Y/n's pov:
My eyes fluttered open slowly.
The first thing I felt is something heavier not in my chest this time, but something more deeper- it is thicker and heavier than I remember had settled.
I don't know what time it is not even what day it is too, the only thing i remember is him holding another woman besides him.
"Water" my lips parted to just ask for another pity help.
I heard someone's footsteps and then glass being lifted, and yeah it was the person who held me Zayne. He moved quickly and handed me the water, that water taste bitter like I am swallowing poison.
"How could he do this to me". My voice was breaking while speaking, I felt pathetic to even ask and ashamed and Zayn he was just sitting next to me watching while I was breaking down into something worst that I don't want to look at myself.
I gripped the blanket even tighter, nails digging in my knuckles and a dull throb in my hands. The taste of the water was still fresh in my mouth, too metallic and vicious-a constant reminder of the finish line of that last moment he shared with her.
"She was standing beside him, Zayn..." My throat was dry and cracked; I forced the words out. "Liya. Her name is Liya. She looked beautiful, she almost looked tranquil. Almost like she belonged there beside him."
The hotness began to creep into my breath. "And he... he held her so tightly. Like the way he used to hold me when he thought I might get lost in the sea of people."
I bit down on my lower lip, hard, as if to push the tears back down my throat. "He didn't even look at me right, not once. Just...just said it. Just flicked it in my face. Like it was a joke."
The tears slipped out; they slid from my eyes and crept down my temples, soaking into my pillow.
"I gave him everything, Zayn. My teenage years, my firsts, my poetry, my laugh, my love. I was there for him when he had no one at all. I stood by his side even when he made me feel like I didn't exist."
I turned around to face Zayn, my eyes swollen and red. "And now he gets to look so proud... so proud as I sit here with my body giving up on me and my heart breaking once again. Do you even know what that feels like?!"
Zayn went to reach for my hand as he spoke in a low voice. "Y/N... I'm here. Okay? I've always..."
But I snapped.
"Have you ever loved someone like that?! Have you ever sat beside someone while the only person you ever wanted chose someone else?"
My scream cracked through the air like thunder. My chest heaving. "No! You haven't! Because if you did, you wouldn't be sitting there looking at me like that--like I'm someone who will get over this!"
Zayn's eyes dropped, and his silence...God his silence--was all I needed to lose it again. It wasn't his fault, but it felt like I was alone again.
So alone.
The only word slip from his mouth is "you're right".
I clutched my own arms as if maybe that would keep me from falling apart completely. My voice sunk to a sob so low it surprised me. "I don't even know who I am without him. I waited. I waited for him to come back. I waited for him to choose me. And he didn't. He never did. Trust me i never wanted to be this kind of woman, the spineless broke woman".
Zayn slowly stood up, walked around the bed, and lowered himself beside me. He didn't say anything this time. No false hope. No empty words. Just him. There. Quiet. Calm.
His hand lay softly on my back, no pulling, no holding, just laying. Warm. Human.
And I let the sobs come. Loud. Ugly. I cried for the girl I was with Sylus. For the girl with dreams of winter weddings. For the woman who was watching her body waste away as her heart still burned brightly for someone who let her waste away alone.
I cried until my chest hurt. Until I couldn't breathe.
And then, slowly, like a child I leaned into Zayn's shoulder. Weak. Tired. Ashamed.
"I'm tired," I whispered. "Just so tired of loving someone who does not love me back."
Zayn didn't say "you'll be okay."
He didn't lie.
He just softly shifted me to let me lie back down. Pulled the blanket over me. Moved the hair out of my face.
And when my eyes fluttered closed, he said so softly I'm not even sure I heard it:
"I'm here."
And maybe that had to be enough for now.
To be continued...