The kiss lingered on my lips long after I pulled away.
Jace's breath was uneven, his eyes scanning my face like he was searching for something maybe permission, maybe forgiveness, maybe an answer I didn't have. The room was silent, thick with the weight of what had just happened.
My heart pounded in my chest, a steady drumbeat of confusion. I should've felt guilty. Maybe I did. But under the guilt was something else something dangerous. Familiar.
I took a step back.
"That shouldn't have happened," I said, barely recognizing my own voice.
His jaw tightened. "But it did."
I looked down, unable to hold his gaze. "You're grieving. I shouldn't have"
"Don't do that." His voice was sharp, not angry, but raw. "Don't act like this was just some emotional accident."
I flinched. Maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn't an accident.
"I still feel something," he said, standing and pacing the room. "I know I messed up. Maybe i hurt you unknowingly. But Vee… I never stopped caring. Never."
My breath caught. His words were like a punch and a balm at the same time.
I wrapped my arms around myself as if that could stop the war raging inside me. My heart was still racing, my mind spinning. The kiss had been intense, real, filled with the kind of emotion I'd tried to bury for months.
But this wasn't the time. This wasn't the place.
"You're grieving," I said quietly. "And I'm confused. We both are."
Jace sat back down on the bed, burying his face in his hands. "It didn't mean anything, right? It was just… the moment."
I wanted to say yes. I wanted to agree and leave and pretend it never happened. But that would be a lie. Because it had meant something. Not everything not yet. But definitely something.
Still, I nodded. "Right. Just the moment."
We sat in silence, both of us caught in a web of memories and feelings and unfinished stories. I wanted to reach out, to comfort him, to be the person he needed. But I couldn't. Not without losing myself again.
"I should go," I said, turning toward the door.
"Vee."
I paused.
"Thanks for coming."
I nodded once before stepping out into the hallway, closing the door gently behind me. Cami was waiting downstairs, her eyes wide with questions. But I just shook my head. "Let's go."
The car ride back to campus was quiet. Cami didn't push, and I was grateful. I needed space to think, to breathe, to understand what had just happened but the silence in Cami's car was deafenig.
She glanced at me a couple of times as we pulled away from Jace's house, but I just stared out the window, my fingers laced in my lap, lips still tingling. My heart still hadn't figured out how to beat normally again.
Ten minutes passed before she finally broke the silence.
"So… are you going to tell me what happened in there?"
I swallowed hard. "We talked."
She snorted. "Talked? That's it? Vee, you look like you've just walked out of an emotional thunderstorm."
I hesitated, then turned to face her. "We kissed."
Cami hit the brakes harder than necessary at a red light. "Wait. What?"
"It just happened," I said quickly. "I didn't plan it. I didn't go in there thinking...God, Cami, I don't even know how it started."
Her eyes widened. "Did he kiss you? Or did you kiss him?"
I looked down at my lap. "Both, maybe? I was trying to comfort him and we were talking and then… we were just too close and the moment...ugh."
"Vee," she said gently. "What about James?"
I groaned, leaning my head against the window. "I don't know. Things were going well. We were… connecting again. He made me laugh. He helped me focus. But when I kissed Jace… it felt like every emotion I'd shoved down just broke loose."
Cami drove a little slower, the road humming beneath us.
"And now?" she asked softly.
I sighed. "Now I feel like a traitor to both of them. I didn't mean to hurt James. I didn't mean to make things harder for Jace. But the truth is, that kiss it shook something loose in me. Something I thought I'd buried."
There was a pause. Then she said, "You're allowed to feel confused. You've been through a lot. They both hurt you in different ways. But Vee, promise me something?"
"What?"
"That you won't let guilt make your choices for you."
I looked at her.
"You kissed Jace. That's done. Don't ignore how it made you feel. Figure it out. Because the worst thing you can do right now is pretend you're okay when you're clearly not."
I nodded slowly. "Okay."
She reached over and squeezed my hand. "Whatever happens, I've got you."
And as the city lights flickered past us and the night deepened, I realized how much I needed that. Not a romance. Not a fairy tale.
Just someone who saw me, in all my mess, and stayed anyway.
James called that evening. I ignored it.
The next day, I met him at the library for our scheduled study session. He smiled when he saw me, that easy, familiar smile that used to make my heart flutter. But today, it felt like a weight.
"You okay?" he asked.
I forced a smile. "Just tired."
We opened our textbooks and started going over the formulas for our upcoming midterm, but I couldn't focus. My mind kept flashing back to Jace his voice, his tears, his lips.
James leaned closer, pointing at a mistake I'd made in my notes. "Here, you forgot to carry the variable."
"Oh. Right."
He studied me for a moment. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah," I lied.
His eyes didn't move. "Is it because of yesterday?"
I blinked. "What do you mean?"
"You rushed out. Cami called, said it was an emergency." He leaned forward slightly. "Is everything okay with her? With you?"
I exhaled slowly, adjusting my grip on the pen. "It's… Jace. His dad passed away."
James' expression softened, surprise flickering across his face. "Whoa. I had no idea. That's heavy."
"Yeah," I said quietly. "We went to see him yesterday. At his house."
James nodded slowly, absorbing that. "Was it awful?"
"He wasn't really talking to anyone. He was just… locked in his room, angry and grieving. I went in to check on him. Tried to get through."
"Did you?"
I hesitated, thinking about that moment in Jace's room the rawness in his voice, the way his fingers brushed mine, the kiss that felt like unraveling.
I cleared my throat. "Sort of. He opened up, a little. We talked. I think it helped."
James studied me for a second longer, his brow slightly furrowed. "That's good. I mean, I'm glad you could be there for him."
I nodded, trying not to read too much into his tone. Was there a flicker of something in his eyes? Jealousy? Suspicion?
"I'm sorry for being off today," I added. "It's just… a lot."
He gave me a soft smile, reaching across the table to brush his fingers lightly against mine. "You don't have to apologize. You're allowed to feel things, Vee. Just don't shut me out, okay?"
His touch was warm. Steady. Familiar. And yet… my heart didn't skip the way it used to. Not like it had yesterday.
I nodded, squeezing his hand once before pulling back.
"We should get through these practice problems," I said, changing the subject.
The study session dragged. When it finally ended, James offered to walk me back to my dorm, but I declined. I needed to be alone.
That night, I sat by my window, staring at the campus lights in the distance. I was spiraling again, caught between past and present, between two boys who'd both held pieces of my heart.
But I couldn't keep doing this.
I needed to figure out what I wanted.
Not what Jace needed.
Not what James hoped for.
Just me.
And maybe, for once, that was enough of a start.
I decided to step outside, the breeze was crisp, brushing against my cheeks as I stepped into the fading light. I took a deep breath, hoping it would clear my head.
Then my phone buzzed.
A message from Jace.
"Can we talk? I think I messed everything up."
I froze.
My thumb hovered over the screen, heart racing.
So many things unsaid between us. So many emotions I hadn't dared let myself feel not fully, not honestly.
The kiss. The way his hands had trembled. The way my heart had reacted.
But hadn't I already made a choice?
Or had I just been avoiding one?
Another buzz.
"Please, Vee. I don't want to lose you again."
I stared at the message, the wind tugging strands of hair across my face. Everything felt suspended like I was standing at a cliff's edge, staring down at something I couldn't yet see, but knew would change everything.
I pressed my lips together and exhaled slowly.
Because deep down… I wasn't sure who I'd lose if I answered.
Jace?
James?
Or myself?
And as I slid my phone back into my pocket, one truth whispered through me louder than anything else:
The next step I took… would decide everything.