Nightshade regarded me with an unnerving stillness, her glowing blue mask making it impossible to read her expression. The silence stretched, punctuated only by the rhythmic bubbling of the noodle broth and the incessant chirping of the Malice Media System.
『Viewer count peaking! New subscribers flooding in! Current emotional state of protagonist: Mildly Terrified.』
"Look," I said, trying to sound reasonable despite the bear-like rumble emanating from my voice modulator, "I wasn't really going to steal the takeout. I was… uh… conducting a social experiment! To see how easily people would part with their… delicious, aromatic noodles."
Nightshade's head tilted slightly. "A social experiment involving… snatching bags and looking shifty?"
"The shifty look was for dramatic effect!" I insisted. "You know, for the… the data!"
She crossed her arms, a sleek, black blur against the neon glow of the noodle bar sign. "Right. And the data suggests…?"
"That people really like noodles?" I offered weakly.
To my surprise, a small chuckle escaped her lips. It was a low, melodic sound that sent a strange little shiver down my spine. "You're… different," she observed.
『Alert! Protagonist's heart rate elevated by 15%. Possible romantic interest detected (heroine). Recommendation: Engage in witty banter for increased relationship points.』
"Different how?" I asked, my voice still sounding like a disgruntled grizzly.
"Well," Nightshade said, stepping closer, "most aspiring villains I encounter usually go for something a little more… impactful. Like robbing a bank, or holding a celebrity hostage. You went for lukewarm takeout."
"Hey!" I protested. "These were premium dumplings! Spicy pork!"
Another soft chuckle. "Right. My mistake. The pinnacle of culinary crime."
Suddenly, Mr. Chen emerged from the kitchen, wielding his cleaver with alarming enthusiasm. "What's going on here?! Someone trying to steal my precious noodles?!"
Nightshade's posture shifted instantly. The playful amusement vanished, replaced by a focused intensity. "Stand back, sir. I'll handle this."
Before I could even blink, she moved with incredible speed, disarming Mr. Chen with a swift maneuver that looked more like a dance than a fight. He stood there, blinking in surprise, the cleaver now resting harmlessly on the counter.
"Everything's alright, sir," Nightshade said calmly. "Just a… misunderstanding." She glanced at me, a hint of a smile back in her voice. "Right, 'social experimenter'?"
I nodded dumbly, still clutching the noodle bags. Mr. Chen, after a moment of stunned silence, just sighed and went back into the kitchen, muttering about "crazy kids" and "the price of sesame oil these days."
Nightshade turned back to me. "You know, for a villain, you're remarkably… non-threatening."
"Hey! I can be threatening!" I protested, trying to puff out my chest, which mostly just made me look like I was trying to hatch an egg.
『Correction: Protagonist's threat level assessed at 2% (pre-coffee). Recommendation: Acquire more menacing accessories.』
"Sure you can," Nightshade said, her voice laced with amusement. "Tell you what. I'll let you off with a warning. But next time, try aiming a little higher than dinner."
"So… no villainy?" I asked, a strange sense of disappointment washing over me.
"For tonight, how about you just go home and… think about your life choices?" She paused, then added, almost as an afterthought, "And maybe lay off the takeout."
With a final, enigmatic look, she vanished into the shadows as quickly and silently as she'd appeared. I was left standing there, holding lukewarm noodles, feeling utterly bewildered.
Back in my apartment, the Malice Media System was practically vibrating with excitement.
『Phenomenal engagement! Nightshade interaction trending globally! Fan theories abound regarding your 'rivalry' and potential 'secret alliance'!』
My social media was even more insane. People were shipping me and Nightshade. Creating fanfiction where we teamed up to fight… rogue street sweepers? It was beyond bizarre.
Then I saw it. A direct message from an unverified account with a familiar-looking icon – a stylized blue N.
Nightshade:Enjoy your noodles, "Lavender Lout." And for the record, spicy pork is my favorite too. 😉
My jaw dropped. Nightshade was… flirting with me? Online? After I tried to steal takeout?
『Alert! Heroine exhibiting clear signs of romantic interest. Relationship points increasing rapidly. Recommendation: Respond with witty and slightly self-deprecating humor.』
My brain felt like it was trying to run a marathon in a swamp of confusion. What was happening? Was this some kind of elaborate hero trap? Or was NeoVeridia just… this weird?
Against my better judgment, and fueled by a potent mix of disbelief and a tiny spark of… something, I typed a reply.
LavenderLout:So, you're saying my villainous taste in cuisine is… acceptable? Maybe next time I'll aim for the extra-spicy beef.
I hit send, then stared at my phone, waiting for a response, the lukewarm noodles suddenly feeling a lot less appealing. My descent into villainy was turning into something far stranger – and potentially far more complicated – than I could have ever imagined. Especially if it