After thinking about it for a bit, I'm going to ignore the fact that years have passed. There may be historians who say, "This happened this year and that happened this year," but I don't care. This is my fic, and I decide if there are guns in the Middle Ages—I mean, if something happened in history.
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"So, how do I look?" I asked the four of them.
"Woof," said the three-headed dog.
"Cerberus is right, you look like a bad copy of Thanatos," said Zagreus.
"Oh, my feelings, my brother is such a heartless being," I said, mocking the fact that he was revived without one, to which he gave me a neutral look.
"I think you look great, my husband. What do you think, Fone?" said Kiss-shot, looking at Persephone as he said the last part.
"I think a style more like your father's would have been perfect," she said, holding a dark purple cloak in her hand.
"Mom, now I'm a personification of death, so technically, I have to look like the god of death, not the god of the underworld," I told Persephone.
"Well, I think you're right," she said, smiling at me as she lowered the layers that made me look like a metalhead in drag.
So, the thing is, how did we get here?
It turns out that Hades is responsible for the souls of the dead, both as king and god. These are the souls that enter this realm and those of people about to die. But it's not all that simple.
There are souls from this realm that escape and return to the surface, creating chaos and discord, something Hades has to deal with, since it's not so different from one of his citizens doing bad things in another king's realm.
There are also those who refuse to die, those who manage to cheat death, and those whose time has passed but who remain on the surface; that's a problem for Hades too.
So, to solve all these problems, and taking advantage of the fact that I wanted to go outside, he sent me to deal with all those people and/or souls that are causing trouble.
You could say this is the first "decent" job I've had in my long life. Being a hero isn't really a job, even if I wish it were.
"But how are you going to bring the souls here if you can't touch them?" Persephone asked me curiously, since I don't have any ability to manipulate souls; I can kill immortal beings, but touching a soul—that I can't do.
"Don't worry, Mom, I have everything planned," I told her as I summoned a scythe out of thin air.
The scythe looked simple at first glance, but it wasn't, since this one is made entirely of bone. If you've seen The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, then you know how overpowered the weapon is.
"With this weapon, I can not only take the soul of any mortal but also store the soul within it; then, with the soul already stored, I can open a portal, like this," I said, making a cut in space and opening a portal; it can also be done without a cut, but it's more appealing this way. "See?"
(A/N: Grim has many powers, many of them very overpowered, and I don't feel that they all originate from the scythe, but rather from the character himself, so Dante can't do all the things Grim can do, only some of them.)
With the Sickle, I can open doors that allow me to move between the surface and the underworld. I can also go to Olympus or other places if I want, but I'm not suicidal enough to go there right now, in an era where the gods still exist and torture.
The Sickle cost me 5,999,000,000,000 LP, which stung, but considering I can't buy EA right now and seeing how things are going, and that I'll be here for a while, it might be a good investment.
This weapon gives me many abilities, like opening portals between dimensions, being able to take the souls of mortals, storing those souls or others, and almost perfect immortality—as long as I possess this weapon, I can't die. There are other abilities, but these are the ones that matter most to me at the moment. I'll look at the others later when I have a better time.
As I drifted into my thoughts, I saw Persephone appear in the portal. While I was saying all that, in my mind, Persephone had entered the portal and returned.
"Incredible, on the other side there really is the surface, with a sun, living beings, and everything," I exclaimed in amazement as the portal closed.
"You could say you're a mobile transporter," Kiss-Shot told me.
"Incredible, brother," Zagreus said in amazement.
...
"In short, it's going to find the bastards and bring their sad souls back here," I told Hades, confirming what I had to do.
"Exactly, you're the one who seeks the souls of those who mock death," he said in his grave and somber tone.
You could say that with this, I became a kind of representation of death, without being a god or a divine being. Something like Davy Jones, who is in charge of the souls of people who die at sea. I don't know if that's part of the Greek pantheon, but Calypso appears in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and she's the daughter of Atlas, a Titan.
(A/N: I have no idea which folklore Davy Jones belongs to.)
"Here, this list contains the names of those you're looking for," he said, handing me a parchment with several names on it.
I was going to ignore how this thing worked because I had a much more important question.
"What if this person escapes from here? I don't know; maybe they go down to the lowlands, over there where the Egyptian pantheon is. Do I still have to go there?" I asked hesitantly. The regions are dominated by different pantheons.
A little further up are the Norse; over there is Islam; over there are the Jews—I think it's them, I'm not sure. If I want, I can keep mentioning more pantheons, like the Buddhist, the Hindu, the Shinto, and the Mayan; I think I've made my point.
"I don't care; that's not my problem anymore," she said simply, looking at the documents in her hands.
With that settled, I turned around and left, knowing it was the last time I'd be here.
When I left the office, I found Kiss-Shot waiting for me, ready to go.
"All set?" she asked excitedly.
"Yes, let's get our things and say goodbye to everyone, and we'll go," I said, walking to our room as she followed me.
...
The moment I stepped out of the doorway, I felt the sun's warmth envelop my entire body.
I looked at the sky and saw it was only midday.
"Are we outside yet?" Kiss-Shot asked in my mind.
"Yes, but it's midday. It's best if you stay in my shade until nightfall," I said, adjusting the bandages on my body.
During the day, I had no intention of doing my Grim Reaper's work; that's what I call it, Grim Reaper's work.
In the Greek pantheon, there is the Grim Reaper, and those are the three Fates, the ones who shared a single eye in the Disney movie about Heracles.
So, during the day, I wore only comfortable pants and a trench coat, something like Dante's outfit from Devil May Cry 3, but in different colors. I also had metallic boots and gloves that resembled skeletons; this is a trait of the Zoan Devil Fruit.
During my time in the Underworld, I trained alongside Kiss-Shot with our Devil Fruits, and now I can transform parts of my body into their full form without transforming the rest, somewhat like what Marcos did.
I also wore bandages on my face to conceal my appearance, and there was a reason for that.
My curse, both the effect alcohol has on me and the effect I have on certain women, followed me out of the world of One Piece.
I've had several problems in different universes because of this, and the biggest problem is that I attract the attention of women who aren't quite right in the head.
And the problem is that most of these women are gathered up there.
I tried to fix this problem with Hecate back in the day, but I can't, since it's something that's intertwined with my very being. So I can make myself look really ugly, but as soon as they see my face, they'll be smitten, so to speak, regardless of my looks, so changing my appearance won't make a difference.
That's why I'll use two appearances: this one during the day and the Grim Reaper at night.
Shortly after taking a few steps, I felt something lunge at me.
As I threw myself to the ground and rolled, I turned to see a chimera, which darted past me and turned again to attack.
It was a creature that was a mix of lion, goat, and snake, with the three heads of each of those creatures.
When I activated my Haki, I realized that there were two more behind me, ready to attack.
I quickly summoned the Buster Sword and, using Soru, killed the creature before it could attack me again.
I turned to throw the sword at one of the two remaining creatures, killing it instantly.
The carnage had fled the last time, but I wouldn't let it.
I ran to the sword's position, and the moment I held it in my hand, I unleashed a powerful energy slash that cut through everything in its path, including the chimera, killing it with ease.
"Wow, what are those creatures?" Kiss-Shot asked curiously.
"Just trash," I replied confidently. "I'd better go; I don't want anyone coming because of the noise and seeing me here." I said as I placed the sword on my back, held in place by the Dark Fruit, saving me the trouble of buying magnets and explaining how it worked, since more than one person would ask me how I managed to hold the sword on my back without a sheath, and I could just say, "Magic."
...
There was a bridge with a cliff in the middle, so if the bridge collapsed, everything on it would fall into the void.
In the middle of the bridge was a person about to jump, but they didn't. The person looked hesitant and trembling, showing their fear of death.
I watched from a safe distance; I was just passing by, looking for the next victim on the magic list I held in my hand. These things have names, but neither their faces nor their locations are shown, making it difficult to find them.
I was watching to see if they were capable of jumping, but they had been there for almost an hour, deciding whether or not to do it.
After getting bored of watching them like that, I decided to approach slowly. The person didn't notice me until I was right next to them and I spoke to them.
"Nice view; I think if you look closely enough, you can see what's at the bottom of the cliff: a corpse, a dead horse, and pieces of a chariot." I began to describe what I saw at the bottom of the void.
"Who are you?" the man asked fearfully.
"That matters when you're about to go to Hades or not. I don't think it's any use knowing my name there," I told him, and the worst part was that it was quite the opposite; if he knew my name, his stay in the underworld would be much more pleasant than it usually is.
"I think you're right," the man said, only for me to realize that he wasn't really a man but a young adult.
Someone so young who wants to end their life so soon is something that intrigues me.
"You're still young; why would someone like you want to commit suicide when you still have so much to live for?" I asked him.
"Well," he began, tears welling up in his eyes. "My fiancée cheated on me with the village chief."
So that's what it was: heartbreak, betrayal, and pleasure. This must be Aphrodite's doing.
"My life has no meaning anymore. My entire future is gone. My pride, my dignity, my love, my confidence—I have nothing left." She began to cry, covering her face and kneeling, less than an inch from falling into the void.
"What this food must be going through must be very sad; I don't even want to eat it anymore, I feel so sorry for it," she said, her Kiss-Shot comment coming from my shadow.
"Well, you see things from a non-human perspective, so it's surprising you can feel sorry for these things," I said telepathically to her.
"I don't fully understand the concept of infidelity and all that; I just know this food couldn't stand up for itself, so I feel sorry for it; its value as food has dropped significantly," Kiss-shot exclaimed.
"Well, it's a matter of perspective," I replied, a bead of sweat forming on my forehead.
"Hey, haven't you thought about doing something else, like starting over or leaving this place?" she asked the guy.
"Don't think I haven't thought about it, but I have nothing, no money or resources to leave here and start from scratch," he said, almost shouting.
"Relax, friend, I can help you with that. I have the ability to get you out of here and take you somewhere else," I said, holding his shoulder gently.
"Really?" he asked.
"Yes, really, look," I said with great enthusiasm, trying to lighten the melancholic atmosphere in the air, as I summoned the scythe and, with a slash, opened a portal. "By crossing this portal, you can have your new life far from this place that torments you so much," I said, pointing at the portal.
The young man was frightened by what I was doing; he almost fell off the cliff.
"I'm not sure," the scared man said.
"Come on, it's one step at a time," I said, grabbing his arm so he couldn't do anything and pulling him through the portal. "Live your new life in the underworld, a friendlier place than your old home."
And with that, the portal closed, leaving the place in silence. "Wow, that was cruel, sending him to Hades while pretending you wanted to save him," a voice said from behind me.
"I spared him the suffering and pain of falling to that place and dying with broken bones and bleeding out. Not to mention, without me, he probably would have fallen on his own, since I didn't see him as capable of suicide, at least not now. If he went back there, the pressure of that place would most likely have made him hang himself sooner or later, so I don't think it was cruel." I stated my points to refute what this divine being had said.
The moment I turned to face him, I realized how radiant he was.
"Let me guess, something to do with the sun, right?" I asked him.
"Exactly," he said.
"You have a face too effeminate to be Helios, so you must be Apollo." I made my guess.
"I'll take that as a compliment," said the one now known as Apollo, god of the sun.
The worst part is that it could only be this guy, since the Titans don't take humanoid forms, not a single one, so it couldn't be Helios.
"So, what brings you before me, god of the sun?" he asked, wanting to get this over with quickly.
"I'm curious about what you've been doing all these years," I said as I summoned a chair to sit comfortably. "How, by day, you seek out specific victims, and by night, you test them, sending them to that place to prove their worth, only to die."
"It's my job. I was never told how to do it, only to do it," I replied to the god. "Now that I think about it, I thought the first one up there I'd come face-to-face with would be the goddess of the moon."
In fact, I thought I'd meet Hermes first.
"Ah, yes, it's true you had that face-to-face encounter with her huntresses," Apollo stated.
"So you're able to see what's happening in the world at night," I announced as I sat down on the ground.
"Not really; it was my younger sister who told me about it. There's going to be a meeting soon, and they'll most likely be talking about you," he told me.
"What can I do to keep them quiet about me for a while longer? I really like peace and quiet, and is it possible to have as much peace and quiet as possible?" I asked the god.
Apollo just looked at me and smiled, which gave me a bad feeling.
"I've written these poems; if you listen to all the poems I've written in my life, I'll be able to bring up your case for at least another year," he recited as he conjured a harp out of thin air.
I pressed my forehead to the ground and remained still.
"How could I ever regret this?" I thought to myself.
"Well, husband, I think I'll disconnect our connection to sleep while you do your thing; see you," she said, doing just that.
"TRAITOR!" I yelled, but my voice never reached her.
"Well, I'm going to begin," announced the sun god, continuing to play his harp.
Is this karma?
...
A ghost could be seen peering through a doorway in a house while everyone else slept.
He was intently watching two children, about 10 and 8 years old, sleeping together.
"Boo," I said to the spirit, startling it somehow, before quickly touching it with the scythe and collecting its soul.
And with that, I've gathered 15 souls over these past 5 months; I should soon be returning to the underworld to send them back to where they belong.
At that moment, I stared at the children, fast asleep in their beds, embraced.
"Why are you staring at them?" Kiss-Shot asked, appearing beside me, since it was now night.
"They remind me of my children," I told her truthfully. And with that, I turned to leave, followed by a quieter Kiss-Shot.
Three years had passed since I started doing this, and this was the easiest part of the job: the dead escaping as spirits to the surface. All I had to do was touch them with the scythe, and that was it.
When we arrived at our lodgings, I sat down on something like an armchair. Kiss-Shot threw herself on top of me, hugging me, without saying a word.
After a long silence, she spoke.
"I'm sorry I couldn't give you a child," she said, a little sadly.
I settled in and gently cupped her face, bringing us face-to-face.
"It's not that," I said, "it's just that I remember the ones I had in the first world where I was reborn. I left several there, and some I never even met; that bothers me, but sadly, there's nothing I can do about it now. If she came back, they'd most likely be super-grandparents or already dead." I said, a little melancholic, before my voice shifted to a more mischievous tone. "But I have you here with me, and that's all that matters to me right now," I said, kissing her lips, which she returned.
"But I have you here with me, and that's all that matters to me right now," I said, giving her a kiss on the lips, which she returned.
"It's not that," I said. "I'd like to have a child too; being a mother is something I'd like to experience," she told me with determination, so I gave her a dangerous smile.
"And what if we practice that a little?" I said in a more sensual tone.
"You humans are only interested in having sensual relationships, especially since the fertilization process doesn't really work with me," she said; she tried to sound tsundere, which made her even more adorable.
"This is better, since I can come inside you without any risk; it's not like you hate it, quite the opposite," I said as I nibbled her ear, breaking down all her barriers and surrendering to me.
I quickly swept her up like a princess and carried her to our bedroom.
The moment Kiss-Shot touched the bed, I removed her dress, leaving her completely naked.
With great manual dexterity, I began to play with her body, all while we continued kissing, and the more I played, the more moans escaped her lips.
I stopped kissing her and began to lick her nipples while I started to play with her vagina and clitoris.
Kiss-Shot gripped the bed tightly, beginning to destroy it before we even got down to business.
Knowing that she wasn't too keen on foreplay, and confirming that she was already very wet, I undressed, placing my member between Kiss-Shot's lower lips.
And with a thrust, I entered Kiss-Shot. She let out a moan of ecstasy and lust.
I began to penetrate her relentlessly; she placed her hands on my back and began to scratch me. I had to use Haki to prevent my back from getting so badly injured.
Each time, my thrusts became faster; Kiss-shot had me wrapped around her like a koala, refusing to let go for anything. We kissed passionately, our tongues vying for dominance.
In one hand, I cupped her breast, while with the other, I teased her clitoris.
"Dante, I'm coming," she moaned.
"Me too," I replied. "Let's do it together," I said.
With a nod from her, I came first, and naturally, she followed, my seed filling her.
We both lay still for a few moments, savoring the peak of ecstasy.
I stood up, still inside her, and sat on the bed, leaving Kiss-shot on top of me.
"Your turn," I whispered in her sensitive ear, which made her clench even tighter.
"I hope you don't regret it," she replied, beginning to move her hips slowly but steadily, gradually increasing the speed.
We kissed again and played with our tongues. We had the whole night to ourselves, undisturbed for now, since no one knew what the future held.