I woke up to darkness.
Not the cool, dramatic kind where a deep narrator's voice echoes in your head. Nope. This was the gross, wet, squishy kind of darkness. It smelled like feet and disappointment.
"GYYAAAH!!"
That wasn't me. That was… something else. A shriek. And then another. And another.
What the hell is going on?!
I tried moving and realized, to my horror, that I was trapped in some kind of fleshy, damp sack. My arms were tiny. My legs were weak. I was slimy, naked, and possibly green.
Am I… reborn?
A sudden pop sound followed by blinding light hit me like a truck. Not the Truck-kun, mind you — a metaphorical one.
"GYEEEHHH!!"
That one was me.
I landed face-first onto cold dirt, covered in goo. Disoriented, I opened my eyes and was immediately greeted by the ugliest bunch of creatures I'd ever seen.
Small, green, pointy-eared, and most of them missing teeth. They looked like someone tried to draw humans from memory… poorly.
"Another one's out!" a goblin midwife croaked, holding me up by my leg like a fish.
"Is it a boy or a girl?" one asked.
The midwife shrugged. "Dunno. Ain't checkin'. Goblin's a goblin."
WHAT?!
I started crying on instinct. Not because I was scared, but because what the hell was this world?!
"Eh, strong lungs. Good. He'll live."
They tossed me into a pile of other wriggling green newborns. I landed on what I hope was moss but felt suspiciously like damp hair.
Okay. Deep breath. I died. I'm reborn as a goblin. Fine. I can handle this. I've played games like this before. First, assess the situation. Second,—
DING!
A sound echoed in my head.
Huh?
[Goblin Progenitor System Activated.]
Wait. What?
A screen I could somehow see appeared before my eyes. Glowing letters floated in the air like a janky mobile game tutorial.
Congratulations, Host! You have been chosen as the new Goblin Progenitor! Spread your seed, grow your brood, and rise to greatness!
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SYSTEM IS THIS?!
"GYAAAH!" I wailed again. Nobody else seemed to notice the floating text. The other goblin babies just burped, cried, or tried to eat their own feet.
I have a system. Nobody else can see it. And apparently, it's about making babies?!
I tried to look around for someone I could complain to, but all I saw was a bunch of adult goblins celebrating like it was Friday night at a trashy dive bar. A one-eyed goblin was juggling mushrooms. Another was picking his nose with his toes.
One of the goblin elders — a wrinkly green prune with a beard made of grass — waddled over.
"Ohoho, new batch this year strong, yes, yes," he mumbled, poking my head with his stick. "This one, good eyes."
No they're not, you old gremlin!
Then he farted and left.
…I'm not making this up.
DING!
[Progenitor Quest: Impregnate a mate to gain your first skill!]
Are you serious?! I'm literally three minutes old!!
I don't even have teeth yet!
I looked at the other baby goblins. One was eating dirt. One was trying to headbutt a rock. One had fallen asleep face-first in mud.
And me? I had a harem-breeding system.
Life's not fair.
Suddenly, a plump goblin lady with a lazy eye and teeth like broken fence posts picked me up. "Ah, this one cute. Me call you Gob."
Gob? Really? That's it? Not even a cool fantasy name like Grimbash or Zork the Relentless?
"Gob," she said again, smiling like she'd just adopted a pet rock.
And just like that, my new goblin life began.
I, Gob, future progenitor of a goblin horde, destined to accidentally romance monster girls, piss off demon lords, and confuse ancient heroes — started my journey.
And nobody had any idea I had a system.
Including me.
Because honestly, I didn't even know how to talk yet.