"So tired…"
On the way to school, Konata Izumi trudged along, half-dead.
"Same here…"
At home—and even leaving Konata's place—Kanade Higashino hadn't noticed it much. But once the cold morning air hit him, the exhaustion really set in. He felt like he could collapse right there on the sidewalk.
"You two seriously didn't sleep last night, did you?"
Walking a step ahead, Suzu Higashino turned back to glare at them.
Among the three "elementary schoolers," only Suzu actually looked and acted like a kid full of energy. Kanade and Konata? They looked more like college students pulling all-nighters—slouched, heavy-footed, eyes glazed over.
When you're this tired, heading to school feels less like education and more like attending your own funeral.
"Games were just too fun," Konata admitted, scratching her head sheepishly. "I finished homework and thought, Okay, just until one o'clock, then I'll sleep. But when I checked the clock… three a.m."
"Insomnia," Kanade muttered, yawning wide enough to crack his jaw.
"Then just sleep in class.""Yeah, just sleep in class."
They spoke at the same time, voices overlapping.
That little coincidence snapped Konata awake for a second. She gave Kanade a huge thumbs-up. "Look at that! Our teamwork's perfect. Guess I really was born just to meet you!"
"…Maybe don't joke about that right now."
Anyone else might've mistaken her words for a clumsy love confession. Kanade, however, knew better. With Konata, it was always a meme.
"Oh? You want me to be serious then? Ufufufu~" Konata narrowed her eyes, flashing a sly fox-like grin.
"You know one of these days, you're gonna get yourself in real trouble," Kanade sighed. Being childhood friends with Konata was not for the faint of heart.
She leaned so close their noses almost touched—the kind of distance that was either for a fistfight or a kiss. "Ko-napii~ H-E-N-T-A-I."
Kanade's fists clenched. She's asking for it!
If he were a high schooler and she were too, he'd show her exactly what happens when you play with fire. But reality check: they were elementary kids. Not only was there no way to "teach her a lesson," he couldn't even… well… self-soothe later.
"Big brother?" Suzu's curious voice cut in. She'd been listening.
"What is it, Suzu?"
"What does 'get in trouble like that' mean?"
"…Uh." Kanade hesitated.
Before he could answer, Konata bent down, whispering conspiratorially into Suzu's ear.
Japan teaches this stuff early enough, so Suzu wasn't clueless about "boys and girls." She just didn't know that particular phrase. The moment Konata explained, her whole face went bright red.
"W-Why are you even talking about that?!"
"You're the one who asked," Konata teased, wagging her finger. "And don't be shy. Stick with me, and you'll see that's nothing. I've seen way bigger things than that in games."
"Hey! Don't teach Suzu weird stuff! Keep your degenerate wisdom to yourself!" Kanade snapped.
"Heh. Who says I'm talking about anything dirty?"
"…."
Kanade fell silent. Konata smirked, mission accomplished.
The burst of energy didn't last. Within minutes, the two all-nighters were shuffling like zombies again, while Suzu marched ahead in awkward silence. Normally, the three of them made the morning walk noisy and chaotic. But today it was like a funeral procession.
At First Elementary, Suzu split off to her own classroom. Kanade and Konata, perfectly synchronized, dropped their bags, sat down, pulled out their homework… and immediately collapsed face-first onto their desks.
"Kanade Higashino! Konata Izumi!"
BAM! Their homeroom teacher slammed the desk.
Of course. Those two again. The twin troublemakers. Always the ones nodding off like rotten apples spoiling the barrel.
Kanade peeled one eye open, saw the furious face of their teacher—Uesugi-sensei, well past thirty—and sighed. Without protest, he stood, brushed off imaginary drool, and started walking out of the room.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Hallway. That's the usual punishment, right, Uesugi-sensei?"
She froze. His reasoning was nonsense, but his confidence was unshakable.
"…Fine. Go stand in the hall!" she barked, teeth grinding.
"Oh, right." Kanade remembered someone else. He went to the back, shook Konata awake. "Come on. Get up. You can sleep later."
"Sleep later?"
That nearly made Uesugi-sensei explode.
"Huh? Didn't I already wake up once today?" Konata mumbled into her arms.
"What are you, a camel? You ate yesterday, so today you don't eat? Less talk, more up. Unless you want to make our kind, gentle, generous teacher who'll definitely find a boyfriend one day really mad."
SNAP. A piece of chalk broke in Uesugi-sensei's hand.
"Boyfriend? Kind and gentle?" Konata rubbed her eyes, sitting up groggily. "No way. She's cranky, petty, and—"
Halfway through, she realized something was wrong.
This wasn't her bedroom. This was class. And someone had been yelling at her.
"…Hi there, kind, gentle, generous teacher who'll definitely find a boyfriend one day." She waved weakly at the fuming woman on the podium, then instantly changed tune: "Uh—I'll just… go outside."
Kanade sighed. "Idiot."
Maybe because she was his Konata, not the anime one, she had her moments of being just plain dumb. Goofy. Almost… cute.
Must be the blue hair, Kanade thought, sneaking a glance.
"…I can feel you thinking something rude," Konata frowned.
"Nope."
"Yes."
"Nope."
"Yes."
"You two outside—no talking!" Uesugi-sensei's voice cut through.
"See? So stingy. She's still mad." Konata's voice was barely a whisper now.
"Yeah, yeah." Kanade nodded.
"I'm thirsty. Buy me a coffee milk?" she asked suddenly, licking dry lips. She hadn't drunk anything all morning.
"Why don't you buy me one? Yesterday's popsicles were on me."
"My money's for manga, games, and merch."
"My money's for sketchbooks and pencils."
"Pfft."
"Pfft."
With barely any sleep, the rest of the day was doomed. First period, they stood in the hall. After that? Sleeping through class. Post-lunch, they were wide awake again—Kanade doodling, Konata reading manga. But by afternoon, they were both nodding off once more.
The only sound that could pierce their slumber? The dismissal bell.
The moment it rang, both shot upright, grabbed their pre-packed bags, and bolted faster than anyone else in class. Their classmates just stared, dumbfounded.
What did those two even come to school for?