Felix's POV :
The morning sky over the Lawrence Royal Palace still covered with black smoke didn't let the Sun shine through it's yards, the air still filled with burning smell and the aura of death only increased the throbbing in every living beings' hearts. With heavy footsteps we left the royal courtyards littered with dead bodies, royal guards, assassins both laid there breaking the boundaries of enmity however the boundaries of life at the same time. As soon as we reached the gate of the doctor's house, the Elite forces knelt down to greet us, however when their eyes landed on my brother's dead body, even their eyes trembled, seeking for my wellbeing immediately.
Getting inside of the mansion, I immediately went to check on my father, who had only his face visible, the rest was thickly bandaged.
As I turned to the royal doctor who just came back from checking my twin's body, he informed me with a very painful voice, "his majesty has his right leg broken, so is his right hand's wrist, his left shoulder dislocated. He had a deep stab injury just over his right kidney, barely missing the vital organ. His left leg had a poisoned arrow pierced through the thigh area. We're still attending the poison problem. It's quite rare. We've already informed the Gyanlo Medical Team, hopefully they'll be here as soon as possible."
Seeing my expressionless, stoic face, he urged me to talk, "your highness, please say something. You're worrying us."
"Where's my mom and my brother?"
My exhausted voice seemed startling to myself too.
Mom's condition wasn't that serious, compared to dad's, she had a stab wound in her abdomen, a few cuts here and there and the doctor assured that she would wake up only when her exhaustion wears off. But the worst condition loomed over the eldest son of the Lawrences.
Matthew had a deep stab wound over his left kidney, damaging the organ completely, and the doctor needed to cut it out of his body. Added to that a concussion which could result in his loss of memories, thankfully that didn't happen, but he stayed unconscious for three weeks. Crying at my brother's feet, I finally released all the pains bottled up within me, if only he was awake, he would've soothed me, he would've cried a lot too.
Maybe one more hour had passed when I felt a hand on my back, bringing me back from my trance. It was the one day older boy, Julian Hanson. His red puffy eyes reflecting the same pain as mine, cheeks red and stained with fresh tears, he was barely holding in his wails. Only when I engulfed him in a tight hug, did he broke down.
"Lix...his highness...he promised...not to...not to get hurt. The doctor said he needs a strict and careful observation...he didn't even say that for his majesty...how are we gonna bring him back... Francis... Frank... Frank... Lixie, he isn't gonna wake up again...he promised me to teach his steady tricks...he promised...he promised..."
"Shhh...shhh...shhh, Jules... My little brother might be in a better place to take rest. We shouldn't make him feel bad for leaving us. We'll show him, we can be our best versions just like he wanted to be, just like he wanted us to be, hmmm. Don't cry, don't make me and him feel more miserable while we're unable to console you, please." My voice though hoarse with all those crying, soothed him.
Connor who was silently crying and watching us, joined us eventually, in order to find some warmth in the embrace to ease the chill flowing in our veins.
The month after that disaster went by like a blurred reel. The doctors from the Gyanlo Medical facility saved dad successfully and his consciousness returned as normal as possible. However he couldn't bear with the news of Frank's death, neither mom could. She fell unconscious immediately after hearing the news and Matthew as predicted didn't show any signs of waking up.
For the first three days, the four boys continuesly stayed by dad's side, helping the soldiers in renovation of the palace, scouting the city every hour with the guards. They even got closer to us, we were just amazed that despite their status, they were so humble. The all commanding boy, Henry Klein was the younger son of the army general of the Kaisers. One of the guarding boys was Gregory Morgan, son of the president of St. Loire. The other one was Howard Jones, the son of the Dean of the University of Escortia.
Then came the day of the official announcement to the people of the Ryotle of the death of their prince. Being the only royal family member who was completely intact, I should have been incharge of the mourning. However the adults, specially mom didn't allow that at any cost, they couldn't just take another risk to reveal me to the public and then invite more disaster at least not after loosing a son. Connor was given the charge of the mourning in the funeral, while I mourned inside the temporary room where Matthew laid completely unconscious, unaware of such a devastating incident.
Every members of noble family, many noble figures from the neighborhood were also present there. Our grandpa came too with the most shocking news of prime minister Lynn's sudden disappearance from the surface, wheather he was dead or alive, only he knew. From that day onwards, the second prince of the Lawrence royals died forever for the world, burying two individuals identity altogether. My twin who was actually dead, but never mentioned as one at all, while me who was completely hidden in the shadows, was announced as deceased.
It was probably more than two weeks later from the funeral, when mom was just allowed to leave her wheelchair, while dad was finally given the permission to use the wheelchair for a limited time. Matthew finally opened his eyes, only to see each of us crying our hearts out. As heartbreaking as it may sound, but we didn't hide the news of our precious little brother's death from him.
And as predicted, he denied it straight away, completely ignoring each of ours try, in the end we just could leave the acceptance to himself. One more week passed since then and brother was still in denial. He even started to threaten us that if we didn't let him meet with Frank, he would stop eating.
And that's actually what happened one morning when I just came back from my morning jog. The maids were helplessly kneeling infront of my brother's room, so was our nanny. No one dared to inform our parents as every morning, the doctors attended them for new dressing on the wounds and that also became troublesome in Matthew's case too.
Assuring the maids, I knocked on the doors before entering.
Immediately came Matthew's protest "I clearly told you not to get in unless you have Frank with you!"
"Brother, it's me." With a soft warm smile I responded.
"Lix? Why are you bringing the food? What about the maids?"
"You successfully scared them out of their wits! That leaves me and mom dad. Since the doctors are here, they're busy so I came with your food. The doctors are waiting outside for you too, they need to take care of your wounds."
With a heavy sigh, I tried to reason with him.
"Lixie, please tell me the truth. Is Frank seriously injured like me? He also can't move from bed, right? That must be the case or why won't he even tell someone to assure me? You were all ... Ahhh! "
In a moment of hasty movement, he almost sat up on his own, completely forgetting about his injury.
"Brother! Please don't hurt yourself more."
Helping him sit down in a much relaxed posture with the help of pillows, I pleaded with him.
"How about you eat the food carefully, then take your medicines so that you can get well soon to see him with your own eyes."
My coaxing finally worked as he finally took the first bite while I fed him.
Almost three months later, Matthew was finally able to get out of bed, however got bound to a wheelchair. In those three months, me, Connor and Julian never left his side, we adjusted our turns to take care of him, feeding him, helping with change, sometimes just to keep him company. Our mom had been really busy, since dad was bedridden, she had to handle both the inner and main courtyard responsibilities. Be it on maintaining the whole household or political affairs, she did her best and still she joined us at least one time of meals, bonding with us, chatting with us. Though the trembling eyes of her never stopped lingering on the very empty seat among us.
The absence of one stubborn yet soft hearted boy was eating her alive, inside out. We all could see that no matter how hard she tried to suppress it. And Matthew? Surprisingly he stopped asking for that person! Sometimes when we almost drifted to such topics, he would deliberately ignore that and that scared us.
One fine morning, when I was still in practice ground with Connor, Julian came running there in a very devastating condition, hair disheveled, eyes brawling, almost breathless.
"Felix.....his highness, his highness...his highness....he..."
That poor boy was unable to breathe by himself let alone complete the sentence.
"Jules, first calm down...here, have some water first, please calm down..."
I tried to convince him to be normal first, while Connor passed the water.
As he calmed down and again broke into a stream of fresh tears, I asked him, "what happened to Mat?"
"His highness, he told me last night that he was going to visit Frank this morning... I promised him that I would accompany him... But when I went to take him....he was already in Frank's room...he saw Frank's portrait there and since then he didn't move from there....he didn't even reacted to anyone calling him...he just kept staring at blank spaces.... Her majesty...she immediately told me to get you...she is...."
By the gist in between his hiccups, I knew what had happened and I needed to take care of that. Without thinking for another second, I sprinted towards the newly renovated inner courtyards, to my room, finally resolved in taking the decision that I couldn't dare to take. It was about time.
More than fifteen minutes later, I finally made my way to Frank's room. Hesitant at the door, I stood there to give myself a final push. The guards in the hallway stared at me like they had seen a ghost, that didn't help with my wrecking nerves.
"Connor, where's Felix? Why isn't he here yet? He..." As mom's voice resonated, I pushed open the door, revealing myself.
"Mom, I'm here."
I tried to keep my voice as confident as possible.
Mom's eyes first widened in shock and finally the tears rolled down as couching down, she engulfed me in a tight hug. In the last four months, I had never seen her breaking down this much, she was finally able to lament. Just ahead, dad, bound to his wheelchair, started crying too, so did Connor and Julian. Smoothly caressing her back, I tried to calm down mom and she finally let me go. Silently taking our doctor's permission, I stood infront of my brother whose body was completely stiffened in the wheelchair.
"Brother.... brother....Mat, can you hear me? It's me, Francis. Your Frankie. Mat..." Couching down infront of him, hesitatingly, I started with the most convincing tone.
"Frankie?"
Though it was a whisper, still he finally responded, as his eyes finally met with mine, tears threatened to spill out from his eyes.
"Where were you for all these days? Do you know how many times I've asked for you? I was so worried about you! You weren't hurt anywhere, right?"
Hastily he looked me up and down, checking me thoroughly.
"Something came up and I needed to go to a far away place. And I'm not hurt at all. See, I'm all fine."
Standing up, I showed him my hands. My eyes filling up, for the prank I was playing with him in such a vulnerable state.
His smile, barely a presence of the radiant one he used to have, stopped in just few seconds.
The tears finally rolled down, his voice trembled too, "Felix...."
No more words were needed, as I engulfed him in a soft yet warm embrace, cautious about his injury and he finally broke down, so did I, again.
As the minutes passed by, the doctor and the others left us in our own comfortable company. Probably more than half an hour later, Mat's cry finally died down, breaking the hug, he first wiped my tears instead of caring about his own messy appearance.
"How? I heard you two were together..."
"It was all my fault. We were arguing about getting out of the hideout and he suddenly knocked me out. He left when I was unconscious. When I woke up he was already...if only I knocked him out first, this wouldn't have happened at all! I was his older brother, I should've protected him better..." My voice broke again as tears rolled down my cheeks.
"Lix, please don't blame yourself. Knowing him, it was expected from him. It's just he was always successful in tricking you, how could you know what he was upto! Don't blame yourself for it."
Though it hurt him, he still didn't show me any resentment.
"How can I not? Mom entrusted him to me and I failed in that single job. I failed him as a older brother..."
"You know that's not what he would think, right? He always saw you as his safe zone and he would never want his safe zone to be endangered. He would like if you could grow apart from this grief, if you could grow up to provide that safe zone to him forever, if you could prove that you're his best older brother."
"I'm sorry Mat... it's just that..."
"... we aren't used to his absence within us? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?"
As I nodded, he continued, "you look like the exact mirror copy of him, right now. Everyone felt the same Lix and we are finally relieved from this suffocating pain, at least we could accept now. That became possible just because of you."
With a soft warm smile he looked at me with understanding and adoration.
"Really? You think so?"
"Hmm. This black hair suits you too but you should let it fade away. It's not healthy to use colour to dye your hair, on top of that you did a messy job there, look at yourself, you didn't even wash it."
Touching my hair, he scolded me.
"I was in a rush, so I just put the colour and dried it. Your condition..."
"You were planning to do it from a while now, isn't it?"
His tone changed, so did his demeanor, he looked as if someone has pierced another knife into his already bleeding heart and I couldn't meet his eyes anymore.
"Lix, don't do this to yourself, please. I've already lost a brother, but in that grievance I don't wanna loose the other one. Don't do that to me, please."
His voice became more like a whisper.
"I'm just trying to keep something of him on..."
My voice equally bearing the pain, sounded more like a plead.
"That's not a..."
"I'm not letting it wash away, that's it!"
With gritted teeth, directly dismissing any other words coming from him, I dashed out of the room, running away from him, running away from my reality.
After that incident, I didn't approach him directly, whenever he tried to talk to me, I would deliberately ignore him and it hurt me too, to see him witnessing me loosing myself day by day. Thankfully Connor and Julian were by his side all the time, specially Julian, he became the anchor, Mat needed the most and I was finally relieved to see him gradually healing. That also secured the chance for my departure, towards the silent promise, I made to my deceased brother, to avenge his death even if it costs the last ounce of my sanity.
It was probably one more month later, when grandpa came to take me with him to St. Loire, to keep me with him and train me. The four boys also came to encourage me, they had left with grandpa immediately after the funeral, training under him since then, so I wouldn't be alone there. When the departure time finally came, everyone said goodbyes to me, only Mat was missing. As I searched for Julian's eyes, he only responded with a headshake, but I could clearly see the sitting silhouette of Mat from the main courtyard's corridor and I couldn't hold myself back anymore.
Sprinting towards him, I knelt down infront of him, "brother, won't you come to see me off?"
"No. I'll never come to see you off, be it today or on any other circumstances. But, I'll wait here for you to come back. Always. So make sure, you return home after all this."
With tears trembling at the brim of his eyes, he responded with the softest yet unyielding tone and I only could nod in a silent promise.
In that departure, it wasn't only me who became a shadow to fulfill a promise, but Mat too became one to keep a promise, he made to himself; to protect me at any cost. He is still doing that in complete silence, completely hidden, never demanding anything in return. But I know it too well, how much it hurt him to see me getting hurt or risking my life. Yet he understood every mindset of mine, as if our minds working on a synchronisation, knowing eachother's motife too well and I'm thankful for that.
Life in St. Loire was a new shade of skin to me, new people, new environment, new everything that erased the fear of living in shadows. I even got admission in their government school and that was the most thrilling experience for me. For me, who always had home teachers and studied with only two or three boys, studying with a class full of same aged boys and communicating with them was really a tough job. But the four older boys always protected me, cared for me, encouraged me to be my best version.
Then one day, a really charming, somewhat silly, warmhearted boy moved in the neighbouring house, completely changing the course of my life. Back then, just after the same attack that happened in Hinoi too, the king Hammond shifted his second wife and his second son to their emergency safehouse which was coincidentally the house next to ours. Though they were always under the watchful eyes of their guards or spies, that boy didn't bother to hesitate to run around. Really troublesome one.
One day, I was returning from school, when an unknown voice called from behind, "hey there!"
As I looked back, I was met with a slightly lanky but taller boy, maybe a bit older too, wearing the same uniform as mine.
With a neutral expression, I responded, "hi."
Immediately his full lips lost its smiling charm, as with a nervous chuckle, he initiated "I just moved in that house with my mom. So we're hosting a housewarming meet in our place. My mom said I could invite the kids from the neighborhood. You can come with your parents or your other family members."
His feline eyes full of hope and I just had to break that.
"Why would I go to your house? I don't even know you!" Still poised, I replied.
"Aaa, I apologise. I'm Nicholas Hammond,the Second Prince of the Hammond Royals. But don't say that to others."
With a wink, he forwarded his hand to shake and to not shake hands with a prince, when he himself initiated it, was really disrespectful.
Shaking his hand, I introduced myself, "Felix Lawrence."
"Felix Lawrence."
Repeating my name with his tone, he added "so now we know eachother and now you can come to our house!"
And that with the same eyes-disappearing-into-two-cresent-moons smile.
"I just can't go to your house just like that. We aren't friends neither acquaintance."
Just what's his deal anyway!
"Then we can become one right now! Friends?"
Again extanding his hand towards me, he looked at me expectantly and I felt bad for treating him in such a cold way. At least befriending him, I could make it up to him, right?
Shaking his hand with a small smile, I finally responded through a soft voice,
"friends!"