Chapter 2: The Peach Blossom Menace
Qi Feng dreamed.
In his dream, he stood atop the smoking ruin of the Heavenly Palace, one foot on the shattered golden throne, laughing as celestial blood soaked his robes. The stars above him wept. Thunder sang his name. He raised his sword and bellowed, "BOW BEFORE ME!"
And then…
"Ah Feng…"
The voice was soft. Gentle. Almost tender.
"Are you comfortable?"
Qi Feng jolted awake with a muffled shout, flailing his arms like a startled cat. His face smacked directly into a warm, strangely scented chest.
He froze.
There was a person in his bed.
A very warm person.
With very expensive robes.
Very muscular arms.
And very long hair that smelled suspiciously of peach blossoms.
"What in the hell—"
"You're awake," said the owner of the chest. A deep, elegant voice. Emotionless, but not unkind.
Qi Feng slowly, very slowly, looked up.
There he was.
Jin Xian.
Heavenward Sword Sect's pride.
The Ice-Faced Immortal.
Sword Saint Prodigy.
Rumored to have once frozen a wyvern mid-flight by looking at it too coldly.
Qi Feng's first thought was: Why is the ice statue in my bed?
His second: I am going to kill Li Bao.
"Jin… Xian," Qi Feng said slowly, inching back as far as he could without falling off the mattress. "What are you doing here?"
"You were unconscious," Jin Xian replied, as if that explained anything. "I came to check on you."
Qi Feng blinked. "So you climbed into bed with me?"
"You looked cold."
Qi Feng stared.
Jin Xian stared back.
"Do you often warm people like this?" Qi Feng asked flatly.
"Only you."
Qi Feng's eye twitched. He tried to get up. His leg cramped immediately. He yelped and fell sideways, colliding again with Jin Xian's very sturdy, very sword-tempered body.
"I hate everything," he muttered into Jin Xian's sleeve.
---
Ten minutes later, Qi Feng sat stiffly on a stool while Jin Xian poured tea like they were old lovers in a lakeside villa. Li Bao, now clearly possessed by a death wish, had brought fresh buns and even added tiny peach-shaped candies to the tray.
"Did you sprinkle aphrodisiacs in these?" Qi Feng snapped under his breath.
"Not this time," Li Bao replied cheerfully.
Jin Xian ignored the exchange, handing over a steaming cup of tea. Qi Feng eyed him with deep suspicion.
He remembered how the old Qi Feng—this body's former soul—used to be treated. Jin Xian had barely spared him a glance, save for the occasional ew, why is it breathing expression. So why the sudden shift?
Was it pity? Strategy? Blackmail?
…Interest?
Qi Feng shuddered.
"You shouldn't be walking yet," Jin Xian said, sipping his tea.
"I shouldn't be many things," Qi Feng muttered.
Jin Xian set his cup down with delicate precision. "You burned Elder Sun's garden. He's furious."
"Good," Qi Feng replied immediately.
"He wants you disciplined."
"Tell him I'm too pretty for punishment."
A silence.
Then, shockingly, Jin Xian's lips quirked upward.
It wasn't a full smile. Just the barest curve. But on his otherwise expressionless face, it might as well have been a declaration of love.
Qi Feng nearly dropped his cup.
Oh no, he thought. He's broken. I broke the ice cube.
"I've prepared a new cultivation manual for you," Jin Xian said casually. "It's… unorthodox. But I believe it will suit your temperament."
Qi Feng narrowed his eyes. "You think I have a temperament?"
Jin Xian didn't answer. He just reached into his sleeve and pulled out a small scroll.
Qi Feng unrolled it cautiously.
His eyebrow twitched.
"'The Way of the Passive Flame: Cultivating Strength through Strategic Inactivity'?"
"It's very effective," Jin Xian said.
"It says, Step One: lie down and visualize fire for three hours a day."
"Yes."
"And Step Two is eat spicy food while imagining you're a volcano."
"Correct."
"Did you write this?"
"Yes."
Qi Feng took a long, suffering breath. "I see."
He was going to need stronger tea.
---
Later that day, Qi Feng hobbled out to the courtyard, still chewing on a fiery chili bun from Jin Xian's newly invented training regimen.
Around him, disciples whispered.
"Isn't that Qi Feng?"
"He actually left his room?"
"I heard he made Jin Xian smile."
"No way. That's like… making a sword laugh."
Qi Feng ignored them. He'd dealt with worse. Public opinion was irrelevant. What mattered now was regaining power.
And figuring out what the hell Jin Xian wanted.
And maybe punting Li Bao into a lake.
He reached the central courtyard just as the inner sect disciples were finishing their sword forms. Blades shimmered in the afternoon sun. Qi and sweat mingled on the air.
Qi Feng, now uncomfortably aware that this body's muscles were more decorative than functional, leaned against a stone pillar and muttered, "One day… you will all kneel."
A voice behind him said, "I'd prefer lying down. On you."
Qi Feng choked.
He turned.
A tall, overly handsome boy with fox-like eyes and a flirtatious smile leaned in far too close. His robes were open at the collar. His spiritual core pulsed with flirt energy.
"Name's Yan Shen," the boy said. "You're more attractive than I expected."
"I'm also more dangerous," Qi Feng deadpanned.
"Oh? I like danger."
Qi Feng gave him a look that could curdle milk.
"I'm not interested," he said firmly.
Yan Shen winked. "That's what makes it fun."
Qi Feng opened his mouth to summon a fireball—
—only to be interrupted by a sudden gust of frost.
Jin Xian appeared behind him like an avenging winter spirit, spiritual pressure dropping the temperature ten degrees.
Yan Shen blanched. "Ah… Senior Brother Jin."
Jin Xian placed a hand on Qi Feng's shoulder. "Is this one bothering you?"
Qi Feng raised an eyebrow. "What do you think?"
Yan Shen raised his hands. "Just a joke! No harm done!"
"Leave," Jin Xian said without blinking.
Yan Shen fled faster than a loose chicken at a swordsmanship banquet.
Qi Feng turned slowly to look at Jin Xian. "Are you following me?"
"Protecting."
"I'm not a fragile maiden."
"I noticed," Jin Xian said. "You're more of a spiky hedgehog with fire issues."
Qi Feng stared.
"…That was almost a joke."
Jin Xian inclined his head, unrepentant.
Qi Feng groaned. "You're not going to stop acting weird, are you?"
"No."
"Can I bribe you?"
"No."
"Threaten you?"
"You could try."
Qi Feng considered it. Then sighed. "Fine. But if I catch you sneaking into my bed again, I will banish your soul to the Vermilion Urinal Realm."
Jin Xian actually smiled.
A real, amused smile.
Qi Feng immediately turned and walked away.
This life… this body… this insane sect…
He was going to destroy it all.
After lunch.