I got out of the bath, my shirt and bedsheets hanging on string.
The water, once warm, had returned to its normal temperature — a bit cold, maybe because of the season. I grabbed a towel and started drying myself, then let it rest over my shoulder.
"Ungh… finally clean…" I muttered, grabbing some clothes and pulling them on. My sigh came right after. Not only did I have to reach rank 8 Sword Enthusiast and rebuild my body's strength, now I had to reach Expert 3rd Circle Mage too.
"Gotta go to the library later and borrow some books… I don't want to learn." I tossed the towel onto the string to dry and walked out of the bathing room. I grabbed a piece of bread and bit into it as I moved.
"First… what do I do? Oh yeah." I finished the bread before heading toward the library in Cassian's house. I'd already read and memorized every book here, so there was no need to linger.
I opened the trapdoor in the floor and climbed down the ladder. Training came first.
I grabbed a wooden sword, readying my stance. I had to make sure my body could keep up with my swordsmanship again.
Form after form, I drilled them over and over for an hour. My breathing grew heavier, my arms burning. Finally, I decided to work on my body next — pushups, squats, sit-ups, and other exercises until every muscle screamed.
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Sweat dripped down my face and arms. My muscles ached so bad it felt like my body was cursing me. I placed the sword back before climbing up the ladder.
"Ugh… damn, I pushed myself to the limit today… Well, time to go to the library of Nazerlock." I muttered. Learning wasn't one of my strong suits, but if I didn't get stronger as fast as I could, I'd never be able to protect my sister myself—
A flicker.
From the corner of my eye… a figure.
A faint, almost inaudible hum filled my ears. The air felt heavier. My pulse slowed, then began to pound harder in my chest.
No… no, it couldn't be.
My eyes snapped toward her.
Les.
My fiancée, Les Vonn Retril. The daughter of a marquess.
Now long gone… because of me. Because of my incompetence. My weakness.
"You aren't real—" My breath caught. My throat tightened. Sweat trickled down my temple, but it wasn't from the training anymore. My vision wavered. My head throbbed as if someone had jammed a blade into my skull.
I staggered back, grabbing at my head as agony tore through me. My jaw clenched so hard I tasted blood. Veins bulged in my arms and neck. Tears welled up before I could even think to stop them. I collapsed to my knees, my body trembling, my breaths sharp and uneven.
The scent of her perfume—faint, sweet, and cruel—hit me, twisting my gut.
"Hello, dear~ How smart of you… I am just one of your hallucinations," she said.
Her voice was soft but muffled, buried under the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears.
Mana churned violently inside me, sparks of energy darting up my spine. My headache worsened. Every nerve in my body screamed. The brain controls the mana, and my brain was failing me.
Seconds stretched into eternity before the pain began to fade. My eyes, still shaking, finally rose to where she had been standing.
But she was already gone.
"F-fuck… another panic attack?…" My voice was barely a whisper.
I leaned against the wall, pushing my damp hair back with trembling hands. My chest heaved, my breaths sharp and ragged.
Can't I just get a break?
Because of me… she died.
Because of me… her life was cut short.
Because of me… the man she loved—
Tears rolled down my face, hot and unrelenting.
"I don't… know anymore…"
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