Kian and Ivan hadn't said much since they left the chaotic mess of Maya's apartment. The drive had been silent, the weight of their actions lingering between them like a thick fog. Kian felt the tension in his chest, the guilt gnawing at him. But there was something else—something undeniable that he couldn't ignore when he was with Ivan. It was the quiet comfort, the sense of peace that always seemed to settle around him whenever Ivan was near.
When they finally reached Ivan's apartment, Kian didn't hesitate. He followed Ivan inside, watching the man move with his usual grace, his dark eyes filled with something Kian couldn't quite read. The air was heavy with unspoken words, but Kian wasn't sure if he wanted to talk yet. He just wanted to be with Ivan.
They didn't need to speak as Ivan made his way to the couch and sank down, pulling his legs up underneath him. The space between them felt vast at first, but Kian found himself inching closer, driven by some invisible force. He sat down beside Ivan, the cool leather of the couch creaking under their weight.
Ivan's eyes met his, and for a moment, everything else seemed to disappear. The world outside, Maya's hurt, the confusion—none of it seemed to matter when it was just the two of them. Ivan's gaze softened, and without thinking, Kian reached for his hand.
The touch was simple—just their fingers brushing together—but it carried a thousand unspoken thoughts. Kian squeezed Ivan's hand gently, feeling the warmth of his touch, grounding him in the present moment.
"You okay?" Ivan's voice broke the silence, low and steady, like the calm after a storm. He leaned in slightly, his shoulder brushing against Kian's.
Kian nodded, his throat tightening. "Yeah. Just… needed this. Needed you."
Ivan's expression softened, and he shifted closer, his hand slipping from Kian's and gently resting on his thigh. The closeness was comforting, familiar, like they had done this a thousand times before, even if they hadn't. Kian let his eyes close for a moment, taking in the scent of Ivan's cologne, the quiet hum of the apartment, the warmth of his body next to his.
"Tell me what you're thinking," Ivan murmured, his voice a gentle command.
Kian took a deep breath, letting the air fill his lungs before exhaling slowly. "I'm thinking about you," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "About what we have. About… everything that's happened."
"I know," Ivan said softly, his hand moving up Kian's arm, fingers tracing gentle patterns on his skin. "But we're here now. And I'm not going anywhere, Kian. I promise."
Kian's heart beat faster at the sincerity in Ivan's voice. There was something about the way Ivan said it—like he truly meant it. Kian needed to hear those words, needed the assurance that, despite everything, Ivan was still here, still by his side.
"I don't want to lose you," Kian admitted, his voice thick with emotion.
Ivan's hand paused on his arm, and Kian felt his gaze shift toward him. Ivan's eyes were soft now, filled with warmth, understanding.
"You won't," Ivan said, his voice steady and full of promise. "I'm here, Kian. For as long as you'll have me. Don't doubt that."
Kian's breath caught in his throat, and before he could stop himself, he found himself leaning in, his lips brushing against Ivan's. It was a slow, tentative kiss—an exploration, a question. Kian's hand found Ivan's neck, fingers threading into his dark hair, pulling him closer. Ivan's lips moved against his, hesitant at first, but then with a certainty that matched Kian's own.
The kiss deepened, slow and deliberate, as if they were trying to piece together something fragile, something that had been lost but was now slowly being found again. Kian's heart beat erratically in his chest, every touch from Ivan sending waves of warmth through him. His body pressed closer to Ivan's, needing the connection, needing to feel the security that Ivan's presence always seemed to offer.
When they finally pulled apart, both of them breathing a little harder than before, Kian rested his forehead against Ivan's. The world outside didn't matter, not in that moment. There was only Ivan. There was only the feeling of his body next to his, the steady rhythm of their breaths blending together.
"I'm sorry, Kian," Ivan whispered, his hand gently cupping Kian's face. "For everything. For the way I made you feel. For not being more honest."
Kian closed his eyes, letting the words wash over him, feeling the sincerity in them. "You don't have to apologize," he murmured, his thumb tracing the line of Ivan's jaw. "I get it. I do. I just… I just need to know that you're not going anywhere."
"I'm not," Ivan replied immediately, his voice firm, the certainty in it echoing through Kian's chest. "Not now. Not ever."
Kian smiled, a small but genuine curve of his lips. "Good."
There was a quiet for a moment, a comfortable silence as they both sat there, just being with each other. The outside world seemed so far away, as though it no longer had the power to hurt them, to pull them apart. In that moment, it was just Kian and Ivan, together in the quiet of the night.
"I love you, Kian," Ivan said suddenly, his voice quiet but full of so much emotion that it made Kian's heart swell in his chest.
Kian looked at him, his breath catching. "I love you too," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He knew, in that moment, that it wasn't just the heat of the kiss or the moment of vulnerability that had made him realize it—it was the way Ivan had always been there, always pulled him back from the edge when he was close to losing himself.
Ivan leaned in again, pressing a soft kiss to Kian's lips, a silent promise between them. A promise that no matter what happened, they would be okay. Together.
And for the first time in a long time, Kian felt something that he hadn't allowed himself to feel in a while—peace.