Chapter 3: The First Teacher is Absolutely Not Normal
Liana stared at the golden scroll in her hand like it was a loaded gun.
[Item: Legendary Teacher Recruitment Scroll – Guaranteed Contract Loyalty – Duration: 10 Years]
"How do I even use this?" she muttered.
[Tear the scroll and declare your intent to hire a compatible faculty member. The system will summon one accordingly.]
She rolled her eyes. "Sure. What could possibly go wrong? Let's summon someone who hopefully won't try to eat the students."
She stood at the center of the rebuilt summoning circle—a silver emblem inlaid with glowing runes.
With a breath, she tore the scroll.
[Summoning in progress…][Searching all planes for qualified magical faculty…][Filter: Loyalty Required | Competence: Mandatory | Sanity: Optional]
"…Wait. What was that last one?"
A portal tore open above the circle with a thunderclap. Black smoke poured out. Crows flew backward into the sky. The phoenix hatchling screamed and buried its head under Liana's hair.
Then came a voice:
"WHO DARES—oh. Wait. This isn't Hell. Huh."
The smoke cleared.
A tall man in a half-burned professor's robe stepped out, sipping from a blood-stained teacup and dragging a long chalkboard behind him. His hair was silver, his eyes glowed red, and he smelled faintly like lightning and regret.
"…Professor?" Liana asked carefully.
The man blinked.
Then bowed.
"Professor Mordain Vellcroft, Doctor of Applied Forbidden Arts and Controversial Pedagogy. Tenure: forcibly removed from three realms. Favorite pastime: sarcasm. Least favorite: students. At your service."
Liana stared.
"Why were you drinking tea inside a summoning rift?"
"It's summoning etiquette. You never arrive parched." He sipped. "Also, the tea is infused with soul fragments. Helps digestion."
She looked down at the scroll.
[Congratulations! You have summoned: Professor Mordain Vellcroft][Position: Magic Theory and Advanced Explosives][Warning: Do not allow unsupervised access to laboratory equipment, students, alcohol, or mirrors.]
Liana pinched the bridge of her nose.
"System, I thought you said loyal faculty."
[He is loyal. To the job. Not necessarily the rules.]
Mordain strolled past her and gazed at the gleaming buildings.
"Hm. Decent architecture. Could use more lava pits. Do the students bleed?"
Liana blinked.
"Excuse me?"
"I meant do they need blood samples for rituals. Obviously."
"Oh. …Not yet."
"Shame."
Later that evening…
The professor had already claimed the largest office, decorated it with floating bones, and renamed it "The Laboratory of Educational Chaos™." He stapled a sign to the door with the words: "Only Knock If You're On Fire."
Liana, meanwhile, watched from her throne, exhausted.
"System," she muttered, sipping tea. "Give me a summary."
[Academy Status: 14% Restored][1 Teacher Recruited (Possibly Unhinged)][Student Population: 0][Glitched Item: Void-Sealed Crystal — Still Rumbling Below Basement]
And then, as if on cue, a small tremor ran through the ground.
Mordain popped his head out from a nearby window.
"Oh, by the way! Your basement might be built on a forgotten deity's spinal column. I'd recommend getting an exorcist. Or snacks. Either one works."
End of Chapter 3