Eventually, I came to a stop, exhausted beyond belief and feeling as if I could collapse into a heap at any moment, despite only having run for ten or so minutes. Yet, despite such exhaustion, I still wished to keep running. To keep moving and forget what I realised back in class, about all I would miss and never experience. Because I knew, I knew that I was only a step away from breaking down, from falling down and never getting back up.
I looked around at the many buildings surrounding me, having run so much as to wind up in the town centre. A multitude of stores and shops were crammed side by side, people swarming in and out of them like ants in an ant hill. The scent of ten different kinds of food from all over the world drifted through the air. The rich greasy smell of doner kebabs and burgers, the overpowering smell of spices from Indian and Chinese food, food that would usually leave me a drooling mess but today made me feel sick to my stomach.
The sound of joyous laughter seemed to surround me. Everywhere I looked, people were chatting, laughing and having fun without a care in the world. A young boy with an ice cream cone and a look of pure rapture on his face as he absolutely devoured it in relish. What seemed to be a middle-aged couple incessantly bickering with each other, the air of fondness between them almost palpable. Even a group of teenagers around my age sat outside one of the many chicken shops in sight, the sound of laughter and yelling able to be easily heard.
Witnessing all this, seeing so many people simply living their lives without a single worry in the world, I instantly became overcome by an uncontrollable wave of irritation and anger. Emotions that led to me slamming my fist into the brick wall of the boutique store next to me, the slowly healing skin easily tearing itself apart once again. Fresh droplets of blood quickly began to cascade down the bumps and swells of the purple bruising already found upon it. A growl escaped my throat from the excruciating pain that bloomed within as I closed my eyes, a feeling I was starting to grow accustomed to. Yet far too soon, the pain receded, leaving me once again alone with my emotions and thoughts.
I opened my eyes to the sea of spectators, all looking in a mixture of confusion and wariness, clearly questioning my mental sanity and whether or not I was on any drugs. I ignored them and continued walking as if I hadn't just punched a brick wall like a maniac mere seconds ago. Eventually, realising nothing more was about to happen, the number of eyes following me seemed to dwindle before I was once again just another faceless stranger, minuscule in comparison to the massive sea of people around me.
My stomach suddenly rumbled a terrifying quake, loud enough that I was sure the people around me had heard it as well. Without warning a ravenous hunger descended upon me that almost left me crippled. With everything that had happened, I seemed to have forgotten about my growing hunger these past days. At least I had, until now. Knowing that there was a cheap cafe not far from where I was, one that I had been to numerous times before, I quickly increased my pace and all but dashed towards it. Not caring about the people I shoved past on the way.
The moment I entered through the doors, the bell on top releasing a high-pitched ring as I did so, I was hit by a powerful aroma of food that, unlike before, made my mouth water in anticipation. Easily, I found a booth near the far corner to sit at as the cafe was virtually empty, with only a couple of older people and couples sporadically spread across. Likely due to it being a Wednesday morning and most people either being at work or at school.
"What'd ya doing 'ere kid? Shouldn't ya be at school or somethin'?" a voice suddenly said from my side in disapproval. No sooner had I sat down and got my bearings was I beseeched by a familiar, aged face.
I had known Eileen for several years, having gotten familiar with her due to the amount of times I had visited the cafe. Eileen looked to be in her late seventies, standing at a minuscule height of barely five feet with pure wispy white hair reaching just above her shoulders and a pair of clouded grey eyes. If you only looked at her appearance you would be forgiven for thinking she was a sweet old lady, instead of the crass, prone-to-anger woman she truly was.
"Did ya not hear me, squirt? I said, what the hell are ya doing 'ere?"
Quickly snapping out of my thoughts, something I realised I had been doing more and more these days, I turned towards her. "What does it look like? I was hoping to get something to eat. I'm starving."
Seeing that I wasn't going to give her a proper answer Eileen simply grumbled something unflattering under her breath. "Fine, like I care anyway. What ya havin'?"
"Just a hamburger and fries. Oh, and a cup of water too." I replied, ordering the same thing I got every other time before.
"Sure. Gonna be about ten minutes."
And with that Eileen left, heading to the back to give the chefs my order and beginning one of the most painful ten minutes of my life as my hunger continued to gnaw at me. A particularly impressive feat when you take into account how shit I had felt the day before. Finally, after what felt closer to thirty minutes later, Eileen came back to the booth before unceremoniously dumping the plate onto the table and leaving without a word, not even giving me a chance to say my thanks.
However, when I smelt the heavenly fragrance coming from the burger and fries all such thoughts went away, my entire attention dedicated to the food in front of me. It was as if I was in a trance. A trance I only awoke from a couple of minutes later to a bareboned plate with nought a crumb in sight and the delicious taste of both grease and meat on the tip of my tongue.
As I sat there, no longer on the edge of starvation and now able to think a bit clearer, I thought about what I should do. I knew the sensible thing would be to go back to school, especially with how I had left, but as such a thought crossed my mind I realised I truly couldn't care less. After all, what was the point of going back to school when I had no future, and no chance to use any of the skills or knowledge I would end up learning? I would only waste the few precious moments I still had left. So instead, I thought about what I truly wanted to do, not what I should do but what I wanted to do. The decision was a simple one as my thoughts soon turned to the arcade Sam and I always used to go not far from here.
Thinking about Sam I realised he was probably extremely confused about my abrupt exit so I quickly sent him a text, telling him I was alright and that I just felt a bit ill again. I knew he wouldn't believe me for even a second but that was the magical thing about phones, he wasn't here to grill me for the truth.
With my mind made up on where to go next, I paid for my meal, to which Eileen gave a grumbled thanks before I headed to the arcades. Despite everything that was going on, a sense of excitement filled me as I thought about shutting my brain off for a couple of hours and just having some fun.
The moment I entered the arcades I was assaulted by a symphony of bright, flashing lights and loud, high-pitched sounds. Yet instead of feeling annoyed or uncomfortable, I was filled with anticipation. I raced ahead to where I knew all my favourite machines were, allowing myself to get swept away in a frenzied and excited state in which I forgot about everything else. Quickly time began to pass by in a blur, with hours feeling more like minutes. All the while I bore a smile that seemed almost a permanent fixture upon my face, switching from game to game whenever I fancied.
After what must have been a couple of hours, finally finished with the basketball machine I had just been on for the last ten minutes, I started walking around, looking for something new to catch my eyes. My eyes wandered wildly from side to side, focused on the rows of machines around me and not in front. Of course, this led to me falling backwards on my ass after colliding with what felt like another human. Something that was confirmed when a resounding fuck was heard from in front.
I quickly stood back up, wincing in pain as a shooting pain was felt along my lower back. When I looked in front I saw a teenager around my age also coming to a stand, his movements sluggish and clearly not in the best of moods if his scowl was anything to go by. He had long, greasy brown hair that seemed to fray and frizz at the very tips along with an array of every kind of piercing possible. Piercings on his lips, eyebrows, ears, and nose; it would have been easier to describe where there weren't any piercings.
"What the fuck man, watch where you're going." the stranger grumbled angrily, rubbing his ass as he did so.
"I'm sorry about that, that's my bad. You alright?" I asked awkwardly.
The stranger proceeded to release a deep sigh as he gazed at me, the annoyance and anger he had disappearing as quickly as it appeared."Yeah, I'm fine, maybe a little sore but don't fret about it man, all good."
"Thanks, I appreciate that. Think I was just distracted by all these machines, you know with all these lights and sounds it's kind of hard to focus on anything else."
That seemed to earn a chuckle out of the stranger as he replied "Yeah, I get what you're saying, if they were any louder I think my eardrums would burst." To which I chuckled back.
With that, assuming the conversation between us had come to an end, I prepared to turn back around and continue adventuring around the maze-like arcade. However, just before I could do so, the teenager in front asked a question I was not expecting.
"So, hey man, I was wondering, are you here by yourself or with your mates?"
"By myself, why?" I replied, my confusion clearly evident.
"Ah, same. I was just wondering - if you were free - if you'd like to hang out. There's a few machines I want to have a go on but you need two people for them and none of my mates could be bothered to come." His tone held a tinge of annoyance upon reference to his absentee friends.
Immediately I went to decline, already coming up with a half-assed excuse. But before I did, I truly thought about it and realised that such an idea didn't sound too bad, offering the perfect chance to be away from myself and my own thoughts and to hang out with someone else. Someone who knew nothing about me or my personal history, not my school life, my personal life, nothing.
And so with that thought, I came to a decision. "Yeah, that sounds like fun, what do you have in mind?"
The stranger's face lit up upon my agreement. "Awesome! There's this two-player shooter game around the corner I played before that's sick. You down?"
Finding his joyous attitude infectious I found my own face lighting up in a smile."Yeah, sure. Lead the way"
Hearing my reply the stranger turned around, seeming about to head off to wherever this machine he wanted us to play. That was before however he did an immediate turn around, facing back towards me."Oh, my name's Clark by the way, nice to meet you." He said, putting his arm out while doing so. One I quickly met with my own.
"Adam. Nice to meet you too."
After our small introduction, Clark proceeded towards the arcade game he mentioned previously, chatting away with me with a never-ending stream of topics and thoughts. It truly shocked me how easy it was to talk with Clark, with us chatting away as if we had been friends for months, if not years, prior. Of course, I wasn't arrogant enough to believe that it was in any way due to me. I knew I was about as socially adept as a rock. It was all due to Clark and his charismatic and friendly demeanour.
The only person I had ever had as much fun hanging out with, as I was with Clark, was Sam. A comparison that wasn't entirely fair since I had known Sam almost all my life. And so overall I had a blast, with the day proceeding to pass even quicker than before. Quickly, from morning to noon then from noon to evening, we played what must have been every machine available in the arcade. Before, sadly, it came time that I had to leave and go back home, remembering how I still needed to go shopping for food beforehand.
"Hey Clark, this has been fun but I need to leave. It's getting pretty late and I still have a few things to do before getting back home." I said reluctantly, not wanting to actually go.
"Really? Ah man, I didn't realise how late it was, time really flew by huh? Well, it was nice meeting you Adam, I had a blast. Maybe I'll see you around." He replied nonchalantly, clearly not feeling as bummed about our parting as I did with him instantly turning around and preparing to leave.
Seeing this, I understood I suddenly had a choice. I could either say nothing else and leave, most likely never seeing Clark again for the rest of my shortened life. Or for once I could be proactive, not afraid to put myself out there and be confident just like how I was when I was younger. I don't know whether it was due to the fight or the life-changing news I had just received, but I realised that I wanted to change. To no longer be the scared loser I had become. And so I came to a decision.
"It was nice meeting you too," I said, pumping myself up for what I was about to say.
"And hey, I was just wondering, if you would be down to, maybe hang out again another time?"
After I spoke, cringing at the awkward way I asked, I stood still in apprehension, waiting for his reply, doing my best to hide the nervousness I felt. Luckily for me, however, I didn't have to wait long.
"Yeah man I would like that, here let me give you my number, drop us a message or something when you're free and want to hang out again."
The tension encompassing every muscle and nerve in my body seemed to release all at once, allowing me to let out a small sigh of relief which I instantly hid. Doing my best to mirror Clark's attitude, I acted as nonchalantly as possible as he gave me his number, tampering down on the excitement I felt. It was only when I gave him one last wave and made my way out of the arcade, back onto the high street of the town centre that I let out a massive grin which stretched from ear to ear.