Author's Note: Hello everyone, after a long time I managed to find the time to write a new chapter of this story of my series.
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Story Arc: Welcome to Gravity Falls
Episode 1: Tourist Trap and New Relatives (III)
Chapter 3: The Mysterious Man meets Mrs. Owl
Plot: Eda, Luz, Bruce, Miyu and Marcy enter the Mystery Shack. Miyu is looking for a bathroom, while the other members of the Clawthorne-Noceda Family look around.
All seems calm, but everything changes when Eda ends up meeting one of the ghosts of her rebellious youth, Stan Pines.
The meeting between these two con artists will cause a lot of chaos in the lives of the Clawthorne-Noceda family and the Pines family.
At least Dipper and Mabel gained some new cousins to make the summer more bearable for them.
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POV Narrator
The Clawthorne-Noceda family has dispersed into the Mystery Shack gift shop.
Miyu went to the bathroom to do her business.
Luz and Marcy are looking at some bizarre figurines that look like a combination of several forest animals.
Luz, being a girl who loves strange and disturbing things, can't help but look at those statuettes, imagining how such impossible animals would behave in reality.
Marcy being one of Luz's close friends, has been corrupted by her interest in spooky things, which is quite easy to do, being already a nerd with a weakness for magic.
Marcy is offering her opinion on how to use alchemy to create chimeras that look like the impossible animals in the figurines, but improved and more colorful.
'If Marcy and Luz decide to make their summer project out of creating Chimeras similar to Digimon or Pokémon, there's going to be trouble.' Bruce thinks, as he gets bored looking at the merchandise at the Mystery Shack.
The Occult Detective is a person with high standards who won't settle for cheap items, the Mystery Shack has nothing that would interest him.
Shifting his good eye, Bruce sees how Eda hides some trinkets in her wild mane of hair.
'Mrs. Owl has managed to manage her addiction to alcohol and gambling. But it is doubtful that she will ever recover from her kleptomania.' Bruce thinks, not at all surprised that his Adoptive Mother commits petty thefts.
'At least he could steal something actually useful instead of tourist junk.' Bruce thinks, as he approaches the counter of the souvenir shop, wanting to avoid problems with the police.
Behind the counter, near the cash register, instead of an adult employee, there are two 12-year-old twins, brother and sister.
The boy is 140 centimeters tall, with slightly messy brown hair and relatively pale skin, and his nose is a little darker than the rest of his face.
His eyes are brown.
He wears a navy blue vest, a red-orange T-shirt, grey shorts, white knee-high socks with a red stripe, and black sneakers with white soles.
On his head he wears an ugly-looking brown cap.
The girl is 140 centimeters tall. She has long brown hair that reaches her hips and curls downwards, a small tuft of hair on the back of her head and brown eyes like her brother's.
She has silver braces and round, flushed cheeks.
She wears a sweater, a tank top, a skirt, a headband, black ballet flats, and white ankle socks.
'Gemini, could this be a sign that I should get in touch with Adeline?' Bruce thinks, interpreting this meeting as a sign of some sort.
The Occult Detective makes a mental note to make a phone call to Los Angeles and find out what his twin sister is up to.
Bruce's presence was easily noticed by the girl with braces.
"Hi, handsome, welcome to the Mystery Shack, do you need anything?" said the little girl, dressed in a colorful sweater, trying to be nice to Bruce.
The allure of the Young Detective can be a blessing or a curse, depending on who or what is being charmed.
The brother rolls his eyes, quite tired of his sister's attempts to attract the attention of cute boys, especially if they are older.
"Do you see the tall woman, with long white hair, who suffers from heterochromia and has a mechanical prosthesis on her right arm?" Bruce said, providing a description of Eda's most distinctive features.
"Yes, I see it, it's hard not to." The boy said, raising an eyebrow, not understanding what Bruce wants from them.
"She's my mother, she's a kleptomaniac, she's probably stolen a dozen souvenirs already." Bruce said, rather indifferent to what happened.
"Dipper, what does kleptomaniac mean?" the girl whispers in her brother's ear.
"Mabel, kleptomania is a neurotic symptom, a pathological need to steal, an uncontrollable and unmotivated compulsive impulse to steal objects, even if they are worthless and not necessarily linked to a real need." Her brother replies, providing the exact definition of kleptomania.
"To avoid any problems, I'll pay in advance for any merchandise he wants to steal." Bruce said, taking out of his pockets a stack of ten $500 bills, or $5,000.
The twins' eyes widened at the sight of all that money.
"You can keep what's left for the two of you." Bruce said, placing all the money on the counter.
The Occult Detective shows no discomfort in throwing away so much money to prevent Eda's problems with the law.
"Dipper, go get Grunkle Stan, we have a wealthy client." Mabel said, sending Dipper to bring Stan.
Stan Pines, the owner of the Mystery Shack and the twins' great-uncle, has a long list of morally questionable rules.
In this scammer's manual, there is a golden rule: When a rich customer comes, I personally take care of the business. If I am not around, keep the rich customer busy and call me.
"At least something interesting is happening for once," Dipper mutters, exiting the gift shop, having to tell Stan the news or be grounded for a week.
"Good afternoon, my name is Mabel Pines, I am the lovely great-granddaughter of the owner." Mabel said, with a big smile, enjoying entertaining such a lovely customer.
Bruce, having nothing better to do, decided to chat with Mabel, at least until Miyu, Marcy, Luz show up or Eda ends her thefts.
"Bruce Bahamut Belmont, at your service." Bruce said, with a dramatic bow, handing over his name.
"A rather unusual name, are you a foreigner by any chance?" Mabel asks, catching a subtle accent.
"Yes and no. I have a lot of European ancestry, mostly British, French, and Romanian. I'm from Boston, but I've spent most of the last few years abroad." Bruce said, delivering a complicated answer to a simple question.
"Why are you in a small town like Gravity Falls?" Mabel asks, quite curious about how a boy used to traveling decides to come to the middle of nowhere.
"My mother has decided that spending the summer vacation in a quiet place will be good for us," Bruce replies, sounding like a typical teenager unhappy about leaving the big city for the peaceful life in the country.
"You remind me of my brother, Dipper. He's not too happy about coming to Gravity Falls and hanging out with Grunkle Stan either. But I'm having a blast!" Mabel said, full of excitement and positive energy about coming to Gravity Falls.
'This little girl would definitely get along with Astolfo and Luz.' Bruce thinks, managing to recognize a certain family aura between them.
"Bruce, did you find anything nice to buy?" Eda asks, appearing as if by magic next to her adopted son.
'There's nothing here worth remembering, but I often have money, so I might as well take something minimally useful.' Bruce thinks, reaching out and taking several dozen postcards, seven pens of different colors, stamps, paper and some envelopes.
"Mabel, add all of this to the shopping list." Bruce said, placing everything he took out on the counter.
In Bruce's opinion the only suitable thing in the Mystery Shack is the paper and ink that can be used to send information the old fashioned way, to his seven favorite witches.
"You have pockets full of money, a shop at your disposal and you take only what you need to write and send letters? Sometimes I don't understand you." Eda said, confused by her eldest son's purchases.
Bruce ignores his adoptive mother's comment.
"I like your haircut!" Mabel said, giving Eda a little compliment, as she used the cashier to note Bruce's purchase.
"Thank you, little girl. It's nice to see someone recognize my style." Eda said, sounding confident, running a hand through her hair.
Bruce grabs the stack of postcards, pens, stamps, paper and envelopes, then stuffs them into the many pockets of his black coat.
At that moment, the girls appeared in front of the shop counter: Miyu, Marcy and Luz.
Miyu didn't buy anything at all, having only needed to use the bathroom at the Mystery Shack.
Marcy and Luz made some purchases that they think look cute.
Marcy bought four statues that look like they came out of a mix of Zootopia and Dungeons & Dragons: a frog paladin, a toad barbarian, a salamander witch, and a merman archer.
Luz bought three statues:
a kind of warrior princess cat, a witch otter and a spy penguin from a film noir.
The two friends placed their souvenirs on the counter, letting Mabel note the sale of these homemade products.
"Bruce, Eda, I found some unique souvenirs." Luz exclaims, happy with her purchases.
"A cat, an otter and a penguin, the last two are a reference to the Penguins of Madagascar?" Bruce asks, trying to make sense of Luz's purchases.
"The cat is for Amity, the penguin is for you, I hope you like it." Luz said, with a smile, taking the statue of a spy penguin from a film noir from the balcony and passing it to her best male friend.
Bruce holds the penguin figurine in his hands and I look at him for a long moment.
"Thanks, Luz, I'll use it as a decoration in the office I'm building in Gravity Falls for the summer." Bruce said, trying to be polite, appreciating the gesture, but not so much the gift, even if it had its charm.
'When I get the chance I'll have to give Onii-Sama a proper gift.' Miyu thinks, taking the cue from Luz to do something nice for her Half-Brother.
"Onii-Sama, did you buy anything from this souvenir shop? I see your money on the counter, but no purchase." Miyu asks, having a very good sense of observation.
The Occult Detective opens his coat and reveals a pocket filled with old-fashioned letter-writing supplies.
"Bruce, why did you take so many postcards? Shouldn't a futurist like you be using video chat or holograms to send messages to people?" Marcy asks, raising an eyebrow.
Marcy is curious as to why her future brother-in-law, who when he's not an Occult Detective is a Mad Scientist, wants to take something as archaic as postcards.
"Video chats, SMS, phone calls and more can be intercepted, especially when I have to use standard communication systems." Bruce began to explain his reasoning for purchasing the postcards.
When he left Boston, Bruce had to leave behind much of his equipment, including security systems to make his phone calls unbreakable.
"With the tricks and knowledge at my disposal, I only need a pen and paper to send valuable information safely.
Even if someone could steal the documents, I doubt they could understand the language and/or decipher the contents." Bruce said, wanting to use the magic of ink, over a coded writing in an unknown language.
All this to send status updates to his seven favorite witches.
'At this point, I don't comment on my son's paranoia.' Eda thinks, holding back a sigh, being used to Bruce's limitless paranoia.
'Compared to previous cases, it's pretty tame. So I can consider it progress.' Luz thinks, trying to look on the bright side of the situation.
'Considering that he'll probably die of boredom, it doesn't seem like a bad idea to me that Bruce is dabbling in coded messages to pass the summer.' Marcy thinks, seeing no problem with what her future brother-in-law wants to do.
"If you need help inventing a secure code, I can help you, it will be fun to work together on a purely intellectual and linguistic project." Miyu said, wanting to join in the fun of encoding and decoding.
The Clawthorne-Noceda family is all too accustomed to talking about their eccentric activities, forgetting that they have a witness within earshot.
"Are you a secret agent by any chance?" Mabel asks, in a dreamy tone, believing that Bruce might be some kind of spy to talk about secret information and codes.
"No. My son is a Tony Stark wannabe, too worried that someone might steal his ideas." Eda said, knowing by heart a long list of excuses for her children's bizarre characteristics.
'Handsome, foreign and intelligent. This is my favorite type of customer.' Mabel thinks, considering this conversation the most interesting thing of the day.
"Mabel, did you manage to hold off the rich customer!?" shouts the owner of the Mystery Shack, finally entering the scene.
Stan is a 50 year old man, with brown eyes, cataracts, gray eyebrows. About the same height as Eda.
Physically, he stands out for his corpulent arms, thin legs and his belly which is hidden by his clothes.
His gray hair is covered by a brown/red fez, decorated with a yellow crescent shape.
Stan has a rather large, drooping, pear-shaped, irregular, reddish-pinkish nose, large ears and pale skin.
Due to his age, Stan has wrinkled skin, a hearing aid and dentures.
He wears a pair of rectangular glasses with black rims and a black suit, with the jacket buttoned up, a bow tie similar in color to his fez, and a white shirt.
With the appearance of Stan, Mrs. Owl's eyes widened, as if she had seen a ghost.
'For the love of the Goddess of Ysatnaf, make sure she doesn't recognize me!' Eda thinks, hoping that in 16 years, Stan will do the impossible and forget about her.
Stan doesn't seem to notice Eda for a moment, too focused on the brick of banknotes on the counter.
Moving with the speed of a child, Stan takes the money and puts it in the inside pocket of his jacket, then with a fake smile he focuses on the customers...
Stan's eyes widen and the smile is replaced by a grimace.
"Marilyn, what are you doing here?!" Stan shouts loudly, pointing at Eda, not believing he has met her again after 16 years.
"I am too memorable a woman to be forgotten." Eda murmurs in a low voice, for once unhappy with being so beautiful and attractive.
"What happened to your hair, your arm, and your eye?" Stan asks, seeing several differences between the woman he remembers and the woman in front of him.
Eda crosses her arms and becomes defensive.
"I got sick and got better, but there were side effects, then I had a little accident." Mrs. Owl tells the truth, but in a way that is plausible to normal people.
"Dear Mom, did this man call you Marilyn or have I finally gone deaf?" Bruce asks, his voice so sweet it's eerie.
"No, Onii-Sama, I also heard Mom being called Marilyn." Miyu said, in a cold tone, crossing her arms and looking at Eda sternly.
"That nickname never brings anything good." Luz comments, joining Bruce and Miyu in glaring at Eda.
"I don't know what's going on, but I'm on their side," Marcy said, determined to side with the majority, her friends and future family members.
'Family argument, better to keep quiet.' Stan thinks, deciding to stay out of the way for the moment.
Stan has learned a lot in his life as a con man. One of his best lessons is knowing when to play and when to fold.
"Girls and Bruce, it's not as bad as you think." Eda said, sweating a little, trying to calm her children down.
"Every time I hear the name Marilyn. I have to settle your old scores." Bruce mutters, his voice gravely, sounding annoyed at dealing with Marilyn/Eda's former business partners.
The young wizard, for better or worse, has become the son of Lady Owl. This brings a lot of good and bad things.
Having Eda as a mother is quite an experience for Bruce.
But Eda's reckless past has come back to haunt her time and time again, both on Earth and on the Boiling Isles.
Whenever one of Eda's former business partners shows up to collect a debt, Bruce solves the problem by hook or by crook.
"I've lost count of the number of times someone with a grudge against you has tried to settle their unfinished business through me." Luz said, having nearly as much experience as Bruce when it comes to dealing with Eda's various "exes."
"I've been keeping score, do you want to hear them in chronological, alphabetical or dangerous origin?" Miyu asks, taking out of her pocket a High Tech Smartphone with the list of troubles caused by "Marilyn".
"It's sad that I see conflict between you, you're often so close. But if I see this it means I'm truly part of the family." Marcy said, looking at the positive side of witnessing this conversation.
"Marcy, this is not the time to talk about your unreasonable need to feel like you belong. You're already in, the only way out is to die, and with me around it won't be a permanent exit." Bruce said in a stern voice, shifting his attention to Marcy for a moment, before returning to Eda.
Marcy smiles happily, once again receiving confirmation that she is part of the Clawthorne-Noceda Family, if the most antisocial member claims it, then it must be true.
But there is a small downside to Bruce's response, which scares Marcy a little.
'Bruce is a Forgemaster and practices black magic, if I die before him, will he resurrect me as a zombie girl or something?' Marcy thinks, worried what Bruce can do to her corpse and soul.
Mrs. Owl's children are too busy to notice Marcy's little meltdown.
"Explanation now." Miyu states, not asking, but demanding a satisfactory answer.
"Actually, Stan is not an ex-business partner of mine... he is..." Eda tries to explain her relationship with the owner of the Mystery Shack, but can't find the right words.
"If you don't want to talk, there's someone else I know who's got Marilyn's latest problem." Bruce said, turning to Stan.
"What's going on here, Dipper?" Mabel whispers, having lost the thread of the discussion.
"I think this Marilyn has tricked our Grunkle Stan in the past. Marilyn's son Bruce is worried about retaliation and wants to resolve the conflict." Dipper whispers, slightly worried about Stan.
"Stan Pines, to save us time, tell me what Marilyn did to you?" Bruce asks, wanting to know exactly what Eda has done.
"Don't try to lie to Onii-Sama, there's no way he can be fooled." Miyu said, participating in Stan's "interrogation".
'These kids are a little scary, I've gotten nicer looks from the cops.' Stan thinks, sweating a little, but managing to keep a calm expression.
"As you wish, Eyepatch." Stan replies, making up a nickname for Bruce.
"It all happened 16 years ago, I was on vacation in Las Vegas having fun and doing things I shouldn't tell a kid about," Stan said, recalling some good times from his past.
"I am this woman's son." Bruce said, pointing at Eda.
"Believe me, I've done it all and seen it all." Bruce said, trying to make it clear that he shouldn't be considered a child.
"Your son has guts, Marilyn." Stan comments, appreciating Bruce's attitude.
"You have no idea." Eda replies, knowing that her eldest son has done everything and more.
"Continue your story!" Bruce said, raising his voice and slamming his fist against the counter.
CRACK !
A web of cracks appeared on the counter where Bruce struck.
"Just a word of warning, my friend has no problem solving things with his fists or hitting an old person." Luz said, trying to help Stan not make a misstep.
"I didn't want to have kids, but I got three and I had to raise them as best I could as a single mom, I don't even know who their dads are. But I didn't do a great job with Bruce, 16 years and his criminal record would be longer than mine if he ever got caught," Eda said, doing an impression of a single mom with a problem child, as well as cooking up a hidden ace.
'The boy is 16, I met Marilyn 16 years ago, father unknown.' Stan thinks, feeling a thrill of terror unprecedented in his life.
"Are you feeling okay?" Luz asks, noticing that Stan has suddenly turned slightly paler.
"Yeah, I'm fine, where was I with my story?" Stan said, pretending to be forgetful.
"Marilyn and I met in Las Vegas, in a luxury casino, we both loved gambling and had things in common. We had a great week of fun through the wonders of Las Vegas." Stan says, with a bittersweet expression, seeming to remember a beautiful period of his life.
And on the other hand, he seems to want to disappear from the face of the earth, his face shows a rare expression of shame.
'What did you do in Las Vegas that was so bad that you're still ashamed after 16 years?' Luz thinks, starting to worry about Eda, having never seen this side of her.
"If you're just old friends. Then Bruce, Miyu and Luz were worried for nothing." Marcy said, proving to be the calmest of the group.
"My mother isn't allowed to touch liquor or set foot in a gambling establishment these days. But I don't think your story ends with seven days of fun in Las Vegas." Bruce said, sure there was more to it.
"Because my son was supposed to be a mix of Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty." Eda mutters, having a serious problem hiding or telling lies with Braccia around.
"Karma?" Luz said, half joking.
Even though Luz's words have a grain of truth. Mrs. Owl has a history of being a con artist and a liar, isn't it a kind of poetic justice that her adopted son is a living lie detector?
"I don't remember very well how, but on the eighth day we got married in a chapel. The morning after the wedding night, Marilyn stole my car, my grandmother's ring and all the money they had on me!" Stan declares, pointing his finger at Eda, accusing her of theft.
Bruce, Miyu, Marcy and Luz's eyes widen. Dipper and Mabel are also affected by the news.
"I haven't seen or heard from him since, to this day, you owe me a sports car and a billion dollars!" Stan declares, wanting to be compensated for emotional damages and such.
Eda tries to walk slowly away from her children, sure that one or more of them will not react well.
Unfortunately, Bruce's arm shot out, grabbing Eda's shoulder with a firm grip. Miyu also moved, capturing the hand of her mother, a mother with a past full of mistakes and questionable choices.
"You will not run away this time, you will face the consequences of your actions." Bruce mutters in a cold voice.
"Mother this is a family vacation, we are together for better or worse." Miyu said, tightening her grip on Eda's hand.
'Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to try a family vacation.' Eda thinks, starting to regret having supported Camila's idea.
"Grunkle Stan, are you married to this woman!?" Dipper shouts, turning to Stan with an expression full of surprise.
"Maybe, maybe not? I don't know the official rules of Las Vegas, I just know how to win at craps and not get caught." Stan replies, having no idea if his marriage to Eda is valid.
Mabel, on the other hand, took the news with a benevolent heart.
"Welcome to the family, Graunty Eda, I'm Mabel, I love cute things that sparkle and shine!" Mabel exclaims, greeting her new great-aunt.
"Graunty?" Asks Eda, while blinked at the title, not expecting this.
"Short of Great-Aunt." Dipper explained.
"Guys, Luz just passed out!" Marcy shouts, holding an unconscious Luz Noceda in her arms.
Everyone turns to see Marcy holding a completely unconscious Luz.
Apparently, Luz didn't take well the news that Eda is married to an unknown man and is no longer free for her mother, Camila.
"Marcy don't raise your voice over minor issues, you've been practicing archery for over a year, you have enough strength to hold Luz bridal style without any problems." Bruce said, considering Luz's condition as the least of his problems to solve at the moment.
"But if I do this, won't I get in trouble with Amity?" Marcy asks, slightly worried that she'll end up on Amity's bad side.
Bruce rolls his good eye upwards, not understanding why Amity should be jealous or Marcy should be scaredy-cat.
"Blight only has jealousy issues when I'm the one touching his girlfriend, he won't have a problem with you." Bruce said, knowing that Amity Blight only becomes unreasonable around him.
"If you're sure." Marcy said, holding Luz in her arms, holding her bridal style.
'Luz and Marcy are a cute couple, if their current relationship ever gets ruined, they can always get together to move on.' Miyu thinks, having a vague idea about Luzarcy.
With no other distractions, Bruce turns to his adoptive mother.
"Eda Clawthorne, I'm not going to yell at you or say that going to Las Vegas is the worst choice with your gambling and alcohol addiction problem. It all happened in the past, before you were born." Bruce said in a calm, reasonable, understandable voice.
This attitude, so... fair, scares Eda worse than any fit of rage or cold attitude of her eldest son.
'Onii-Sama is going to explode in the next few seconds or wait until he finds himself in an island place before eating his mother alive.' Miyu thinks, knowing her Half-Brother well enough to predict his actions in certain scenarios.
"But I can't forgive one of your worst mistakes! Sixteen years in the past or not, what kind of woman marries the first man she comes across at the Casino." Bruce said, raising his voice, treating Eda as if she were the problem daughter and not the problem mother.
"It was a good idea at the time." Eda said, trying to protest.
SLAP!
Bruce gave Eda a good slap.
"If that's your good definition, I don't want to hear what a bad idea you'd think would be, joining HYDRA or playing with a lighter in a puddle of gasoline!?" Bruce said, raising his voice, looking ready to slap him again.
"I'm not such a crazy woman to do something so stupid." Eda comments, while massaging her injured cheek.
"At least if you had married a rich or important man or at least someone who was useful to you for a big scam, I could have accepted something like that. But you married a nobody and then robbed him when the alcohol was out of your system. A marriage for pennies, the worst deal you've ever made in your life!" Bruce exclaims, making everyone feel his displeasure and frustration towards Eda.
"In my excuse, I was young and probably drunk for most of the ceremony. If I were sober I wouldn't have done anything with Stan." Eda said, making an excuse for her youthful behavior.
"Hey! I'm here and I can hear you!" Stan said, feeling offended by Bruce's words.
The Occult Detective turns sharply towards Stan and points his finger at him.
"Shut up, I'm going to pull out my gun and shoot you right between the eyes, then burn this whole place to the ground." Bruce declares in a serious voice, his good eye almost glowing.
Stan throws up his hands and steps back, not wanting to get into an argument with a teenager with attitude.
"Wasn't her name Marilyn?" Dipper asks, gleaning some insight from this mother-son discussion.
"Maybe it's a fake name? Could they be a family of spies?" Mabel said, not knowing she was mostly close to the truth.
"In the act of identity, my mother is named Marilyn Edalyn Clawthorne, but everyone calls her Eda. Only people who are involved in her reckless past call her Marilyn." Bruce tells a half-truth to explain the situation with the name Eda/Marilyn.
"I admit that I made yet another mistake in my youth, can we pretend that none of this happened?" Eda asks, preferring to forget that she ever met Stan.
"You have to pay me back first!" Stan exclaims, not wanting to miss the opportunity to get some easy money.
"I'm sure Bruce can make up for it, he has deep pockets and he's not afraid to use them," Marcy said, trying to lighten the mood.
A huge smile appeared on Stan's face, loving what he heard.
"You know what mother it's not nice that Onii-Sama is the one who has to pay for your mistakes in a monetary or metaphorical sense." Miyu said, not liking these traits of her adoptive mother.
"Isn't there a holy book where it says: The sins of the parents will fall on the children who will have to solve them or something like that?" Eda said, using her limited knowledge of the Bible.
"Consider yourself taken out of my will, Mother. I leave 1/3 to Miyu, a 1/3 to Luz, and the rest to be divided among the people I like." Bruce comments, promising to change several points in his last will.
'I'm Onii-Sama's favorite sister.' Miyu thinks, a ghost of a smile appearing on her doll-like face.
"Don't try to divert the subject with wills and family squabbles, I want my money." Stan said, drawing attention to himself.
"Maybe I will, but first I need some answers, where are the records of your marriage to Eda and are there divorce papers?" Bruce asks, running a hand through his hair, trying to be reasonable.
Stan and Eda exchanged a silent, awkward look.
"I was a drunk woman, I don't remember anything." Eda said, passing the responsibility of providing answers to Stan.
"Let's do things the right way, you go to your office and look for the documents regarding your marriage to Eda, I'll wait for you here, you bring them to me, if I like what I see I'll pay you back." Bruce explains, with a stoic voice, trying to make a clean deal.
"You should accept the offer." Miyu, Marcy and Eda said at the same time.
"What would happen if I said no?" Stan asks in an arrogant voice, believing he has the upper hand in this negotiation.
"I'll use bad manners." Bruce declares in a cold voice, placing his left hand in an inside pocket of his coat.
"Show me your worst." Stan said, having no idea who he was joking with.
Bruce pulled a semi-automatic pistol from his pocket, specifically a Beretta 92, illegally modified to fire a triple burst.
"Here is the first level of my worst." Bruce said, keeping the gun pointed at Stan.
The three Pines immediately become tense and stiff, while Miyu, Marcy and Eda look... tired.
"Because no one takes the first offer, we always end up in situations like this that make us look like the bad guys." Marcy said, having seen scenes like this one too many times.
"Tell me that's a toy gun." Dipper asks, hiding behind Stan's leg.
"No, it's a real gun, I learned to recognize them in prison." Stan said, starting to sweat, realizing he had overdone it with the wrong person.
"Maybe the gun is unloaded?" Mabel asks, hiding behind Stan, just like Dipper.
Bruce points the gun at the ceiling and pulls the trigger.
BANG !
A bullet exited the gun barrel and dented the ceiling of the souvenir shop.
"The first shot was a warning." Bruce said in a stoic voice as he pointed the gun at Stan.
"Pup, don't you think you're overreacting?" Eda said, grabbing Bruce's arm, forcing him to lower the gun.
Bruce takes a step to the left and easily breaks free from Eda's grip, pointing his gun at her.
"Onii-Sama is in a very bad mood." Miyu comments, taking a step back, not wanting to get between a gunslinger and his target.
"Would you point a gun at your mom?" Eda asks, with a smirk, more than confident that she is in no real danger.
"The gun contains rubber bullets, they don't kill, they just hurt like hell." Bruce communicates with a poker face, but his good eye almost shines, as if he had made a joke.
Eda's grin vanished in a second.
"So he's not completely crazy." Stan comments, slightly relieved that there are no lethal bullets in that gun.
"Wedding papers on the table or get ready to have some of the worst headache of your life." Bruce said, pointing the gun at Stan again.
Hearing that threat Marcy and Eda can't help but touch different parts of their bodies, remembering phantom pains, caused by previous fights with Bruce during bad situations.
"Onii-Sama, a rubber bullet if it hits the head of a young and adult man can kill him. There is an old man in front of you." Miyu said, suggesting her Half-Brother to lower the threat level.
"Bruce, you're scaring the kids." Marcy said, trying to help one of Bruce's weak spots.
Bruce lowers his gun and looks at the Pines twins.
"Dipper and Mabel, is Stan by any chance your only living relative who decided to take care of you?" Bruce asks, imagining some sort of tragic backstory to explain the twins' presence in the Mystery Shack.
Seeing an opportunity to defuse a potential bloodbath, Stan decides to make the most of it.
"Yes, the twins' parents are gone from this earth, now I'm a humble old man who has to take care of my little angels, while I try to keep this old shack afloat. I'm sorry for taking advantage of what's between me and your mother to get some easy money. But the three of us have to eat." Stan said, doing his best impersonation of an old man burdened by great burdens.
'Actually, Mom and Dad went on a cruise to the Caribbean, but this lie saves our skin I won't say anything.' Dipper thinks, keeping his mouth shut.
'Grunkle Stan you deserve an Oscar!' Mabel thinks, almost crying with emotion.
Bruce places the gun on the counter, then takes it apart in a matter of seconds, exposing all the components in front of the three Pines.
"I understand you, Stan. My family was not in a very happy position a while ago, Eda and Lilith's illness was getting worse and they had lost their jobs, my younger sisters had to pay school fees, not to mention their personal needs. As the eldest brother and the only man in the house, I had to take care of the family using questionable methods. In the present, I have stopped earning money with certain methods, but the habits have remained." Bruce says, handing the gun clip to Stan, as a sign of apology.
The Mysterious Man of Mystery Shack takes the clip and hides it in his pants. Then, all three Pines breathe a sigh of relief.
"That's the closest thing I've heard you say to a stranger to an excuse," Eda comments, giving a little applause.
"No harm, no foul. We'll all do something crazy for the family." Stan said, looking for a moment at the floor and what lies beneath it.
"If it makes you feel any better, Bruce is a Tsundere. He says some really mean things, but often doesn't follow through on them." Marcy said, trying to make the three Pines understand that they weren't really in danger... probably.
"Now, Stan, go get the papers, or I'll break one of your arms and a leg, then turn the whole place upside down." Bruce said in a calm voice, walking back to the starting line.
"That tone and that look means he's serious," Marcy said, delivering an important piece of information.
"How the hell did you raise your son!?" Stan asks, looking at Eda.
"I admitted that I didn't do a good job. But he often has better self-control." Eda said, admitting her mistakes for once.
"You're wasting your time." Bruce declares, hitting the shop counter, causing a web of cracks to appear where he hit.
"I'll be there in a minute." Stan said, starting to sweat, fully convinced that this boy could attack him.
In an instant, Stan ran to his office in search of the documents requested by the Occult Detective.
"Is there a more comfortable place to discuss?" Bruce asks, looking at the Pines twins.
"Can we go into the living room?" Mabel suggests, trying her best.
"I like you, kiddo." Bruce said, finding Mabel's aura pleasant.
The brown-haired girl blushes at the compliment.
"Mabel, do you want to invite the boy who almost shot Stan, instead of calling the police?" Dipper asks, sure his sister is crazy.
"Well, to me it was an aggressive negotiating tactic, he didn't seem serious, plus they were rubber bullets," Mabel said, taking the whole thing as a bad joke.
"Your sister is right, I wouldn't have shot Stan, not a real reason to want him dead. At most I would have shot out the windows and the hat he's currently wearing. With stubborn old men, fear works better than any kind word." Bruce explains, as he picks up the pieces of his gun and puts them in his coat pockets.
"Tsundere!" Marcy exclaims with an amused expression.
Bruce doesn't say anything, just crosses his arms.
"Dipper, you heard I was right, I'll write in the calendar." Mabel said, with a happy expression.
"Am I the only sane person in this room?" Dipper exclaims, feeling as if he has entered the Twilight Zone.
"Welcome to my world." Miyu said, understanding what Dipper is going through at the moment more or less.
Continues ...