"Uwaaaah..."
Crazy.
Sex could only be described as crazy.
I can't believe there's something so good in the world.
To think I've lived 23 years without doing this.
I was crazy to have not done this for 23 years.
I lost 23 years of my life.
"Haa, haa, haaaa..."
I was completely out of breath.
It felt like I'd sprinted 100 meters three times in a row.
My breathing wouldn't return to normal.
But there was a satisfaction that outweighed the difficulty.
"Hey, hey, are you okay?"
I'm alright, but...
Seong Ji-min was in much worse condition than me.
She was sprawled on the bed, tongue lolling out.
Completely exhausted.
She's got her eyes open, so I don't think she's fainted.
If the girls who like her saw her like this, they'd be horrified.
"Hey. Seong Ji-min. Are you okay?"
I asked, while squeezing her chest.
I have to make sure she's alive. I need to check if her heart is beating.
I massaged her chest to check her heart rate.
Squeeze, squeeze.
Hmm. I can't really tell, so let's squeeze some more.
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
"...Stop touching me."
After squeezing for a while, Seong Ji-min reacted.
My emergency treatment must have worked. Squeeze, squeeze.
"Are you coming to your senses?"
I asked while still touching her.
Seong Ji-min was still out of it.
Therefore, providing stable fondling was a necessary measure.
Rub rub.
"Stop touching me. It hurts, you bastard."
Ah. Then I have no choice.
Sadly I removed my hand from her breast.
My hand, forced to part with its lover, was crying.
"I thought my boob was going to burst. Touch it gently, you son of a bitch!"
"Sorry."
I got scolded by the boob owner.
I quickly apologized, because I Didn't want my access denied to those amazing boobs.
I was careful at first, though.
But while I was going at it, I got excited and grabbed them hard.
If I grabbed them like that, not just the boobs, but anything would hurt.
"Are you done now? Take it out."
Do I really... have to take it out?
Really? Can't I not take it out?
I subtly swayed my hips.
Ugh. The condom filled with semen felt strange.
"Ah, come on! Take it out!"
"Okay, okay, I'm taking it out."
My cock and her pussy were shedding tears of regret at the separation, but it couldn't be helped.
"...Hngh!"
When I pulled my dick out, the flesh inside her pussy clung to it, reluctant to let go.
But I ruthlessly yanked it out of her pussy.
This wouldn't be a permanent farewell.
For the sake of our next meeting, I had to obediently follow Seong Ji-min's words for now.
"Haa... haa, haa, haa..."
Seong Ji-min gasped for breath after I pulled my dick out.
It seemed like she couldn't breathe properly while my dick was inside her.
"Shit. Look at the hole."
Seong Ji-min spread her legs and checked her own pussy.
"Oh."
I watched along with her.
There was a gaping hole in Seong Ji-min's there, shaped like my dick.
"Cool, right?"
"I'm going crazy. What if it doesn't close?"
"You'll be able to pop out babies easily, wouldn't that be great?"
"Don't talk shit, seriously. Ahh…."
Seong Ji-min frowned, rubbing her pussy as if it hurt.
This is something else entirely. A beauty rubbing her pussy because it hurts.
It felt like all the common sense I knew until now had vanished.
I was staring blankly at the sight, and Seong Ji-min was also staring blankly at me.
At me. Or, more accurately, at my dick.
Then, she held out her palm to me.
"Give it to me."
"What?"
"A souvenir."
Souvenir.
A little while ago, when Seong Ji-min said she was going to take the empty condom wrapper as a souvenir, I told her to just take a condom filled with my semen as a souvenir instead.
And the condom filled with my semen was now dangling from my dick.
"...Are you really going to take it?"
"Of course."
"Hey, hey. Just throw it away. I'll make you a new one every day. Why would you take something so dirty?"
"Bullshit. I'm in so much pain, what do you mean make one every day?"
My heart sank at Seong Ji-min's grumbling.
"Then...you won't do it?"
"Would you if you were me? I'm dying of pain."
BOOM!
Lightning struck behind my head.
It was that shocking.
"Why, why why why? Wh- why? Why won't you do it? Why won't you do something this good?"
"If it's so good, just do it yourself."
"I couldn't do it alone, that's why I lived 23 years without it!!"
If I could have done it alone, I would have done it 23 years x 365 times!
For her to say something like that, knowing better than anyone that I hadn't done it for 23 years!
"After 23 years, I've finally understood the true meaning of sex, and now you're saying you won't do it anymore?!"
"If you want to do it, just grab anyone and do it. Why are you yelling at me?"
"Who would do it with just anyone like me!!"
This bastard... because any woman sleeps with her, she must think all men are the same. Shit.
"I've lived 23 years of fucking hell and haven't been able to do it! What am I supposed to do now?!"
"Why are you taking it out on me?! You need to figure it out yourself! Am I supposed to teach you how to pick up girls?!"
"That's a good idea!"
Why didn't I think of that?
Seong Ji-min, this son of a bitch, is a master at picking up women even though she's a woman.
If I learn that secret, there's no way I, as a man, can't pick up women...
"...There's no way I can pick anyone up even if I learn, you bastard!"
"So why the hell are you yelling at me!"
Seong Ji-min is fundamentally perfect in terms of looks, body, and manners.
It's perfectly understandable that women fall for her.
But what about me?
Even if I work out and somehow raise my body to a 6 or 7, the rest of me is all 3 or lower. At this rate, I'm guaranteed to fail the application process with an average of 4.
Besides, isn't the ideal type that women want not just an average of 7, but 7 or higher in every subject?
Those are scores I can never dream of achieving in my life.
"You're the only one who'll help a guy like me!"
"Shut up! My vagina is ringing, so stop shouting!"
"Ack! Vagina! Dick and vagina! Sex vagina anus!"
"Ah, shut up! Are you a fucking elementary schooler?!"
"You're being louder!"
"You big dick bastard!"
"Your vagina has a hole like a cave!"
That's how Seong Ji-min and I were being ridiculously childish, doing shit even elementary schoolers wouldn't do.
-Knock knock knock knock!
We heard someone banging hard on our front door.
Jimin and I both fell silent.
"Uh... uh?"
"What, what is it? Go out and see who's there, Juju King."
"Why should I go out? You're the one who screamed. You go out."
Seong Ji-min and I exchanged glances.
"Hey, you're the one who screamed, not me! I only answered your scream. And it's your house."
"It's because you were rubbing it in."
-Hello! Come out here!
The voice sounded familiar.
"Oh. It sounds like the landlady downstairs."
"Landlady?"
"Yeah, she lives there. Ah. I'm screwed."
I can count on one hand the number of people I've had conversations with in this crappy one-room mansion.
And the most memorable person among them was the Landlady who lived right below me.
-Bang bang bang bang!
...But this is strange.
She shouldn't have such a rough personality.
"Hey, hey. Go out there quickly. She's going to break the door down."
"I can't go out like this."
I was completely naked, with a condom full of semen dangling from my dick.
If I went out like this, I'd be going straight to the police station.
"So what? Just open the door a little and talk."
"...Is that okay?"
Hmm... As long as she doesn't see my cock, it's probably okay.
Honestly, I haven't even taken off the condom yet, and I'm too lazy to get dressed.
Above all, getting dressed now would mean the end of the sex with Ji-min. Even though she's resisting and saying she won't do it, I don't want to give up since there's still a chance, however small.
-Hey! Open the door!
-Bang!
The tone became increasingly fierce.
It sounded like she was kicking the door instead of knocking.
"...Was she always like this?"
When I passed her and said hello, I thought she was a very quiet and kind person.
"Hurry up and deal with this. Then I'll think about doing it again."
"Shit, really?"
Why do men's intelligence drop when sex is involved?
Although, I was already an idiot , so it probably doesn't apply to me.
she didn't even say she would do it, just that she'd consider it, and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
"Yes, what's the matter?"
I didn't open the door and asked from in front of the entrance.
-Open up the door! Talk to me face to face.
"Ah, shit."
I wasn't even wearing underwear.
The only thing I had on was a condom full of semen.
If I opened the door, I was going straight to jail.
"Hey, can't we just talk like this?"
-Open it! You fucking bastard!
...My polite question was met with cursing.
Ha. Shit.
"Hey I'm opening it. Don't make a ruckus."
-Creak.
I opened the door just a little and peeked out.
"Yes, what is it?"
Outside the door was, as expected, My landlady noona from downstairs.
I only encountered her a few times before today, but I remember her well. Because the first time I met her, she smiled and said hello.
That's all it took for me to plan out our future grandkids' names.
I was convinced that she liked me.
Our relationship would start as neighbors and develop into lovers.
If I married someone as elegant and mature as her, I would surely be happy, right?
While pretty and crazy girls like Seong Ji-min were good, I also liked this gentle and mature type.
That's what I thought.
"Hey, you fucking bastard. What time is it? Do you think you own the whole building?"
"No..."
Gentle, Mature... where?