It's my birthday today, June 12th by my old worlds measure. I don't know how that would translate into this worlds tongue, but I at least hear it as June 12th so it should be fine. Hopefully . . .
One-year young today, one year since I was reborn into this strange and magical world, one year since I was born as the wrong sex . . .
I guess I can't complain about it forever.
Well I'm walking now, talking too, maybe more proficiently then I should be for my age. Call it previous experience, my father must have been from good stock as my body is quite robust, even at this tender age I can traverse my home with relative ease.
Speech doesn't come as naturally but I can form a good couple of broken sentences, which is good for my age. I know this not because of some previously held knowledge about babies- They didn't let us near the new recruits in my old world, and I couldn't remember my former infancy- instead I was deadly aware at my own state of progress due to the rather energetic and supportive women I have now come to know as my mother's ladies in waiting.
This many ladies in waiting for one mother of one daughter who is but one possible candidate out of many, this kingdom had wealth and priorities, apparently I was high upon them for some unknown reason.
Speaking of the women around me, I did learn the name of the woman with the silky voice. It was Nerea Olaiz, She was my wet nurse or my mother's wet nurse depending on how you wanted to look at it. My mother couldn't breastfeed me, a condition caused by the fact she was an Erdia. When a human and an elf in this case reproduce, it can cause problems like this, which is why it is frowned upon . . . Well that's according to the gossip between the ladies, while they think no one's listening anyway.
Perhaps I will suffer from the same affliction one day . . . Even if I am only quarter elf.
Nerea was like a second mother to me, which was funny since I've never met my father. She was the complete opposite of my actual mother, if my mother was elegant and pure, Nerea was brash and enticing. Her dopey black eyes seemed to invite you in . . . She would make a good assassin, especially when it came to alluring men. She had the look, and she had the charisma.
"What do you want, you little shit?"- She always was more polite when my mother was around though . . . She swept me off my little feet and held me tight in her young arms, she was around the same age as my mother which was early twenties – all of the women here were or younger – "You hungry?" I was- but I wasn't going to admit it, I wasn't hungry enough yet to endure that humiliation. Nutrition was nutrition that was what I was taught, I can survive on basically anything edible . . . But I couldn't help but wish that baby formula had been invented in this world.
"What have you gone all quiet for?" I didn't look at her, she could sense my weakness "It's normally hard to get you to shut up" I swallowed my fear as she stared me down with her lie detecting eyes, I dared not speak. She sighed "You're the only baby I know who refuses milk"
"You have to feed, or you will grow weak and sickly . . . And that would be a great shame little Ruža" She was rough around the edges but deep down she knew how to love.
My mother was away from our little open home for the day, even though it was my birthday. It was time for my magic lesson, since my mother wasn't present, Nerea was here to watch over me . . . Apparently at this age the teaching method for magic or magia as it was called in this world – was rather stand offish – it was supposed to come naturally . . .
This left me in a particular spot of bother.
Perhaps it was because I wasn't originally from this world, but nothing was coming to me at all, naturally or otherwise. When it came to magia there was no way around it.
I was a failure.
Which didn't particularly bother me too much, anything that would make me a less appealing option for royal boy was taken with gratitude – But as part elf I was expected to have a greater capacity for magia, which I felt was true, actually my failures were rather dramatic.
Boom!
"Wow! You suck" That was Nerea for you, always had something to say, I tried to tell her to shut up and to allow me to concentrate on my lesson. But it came out as "Shut up, am trying" which didn't help things "Wow! You're absolutely adorable when you're mad Ruža"
She knew just how to push my buttons . . . But I couldn't complain about what is for all intents and purposes, a compliment.
Ignore her . . . Focus your mind on your magia, I've overcome doubtless and countless obstacles in my past life, escaping the jaws of death many times over . . . This is nothing. I focused my thoughts on the beautiful rose my Mother always conjured for me, I was determined to recreate its majestic form.
Boom!
"Woah!" Lesson over, Nerea had to dodge that one. I've left our little palace in quite the state, only the living were spared from my out-of-control glacial mist that exploded out from me, freezing everything in sight. "Well that's enough of that for today little Ruža"
No kidding!
There was ice everywhere; it was a warm day, but it wasn't like it was going to melt away my mistake. Magia was not something so small and insignificant, no we were going to have to live with this little blunder for awhile . . . At least until my mother-
- Crack . . .
The ice cracked and crumbled around us, falling out of existence with as much scientific sense, as it had entered into it. Which was precisely zero, but that was of little importance to me right now. There was only one person who could've undone this mess as easily as this . . . My beloved mother, I was ecstatic for her return. She had become very important to me over the last year, maybe it was a natural phenomenon, one which all babies experience. Maybe it would fade eventually but I can confidently say that I love her . . . Nerea too.
I'd never felt that way before, I had never loved someone . . . Well I say that . . . No it doesn't matter; this was a new experience . . . one I wasn't used too.
I don't even know how to love
Nerea picked me up, she knew just as well as I that my mother had returned. She was going to return me to her as she did every time my mother returned from being away. But something stopped her in her tracks, the same thing that brought back to me an all too familiar feeling.
Yes I had felt this feeling before, countless times in my past life, I knew it all too well. . .
My mother stood before us, her face was as stout and beautiful as ever. She didn't make a fuss, and her smile was as welcoming as it was delightful, but something was wrong . . . Terribly wrong. Her right eye was bruised black and blue, an injury I had seen many times before. She was beaten. Nerea reached out and rubbed her face with her thumb as my mother approached us "Who did this to you Eevi?"
A feeling I've had so many times before . . .
My mother grabbed hold of her caressing hand while she twirled my hair around her finger "It doesn't matter Nerea" My mother picked me up out of Nerea's arms and took a much-needed rest on the oak settee.
"Of course it matters Eevi . . . Was it that little prick of a Minister?"
Mother looked at her, confirming Nerea suspicions, but as always she remained calm "Regardless . . . There's nothing we can do about it, so it's pointless to even talk about it"
So many times . . .
"Bullshit!" Nerea screamed "What possibly could we have done wrong?" My mother didn't answer for a while, we remained in stunted silence "It's Ruža . . . Her lack of progress when it comes to her magia displeases him" Mother looked down upon me with nothing but pure love "But he can't hurt her can he? Which is good news for him because I wouldn't have been so cordial with him if he ever so much as laid a finger on her" My mother looked back up at Nerea who by this point was in an unmoving rage.
This was my fault?
"But Ruža is a certified genius! She's well ahead of the others when it comes to academics and mobility . . . Is she not allowed any stumbles?" Nerea argued for me, but it didn't make me feel any better, I felt rotten on the inside, I had caused my mother to be hurt, this was my fault, and that all too familiar feeling had returned.
So many times . . .
"They don't want good prospects Nerea, they want perfect ones . . .That's how important the role of Emerald Empress is"
This feeling I had felt countless times before, an old friend I hoped never to return, but we were inseparable . . . and we always will be . . . I was a killer nothing more and I had my next victim in mind . . . My bloodlust was insatiable.
I looked upon my mother and my mind quieted, my rampaging thoughts halted just a little bit, but it was enough to come too some sort of clarity. Since I was born into this world I lamented the fact that I was a girl, I messed around, I was happy to be unburdened, happy to be loved unconditionally just for existing, I was happy to fail. But no more!
Mother . . . Nerea I promise on this new life of mine, that I won't let them hurt you anymore because of my failures . . . I promise that I will make Queens out of you . . . Queens that no one dare stand against . . . That is my will!