Lin Feng's journey to find a "normal" sect had led him through a ghost trial, a pancake war, and an entrance exam involving airborne breakfast.
So when Bai Xue said the next sect didn't care about fame, food, or flair, Lin Feng had hope. A rare and dangerous thing.
That hope died the moment he arrived at the foot of Mount Tuberus—and was greeted by a giant stone carving of a smiling potato holding a sword.
---
Welcome to the Spud Path
A disciple in burlap robes bowed. "Welcome, traveler, to the Way of the Rooted Blade."
Lin Feng blinked. "I was told this was a sect of misfits."
The disciple nodded solemnly. "Indeed. We are potato cultivators. Rooted in humility. Sharp in spirit. Starchy in soul."
Flame Duck whispered, "This may be my favorite place ever."
Bai Xue snorted. "Starchy in soul?"
The disciple gestured. "Please, follow me. The trial is simple: plant a potato and let it grow. If it sprouts, you're one of us."
"That's it?" Lin Feng asked, deeply suspicious.
"Mostly. Unless the Grand Tuber appears."
Lin Feng paused. "The what?"
---
The Planting Trial
Lin Feng stood before a small garden plot with a single, perfectly average potato in hand.
"I feel like I'm being pranked," he muttered.
He planted it.
Nothing happened.
He watered it with spirit water. The soil shimmered faintly.
Still… nothing.
The other applicants—mostly oddballs and quiet weirdos—meditated in silence, waiting for a "sign of sprouting."
Lin Feng sighed. "Fine. No chaos today. Just peaceful root cultivation."
And then the potato shook.
---
Enter the Grand Tuber
The ground trembled. The sky darkened. Lightning struck a nearby radish patch.
A giant glowing potato burst from the earth, swirling with qi and radiating inexplicable wisdom.
One disciple gasped. "It's the Grand Tuber!"
Another cried, "He's chosen!"
Lin Feng backed away. "Nope. Nope. This is how cults start."
But the Grand Tuber floated above him, emitting waves of...warmth?
A soft pomf sound echoed as it booped Lin Feng gently on the forehead.
A beam of golden light shot skyward. A potato-shaped cloud formed.
Then, silence.
---
The Spiritual Mascot Problem
After the divine potato encounter, the sect went into celebration.
"Rejoice!" cried a sect elder. "The Chosen Mash has arrived!"
"I'm what now?" Lin Feng asked, holding a root like it might explode.
"You've been blessed by the Grand Tuber," the elder said. "That makes you our sect's spiritual mascot, public face, and occasional fertilizer consultant."
Flame Duck burst out laughing. "You're a mascot now. A vegetable-based mascot."
Bai Xue deadpanned, "Do you get a costume?"
They handed Lin Feng a golden robe with a potato emblem and a sash that read Starch Enlightened One.
He buried his face in his hands. "This is worse than the pancake thing."
---
Potato Techniques Are Weird
As part of his new "status," Lin Feng had to learn their core cultivation technique: Rooted Stillness Breathing.
It involved sitting very still, visualizing being underground, and occasionally humming like a buried yam.
Bai Xue mastered it in five minutes.
Flame Duck got stuck in a bucket and claimed he was "rooting spiritually."
Lin Feng? He fell asleep. Woke up to find he'd sprouted actual spirit vines from his sleeves.
The elder applauded. "A natural!"
"I dreamt I was a carrot."
"Even better!"
---
Mascot Duties Suck
That evening, Lin Feng was paraded through the sect. Children threw rice. Someone gifted him a ceremonial hoe. He was made to pose for a mural titled The Awakening of the Golden Fry.
By the time they reached the feast hall, he was slathered in flower garlands and potato stickers.
"I'm losing brain cells," he muttered, sipping tea.
A junior disciple whispered, "Mascot Lin Feng… can you bless my fries?"
Lin Feng blinked. "They're just… regular fries."
"But they could be more."
He waved a hand over the basket. "I dub them… Spirit Fries."
The child wept with joy.
---
Later That Night…
Lin Feng sat under the moon, meditating with the Grand Tuber bobbing quietly beside him.
Bai Xue walked over, holding a scroll. "Guess what."
"I don't want to."
"You've been invited to the Root World Alliance as the keynote speaker."
"I'm not even a real potato cultivator!"
"The robe says otherwise."
Flame Duck landed beside them with a snack. "You know, you're collecting sect titles like spiritual trading cards."
Lin Feng groaned. "What's next? The Rice Sect? The Soup Pavilion?"
Just then, a shooting star passed overhead. A scroll fell from the sky.
> "To the Chosen Mash: The Soup Pavilion requests your palate at the Grand Broth Trials. Come hungry. Bring seasoning."
Lin Feng screamed into a nearby pumpkin.