Groaning, Inosuke's eyes fluttered open to unfamiliar white walls and the sterile scent of antiseptic. His limbs ached. His ribs were wrapped tight. Something pricked at his skin—tubes? No, they were gone now, pulled out by instinct as he scrambled upright.
"Where... where the hell am I?!" he barked in Japanese, eyes wide and wild. ("ここは... 何だとはったくるるせぇ!!")
A frail wizard attending a nearby bed yelped as Inosuke ripped off his covers, snarled, and lunged off the cot. Dressed in nothing but linen hospital robes, his toned, scar-splotched body caught the morning light filtering through the ward windows.
He sniffed the air. Magic.
Everywhere.
"Demons?" he growled, baring his teeth. ("魔物か?")
The nearest Healer, a witch with pale hair and a clipboard, froze mid-step. Inosuke bolted toward her, eyes scanning her hands for weapons. She raised her wand instinctively. A bright flash of blue shot past his cheek.
"Protego!"
He leapt sideways, somersaulting over a gurney, snatched a wooden crutch from the side of a patient's bed, and flipped backward onto a shelf. He stood crouched like an animal, the crutch twirling expertly in his hand.
The ward descended into chaos.
Alarms rang. Orderlies ducked. Patients screamed. Someone summoned security.
Inosuke bounded off the wall, kicked over a wheeled supply cart, then used it as a springboard to launch himself across the room. He punched through a window with one elbow, sending glass shards raining into the corridor below. He landed gracefully and bolted down the hall, weaving through stunned mediwizards.
—---
"What did you say?!" McGonagall's voice rose an octave as she marched through the hospital's atrium, her boots clacking furiously against the polished marble floor.
"Professor," panted Healer Rowen, catching up to her. "He woke not five minutes ago. No warning. We had him under a stasis charm, but somehow it unraveled. He moves like a bloody beast!"
"Yes," McGonagall said coolly, adjusting the silver amulet around her neck. "I had a feeling."
Her wand lit instantly. She didn't need directions.
She followed the chaos.
—---
Two floors above, Inosuke had armed himself with two broom handles broken from a janitor's closet. With makeshift blades in hand, he dove headfirst into an open lounge where startled wizards barely had time to react. He swung at a chandelier, sending shards scattering and furniture toppling.
"Stop him!"
"Incarcerous!"
Ropes launched at him, but he sliced them mid-air with wooden precision, the crack of the broomsticks echoing with every block and strike. He danced with wild precision, each move honed from years of surviving in a mountain wilderness.
"Beast Breathing... Third Fang: Devouring Rush!" ("獣息... 三の牙:食らい上げ!") he roared, spinning into a sweeping slide across the floor that toppled three orderlies and slammed into a desk.
"What in Merlin's Name is he saying?!" shouted a young Healer ducking behind a potion wardrobe.
The double doors burst open again, this time with Professor McGonagall at the center. Her wand sent a glowing pulse into the room.
"Silencio Maxima."
Sound vanished. Chaos continued, but the noise dropped to an eerie silence.
She pointed to the amulet now glowing at her collar.
"Translate: Active."
The next moment, Inosuke turned and froze as McGonagall calmly stepped into his path, robes swaying.
She held up her wand.
"Enough, Inosuke Hashibira."
He hissed, nostrils flaring.
"You again! Horned hag!" ("また会ったな!つのの婦!") the amulet translated instantly.
Minerva blinked. "Excuse me?"
"You attacked me in the forest! You think you can ambush the Great Inosuke twice?!" ("森で俺を襲ったな!何回も同じ手が通じると思うなよ!大獣砲イノスケ様に手を出すな!")
A chair flew from the corner as he hurled it over her head. She dodged without flinching.
"You are not under attack, Mr. Hashibira. This is not a battlefield. You are in a hospital."
He growled.
"Don't lie to me, Demon witch! These sorcerers tried to bind me with ropes of light! That is demon work!" ("うそつき!この嗤どもが!光の縄でたばねようとした!これはまさに魔物の624b段だ!")
"They were trying to keep you from injuring others. And yourself. You were unconscious for days after our encounter."
Inosuke stared, chest heaving.
She tapped the amulet.
"This is translating for us. I had it enchanted last night. It allows me to understand your Japanese, and you to understand my English."
Inosuke paused. His eyes narrowed at the glowing charm.
"That... thing is stealing my voice?"
"Not stealing. Translating. So we can talk. No more misunderstandings."
He glanced around, finally registering the wide eyes of a dozen nurses hiding behind overturned chairs. The smell of fear and antiseptic filled his senses.
He crouched, still gripping the two broomsticks.
"What do you want from me, horned hag?"
Minerva sighed.
"You're on the list. The Book of Admittance wrote your name. That means you're a wizard, Mr. Hashibira. You have magic, and you belong at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
His head tilted like a curious animal.
"A school?"
"Yes. To learn control, discipline, and magic. No one will attack you there. No demons. Just students and professors."
He scowled.
"I don't need school. I learned from the mountain. From wild boars. And bears!" ("学校なんかいらねぇ!俺の兄貴は山だ!イノシシはイノシシの教えできた!")
The amulet translated, and McGonagall had to fight a twitch of amusement.
"And yet you can't even understand the people around you. Hogwarts can help with that. Help you understand magic—and yourself."
He glanced down at the broken broomsticks. His shoulders heaved.
"Like a... dojo? A fighting school?"
"In a way, yes. You'll learn spells. Potions. Defense against the Dark Arts. Charms. And perhaps how not to destroy an entire hospital floor in your sleepwear."
He puffed out his chest. "HAH! I like it already! Fighting school! Mountain school of magic! But wait... how do I get stronger there? Stronger than demons? Stronger than you?!"
"Discipline. Training. Control. And study."
He grimaced.
"Study sounds weak. Can I fight things there? Big magical beasts? Evil witches?"
"Occasionally."
He laughed.
"Then I accept! I will conquer this... Bogwards! I will be the top beast! The greatest warrior under the mountain school! KAKAAKAKAKA!" He laughed like a maniac.
He spun again, accidentally knocking over a lantern with his sword's pommel. Flames burst briefly from the fallen cloth until a Healer doused it with a flick of their wand.
McGonagall sighed again. "You'll fit in just fine at Gryffindor."
"Gri... what now?"
"A house. At Hogwarts. We sort first-years into one of four houses. Gryffindor suits brave, reckless, loud... individuals."
He grinned ear to ear. "Sounds like my tribe!"
She took a step forward. "If you come quietly, I can take you to Diagon Alley. You'll need robes, a wand, and perhaps... a leash."
"I GO WHERE I PLEASE!"
He stepped forward proudly, only to trip on a broken table leg and crash flat on his face.
The entire ward winced. One of the nurses murmured, "Maybe also a helmet."
Inosuke groaned from the floor, then jumped back up and pointed at McGonagall.
"Fine! I'll go to this Bogwards place. But only if I can fight you again! One day! Promise!"
She adjusted her glasses.
"You'll have to earn that privilege."
And with that, she turned on her heel, the translator amulet humming softly at her throat as Inosuke Hashibira, half-naked, wild-eyed, and completely enthralled by the idea of a magical fighting school, followed in her wake with his swords over his shoulder.
"WAIT! WHERE IS MY BOAR HAT!!"
.