"That's just being selfish, Kim Dokja," Jung Heewon sighed, indignant. "It's not worth it. Stop thinking about that."
"What a narcissistic piece of shit," Han Sooyoung snorted angrily.
"Oh, I have a perfectly nice boyfriend," she said mockingly. "But I wanted some spiciness in life, I didn't want to give up either so I cheated—It's bullshit, is what it is."
"Dokja-ssi, being in a relationship comes with some responsibilities," Yoo Sangah had said calmly, though her gaze was icy. Her anger was directed at his ex. "Please don't blame yourself for someone else breaking your trust."
Again, he was immensely grateful for his friends.
But his ex was completely right.
That perfectly explained why his relationships failed. And he felt a little bad for his ex who was being judged badly by his friends. He knew all his relationships were toxic, just covertly. It wasn't noticeable at all, but it still existed.
He had never loved the people he was in a romantic relationship with. Even if he said those words and did everything that a perfect significant other would have done, it had seeped through somehow, the fact that he never really loved, or even liked them.
When things were done insincerely, it would be noticeable. It was just the way he acted that made it harder for them to pinpoint exactly what the issue was.
He didn't love his current girlfriend either. And the same thing had happened with her too.
He wasn't sure if she loved him. If she had, he felt sorry for her.
She was probably feeling bad about the whole thing and blaming herself.
Well, that was none of his business though. He might as well add to her backstory, give her character some depth and all that.
He was a horrible person, really.
When he got home from work, Kim Dokja set the stage.
He cleaned the house and put all his clothes for washing, his girlfriend's stuff was done separately. She didn't have a lot of stuff in his apartment anyway, mostly because he would sneak her things back to her place.
Moving was a pain, he didn't want to move his things for short relationships. It was a waste of time and a headache.
Hmm...It wasn't a short relationship though, was it? She had lasted longer than most others. He'd been dating her for almost a whole year. . .Interesting.
He didn't cook often, but he would do it today. She wasn't the kind to cook either, they mostly got takeout. Again, waste of money. Dating was a waste of money.
But Kim Dokja needed something to distract himself from. Something to desperately hide his secret. And this was better than anyone ever finding out about it.
He had the kimchi Yoo Joonghyuk had made and the recipe he'd learnt from the man. It was sure to impress.
Kim Dokja smiled wryly when he took out the pack of tofu from his fridge. That was stuffed into his refrigerator by Yoo Joonghyuk too.
Fried tofu would be nice, wouldn't it? . . .Oh, his girlfriend was on a diet. . .What should he go for? . . .Fried tofu was more advantageous. It would come of as touching, or be an argument started that would kick start the grand finale, the break up.
Kim Dokja was average at cooking. He was average in a lot of things. But it was Yoo Joonghyuk's special recipe, and he trusted that man's cooking skills more than he trusted himself.
Kim Dokja had watched Yoo Joonghyuk's cooking improve over the years. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't pop out of the womb with a Michelin star chef's culinary skills. He picked up the kitchen knife a bit uncertain, a bit desperate and sharpened it with practice, over and over again.
Kim Dokja had watched the teen chop vegetables slowly, struggle with onions, and approach hot oil tentatively. And now that taciturn jerk could move his knife at a speed Kim Dokja couldn't catch with his eyes and moved around the kitchen gracefully, with the proficiency of a professional chef.
He had watched the look in his eyes change, from wariness to peace as Yoo Joonghyuk took a liking to cooking and started enjoying it as a stress reliever.
He'd watched. He had watched it all. But that's about it.
At eight thirty-eight, he heard the doorbell ring and Kim Dokja plastered on the best happy look on his face and went to open the door.
Min Jiwon's face was serious today. . .Oh, he thought it would take a few more days. But the sooner the better, he was fine with it.
While pretending he didn't have a clue about it would be easier, he couldn't do that. That would make him inattentive.
"Jiwon-ah," Kim Dokja called softly, holding the door open for the woman to walk in, his previous smile morphing into a concerned frown.
"Are you alright?"
"Ah...yeah," Min Jiwon mumbled, toeing her shoes off.
"I made dinner," Kim Dokja continued, in the same tone. He couldn't come off as too peppy now.
"How about you eat something and then you can rest today. How was today?"
Too many questions at once were annoying. He should stop there.
He took her hand gently in his and led her into the house.
"Forget the shoes," Kim Dokja said when she tried to make an excuse about fixing them. "Come in now."
He helped her take off her coat and hung it on the hook he had installed on his wall.
Who was the actor here, Kim Dokja wondered dully as he played his part perfectly.
With Min Jiwon sitting at the dining table, he laid out their dishes and sat down opposite her. He didn't start eating until she did.
"I know you said you were on a diet," Kim Dokja said, sounding a little sheepish. "But I was worried. One day should be fine, no? One cheat day?"
Min Jiwon gave a nod, lowering her head until her hair fell and hid her face from view.
"Are you really okay?" Kim Dokja said. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it now. I'll wait. . .Just know that I'm always here for you."
Kim Dokja pretended he didn't hear the little choked sob that the woman sitting opposite him had tried stifling and failed.
They had barely gotten a quarter of the meal when Min Jiwon put her chopsticks down with quivering hands. Kim Dokja copied the action, he hadn't been eating properly either.
Even if he wanted to do nothing better than enjoy his dinner, he had to sell his trick and a good lover wouldn't be able to eat well while his beloved was suffering.
". . .Oppa."
"Hm?"
Min Jiwon took a deep breath and let it out shakily through her lips.
"I think we should break up."
Kim Dokja blinked.
". . .Ah, you think so?" he said. He blinked once more and lowered his gaze.
"Yes."
The silence was awkward.
Good.
"Okay," Kim Dokja's voice trembled when he spoke.
". . .you're not going to say anything against it?" Min Jiwon asked quietly.
"I think we both saw it coming," Kim Dokja gave her a small smile. "I just. . .I didn't want to believe it. I thought I could pretend it wasn't happening and it wouldn't."
He gave a hoarse chuckle. "I guess you can't stop these kinds of things."
"I'm so sorry," Min Jiwon burst into tears.
Kim Dokja did his role of comforting her perfectly.
He listened to her sobs and how she really didn't want things to end this way. He told her that he understood, she was a rising actress, and things happen, he understood. It was a shame, but he understood.
Seriously, who was the professional actor here, he thought to himself as he put his Oscar-worthy acting skills on display.
Even as his now ex-girlfriend was leaving after a quick goodbye, walking through the door, he moved to reach out and catch her wrist but stopped himself just in time. Min Jiwon flinched a little and glanced back to see Kim Dokja looking away, eyes glazed over, lips trembling.
She didn't make it too far before she started crying again and Kim Dokja who had already closed the door didn't bother opening the door and going to check in on her.
Right now he was supposed to be biting into his fist, trying to stifle his own sobs, trembling from the breakup.
Kim Dokja went back to the kitchen. Food should be eaten while it is warm.
Min Jiwon hadn't touched a lot. Now he had two meals. Food for four days set. Of course, Yoo Joonghyuk would lose his head if he ever found out about it, but Kim Dokja wasn't going to be in town in a few days anyway.
How to get red eyes? Lose sleep.
Kim Dokja generally had a very exhausted look about him. It made people want to stay away from him. And he stayed up reading his web novels, so in a way, it was productive.
Yoo Sangah noticed and cornered him about it during their lunch break.
"We...um, my girlfriend broke up with me. Ah, ex-girlfriend now," Kim Dokja said thickly. "Last Friday."
"Ah."
He watched a myriad of emotions flash through Yoo Sangah's kind eyes. He caught surprise, indignance, pity...and something that made her look a little smug for a second.
Huh? So she agreed with Jung Heewon and Han Sooyoung's views too? He didn't think she did, she was mostly silent when the other two women kept telling him that Min Jiwon was no good for him.
And Yoo Sangah did have a little disagreement with Min Jiwon when they first met. Yoo Sangah sure held grudges. Kim Dokja made a mental note to never cross her.
He took all of Yoo Sangah's comforting words. When he told her that he hadn't told anyone yet because he didn't feel like it, she told him to take his time. Kim Dokja suspected she would end up telling Han Sooyoung anyway and Han Sooyoung would tell Yoo Joonghyuk.
Kim Dokja considered begging Yoo Sangah to promise to not tell anyone. Then he kept his mouth shut.
Kim Dokja had an ugly heart.
He knew Yoo Joonghyuk would be worried about him once he heard about the breakup. Kim Dokja knew that Yoo Joonghyuk had other, more important things to worry about, something silly like his breakup shouldn't end up bothering him. But since it was Yoo Joonghyuk, that guy would worry and come to comfort him.
Well, two more days only anyway.
Kim Dokja packed his bags and left town.
Not indefinitely. He was coming back in four days.
There was a tech exhibition and he was going to attend that.
He had no interest in it, but he had made it sound like he was very excited about it. Honestly, it was just an excuse for him to get away from his friends for a bit without them suspecting him or coming after him.
The exhibition came as a saving grace. He would have to look for something else as an excuse if it wasn't there.
He had planned on leaving nearly a month ago.
The fact that it coincided with Yoo Joonghyuk's decision to buy an engagement ring was only for Kim Dokja to know.
Yoo Joonghyuk was his best friend and though the man wasn't very vocal about things, Kim Dokja noticed it all regardless.