Yamete Kimochi stood frozen as 'Gary the Sentient Trash Can' clung to the Anti-Cheat Paladin's leg, its lid flapping like an overexcited puppy. The knight's armor rattled as he tried to shake it off.
"UNHAND ME, UNREGISTERED ENTITY!" the Paladin bellowed.
Gary responded by vomiting three duplicate copies of itself onto the pristine cobblestones.
GLich-chan floated beside Yamete, grinning. "Aww, look! He's a 'dad' now."
Admin Sigma pinched the bridge of his nose (or where his nose would be, if his face wasn't obscured by floating achievement badges).
"This... is exactly why I banned you from my world."
Yamete crossed his arms. "I didn't 'ask' to be here!"
Sigma waved a hand. "Semantics. The point is—"
CRASH!
One of the Gary clones tipped over, spilling an endless stream of glitched cabbages onto the street.
"—the point is," Sigma continued, "your presence corrupts my perfect balance. Therefore, you must be... 'contained'."
---
Before Yamete could protest, Sigma snapped his fingers. The world dissolved into a loading screen:
[WELCOME TO: THE TUTORIAL OF ULTIMATE BALANCE]
[OBJECTIVE: Learn to play 'properly']
[REWARD: The 'privilege' of not being deleted]
Yamete and GLich-chan materialized inside a "dungeon" so perfectly designed it hurt to look at.
- Every brick was mathematically identical.
- Torches flickered at synchronized intervals.
- Even the 'dust particles' followed an optimized pathing system.
GLich-chan gagged. "Ugh. This place smells like 'game design textbooks'."
A cheerful system voice announced:
"Hello, new player! Please complete this 'fair' and 'balanced' tutorial before proceeding!"
Yamete groaned. "I'd rather eat a spoon."
---
The first challenge? A locked door with a puzzle.
A floating tooltip appeared:
"Solve this riddle to proceed: 'What is the 'optimal' DPS rotation for a level 5 Warrior?'"
Yamete stared. "What kind of psycho makes a 'math problem' a 'door key'?!"
GLich-chan smirked. "The kind who thinks fun is a spreadsheet."
Solution? Yamete punched the door with "Damage Boost" activated.
The door didn't budge.
Instead, the entire dungeon "reprimanded him".
"WARNING: Unauthorized problem-solving detected. Please use 'intended mechanics'."
Yamete's "Corruption Meter" ticked up to "15%".
GLich-chan whistled. "Wow. Even the 'walls' are narcs here."
---
After failing to "solve" three more spreadsheet-based puzzles, Yamete snapped.
"Alright, screw this. If Sigma wants 'balance', I'll give him 'balance'."
He activated "Item Dupe" on a nearby "Perfectly Balanced Rock."
The result?
- 1 normal rock
- 1 rock that screamed when touched
- 1 rock that immediately unionized
The unionized rock rolled toward the nearest wall and began "picketing for better collision physics".
GLich-chan wheezed. "Yamete. You just created the 'first labor strike in RPG history'."
The dungeon 'glitched'.
Torches flickered. The floor textures spasmed. Somewhere, a calculator enemy screamed in agony.
Corruption Meter: 40%
---
A "massive health bar" appeared at the top of the screen:
[ADMIN SIGMA - HP: 100%]
[STATUS: *Disappointed*]
Sigma materialized, his robes billowing in a 'perfectly simulated' wind effect.
"Yamete. 'Sigh'. Must you 'always' break things?"
Yamete grinned. "Not my fault your 'perfect' world can't handle a little 'creativity'."
Sigma raised a hand. "Then let's see how you handle... 'the Anti-Fun Battalion'."
The walls opened, revealing "a squad of the most horrifying enemies yet:"
- Spreadsheet Golems (weakness: 'improper cell formatting')
- Min-Max Archers (attacks scaled based on 'player frustration levels')
- The Balance Overseer (a floating abacus that dealt 'emotional damage')
GLich-chan gulped. "Okay. 'Now' I'm scared."
---
As the enemies advanced, Yamete's Cheat Engine suddenly "glitched out".
A "hidden message" flashed:
[WARNING: ADMIN OVERRIDE DETECTED]
[CORRUPTION SOURCE: 'External']
[SUGGESTED ACTION: 'Ask GLich-chan what she's not telling you']
Yamete turned to GLich-chan—who was suddenly 'very' interested in a nearby wall texture.