The next morning, Chen Mu awoke to the glorious sound of snoring. Deep, wet, face-on-wood snoring.
He hovered in his ring prison above Lin Tian, who was sprawled on a thin mat, drooling into his pillow like a baby cow with sleep apnea.
"...I miss burritos," Chen Mu muttered.
[System Alert: Passive Soul Stabilization Complete.]
[Soul Strength: 2]
[Bluff Points: 27]
[New Feature Unlocked: Beginner-Level Soul Tap (1 use/day)]
Soul Tap?
He focused.
A blue-ish icon materialized in his mind's eye, displaying the ability to give a short mental 'poke' to his disciple. Like a nudge. Or a ghost slap.
"Oh I am absolutely using that."
He activated it.
Lin Tian jerked awake, letting out a noise between a yelp and a goat sneeze. "Wh-what? I'm up! Master? Is something attacking?"
Chen Mu resisted the urge to cackle.
"No, disciple. I merely wished to begin your training. The heavens do not wait for lazy bones."
[+2 BP for fake profound wisdom.]
[+1 BP for disciple panic reaction.]
Lin Tian scrambled to sit up cross-legged, his eyes still crusted with sleep. He looked like a disaster, but also... kind of earnest.
Chen Mu softened slightly. Just slightly.
"We begin now. Clear your mind. Center your thoughts. Prepare your dantian."
He had no idea what a dantian was. But it sounded important. And cultivation-y.
"Yes, master! Should I... hold my breath or something?"
"...Yes. That. Breathe in the essence of the morning dew. It carries the... uh, breath of the world."
[+3 BP for poetic nonsense.]
[+1 BP for unverified nature-based theory.]
Lin Tian closed his eyes and began inhaling deeply, like someone doing yoga while trying not to fart.
Meanwhile, Chen Mu was frantically reading the Fire Palm description again.
[Technique: Beginner Fire Palm]
[Description: Channel Qi through the hand. Focus on heat. Push it outward. Burn something. Slowly.]
He sighed. "Okay, let's get this over with."
An hour later, Lin Tian was sweating buckets and still hadn't made a spark.
"Master, I think my Qi went back into my lungs and now my ribs feel itchy. Is that normal?"
"Yes," Chen Mu said instantly. "That is called the Lesser Spiral Feedback Loop. A rare phenomenon. You're clearly gifted... in ways the world doesn't appreciate."
[+4 BP for completely fake phenomenon.]
Lin Tian smiled. "Thank you, Master. I always thought I was just cursed."
Chen Mu almost felt bad. Almost.
They kept at it.
By noon, Lin Tian had made something: a faint flicker of warmth on his palm.
Chen Mu blinked. "Wait, was that—did you just—"
"I think I felt something! My palm got kind of tingly!" Lin Tian said, eyes wide.
[+1 BP: Disciple motivation spike caused by placebo.]
"Excellent. Very advanced stage. You're now entering the... preliminary spark phase."
[+3 BP for inventing a phase of cultivation.]
Lin Tian resumed meditating with newfound vigor.
The afternoon passed in fits of trial and error, with more smoke and coughing than fire. At one point Lin Tian managed to warm up a straw mat enough to make it smolder.
"Progress," Chen Mu said dryly. "You're now qualified to slightly annoy a scarecrow."
As the sun dipped toward the hills, Lin Tian collapsed backward onto the floor of his hut, panting and soaked with sweat.
"That's... harder than I thought..."
"Of course it is," Chen Mu said. "Cultivation is the lifelong path of mortals striving to reach the heavens. You thought it was just finger guns and explosions?"
[+2 BP for making cultivation sound deeper than it is.]
Lin Tian let out a breathy laugh. "I don't care. I want to keep going. I want to learn. Even if I burn off my eyebrows."
Chen Mu stared at him through the spirit-sight of the ring.
This dumb kid.
[New Trait Detected: Disciple Determination +1]
Chen Mu muttered, "Alright then. Let's see how far the idiot road goes."
He lit up the ring gently with a flicker of Qi.
And Lin Tian smiled.
After a short rest and some water, Lin Tian straightened up again.
"Master, I think I'm ready to try real cultivation. Like, gathering Qi into my core. You said to prepare my dantian, right? Should I do that now?"
Chen Mu panicked. He had no idea how any of that worked. But the kid was staring at the ring like it held the secrets of the universe.
"Yes. Absolutely. Begin drawing in the ambient Qi. Visualize it like... strands of light. Or noodles."
[+4 BP for food-based cultivation metaphor.]
"Noodles?" Lin Tian asked, blinking. "What are noodles?"
Chen Mu paused. "Long... dough strands? Food? Ugh, forget it. Just picture spiritual strands."
"Ah. Got it. Spiritual noodles."
"Sure. Rotate them clockwise inside your belly."
[+2 BP for confident nonsense.]
Lin Tian nodded solemnly and began breathing slowly again. He looked very serious.
Chen Mu floated in silence, hoping it worked. Or at least didn't go horribly wrong.
A few minutes passed. Lin Tian's brow furrowed. His breathing grew more intense. He grunted.
Then, his eyes snapped open.
"Master... something's wrong. My insides feel weird. The Qi—it's twisting the wrong way."
Chen Mu's ghostly form paled.
"Uh. Try... uh... reverse noodle rotation!" he shouted.
[+1 BP for emergency improvisation.]
Lin Tian gasped. His whole body shook. A loud pop echoed from within him.
He collapsed forward, groaning.
Chen Mu stared.
[Warning: Disciple's Qi circulation has collapsed.]
[Cultivation Disbanded: Progress reset to zero.]
[Disciple Confidence -40%]
Lin Tian whimpered into the floor. "Master... I think I just lost all the Qi I gathered..."
Chen Mu didn't answer.
He was too busy trying to figure out how to undo spiritual noodles.