Alt title:Cable's Cousin and RNG Trauma
Scene:Deadpool stands in the middle of his apartment, holding the glowing Random Companion Summoning Card.
The air around him pulses, distorting slightly as the Nexus spins up for a multiversal summon.
"Alright, RNG gods… give me something good.Give me Deadpool 2-tier support. Not X-Men Origins-tier betrayal."
[DING!]
Activating Companion Summoning…
A holographic wheel bursts into existence, spinning violently.
Each glowing frame shows a different Marvel character —Cycling through heroes, villains, sidekicks, and literal cosmic threats.
Deadpool squints at the flashing images.
"Okay, okay, this is good. I see potential.Oh look — Spider-Gwen!Daredevil! Hulk!...Wait, is that MODOK with a smoothie?"
The spinner keeps going.
"C'mon... give me Cable. Time-traveling edgelord, daddy-energy… I can work with that."
Then the spinner starts slowing down.
One click at a time.
Click... click... click...
Deadpool leans in.
The cursor slows...
It's landing... on THA–
"OH HELL NO."
"Thanos?! You're giving me Thanos?!Big purple murder-daddy?Budget Cable with bling?!"
He throws his hands in the air.
"Sure! Why not summon the genocidal grape!What's next? Galactus as my Uber driver?!"
He turns to the fourth wall mid-spin:
"YOU HEAR THAT, AUTHOR?THIS IS ON YOU!YOU COULD'VE GIVEN ME A HAWKEYE! A DEAD HAMSTER! ANYTHING!BUT NOOO—YOU LEFT MY LUCK AT MINUS ONE-FRICKIN'-TEN!"
(IDC- Author)
[DING!]
System Response:"Your current Luck stat has influenced the summoning outcome."
Deadpool screams:
"THAT'S NOT A FEATURE! THAT'S A HATE CRIME!"
The spinner slows...
Click… click… click…
It moves past Thanos.
Click...
And lands on—
[Summon Complete: ??? Appears in a burst of unstable dimensional energy.]
Deadpool freezes.
"Wait… it skipped Thanos?"
Beat.
"...I swear to Feige if you give me Howard the Duck I'm nuking this apartment."