---
Lin Feng had had enough.
Between his accidental elder promotion, daily duck appreciation ceremonies, endless sect paperwork, and that one haunted broom closet no one talked about anymore, he needed peace.
"I need to get away," Lin Feng muttered, dragging his half-packed gourd of spiritual snacks. "A nice quiet mountain. No disciples. No demon kings. No exploding teapots."
"You're abandoning your duties again?" Bai Xue asked, arms crossed.
"Not abandoning—delegating," Lin Feng replied proudly. "Flame Duck is in charge."
Flame Duck quacked authoritatively and waddled onto the Elder's Seat, wearing a monocle and tiny cape.
Bai Xue facepalmed so hard she nearly unlocked a new cultivation realm.
---
Two Hours Later…
After hiking up a misty trail and bribing a stubborn pine tree spirit with candied lotus seeds, Lin Feng arrived at aserene, untouched mountain peak cloaked in mist and silence. The wind whispered through the trees, the air was pure, and not a single disciple was in sight.
Lin Feng exhaled deeply, smiling for the first time in days.
"This is it… finally. A peaceful place to nap and maybe do some light meditating—or heavy snacking."
He found a mossy boulder under an ancient tree, spread out a blanket, opened his snack gourd, and began meditating.
At least, that was the plan.
Five minutes in, the air turned chilly.
A translucent old man floated past him, looking serene. "Ah, excellent chi flow. Very peaceful. Five stars."
Lin Feng blinked. "Huh?"
Another ghostly figure appeared. "Finally! A new hotspot! The spiritual wifi up here is amazing!"
A group of translucent cultivators shimmered into view, some carrying ghostly yoga mats, others sipping spectral tea. They all looked very pleased.
One ghost bowed to Lin Feng. "Master Lin, we're so grateful you opened this retreat."
"I—I didn't open anything!" Lin Feng protested, waving a rice cracker in panic.
"Exactly the kind of humility we need in a guru," said a floating granny ghost. "Tell me, will there be a detox phase before the enlightenment?"
Lin Feng opened his mouth to deny it—only for a glowing sign to appear above him in flaming ghost script:
"Lin Feng's Peaceful Afterlife Retreat – Now Open!"
"Oh no," he whispered.
A ghost bell rang. More spirits lined up. Some carried incense. One was playing a lute.
An ethereal register appeared and started handing out enlightenment brochures. A translucent duck ghost joined Flame Duck and started offering ghost tea.
"I'm being gentrified by the dead," Lin Feng muttered.
---
Later That Night…
The mountain was packed.
Dozens of ghosts sat in circles, meditating, doing tai chi, or discussing their "past-life regrets" over phantom mooncakes.
One enthusiastic ghost poked Lin Feng. "When do we start the chakra alignment chant?"
"We don't," Lin Feng snapped. "Because I am alive, and this is not a spa!"
Another ghost, a headless monk, nodded. "That's right. True wisdom. No spa can grant enlightenment. Only suffering."
"No, I meant—ugh."
Bai Xue arrived on a flying sword, eyes wide.
"I was wondering why the Sect's yin energy readings were spiking," she said. "You created a ghost paradise!"
"Accidentally!" Lin Feng groaned. "All I did was sit on a rock and chew a rice cracker!"
Bai Xue stared at the ghosts drinking fermented moonwater and chanting in harmony. "You started a cult."
A ghostly hand raised from the crowd. "Can we have branded robes?"
Lin Feng screamed into the mist.