers; the other smacked Ranma, who had just begun to stir.
Genma collapsed instantly. Ranma was knocked back into the rocks yet again. Neither suffered more than a comical bump on the head.
Shampoo, meanwhile, stared wide-eyed at Ryuji's distant figure, his earlier warning echoing in her mind.
She had known he was strong—that was why she attacked preemptively—but this… she hadn't expected this.
She hadn't even seen him move. She couldn't resist his power at all.
Just as the back of her head was about to crash into the ground, his silhouette blurred. The next thing she knew, she was cradled in a warm embrace.
"I told you—fight me, and you'd better be ready to get pregnant."
One of Ryuji's arms supported the back of her head, the other hooked under her legs. When he noticed the dainty embroidered shoes on her feet, he couldn't help but chuckle softly.
Shampoo blinked up at him, dazed, her beautiful eyes clouded with confusion. She still hadn't processed his overwhelming strength.
Ryuji, however, instinctively understood something.
Playing hard to get.
He wasn't sure how he knew, but his instincts told him this was the right move. Besides, Shampoo's strength wasn't anything special compared to his own, and he had no intention of dragging her into his battles. So he set her down gently, tapped her lightly on the head, and said:
"Still, I'll admit—you're really pretty. So, have you thought of a name for our first child yet? And next time, listen when people speak. If I said they were acting strange, it means I know these two. Little girl, go home. Don't make trouble."
He didn't look at Shampoo again. Instead, he turned to Ranma, who was just getting up, and to Misato, who was hesitating with her hand over Genma's furry head. Grabbing her by the collar before she could give in to the panda's charms, he pulled her back firmly.
"This guy's a middle-aged uncle, Miss Katsuragi."
Ryuji casually summoned a flicker of flame and set a patch of grass on fire. With a wave of his hand, countless droplets of water rose up from the ground, passed through the flames, and splashed down over the two unconscious figures.
In the next instant, the fluffy giant panda transformed into a greasy middle-aged man with a bandana tied around his head, while the red-haired girl reverted into a muscular young man with black hair.
"Ohhh! Amazing! I'm finally back to normal!"
Genma shouted with joy as his panda body melted away, his excitement almost childlike. His son, Ranma, who had been barely clinging to life, also stirred awake thanks to the sudden change.
Watching the two of them, Ryuji's lips twitched. He wordlessly reached into his pack and tossed them each a piece of bread.
What happened next was pure chaos.
"Mine!"
"No, mine!!"
Father and son instantly punched each other in the face, each trying to seize both pieces for himself. One clamped his mouth onto the same piece the other was chewing while their fists and feet flew wildly. Ryuji even saw them ruthlessly kick each other straight in the face, all for a measly bit of bread.
The scene had only one fitting description in his mind: stray dogs fighting over scraps.
Misato was utterly dumbstruck. She had thought the girl and panda were some kind of heartwarming duo. Ryuji's talk about cursed springs hadn't really registered with her—until the "adorable" panda that had been begging her for chocolate suddenly turned into a lecherous middle-aged man.
Her brain practically blue-screened.
"Th–this… Ryuji, this is…?"
She stared in horror, her jaw hanging open. The thought that she had almost petted that panda—who was actually a sleazy uncle—made her want to crawl into a time machine and undo the whole thing.
"I told you already. We're close to Jusenkyo. You really should be more careful," Ryuji muttered.
The father and son, meanwhile, were practically barking like dogs. He sighed, tossed them a few more pieces of bread, and at last, their skirmish ended.
But once their stomachs were full, their transformation was just as swift. From feral wolves, they instantly became polite as saints, dropping into a five-point bow before Ryuji and Misato.
"Thank you for saving our lives!" Genma said gravely, especially grateful to Misato. If not for her chocolate earlier, Ranma might have beaten him half to death.
Ranma followed with his own apology. "Yeah… thanks for the bread. But we don't have any money, so if you want us to repay you, you'd better say what you want clearly. Cash, we definitely don't have."
"That's not the issue," Ryuji replied, eyeing the two with exasperation.
"With your skills, how on earth did you end up like this? Don't tell me you couldn't even catch a rabbit. And if you're starving, you could've at least done some odd jobs."
Ranma scratched his head awkwardly. "Well… mostly it's 'cause we don't speak the local language. And we sorta ate all the rabbits around here already. Without money, and with people not exactly friendly to us, things got rough…"
Ryuji rubbed his temples. Coming here without a guide, not knowing the language… you two really aren't afraid of dying, huh?
"And wild plants?" he pressed.
Genma grimaced. "Last time we accidentally ate poisonous mushrooms, so… never again."
"…"
Ryuji covered his face in his hand. "You two really are pieces of work."
To his shock, the pair nodded happily.
"You've got sharp eyes, benefactor! We really are once-in-a-generation martial arts geniuses! But we keep that fact well hidden. How did you know?"
"…Forget it," Ryuji muttered, biting back the urge to curse. But then an idea struck him. If he played this right, he could alter their fates entirely.
"Anyway, you're obviously cursed by Jusenkyo. How about we go there together and get this sorted out?"
Ryuji didn't bother asking anything else. He was honestly afraid these two clowns would drive him to an early grave, so he simply laid out the situation and suggested they head for Jusenkyo.
"No, sir," Genma said, his eyes brimming with tears. "As much as we want to fix our problem, the springs have been dry for a whole year now. To be precise, the Spring of Drowned Man has had no water at all. Even if we go, it'll be meaningless."
By the end, he was wiping his eyes with his filthy sleeve, sniffling pitifully.
"So even if we went, it wouldn't matter!"
Beside him, Ranma still in his proper male form for the moment couldn't hold back either. He wiped his face with his own sleeve, tears spilling down his cheeks.
At this point, Ranma was still treating the curse as a genuine curse. He hadn't yet leaned into the perks of being female, hadn't yet gotten shameless or accustomed to living half his life as a girl. To him now, it was nothing but misery.
Well, to be fair, it was a curse.
"…Ah."
Ryuji rubbed his chin, at a rare loss for words. If the Spring of Drowned Man were still usable, he might have been willing to check it out, maybe even mess around with Jusenkyo a bit. But if it was dried up…
He glanced at Ranma and Genma, and a shiver ran down his spine. If he was stupid enough to tag along with these two all the way to Jusenkyo, there was a very real chance he'd end up like a character in some slapstick comedy—falling into one cursed spring after another for no good reason.
And the odds were high he'd end up in the Spring of Drowned Girl.
Ryuji had always lived by instinct, so…
"Huh? The Spring of Drowned Man has run dry? That could be a problem…"
The voice startled him. Shampoo had slipped back without him noticing, and she wasn't alone—several other women of the Joketsuzoku trailed behind her.
"What kind of problem?" Ryuji asked subconsciously.
"There are plenty of girls in the tribe who've already exchanged the Kiss of Death. If there's no Spring of Drowned Man to use, the only option left is to fight to the death."
Shampoo folded her arms as she spoke, as though discussing something perfectly ordinary.
That was when Ryuji realized the implication.
"Wait… you mean the women of your tribe turn into men using the Spring of Drowned Man?"
"Of course," Shampoo nodded without hesitation. "When there aren't any men worth taking, the spring is the only way."
She said it so casually it left Ryuji momentarily speechless. Then again, the cursed springs had been abused since ancient times. Back then, martial artists who missed their marriage window had thrown all sorts of animals into Jusenkyo—tigers, rabbits, deer—turning them into cute girls.
And while those beast-girls were wild, dumb, and hard to handle, they passed down monstrous strength to their children. So the practice had continued for generations.
Only in recent years, with martial arts no longer as dominant, had the custom finally died out.
So to the Joketsuzoku, gender had never really been a barrier.
"…"
"In fact," Shampoo added, "if you hadn't defeated me, I'd probably be bathing in the Spring of Drowned Man right now, looking to marry one of the women in my tribe. The boys here are too weak to be worth my time."
Her tone was so natural, so utterly serious, that it made perfect sense—at least to everyone else listening.
Ryuji, however, could only sigh in disbelief. It wasn't exactly unreasonable—people lived off what their environment gave them—but still…
Then his gaze dropped to the backpack strapped across Shampoo's shoulders.
"…What are you doing?" he asked suspiciously.
Before he knew it, Shampoo had latched onto his arm, pressing her soft chest firmly against him. Her pale cheeks were tinged with a faint blush, but her voice was completely natural.
"You beat me, and you said you'd make me bear your children. Since you defeated me, I'll be your wife!"
She said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
So much so that everyone present found themselves thinking—
"Oh, that makes sense. Perfectly reasonable."
Ryuji nodded along, scooping her into his arms without hesitation. After all, the girl was willing... wouldn't it be rude of him not to accept?
"…Reasonable my ass! This is way too casual!"
Misato finally lost it. Especially when she saw Ryuji's hand wandering suspiciously close to Shampoo's butt...she smacked his shoulder hard.
"Have you forgotten why we're here?!"
Her meaning was clear: they weren't staying in this world. Getting involved with a local girl was nothing but cruel.
"Of course I haven't forgotten."
Ryuji closed his eyes for a moment, sensing the air around them, before shaking his head.
"But unfortunately, that thing hasn't shown up."
He'd already twisted Ranma's storyline beyond recognition, yet the monster wielding distorted world power still hadn't appeared. What more could he do?
Ranma's story had too many "protagonists," but Shampoo was a central figure. If Ryuji accepted her, all the crises she was supposed to resolve would never happen, and the plot threads tied to her would dissolve.
Maybe the only way to provoke the monster was to snatch up Akane or the other girls tied to Ranma's fate.
But that wasn't so simple. Ukyo, for example, had been locked into Ranma's life since childhood—there was no way Ryuji could take her away. Akane, maybe… Kodachi, too, perhaps…
He found himself deep in thought, muttering that Misato was perverted for even expecting him to swoop in and steal Ranma's fiancées.
"He's not going to show up just because you're fooling around with some girl!" Misato snapped. To her, Ryuji was just messing around, not even trying to locate the enemy.
"That's not necessarily true," Ryuji replied evenly, still staring into the distance.
"But since we're already here, let's at least visit Jusenkyo. Maybe I'll find a way to restore the Spring of Drowned Man."
If even restoring Ranma to normal didn't draw the monster out, then he'd have no choice but to head to Japan and trigger a different plot altogether. And if that failed, well—Japan had a U.S. military base, convenient for all kinds of reasons.
"Shampoo, could you take us to Jusenkyo? I know these two," he gestured at Ranma and Genma, "and I'd like to see if there's any way to restore the spring early."
To Shampoo, a local, this was no problem. She quickly procured an ox-cart, and they set out for Jusenkyo.
Ranma and Genma, of course, didn't object. Even the faintest hope of regaining their manhood was enough to keep them clinging to Ryuji's side.
On the ride, Shampoo clung even tighter to him, her cheeks glowing red. Finally, she couldn't hold back any longer.
"Husband! What's your name? Where do you live? Would you ever consider staying with the Joketsuzoku forever?"
She felt embarrassed—it was outrageous to pledge herself to him without even knowing his name.
"My name is Nakamura Ryuji. As for where I'll live, I'm planning to settle in Japan for a while. There are… things I care about there. So I won't be staying here anytime soon."
Ryuji stretched, as though it were the most casual thing in the world.
"Ryuji… so you're not Japanese after all."
Shampoo's smile bloomed, radiant and genuine. Hugging him tighter, she thought herself incredibly lucky—while Ryuji simply sank further into the warmth of her embrace.
How should he put it…
Holding Shampoo was like cradling a big, fluffy cat—soft, light, and almost weightless. Not all cats were solid balls of muscle, after all.
And it wasn't just her warmth. Shampoo's little habits made the comparison feel all the more real: she would unconsciously breathe in his scent, brushing her hair and nose against his neck, just like a kitten nuzzling against its owner.
"Seriously, why are you so ready to marry him just because he beat you? You didn't even know his name five minutes ago!"
Misato finally couldn't hold back her frustration. Watching Shampoo draped all over Ryuji like she'd already been married for years, she blurted out her disbelief.
"This is way too casual!"
She simply couldn't understand how Shampoo could treat a life-defining decision with such ridiculous ease.
"What's so strange about it? If you lose to a stronger warrior, then naturally you should marry that warrior!"
Shampoo's tone was pure certainty. She'd lost to Ryuji in a fair duel, without tricks or schemes. Before the fight, they had agreed: if she lost, she would bear his children. Now that she had been defeated, wasn't it only natural to keep her word?
What was so hard to grasp about that?
Or perhaps…
Her eyes sharpened suddenly, predatory, and Misato instantly felt the danger.
"Husband… this woman isn't your first wife, is she?"
As she spoke, several throwing knives had already appeared in Shampoo's hand. If Ryuji said yes, she wouldn't hesitate to fling them at Misato—not to kill, but to drive her off and make sure she never got between them again.
That was the way of the Joketsuzoku: when faced with a female rival, strike first and ask questions later.
"Didn't I tell you already? I'm building a harem! And no, Miss Katsuragi isn't my wife!"
Ryuji knocked Shampoo lightly on the head. Her fierce expression melted instantly into something adorably sheepish as she stuck out her tongue in mock apology.
But when she turned back toward Misato, her voice lost all sweetness.
"So she's not Husband's wife after all. Honestly, why would you keep company with some nagging old woman who tries to meddle in our love? Tch, I nearly wasted a good knife."
The word 'old' stabbed straight into Misato's pride.
"What did you just call me?!"
She almost rose to fight then and there, but one glance at Ryuji—utterly distracted by Shampoo's charms—made her reconsider.
This man had zero loyalty once a pretty face was involved. With him spouting off about harems and pregnancies at every turn, picking a fight now might actually cause real problems. And clashing with him directly was the last thing she wanted.
So she swallowed her anger.
"You didn't hear a word of what I meant about your harem, did you?"
Ryuji pinched Shampoo's cheek, looking deadly serious.
"I'm a man building a harem. As my wife, you cannot go around trying to kill the others!"
This was important to him—and suddenly, his instincts made sense. No wonder they had told him to keep her at arm's length first. If he gave in too easily, this girl would become unmanageable.
Damn it. He clenched his teeth.
He'd been reckless. His instincts hadn't sounded the charge, but he'd rushed in anyway. Sure, he'd "won" Shampoo—but taming her after the fact was going to be a nightmare.
"Mmm… but Husband, you only need me. The others are just boring, plain women. Shampoo alone is enough."
Curling into his chest like a kitten, she tucked her legs up, showing off the pale soles of her embroidered shoes, her hands curled like little paws as she looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes.
"Shampoo can give you everything you want. Whatever you desire, I'll never resist. After all… I already belong to you, Husband."
There wasn't a shred of shyness in her. She laid herself bare, soft and alluring, and the devil inside Ryuji nearly shouted Yes.
Thankfully, the angel in his heart shouted louder Yes! Yes!
"Ugh…"
Clutching his chest, Ryuji felt like he'd taken a direct hit. He was on the verge of losing himself—this was just like Seria, another hopelessly willing girl.
But Shampoo was worse. She had the charm of a kitten, and her looks were dead center in his strike zone.
Or at least, in one of them.
"Damn it. I should've seen this coming…"
Heart pounding, Ryuji found himself torn. Should he give in to Shampoo here and now, or focus on Jusenkyo and the problem of the missing spring? The two urges wrestled inside him, and the mission was being thoroughly beaten down by desire.
Misato's hand clamped hard on his shoulder.
"Hey. You're not seriously about to forget what we came here for, are you? And Ryuji—aren't you even going to hear my plan?"
Her voice was tight with strain. At first, she had thought Ryuji was steady, calm, dependable. With an experienced veteran like him, she hadn't worried about finding a way home.
But now…
"Wait. You actually have a plan?" Ryuji blinked.
"Of course I do! What, you think I'm just here to nod along to whatever you say?"
She rolled her eyes. If he could've drawn the enemy out directly, fine—but since he couldn't, what else was she supposed to do but strategize? Did he really think so little of her skills as a commander? She'd commanded humanity's defenses against Angels. To treat her like dead weight was insulting.
Ryuji realized he'd been a little rude, so he gave her an awkward smile.
"Sorry. I just assumed you didn't know much about other worlds…"
That said, he forced himself to focus. The mission came first. If that monster grew any stronger, things would spiral out of control. What he needed now was powerful allies.
Shampoo was strong, yes, but nowhere near the level of a Sailor Moon, let alone modern military firepower. Keeping her around might only slow him down.
So, looking her straight in the eye, he said firmly:
"We'll talk about taking your virginity later, Shampoo. Right now, the mission comes first. Miss Katsuragi, let's hear this plan of yours."
At that, his curiosity finally piqued.
"In that case…" Misato's gaze shifted to Ranma and Genma. Their existence alone proved Jusenkyo's springs were real.
"Then why not this? If Jusenkyo truly exists, we could form a company and sell its water. Do you know how many people in this world are tormented by their own gender? The demand would be enormous."
Her eyes gleamed with ambition.
"The social impact would be massive, Ryuji! And you completely overlooked it!"
~~~~~~~~~~
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