Walking side-by-side with Lin Zixuan along the garden path, the surrounding fragrance of flowers seemed tinged with a faint, dangerous scent. My head was bowed, not daring to look at him, but my mind raced, calculating.
Prime Minister Lin's allowing me to be alone with his son was certainly not out of kindness. He either wanted to test Huo Linyuan's limits through me, or he intended to use my potential value against Huo Linyuan, setting up a deeper game. And Huo Linyuan's acquiescence chilled me to the bone. He knew Lin's intentions, yet he still pushed me forward. In his eyes, I was indeed just a pawn that could be sacrificed at any time to stir the pot.
"Shen... Tang'er," Lin Zixuan broke the silence first, his voice hesitant and pained. He seemed to want to use my maiden name but felt it inappropriate, settling for this slightly distant address. "These years, have you... been well?"
"Thank you for your concern, Young Master Lin. I am quite well." I lifted my head, my face showing just the right amount of distance and a deliberately displayed vulnerability, while my eyes concealed deep caution. I couldn't let him see my true thoughts.
He looked at me, a flicker of pain in his eyes, so genuine it almost made me waver. "If not for that year... the Shen family wouldn't have..." He trailed off, unable to continue, finally sighing helplessly. "Never mind. Let's not talk about the past."
Not talk about the past? How easily said. That monstrous fire, those unjustly killed relatives, that trampled dignity, those days spent like a walking corpse in the Plum Blossom Courtyard... these bone-deep wounds, how could they be easily erased by simply "not talking about it"?
"Why did Young Master Lin seek me out today?" I didn't want to get entangled in pointless sentimentality with him and cut straight to the point, my voice carrying an imperceptible chill.
Lin Zixuan seemed surprised by my directness, pausing for a moment before giving a wry smile. "My father merely... asked me to show you around the garden, to admire the scenery. He had no other intention."
"Is that so?" I looked at him, my gaze probing his clear yet slightly evasive eyes. "Your esteemed father is a man of deep thoughts. Are you truly unaware of his intentions, Young Master Lin? Or perhaps... unwilling to tell me the truth?"
Lin Zixuan's expression shifted slightly. He avoided my gaze, looking towards the vibrant flowers in the distance. "My father acts according to his own reasoning. I... am not fully aware."
His evasion confirmed my suspicions. He might not be as scheming as his father, but he was definitely not entirely ignorant.
"Young Master Lin," I stopped, turning to face him, my eyes burning with a desperate courage. "Your brother and mine were once close friends. For the sake of that past friendship, I advise you not to get involved in this mess. The struggle between Huo Linyuan and your father is like gods battling; mortals like us will be crushed if we're not careful."
"You..." Lin Zixuan looked at me, his eyes filled with shock and... an unreadable mix of emotions, perhaps admiration, perhaps worry? "You know?"
"I know a little," I said faintly, revealing nothing more. "Young Master Lin is an intelligent man. You should know how to seek advantage and avoid harm, how to protect yourself."
He remained silent for a long time, conflict warring in his eyes. Finally, he sighed deeply, a helpless, bitter smile on his face.
"Tang'er, you've changed. You've become... somewhat unfamiliar to me."
Yes, I had changed. Three years of confinement and humiliation are enough to wear down a person's sharp edges, and also enough to forge new ones. The naive, innocent Second Miss Shen had died long ago in that fire, died in the freezing cold nights of the Plum Blossom Courtyard. What lived now was merely a ghost yearning for revenge, unwilling to wait for death, inhabiting Shen Tang's body, struggling to survive in this man-eating General's mansion.
"People always change," I said calmly, my voice betraying no emotion. "If Young Master Lin has no other business, I shall return now. Staying here too long might attract gossip."
"Wait!" he called out, taking a small, exquisite pouch from his sleeve and pressing it into my hand without explanation. "This... take it. Perhaps... it will be useful."
I looked at him questioningly, weighing the small pouch in my hand.
"These are... some medicines for self-defense," he said in a low voice, looking at me with complex eyes. "The mansion... is full of treacherous hearts. You... be careful."
My heart stirred. I looked up at him. His eyes held genuine worry, a concern that didn't seem entirely feigned. Perhaps... his feelings for me still held a shred of sincerity?
But I dared not trust anyone easily anymore, especially those caught in the vortex of power. Their kindness often concealed deeper calculations.
"Thank you, Young Master Lin." I accepted the pouch without further questions and turned to leave, not looking back. Whether his goodwill was genuine or false no longer mattered to me. I could only rely on myself.
Back in the Plum Blossom Courtyard, I opened the pouch. Inside, besides a few common antidotes and wound-healing herbs, was a small packet of... colorless, odorless powder.
My heart leaped violently. This was... poison?
Why would Lin Zixuan give me this? To protect myself? Or... did he want me to use it for something? Perhaps... to poison Huo Linyuan?
I carefully hid the packet of powder, my mind reeling like a stormy sea. This General's mansion was truly a dragon's pool and a tiger's den. Every step was fraught with peril. Lin Zixuan, his father, Huo Linyuan... each was plotting, scheming, and I was just an unwilling pawn on their chessboard.
After that day, Huo Linyuan visited the Plum Blossom Courtyard even more frequently. He no longer came just to satisfy physical desires. Sometimes, he would sit by the window, silently watching me embroider, for half an hour at a time, as if trying to glean some secret from my calm expression. Sometimes, he would abruptly ask me about old matters concerning the Shen family, about my father's dealings with the Lin family, his tone casual but filled with probing questions.
I continued to handle him cautiously, flawlessly. I knew he still suspected me, still used me. He might have developed a different kind of interest in me, but this interest stemmed more from my potential value to him, and... that face resembling Liu Ruyan's.
And I, too, observed him in secret, searching for his weaknesses, waiting for a chance to strike back. I began to subtly reveal hints... of a desire for power, an obsession with revenge. I needed him to believe I wasn't content with my situation, that I too had ambitions and... utility.
We were like two beasts, testing and wary of each other, engaged in a silent, deadly game within this magnificent cage. Every move was perilous, every glance held hidden meaning.
I didn't know where this game would ultimately lead, nor who would be the final winner. I only knew I couldn't afford to lose. If I lost, what awaited me would be a fate worse than death.
Just as this silent battle between Huo Linyuan and me continued, unexpected news arrived like a clap of thunder.
Li Xiuze. He had actually... returned.
When Qiu Cao told me this news, I was copying a plum blossom painting by the window. The brush in my hand trembled, and a drop of thick ink fell onto the pristine white paper, quickly spreading like the chaos in my heart.
He was back? Wasn't he guarding the border? Why would he suddenly return to the capital? Was it for me? Or... was there another reason?
This thought ignited the desolate lake of my heart like wildfire, stirring up monstrous waves.
"Where... where is he now?" I asked, my voice trembling, hardly daring to believe my ears.
"I heard he returned secretly yesterday and is now staying behind closed doors at the Yongning Marquis Mansion," Qiu Cao whispered, a hint of worry in her eyes. "Miss, you..."
"I understand." I cut her off, trying hard to calm the surging excitement and unease in my chest. "You may leave now. Remember, absolutely no one must know about this."
After Qiu Cao left, I could no longer remain calm.
Brother Xiuze... he was back.
Did this mean my fate truly held a chance for a turn? Could I... grasp that lost happiness once more?
I sat sleepless all night, my heart torn by conflict. Should I go to him? But I was now Huo Linyuan's concubine, my status lowly, no longer worthy of the noble Third Young Master of the Yongning Marquis Mansion. Moreover, Huo Linyuan watched me closely; how could I meet him secretly? Besides... after the incident with Lin Zixuan, could I trust him again? Was his return truly for me? Or... was he too just a pawn in someone else's game?
I couldn't be sure, and I didn't dare to gamble.
But, he was Brother Xiuze... the boy I grew up with, who had pledged eternal love to me. Those innocent, beautiful times were the only light and solace in these dark, desperate days.
In the end... I couldn't completely let go.
A few days later, I received a note secretly delivered by Li Xiuze. There was no signature, only a line of familiar, elegant handwriting: "Ten li outside the city, Peach Blossom Forest, waiting for you."
My heart instantly leaped wildly, as if about to burst from my chest.
He still remembered me! He hadn't forgotten me!
At that moment, all hesitation and concerns were thrown to the wind. With almost no deliberation, I decided to go to the rendezvous.
I needed an answer, an answer about the past, and also... hope for the future. Even if this hope was as faint as a spark, I had to throw myself towards it!
Claiming illness, I requested leave from the mansion duties. I then bribed Qiu Cao with the last few pieces of jewelry I possessed, asking her to cover for me and ensure Huo Linyuan was kept occupied.
On a drizzly early morning, I changed into inconspicuous men's clothing, carefully tied up my long hair and hid it under a cap. Before dawn broke, I slipped out of the General's mansion unnoticed.
Riding swiftly, my heart pounding with urgency, I finally reached the familiar Peach Blossom Forest outside the city before sunrise.
After the rain, the air in the forest was fresh and moist, filled with the intoxicating fragrance of peach blossoms. Pink petals, dotted with crystal raindrops, resembled weeping beauties, delicate and poignant. Fallen blossoms carpeted the winding path like a road leading back to old dreams.
And there he stood, amidst the misty sea of flowers. Dressed in a green robe, his figure tall and straight, standing aloof from the world, like an immortal descended from a painting. Time seemed not to have left many marks on him, only adding a faint touch of weathering and... melancholy to his brow.
"Brother Xiuze..." I called out softly, my voice choked with suppressed sobs and trembling.
He slowly turned around, looking at me. When his gaze met mine, those gentle eyes instantly filled with overwhelming tenderness and... pain.
"Tang'er, you've come." His voice was still as gentle and pleasant as ever, like a spring breeze strumming a qin.
"I..." A thousand words caught in my throat, but I didn't know where to begin. Three years apart, things had changed, people had changed. Too many unspeakable things now lay between us.
"No need to say anything." He stepped forward, raising his hand, wanting to gently wipe away the tears at the corner of my eyes as he used to, but paused mid-air, finally letting out a helpless sigh. "I know you've suffered."
His understanding and gentleness instantly shattered my forced composure. Tears streamed down like broken pearls. I could no longer hold back, throwing myself into his long-missed embrace, weeping uncontrollably.
"Brother Xiuze... I thought... I thought I would never see you again..."
He held me tightly, as if wanting to meld me into his very bones, using his not-so-broad shoulders to create a temporary haven for me. "It's alright, it's all in the past now." He comforted me softly, stroking my back again and again. "From now on, I will protect you."
At that moment, I felt as if I had finally found a home after long wandering, found the only reason to keep living in the darkness.
"Come with me," he said, looking at me, his eyes firm and resolute. "Leave this place, leave that cage that imprisons you. I'll take you somewhere no one knows us. Jiangnan, or the northern frontiers, wherever you wish to go, I'll accompany you to the ends of the earth."
Start anew?
My heart trembled violently. This was the ending I had dreamed of, my only wish during countless desperate nights.
But... I looked into his clear eyes, saw the deep affection within, yet a wave of indescribable bitterness and... inferiority washed over me.
"I..." I hesitated, my voice tinged with bitterness. "I am just... damaged goods, no longer worthy of you... A concubine of the General's mansion, this status will tarnish your reputation..."
"Silly girl." He gently pulled me into his embrace, his chin resting on the top of my head, his voice so tender it could melt stone. "In my heart, you will always be the best Tang'er, the Second Miss Shen who smiled like blossoms under the peach trees."
"I don't care about your past, I don't care about your status, I only care about you." He lifted my face, looking seriously into my eyes. "As long as you are willing, I fear nothing."
His words were like the warmest sunshine, instantly dispelling all the gloom and self-loathing in my heart. I looked at him, saw the undisguised deep love in his eyes, and finally... nodded.
"Alright..." I choked out, tears falling again, but this time, they were tears of joy. "I'll go with you."
At that moment, I thought I had finally grasped the tail end of happiness, finally escaped this boundless sea of suffering.
Little did I know, this was merely the beginning of another... more cruel, more desperate illusion. The wheels of fate had already crushed me; how could they let me go so easily?