After chatting casually with Shenhe for a while, Qin Yu couldn't help but yawn, covering her mouth.
No, I'm so sleepy.
"Are you going to sleep now?" Shenhe asked.
It was indeed about time to sleep.
But actually sleeping with Shenhe... Even though she had agreed, Qin Yu still felt restless. Can I even fall asleep properly like this? Do I need to use the Anesthetic Pistol?
But if she did, how would she explain the bizarre behavior of pointing a pistol at her own head?
I can't exactly say, "I'm summoning my Persona," can I...?
The more Qin Yu thought about it, the heavier her head felt. Eventually, she gave up trying to think altogether.
In this state, perhaps even with Shenhe by her side, Qin Yu could easily fall asleep.
And so, the agonizing first night of cohabitation came to an end—a cause for celebration!
"I'm going to sleep, but I need to brush my teeth first. Let me check if there are any spare cups and toothbrushes." Qin Yu got up and rummaged through the cabinets.
Soon enough, she found the spares she had bought earlier.
Same as always—purchased during a promotion. But good enough for a single night.
"Shenhe, you go first."
"Understood."
A moment later, Shenhe emerged from the bathroom.
"Done," she said.
Qin Yu suppressed the urge to yawn, nodded with a gentle smile, and entered the bathroom, approaching the sink.
Noticing the extra cup and toothbrush by the sink, Qin Yu sighed softly.
This still feels so strange.
Brushing teeth and washing up... cleanliness... Hmm? Come to think of it, had she tidied up the bedroom? Panic gripped Qin Yu as she remembered this, but she meticulously brushed her teeth anyway.
Rushing to the bedroom, Qin Yu anxiously scanned the room.
Good, nothing's out of place! Most of my personal belongings are in my room at the Jade Chamber anyway.
"Shenhe, come over here."
Responding to Qin Yu's call, Shenhe entered the bedroom. She instinctively glanced around, then quickly grew puzzled, wondering if this arrangement was inappropriate for mortals. She felt somewhat bewildered.
Meanwhile, Qin Yu was rummaging through the wardrobe for pillows and a thin blanket.
There was only one pillow on the bed, naturally, and sharing it was out of the question—even if it were possible, Qin Yu wouldn't want to.
Sharing a pillow? How intimate would that be! It would... She quickly dismissed the thought.
The same went for the blanket—there was only one on the bed.
While sharing a blanket was technically feasible, Qin Yu sometimes rolled herself up in it while sleeping. Shenhe wouldn't try to take it, silently accepting the situation.
But the temperature was a bit chilly now, and Qin Yu didn't want Shenhe to catch a cold.
Two blankets it is then. Probably.
"Found them!"
The previously used pillows and thin blankets were all there, naturally clean.
After placing the pillows and blankets on the bed, Qin Yu thought, Finally, I can sleep. Just as she relaxed, her peripheral vision caught Shenhe standing motionless in the doorway, and a slight tension returned.
Say something, you dummy! Why are you just standing there? Do I have to break the silence?
After a brief, awkward silence, Qin Yu finally spoke first. "Then... let's sleep?"
"Okay..."
Qin Yu climbed into bed and lay down.
"Should I close the door?" Shenhe glanced at the bedroom entrance.
"Ah, yeah, go ahead and close it."
Shenhe gently closed the door with a soft click, causing Qin Yu's heart to skip a beat.
No, nothing weird's gonna happen!
Qin Yu found her sudden nervousness ridiculous. There was absolutely nothing to worry about.
Except for the possibility of accidentally pushing Shenhe off the bed.
After helping Shenhe spread the thin blanket, Qin Yu sank back into the mattress, feeling like she was melting into the bed.
Shenhe also climbed into bed and lay down on the other side.
There wasn't much to talk about to begin with, and now the silence stretched even more awkwardly.
Ah—this bed is so comfortable... My mind and body are sinking into bliss. Qin Yu felt her heart soaring with lightness and contentment.
Instinctively, she wanted to stretch her legs wider, but her foot brushed against Shenhe's.
Her soaring heart plummeted like a crashed plane.
Qin Yu's ears flushed slightly as she hastily retracted her limbs, murmuring, "Sorry, I accidentally touched you."
"It's fine. I don't mind. Sleeping together... it's only natural for things like this to happen," Shenhe replied.
J-just like that! And the bed isn't even that big.
Qin Yu breathed a sigh of relief, but still felt a bit awkward, her movements stiff and restrained. It was precisely this feeling of being constrained that made her acutely aware of their current situation.
Sharing a bed...
How am I supposed to sleep like this? Qin Yu wondered, her body exhausted and her mind heavy with sleepiness, yet unable to drift off.
I might end up with insomnia.
Just then, Shenhe turned to face her.
Under Shenhe's gaze, Qin Yu grew even more tense. I can't act too strange. Should I turn away? Would that be awkward?
Probably. With that thought, Qin Yu reluctantly turned to face Shenhe, meeting her gaze.
Whoa, she's so close!
Shenhe's hands rested demurely in front of her neck, while Qin Yu's fists clenched tightly under the covers.
Though a sliver of space still separated them, Qin Yu could almost feel Shenhe's breath on her face. This made her even more flustered, her gaze flickering nervously.
After a moment's hesitation, Shenhe confessed softly, "This is the first time I've ever slept like this with someone."
First time?
Chatting might ease my nerves, Qin Yu thought, and asked, "First time? Didn't we... sleep together last time too?"
"You fell asleep first then. We never lay face-to-face and talked like this before."
It was a novel experience, but Shenhe didn't dislike the feeling.
Her fingers curled slightly as she murmured, "I feel very... relaxed. My heart is calm and at peace."
Hmph, you're relaxed? What about me?
Qin Yu felt a twinge of resentment. If Shenhe hadn't suddenly insisted on sleeping together, none of this would have happened.
But who am I to complain? I gave Shenhe the right to choose.
Sighing inwardly, Qin Yu withdrew her hand, feeling it growing warm.
"That's good," Qin Yu could only say.
"Thank you."
Qin Yu tilted her head in confusion. "Why are you thanking me so suddenly?"
"For accepting everything—my past, my present, even my presumptuous requests. I wanted to express my gratitude for your kindness."
Kindness? What kindness? Don't flatter me like that.
Qin Yu's chest tightened slightly. She didn't agree with Shenhe's assessment. Shenhe only thought this because she had only ever seen Qin Yu's best side.
"Because I'm Shenhe's good friend," Qin Yu said with a smile.
Shenhe's expression softened. "Yes, you're the most important person to me."
I've heard that line so many times it's practically worn out.
But just like Shenhe's pure and unadulterated nature, her expressions were always simple and genuine.
Unadorned by any embellishment, her words often disrupted Qin Yu's thoughts.
Qin Yu's feelings grew complicated.
I need to change the subject. Qin Yu took a deep breath, but the warmth on her face didn't subside.
Just as she was about to steer the conversation toward lighter topics and chat a little longer, Shenhe's lips parted slightly, revealing her innermost thoughts once more.
"Back then... my father didn't come to save me."
Whoa, how did we suddenly get into such heavy stuff? Qin Yu thought, quietly waiting for Shenhe to continue.
The rain outside the window seemed to have softened slightly, though it remained noisy.
Shenhe's voice seemed to blend into the rain's sound: "The Adeptus Clan said my fate is a rare, overwhelmingly inauspicious one, something that occurs only once every thousand years. Sometimes I wonder if it was this fate that caused my family to abandon me, or if it was my tumultuous life that gave rise to such ominous energy."
"No matter how many times I ponder it, I can't find a clear answer."
Fate, huh...
Qin Yu didn't care much about such things, but Shenhe seemed genuinely troubled by the question.
Troubled? Maybe not exactly... Just thinking about it again.Visiting her old home this morning must have stirred these thoughts up again, huh?
...Well, there's nothing I can do about it. Qin Yu exhaled softly and gently took Shenhe's hand.
"Qin Yu?"
Don't talk. It's just holding hands. What's the big deal?
"...It's so warm," Shenhe murmured softly.
After all, people are inherently warm; when they grow cold, they need an extra word—Qin Yu imagined Hu Tao saying this. Perhaps because her body was heating up, her bed felt even warmer.
Regarding Shenhe's words, Qin Yu hesitated for a moment before replying, "I don't know. But does it even matter anymore?"
Shenhe nodded. "Mm, I understand. It doesn't matter anymore, whether it's the former or the latter... You've already accepted me. As long as you stay by my side, I'll be the happiest person in the world."
Qin Yu ducked her head, pulling the blanket up to barely cover the lower half of her face.
She's truly impossible to reason with. Constantly spouting phrases like "important person" and "happiness," unilaterally expressing her emotions without a shred of consideration for my feelings as the recipient...
Of course, Qin Yu wouldn't let Shenhe worry about her feelings.
In short, Qin Yu found this aspect of Shenhe deeply flawed. Utterly flawed.
I don't dislike it, but it's not good.
Even the closest of friends wouldn't say that so often, right? Though I don't fully understand it, things only changed after I decided to play the role of someone else. Before that, I was just the Lonely Legend.
Qin Yu recalled her recent speculation.
So she really is connecting me to family members like her older sister or mother? Ugh, just thinking about it feels so strange...
I have to get this straight! I can't back down this time!
Otherwise, Qin Yu felt she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.
"Hey, Shenhe..." Qin Yu began cautiously, subconsciously scratching Shenhe's finger with her fingertip.
"I'm listening."
Qin Yu hesitated again.
No, I can't hesitate! She pushed herself forward and blurted out, "Have you ever... considered me as your older sister? In a scenario like that?"
Shenhe tilted her head in confusion. "Older sister?"
"Yeah. Ah, of course, I don't mean anything by it—just curious. I heard... um, ah ha ha..."
What the heck is "ah ha ha"? How lame!
Qin Yu had intended to tell a lie, but she couldn't come up with a good one on the spot, resulting in this half-baked, cringeworthy excuse.
Fortunately, Shenhe merely hummed a soft "Hmm?" and didn't press further.
She mused, "My sister... I hadn't considered that."
"Really?" Qin Yu asked, surprised.
Could it be... Mom?! That would be even worse! Though neither option was ideal, there was still a difference.
"What about anyone else?" Qin Yu ventured tentatively.
"No one else either. Why are you asking?"
Startled, Qin Yu forced a smile. "N-nothing! I was just curious."
"I see," Shenhe replied, accepting her explanation.
Great! But if there's no one else either, then what did Shenhe mean earlier?
She dreamed we were family, but she doesn't see me as a sister or... Mom. What kind of family is that supposed to be?
I don't understand. I'm so tired.
Qin Yu felt her mind growing weary, her drowsiness intensifying.
Noticing her wavering consciousness, Shenhe murmured, "Rest peacefully."
"...Wait."
Qin Yu regained a sliver of clarity, recalling something.
"Shenhe, do you find it too bright here?" Qin Yu asked tentatively.
"It's fine for me. You should sleep," Shenhe replied.
Huh? I asked if it's too bright for you, and you're telling me to sleep? Qin Yu knew Shenhe was concerned for her, but the conflicting emotions left her feeling conflicted.
Since they were sleeping together, Qin Yu wanted Shenhe to get a good rest.
So, she had to do this.
"I want you to sleep well, Shenhe... Can you turn off the light for me?" Qin Yu whispered.
She had already grown accustomed to sleeping in the dark, but Shenhe probably hadn't.
"The light? But you..."
Shenhe knew Qin Yu was afraid of the dark, and she knew why. She hesitated.
"Let's try it. If it works, great. If not, we'll turn it back on," Qin Yu said with a small smile.
"Understood. If you can't bear it, tell me immediately."
I'm not that weak.
Probably.
The thought of the impending darkness made Qin Yu uneasy.
"I'm turning it off now."
"Mm..."
Then the light vanished, darkness surged in, and the sound of the rain grew overwhelmingly loud.
Qin Yu's body tensed instantly, cold sweat breaking out. Already exhausted both physically and mentally, the sudden shock nearly caused her consciousness to drift away.
"Are you alright? Should I turn the light back on?" Shenhe's calm but concerned voice snapped Qin Yu back to reality.
Incredibly, feeling Shenhe's presence and the warmth of her hand, Qin Yu's heart settled into peace, as if shielded from all ill omens.
Darkness was just darkness, and the sound of rain was just the sound of rain. Nothing to worry about.
Qin Yu found the experience refreshing, a sensation she hadn't felt in a long time. This was different from when Shenhe used to escort her back to the mainland at night.
Maybe it's because this is my own bedroom?
For some reason, Qin Yu's thoughts drifted to her adoptive mother. She remembered reading a collection of horror stories as a child, which had terrified her so much she couldn't sleep that night.
"Why did I let you read such things? Even adults would be scared. Well, no choice. You'll have to sleep with Teacher tonight."
Qin Yu pulled herself out of her memories.
She felt a fleeting illusion that this place was her home—not the entire house, or even just this room, but specifically this bed, still warm from their bodies.
But an illusion was just that—an illusion.
"Mm, I'm fine. Thank you, Shenhe."
Outside, the rain continued to fall under a sky thick with dark clouds, obscuring any moonlight. Having just turned off the lights, Shenhe, her eyes still adjusting to the darkness, could only make out Qin Yu's silhouette.
Yet their presence was palpable, undeniable.
"Is that so... I'm glad you're okay. I'm a light sleeper, so just call me if you need anything," Shenhe said.
I won't call you. Don't worry about me anymore.
Qin Yu felt reassured, yet this very reassurance stirred up a sense of melancholy within her.
The more sincerely Shenhe expressed her feelings and goodwill toward her, the greater Qin Yu's guilt became.
She had resolved to maintain her persona to the end, to carry this beautiful lie to its bitter end. Yet sometimes, like now, it became unbearable.
Melancholy surged into her heart, hot on the heels of relief. Qin Yu couldn't help but murmur, "Shenhe..."
"I'm right here."
Unbearable. Must endure.
Say it. No, don't say it.
Why? Because there was a chance of being hated, even if it was just a 1% risk. If she maintained this charade, their relationship would surely endure.
The clash between emotion and idealism ultimately ended with reason—or rather, another emotion masquerading as reason—emerging victorious.
But how to release this lingering melancholy? Qin Yu took a deep breath and softly ventured again, "Shenhe."
"Mm, I'm here."
A little of the tension eased.
"Shenhe."
"What is it?"
Another sliver of the tension dissipated.
Shenhe's seemingly boundless acceptance, understanding, and trust emboldened Qin Yu. She recklessly repeated Shenhe's name over a dozen times before finally regaining her composure.
Ha... ah... boo... ah... ba...
No, she hadn't actually calmed down. Realizing the deeply embarrassing thing she'd just done, Qin Yu fell silent, her face burning crimson.
Thank goodness there was no moonlight tonight, and the lights were off.
Otherwise, Qin Yu felt she would have immediately flown out and jumped into the sea ten times over.
This was a black mark on her life that would never fade.
If Shenhe ever told anyone about this, Qin Yu would knock her unconscious first, then take her own life—that's how mortified she was.
But Shenhe wouldn't do anything that would displease her, so it should be fine.
"Qin Yu," Shenhe called out.
Don't talk to me! Qin Yu pulled the blanket over her head.
Muffled, she said, "Let's... let's sleep."
I still really want to die. This is torture. Can't my rationality restrain my emotions? Why do I always do impulsive things? Qin Yu thought gloomily.
"Qin Yu."
"What?"
What do you want?
Hearing Qin Yu's response, Shenhe felt a warmth bloom in her heart.
Happiness. Perhaps that's what this is, she thought.
"Qin Yu."
"Hmm?"
What do you want already?!
Shenhe called her name several more times, which only deepened Qin Yu's irritation.
Can't a girl get some sleep around here?! Qin Yu poked her head out from under the covers, tempted to glare at Shenhe. In the end, she restrained herself, pleading instead:
"Let's just go to sleep, okay?"
Or I'll use my anesthetic pistol on you.
"Understood. Good night," Shenhe replied softly.
Hmph, at least you know what's good for you, Qin Yu thought smugly. "Good night," she said with a smile.
Despite her words, Qin Yu couldn't fall asleep immediately. She idly pondered various things, hoping to bore herself into slumber.
If... just hypothetically... I abandoned my persona and showed Shenhe my true self, how would she react? Though, of course, there was one crucial prerequisite:
Actually knowing what my "true self" is.
The persona she had created had once been her "magic," her "glass slipper," transforming her into someone new. But now, this "magic" felt more like a "curse," its influence twisting back on her.
One doesn't wear crystal shoes because they fit; one wears them because they're so beautiful that one must make one's feet fit them.
Forcing one's feet into ill-fitting shoes can cause injury, even permanent deformity.
The same holds true for one's "true self." What was it originally like? Was it the version Yanfei wanted to see? Can deliberately acting like oneself truly be authentic?
"Keqing—"
In a daze, Qin Yu saw the image of a young Keqing before her eyes.
"You really haven't changed a bit," Little Keqing sighed.
"I have changed! A lot!"
"I meant on the inside, silly! No matter how pretty your clothes are, you're still the same old you. You look a bit smarter now, but you haven't done your homework, have you? That's hardly the mark of a clever person!"
"That's not true! I've definitely gotten smarter. Smart clothes make you smart—someone told me that."
"Who?" Little Keqing asked, exasperated.
"Me!"
"That's not right at all!" Little Keqing explained earnestly. "It's not the clothes that make people smart—it's smart people who make the clothes look intelligent!"
"Eh—"
"But... they're very cute, though."
"Hehe!"
So that's what happened back then. Qin Yu felt content, recalling another memory with Keqing.
With these pleasant thoughts, she finally drifted off to sleep.
Noticing Qin Yu's breathing even out, Shenhe closed her eyes as well.
However, before long, she heard a rustling sound and reopened her eyes.
Qin Yu had unconsciously moved closer. When Shenhe touched her soft, dark hair, Qin Yu murmured a sleepy "mm" through her nose and burrowed under Shenhe's blanket, snuggling against her chest.
Qin Yu's warm breath brushed against Shenhe's collarbone, creating a pleasant ticklish sensation. Shenhe liked this feeling, but if Qin Yu didn't hold her, she wouldn't return the embrace. Instead, she simply nestled closer, following the tender emotion that welled up within her.
Closing her eyes again, she whispered, "Good night."