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Thanks for reading!
May be ongoing/ May not, it depends. comment
Might up a p.a.t.r.e.o.n in the future, but not right now.
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The hug from Shuri was soft, incredibly soft, as I felt mountains press upon my head as I lost myself in her curves.
She didn't ask why I wanted it. She didn't prod, didn't press. Her arms just wrapped around me with quiet understanding.
Once I had gotten enough(it's never enough), I stepped back when it was time to let go, watching her smile again.
"Come," she said, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "You've come all this way. You should pay your respects."
I followed.
She showed me how to wash my hands at the purification fountain—left first, then right, and then rinse the handle. I mimicked her movements with deliberate grace, committing them to memory like everything else. She then led me to the main hall, where we bowed once, clapped twice, and bowed again.
I stood in stillness, hands clasped. But I didn't pray.
It wasn't as if I had a grudge against the Shinto Gods, no.
But it was the fact that even if I did, what was going to change?
---Believe it or not, Shinto Gods are some of the worst Gods when it comes to being a deadbeat in regards to your creation.
Greek Gods could be tyrants that humans could never compare to, Norse Gods existed to make sure that life was not gonna be smooth sailing, and the God of The Bible? Look at the Old Testament God in a funny way and you'll die miserably and burn, look at the New Testament God the wrong way...
You'll also burn, yes... but later, if you didn't repent.
And as for Hindu Gods(I dunno 'bout DxD's), they treat universes and existence itself like I did that one novel I swore I would've written in Highschool.
---Don't like it? Scrap the whole thing and start over!
And seeing as the author didn't want any controversy with religious folks involved in Shintoism... Shinto Gods as I can remember them... Were just there...
So I didn't pray. I didn't ask for strength or forgiveness. But I watched her.
Her movements were sincere. Fluid. There was a purity to the way she treated the space around her--- like this shrine wasn't just wood and stone, but memory. A relic of peace she guarded with her whole heart.
Afterwards, she sat beside me on the shrine steps, the breeze lifting the edge of her kimono.
"So," she asked gently, "What brings a boy like you all the way up here, alone?"
"I don't really have much to do right now," I smiled. "So I'm checking this place out."
Shaking my feet freely as I sat, I could see that Shuri was about to say something, perhaps about where my parents were, but before she could say anything more, a small voice piped up from behind the paper door.
"Okaa-san, who's that?"
A girl peeked around the wooden frame, her long dark hair tied into a ponytail similar to her mother's. Her violet eyes, wide and curious, shimmered like polished amethyst. She couldn't have been older than maybe ten, tops.
"Akeno," Shuri called, smiling, "come say hello. We have a visitor."
The girl stepped forward cautiously, like she was sizing me up. She wore a shrine maiden's training yukata, the sleeves too big for her small frame. Cute, I thought--- bright, but cautious.
"I'm Akeno Himejima," she said with practiced politeness. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you." I gave a small bow. "I'm Daichi Michinaga."
Akeno nodded. "I've never seen you before. Is it your first time coming here?"
"Yeah. I'm here to make a wish to get stronger, richer, and to meet cute and pretty girls." I said rather bluntly.
"Really?" Akeno asked. "You're weird."
Shuri chuckled behind her hand. "Be nice, dear."
"It's not me that's weird, but rather the world!" I replied.
"Still kinda weird though..."
"Oh, yeah? Then what would you wish for?"
"Hmmn..." She put her finger to her chin in thought, an action I've never seen outside of fiction, "More happy times with my families... For Otou-san to be home more often... And for sweets!"
We sat together a while longer. I shared tea with them, listened to the occasional birdcall echo through the trees.
-bzzt, bzzt!-
"Oh, I gotta get going!" I said, after the cruel and unusual punishment of having Issei visit me and give me his gravure idol magazines, I had convinced his parents to let him attend a Karate Dojo so he could get his mind off of nonsense all the time.
It was the Kyokushin branch of Karate that emphasized 'No pain, no gain', so it was perfect for a knuckle-head who would get hurt in all of his fights.
Whether or not he sticks with it is up to him(no, it really isn't up to him, thanks to [Hypnosis]...)
"Daichi… can I ask you something?" Shuri asked.
I tilted my head slightly, giving a nonchalant shrug.
"Where are your parents?"
Akeno, who had been drawing lazy shapes on the wood with her finger, looked up curiously.
"My parents?" I turned to face her. "They're in a faraway place from here."
I turned my gaze beyond the treetops, watching light pour through them like diluted honey. I dunno how they're feeling back home, but I hope that everything's well.
---I mean, I did pass away in my sleep. Waking up to that must suck big time...
"Far away..." Akeno murmured. Not the reaction of someone who understood immediately--- more like someone trying to read the lines between what was said and what wasn't.
"I see..." Shuri said as she rested a palm on my head, slightly gazing at me. It wasn't a pitying gaze, as she probably assumed that a would-be kid like me would hate to be pitied, but an understanding one. "So, how are you doing now? Were there any troubles you might've had recently?"
Well, I've got nothing against it.
"Not really," I retorted. Troubles? Other than the [Worthless] trait, my life has been pretty peachy. "I have fun all day every day at the orphanage, plus I've got tons of friends too!"
"Hmmn..." Akeno scooted closer, small brows pinched with concern. Her eyes shimmered with something earnest and painfully open. She tugged lightly at my sleeve. "Then, if you ever feel lonely, you can come back and visit here!"
"You mean visit the shrine?" I asked.
She nodded quickly. "You can come back anytime, okay?"
The way she said it--- like it was a magical solution to all the world's weight, while it made me want to laugh, it was also really cute.
I looked at her. Really looked.
I reached out and patted her head, as I couldn't be the only to have their head patted. "Alright little Miss Miko, I'll visit so that you won't be lonely!"
"Huh? Little?" Akeno pouted. "Hey, I might be older than you!"
'Is she?' I thought. I really dunno. I'm just going off on my age based on appearances.
Shuri smiled too, faintly, like she understood more than she let on. Her eyes lingered on me a second longer than I expected.
But then my NONKIA flip-phone buzzed again. I really had to go now.
I stood, brushing imaginary dust from my pants. "I gotta go! Thank you, both of you. I'll come visit again, if that's alright."
I took Shuri's hand and laid a kiss on it, my behavior reminiscent of a kid trying to act older than he actually is, which was the perfect 'disguise' of someone older in a younger kid's body like me.
---Kids sometimes act like they know better, and think that they are cooler than they actually are? No shit, sherlock!
"You're really pretty, Miko Okaa-san! I'll definitely come back to see you!"
---Was it cringy? Hell yeah! But I love cringe, I feel it, I bathe in it, and I embrace it.
No way on Earth am I gonna stop now, even in another life.
Shuri gave a light, teasing laugh, the kind that made the air feel warmer.
"Fufufu~ You sound like you're trying to flirt with a married woman."
"Absolutely not!" I grinned. "My intentions are pure."
Akeno crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me.
"Mostly pure," I added quickly, glancing at her before I took her hand as well. "I'll visit you too, Akeno."
She blinked with her eyes wide, then her face quickly turned red in embarrassment.
'I had to get a few hits in before she turned into a lethal teasing-machine of an Onee-san,' I thought as I took a little peek at her and her mother.
'Cuz something tells me that based on Shuri's figure, those things in close proximity are gonna cut through my defenses like a hot knife through butter in the future.'
Shuri's light chuckle deepened. "Ara~ Such a potentially sinful boy. I wonder if Barakiel would approve of you taking his little princess's attention like that."
"Mou, Okaa-san! Stop it!" Akeno protested, swatting at her mother's sleeve in embarrassment.
Simply waving, I walked down the shrine steps as their voices fading behind me.
Behind my back, I could still feel the warmth of Akeno's scalp. And Shuri's hug, faint like incense smoke.
Innocence was always the best disguise. Especially when the storm was still gathering.
And for some reason, this storm would have a whole lot of feathered wings and clan robes fluttering about.
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-An hour later-
The scent of sweat and rubber mats hit me the second I stepped through the dojo's sliding doors. Children lined up in neat rows, some punching air with all the discipline of a distracted puppy, others flailing wildly with limbs too uncoordinated to cause harm. It was noisy, chaotic, and weirdly wholesome. A place I had no real business being in.
And yet, there I was, barefoot, dressed in a borrowed gi, standing across from the single most persistent thorn in my side: Issei Hyoudou.
"Ready?" I asked, rolling my neck.
Issei tightened his belt with the intensity of someone convinced he was about to unleash a hidden bloodline technique. "Born ready, bro!"
He charged.
I stepped forward, one clean pivot of my foot, and let him pass. A hand pressed gently to his shoulder mid-momentum was all it took to flip him over onto the mat with a dull thud.
"Ughhh…" he groaned, arms splayed, eyes on the ceiling.
I stood over him, brow raised. "You're down again."
Issei didn't move.
"Come on. You're not even hurt."
Still no movement.
I crouched beside him. "What, did I knock out your feelings?"
Still no movement.
"When I become the Prime Minister of Japan, all girls with big boobs will be ordered to get a breast reduction or face the firing squad."
"Oh, hell no!" I stood up in a rush of unexpected energy as he rushed at me. "A world like that... A world of cruelty and darkness... I'll never let a world like that exist!"
"Oh, so now you're up." And I simply knocked him down again.
Looking at the future pervert on his back, I could see that he was out of it, not only physically, but also mentally.
"Alright, Issei. What's the big deal?" I asked. "You look like you're an adventurer with an OP ability, but your party doesn't appreciate you and thinks you're deadweight, so they kick you out for being useless."
"Huh? What? Oh..." He sighed heavily. "It's just… you know... Irina's moving today. I thought we'd hang out like usual, but he said he's got packing and church stuff to do. And now he's leaving. Just like that."
"Yes, Irina's moving, she told me that already." I blinked. "---And?"
"And? He's one of our best pals, man!" Issei sat up. "Aren't we supposed to be the 'Three Musketeers'!?"
"Hehe, 'He's one of our best pals' he says." I chortled. "Uh, no?"
"No way! We watched Dungam SEED together every week!"
"Watching that show is probably why she left, Issei..." I murmured.
'That being said, I desperately want Jesus Yamato's plot armor right now, 'cuz a storm is coming and I need all the strength to potentially go against the Fallen and some Himejima Clan members...'
"Huh?" Issei froze. "What do you mean, she?"
Ah. So he still didn't know.
I held back a sigh. "Issei."
"What?"
"...You do realize Irina's a girl, right?"
"What?! No way! He's got short hair and he can climb trees! He's definitely a boy!"
"You know, in America in the future, they'd destroy you for saying something like that online?"
"I don't believe it!"
"Alright, then. If Irina is a boy, then why is it that when we're dirty, Irina always goes off in her little corner and changes, huh?"
"It's obviously because he doesn't want us to see his tiny penis, of course!" Issei countered. "I've already told him that it's fine, but he got angry all of a sudden and hit me on the head!"
'Keep on denying reality and I'll really use [Body Modification] to give you a tiny penis.'
I stared at him, lips twitching. The sheer sincerity of his denial was comedy gold. For a moment, I entertained the thought of just letting this continue for years.
But no--- this was an opportunity.
"I know!" Issei brightened up as he whispered in my ear. "Maybe we can..."
"What." I asked in disbelief.
"It's a genius plan right?"
After hearing his little plan, that for some reason also involved me, I came to a simple conclusion.
'You know what? I actually felt some hesistation when it comes to using [Hypnosis] on this brat, especially when he hasn't done me wrong....'
'But this, genius plan of yours...?'
'Visiting a brothel because you saw some guy with black hair and golden bangs tell you that it was good so that we all can get laid, and then pulling down Irina's pants in front of everyone afterwards so that 'he' won't be embarrassed anymore?'
'If Touji Shidou doesn't kill you, then Irina's mom will, and if not those two, then your parents will, and if they dont...?'
"It's a shit plan, Issei." I said bluntly.
"What? How---"
"Shut up. [Hypnosis]." I cut him off rather quickly.
I didn't want to do it, but it seems like he was planning to drag me into his mess as well.
I leaned closer, activating [Hypnosis] with a careful whisper. Just a nudge. Just enough to loosen up the hesitation coiling in his chest.
"Since you want to mess with your life so badly, then how about this? There's a way we can find out."
"Really, how so?"
"By Marriage."
"Huh? How does that work?"
"Look, you don't want to regret not saying goodbye, do you? You'll feel it later. You'll wonder why you didn't say what you really felt. You'll wish you did something memorable."
His eyes slowly unfocused, then blinked rapidly. "Yeah… I guess you're right…"
I smiled. "Good. Then here's the plan. Get up."
"Huh?"
"We're going to Irina's place. You're going to walk right up to her, say goodbye like a man, fondle her, kiss her, and propose to her"
"Really?
"On the lips, deeply" I added quickly, before the poor boy combusted. "Like they do in the movies."
"Or you can go even crazier, like a real man, dedicate yourself to it, and do..."
I whispered possible actions in his ears.
I then stood up and offered him a hand. "You can do it, and you will do it. Because deep down, you know it's the right thing to do."
He stared at my hand for a second, then took it. Shaky, but willing.
"You think it'll work?"
"Issei," I said, patting his shoulder, "With the right push, even a cow can fly."
'For a limited amount of time.'
As we stepped out of the Dojo together, his nerves bubbling up again, I couldn't help but grin.
Sometimes, my powers were meant for Hentai.
Sometimes for War.
Sometimes, for Domination.
But this?
This was pure mischief.
---Priceless, even
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-Late Evening-
We arrived just as the last moving truck pulled out of Irina's driveway. Boxes were stacked near the entrance, and her mother stood at the door, chatting with Sister Kyoko and--- oh, interesting--- Touji Shidou himself, wearing the look of a man who'd rather be hunting demons than wrangling his daughter's stuffed animals.
He had originally left Kuoh out of guilt for killing his comrade, but now, he should be leaving to either report back to the Vatican or to finish the job.
I nudged Issei with my elbow. "Showtime."
"Confidence," I whispered, channeling just a touch more [Hypnosis] into him. "Walk like a man. Talk like a man. Kiss like a protagonist."
"Alright! Here I go!" Issei walked off, hypnotically high on courage.
As we approached, the adults turned. Issei's parents were already there--- his mom smiling at the sight of us, while his dad gave an encouraging thumbs up.
"Go on, Issei!" Miki Hyoudou cheered. "You too, Daichi, don't forget to say goodbye!"
Sister Kyoko gave me a strange glance. I don't know how, but she thought that I was involved somehow--- just not how.
Then Irina stepped out, lugging a duffle bag, her short auburn hair scattered about. She blinked at us. "Issei? Daichi? What are you guys doing here?"
"See you later, Irina! And don't forget to send letters!" I patted her on the shoulder. "Also, Issei has something to say to you."
Issei marched forward. "Irina!"
She perked up. "Yeah?"
He paused. Took a deep breath. And then, with a move so smooth I was briefly proud, he grabbed her shoulders and kissed her square on the lips.
---Everyone froze.
And I held a smile that could rival a certain evil sorceror turned cursed spirit with infinite techniques from the Heian Era that he could pull out of his ass when the situation called for it.
Irina went completely still, eyes wide as saucers, face lighting up in a bright crimson glow.
There was a solid two seconds of stunned silence.
Then:
"EEEEHHHHHHH?!?!?" came the combined cries of Issei's parents, Irina's mother, and Sister Kyoko, who nearly dropped her rosary.
'Ah, this is truly the anime of all time. They even do the 'Eh?' thing.' I thought. 'Well? It's not like I wanted to steal your harem, Issei, but if my story were to be a bad fanfiction on a questionable site, it would have a [Harem] tag on it...'
'A Hypocrite? Me, no way! As for me though? It is simply, rules for thee but not for me. Do as I say and not as I do.'
'Anyways, Japan will be going through a birth decline in the future, so in order to save the country I will be having a harem, as what I'm doing is actually good. It's a sacrifice of my own body, I tell ya'!'
'Just as Blood is for the Blood Gods, as too is Harem for the Harem Gods...'
Touji Shidou's head slowly rotated like a cursed marionette, his gaze fixing on his daughter, then on Issei, then on me. His eyebrow twitched.
"...Issei." he spoke silently.
Meanwhile, Issei stepped back proudly, beaming as if he'd just slayed a demon king. "That's so she doesn't forget me!"
"Me and Irina are gonna get married in the future! So you better move back here soon, old man! Or I'll whoop your candy ass!"
I grinned, crossing my arms. "Ten out of ten. Speaking of which--- when's the wedding? How many kids are you planning?"
Issei didn't even hesitate. "Seven. One for each day of the week."
I heard Irina's mother gasp. Sister Kyoko muttered something about needing stronger holy water. Issei's dad just let out a weird sniffle while his mom hid a smile.
---And Touji?
He lunged.
"You little--- get your grubby perverted mittens off of my precious daughter---!!!!"
He yanked Issei up by the collar like a misbehaving cat as Issei flailed, still smiling dreamily.
"I regret NOTHING!" he shouted triumphantly, as per my instructions
I stood there, hands in my pockets, watching the chaos unravel like the world's best soap opera. Irina was still blushing so hard she might explode as her mother was still stunned.
'Ah, am I the ultimate Cupid?'
"Daichi," Sister Kyoko narrowed her eyes at me as she said warily, "Did you have something to do with this?"
"Me? I'm just a supportive friend." I blinked innocently. "He said he was gonna do this, I just didn't stop him."
In the background, Touji's roars continued, and Issei's proud cries echoed in response.
I shook my head with a smirk.
Sometimes, reality really was the best comedy show.
'Don't worry Issei, at the end of DxD and the start of ExE, you're too busy saving the world to take care of a harem, so as your trustworthy friend, I will help you.'
'Now, what I must do is get some of that DNA from Shuri Himejima...'
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Next Chapter: Ecchi Boy Who Loves Baths: "I Promise To Take Care Of Your Wife And Daughter, Fallen Angel Otou-san!"
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Trivia Time! (Againx9!!)
When it comes to the Shrine Maiden Oyakodon...
We have Shizuka Ito (JP), voicing both Shuri and Akeno, who also voices: Kafka(Honkai Star Rails), Byleth(Fire Emblem), Elisabeth Blanctorche(KOF), Bitch Sensei(Assassination Classroom), Tomoko Higashikata(JJBA:DIU), Rindo Kobayashi(Food Wars), Meiko(Prison School), Luviagelita Edelfelt(Fate), Kaori Kanzaki(Toaru)
And Yukari Yakumo(Touhou Spell Bubble in 2020)
(Rias' JP Seiyu voices Yukari Yakumo in Touhou Spell Carnival 2024)
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And Stephanie Young (ENG), who also voices Shuri; Nico Robin(Agenda Piece), Olivier Mira Armstrong(FMA:B), Kazehana(Sekirei), Ageha Kurono(Vampire Rosario), Sylvie Sherwood(SpyxFamily), Arachne(Soul Eater), Towa(DBZ), Red Queen(Restaurant In Another World), Nana Shimura(MHA),
Plus Dominator, the motherfreaking gun from Psycho Pass!
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