I was finally home.
No high-tech metal suits. No dramatic explosions. No life-threatening parties. Just me, my couch, and the deafening silence of not being in Tony Stark's orbit. Honestly, it felt like a luxury spa getaway.
I sunk deep into the living room couch like it owed me money. The cushions wrapped around me like a warm burrito of emotional exhaustion. My neck throbbed with the memory of being manhandled by the universe, tightly bandaged like some sad little mummy. I poked at the gauze, winced, then let out a breath that sounded half-human, half dying kettle.
My phone rang, vibrating aggressively on the table like it wanted to fight. I managed to hit my hand on the coffee table before picking up my phone.
"Y/N! Are you okay? I heard about what happened at the party," CJ blurted out before I could even say hello.
"I'm great," I groaned. "Just lying here with enough bandages around my neck to cut off my entire air supply. But yeah, peachy."
"What!? Did your head get split open or something?"
"CJ, that would be my head, not my neck. Do I need to send you a diagram?" I rolled my eyes so hard they nearly fell out.
"You sound like you need caffeine," he replied, "I'll get you some coffee and come over."
"Vodka, please," I interrupted without hesitation. "I need something stronger than caffeine and my crippling optimism."
CJ sighed in defeat. "Vodka it is. We're calling it a short night, then."
He hung up. I let the phone fall from my hand and flopped my arms over the sides of the couch like a dramatic tantrum-throwing-child.
And that's when I heard it.
"You have a nice home," a voice said, calm, deliberate, and definitely not CJ's.
My whole body froze. I sat up with a jerk, my neck screaming in betrayal, and locked eyes with a man dressed in all black, like he had just walked off the set of the matrix.
"Who the hell are you?!" I demanded, leaping to my feet so fast I almost fell flat on my face.
He didn't flinch. In fact, he looked bored.
"I'm Nick Fury. Pleasure to meet you."
"NO. You are a stranger in my living room! Are we not going to talk about that? Did my door offend you somehow?!"
He held up a hand like I was the unreasonable one. "I mean no harm."
"Yeah, says the person who broke into my house."
He looked mildly exasperated. "I'm here to give you a friendly warning."
"Cool, I have a friendly warning for you. I own a gun."
"No, you don't," he replied dryly.
I paused. "Okay, fine. I own one in theory. Somewhere."
He sighed like a single dad at a PTA meeting. "You've gotten involved with the Avengers. I suggest you... not."
"You broke into my house for that? Dude, just send a text next time. Or better yet, send an email, I check that like every 6 months."
Fury didn't even blink. "They live dangerous lives, Miss L/N. If you stay around them, you will get hurt."
I blinked back. "You do realize I was nearly choked out at a party you guys hosted, right? I already am hurt. You're a little late with the threat, my guy."
He walked toward the door like he owned the place. "Think about what I said. They may be heroes, but they attract chaos."
"Oh good. I love unsolicited advice from men in trench coats," I muttered as he walked to the door.
I exhaled the biggest sigh I've ever exhaled in my life. "He definitely didn't come in through the front door," I muttered, walking over to shut it.
The door swung open again before I could reach it.
"OH MY GOD!" I yelled, bracing for another spy or alien or interdimensional raccoon.
"Easy, it's just me!" CJ stood there, vodka in hand and looking completely unbothered. "Damn. You look like you've been visited by Virgin Mary's evil twin."
"You scared the hell out of me!" I gasped.
CJ looked past me into the apartment. "Who was that guy who just left? Tall, scary? Dressed like a rejected member of the Men in Black?"
"Some sort of Avengers... salesman?" I replied, grabbing the vodka from him with the desperation of someone about to rehydrate with liquor.
CJ narrowed his eyes. "Salesman? Y/N, the guy looked like he blackmails people for fun."
"Oh whatever, same same."
"Alright, we're unpacking that later," he said, following me into the kitchen. "I got your favorite. And yes, I brought the extra fancy glasses because I know how you get when your emotional support vodka looks 'sad.'"
I placed the bottle on the counter and grabbed the glasses. "I just want to drink something that doesn't taste like fear and exhaustion."
CJ smirked. "So you're over the Avengers already?"
"I never said that."
He poured our drinks. "Well, cheers to you surviving chaos, assault, spy break-ins, and whatever the hell your life has become."
I clinked glasses with him. "To chaos. May it wait until tomorrow."
We drank.
Then I slumped back onto the couch with a satisfied groan. CJ joined me.
"...So, how much muscle does Thor have?" he asked after a beat.
I snorted. "God, CJ. You're ridiculous."
CJ raised his glass again. "Can't blame a guy for trying."