Absolutely! Here's a revision with that detail kept in, adding a more direct reflection of Liam's thoughts regarding power and his growing desire:
The last thing Liam Virelis remembered was the voice and the screen in front of him. He thought it was a hallucination caused by his lack of blood—his body had been drained of so much life force, it seemed impossible for anything to feel real. So, why the hell was it standing before him now?
You might be wondering, why would a 16-year-old boy have such a drastic loss of blood? Was it a disease? No, it wasn't any sickness that had him in this state. The truth was much darker, more self-inflicted than that. It all started with the decision he made months ago—a decision he now realized was idiotic and dangerous. He didn't want to be weak anymore, and in his desperation to become strong, he had done something far worse than he could have imagined.
It all began three months ago, on the final day of Liam's sophomore year of high school. He was the smartest kid in school, but that only made his weaknesses stand out even more. Academically, he was brilliant. But physically, he was a target. The easiest one. And unfortunately, living in a household dominated by women—his mother, his three older triplet sisters, and his two younger triplet sisters—hadn't taught him how to stand up for himself. There was no father figure to help him toughen up, and the women in his life, although strong and supportive, didn't know how to prepare him for the harshness of the world outside.
It started innocently enough. His sisters, in their own way, asked for help. First, it was small favors—homework assignments, running errands, doing their chores. It was fine at first. But then, those small requests grew into bigger ones. His schoolmates began to take advantage of his inability to say no. And he couldn't. Liam was too nice, too kind to turn anyone down. What began as a few harmless favors soon escalated into something much darker.
The bullies, the ones at the top of the high school hierarchy, were the worst. Jaxon Ryker, Troy Maddox, Zane Carter, Damon Kade, Blake Donovan, and Reed Holloway—their names were whispered with a mix of fear and admiration across the school. They were the kings of the school, untouchable, and they had one rule: don't get in their way. The moment they discovered Liam's inability to refuse, they pounced. At first, it was harmless enough—asking him to do their homework, run a few errands. But that quickly turned into something far more sinister.
Jaxon's girlfriend, Sasha Greywell, was a cruel beauty who loved to watch people suffer. Troy's girlfriend, Mika Yuuji, was manipulative and had a way of making Liam feel like he owed her. Zane's girlfriend, Veronica Blaze, was the fiery one—always demanding more from Liam, always testing his limits. Karma Voss, Blake's girlfriend, was calm but unnervingly sharp with her words. And finally, there was Selene Vale, Reed's girlfriend, whose icy demeanor made her seem distant but somehow even more dangerous.
Liam found himself doing more and more for them, running errands at all hours of the night. They asked him to buy them condoms, alcohol, anything they needed, and the worst part was that he used his own money to do it. Not once did they offer to pay him back. They took his games, his consoles, his manga collection—everything he held dear. But it still wasn't enough. Soon, they began demanding that he buy them lunch every day. And if he did something they didn't like—if he made even the smallest mistake—they would beat him. Sometimes, it was just cuts and bruises, but there were other times when they fractured his limbs, dislocated his joints. It got worse every time.
His family? They didn't notice. His mother was too busy with her work. His three older sisters were away at college, and his younger triplet sisters, in their first year of middle school, had no understanding of what was happening to him. No one was there to help him.
So, Liam endured it. Day after day, he became their servant, their punching bag. It only got worse with time. Then, one fateful night, something inside him snapped.
The night before the last day of school, as he lay in bed, nursing his wounds, a thought burned in his mind. He wasn't going to let them destroy him. He couldn't. He didn't know what came over him, but something deep within, something primal, rose up. He knew he was probably going to die the next day—but this wasn't just some figurative speech. He knew he was going to die. He had made peace with that.
The next day, when he arrived at school, he waited. He waited for Jaxon and his crew to show up. And when they did, he stood right in front of them. His eyes were cold, determined. He didn't speak; he just ran straight at Jaxon. But Troy, ever the coward, kicked him viciously, sending him flying backward. He didn't stop there. He tried again, and again, until he was nothing more than a broken, bloody mess on the ground. Jaxon and the others didn't hesitate. They began to beat him mercilessly, breaking his fingers, his legs, his arms, his wrists. It was as if they were savoring the pain they inflicted.
The worst part? No one stepped in. Not a single person came to his aid. Not the teachers, not the other students. Everyone turned their backs on him, pretending they couldn't see what was happening. He was invisible to them.
Liam lay there, his body battered and bruised, his mind in a haze of pain. The world had never been kind to him. His life had been one humiliation after another. The one thing he had always longed for—strength—had been denied to him. He couldn't help but wonder why everyone else seemed to have it all. They were happy, powerful, and strong, while he was left to rot. Why couldn't he be like them? Why couldn't he just be strong, too?
In that moment, something snapped inside him. He no longer cared about being the nice guy. He wanted power, revenge. He wanted them to understand what it felt like to be small, to be nothing. He wanted them to feel his pain.
I want them to submit, he thought. I want them to kneel before me. I want them to want me. Beautiful women, strong women—hell, I don't care if they're straight or gay—I'll make them all want me. Not just as a man, but as their man. I'll make them see me for who I really am. I'll take what I deserve, and the world will bow to me.
Liam's mind raced, thoughts of power filling him. The agony of his wounds dulled, replaced by an overwhelming hunger for strength, for control. His body was weak, broken, but something deep inside him burned—burned with a desire to rise above it all, to become unstoppable.
I'm sick of being weak. I'll train. I'll fight. I'll push myself until I'm unstoppable. No more being a punching bag. I'll make myself powerful, and then... they'll all see what happens when you mess with me. I'll make them fear me, worship me. I'll become the strongest, the most feared, and the most desired.
Just as the darkness of despair closed in around him, a strange warmth pulsed in his chest. The agony of his wounds seemed to dull, replaced by an unfamiliar, growing power. Something inside him was shifting.
Then, a voice—a deep, resonant voice—spoke in his mind.
"Your cries have reached beyond the veil… beyond the mortal coil. I am the God of Lust, Desire, Love, Passion, and Procreation. I have watched you. I have felt your pain… and I have seen the fire hidden within your soul—smothered, but not extinguished."
"You are dying, Liam. Your body broken, your spirit bleeding. But I offer you a choice..."
[ACCEPT THE GIFT – Inherit the Eros System and Rewrite Your Destiny]
[DECLINE – Succumb to Your Injuries and Fade into Nothingness]
"Choose now. Life… or oblivion."
Liam coughed up blood, his throat raw and painful. He opened his mouth and, in a voice barely more than a whisper, said, "I accept." And then, everything went black.
(End of Chapter One, Part One)
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(I Hope You Like it, it's my first Novel, And Yes, I Created all the chacters, and The Eros System, I Will Try to Make The Next Chapter Longer with actual Dialogue and not an Info Dump
DO NOT Translate MY Work Without Permission My Email is - decoyfor18@gmail.com.
Drop some Power Stone, and Leave a Comment).