Jiang Chen's eyes fluttered open to the unpleasant scent of burning mushrooms and damp goblin feet. A throbbing pain pulsed behind his eyes, and the cold cave floor beneath him offered little comfort. Above, jagged stalactites loomed like fangs, and beside him, a snoring goblin used a cracked skull as a pillow.
He groaned, clutching his chest. "Am I in hell?"
"Technically," said a raspy voice nearby, "you're in the Xuanjing Realm. But same difference, really."
Jiang Chen turned to see the goblin now awake, scratching its bulbous green belly. Its skin was the texture of boiled spinach, and its eyes gleamed with mischievous intelligence.
Before Jiang Chen could respond, a chime rang through his mind like a divine notification from the heavens.
DING!
> [Face-Slapping System Activated!]
Welcome, Host! Your trash status has been verified.
Current Trash Level: Absolute Filth
Objective: Slap your way to the top!
Bonus Objective: Collect 100 slaps = [System Gacha Token x1]
He blinked. "Slap… my way to the top?"
> New Mission Unlocked:
Title: Trash Awakens
Objective: Reach Qi Gathering 1st Stage
Reward: Trash-Be-Gone Pill x1 | Slap Token x1
Jiang Chen looked at the goblin, who was now pulling something suspiciously alive out of his nose. "I've died, reincarnated, and now I'm being guided by a violent gacha game."
"Are you done talking to your imaginary friend?" the goblin asked, then yawned. "You've been twitching all night. Thought you were having a seizure. Again."
Jiang Chen ignored him and focused. "System, how do I get stronger?"
> Initiating Spirit Root Awakening… Please select your Elemental Affinity:
1. Fire
2. Earth
3. Wind
4. Water
5. Randomized Chaos Option (Warning: May cause temporary insanity)
"Obviously chaos," Jiang Chen muttered, because clearly his life hadn't been chaotic enough already.
The moment he selected the fifth option, his body convulsed. Power surged through his veins like lightning on Red Bull. He screamed as ancient meridians lit up inside him, one after another, flaring in disorganized madness. His body slammed into the cave wall, and his vision went white.
When it ended, he was smoking slightly and twitching.
> Congratulations! You've awakened a Mixed Trash Root with High Slap Potential!
Passive Skill Unlocked: [Face of Misunderstanding] – People instinctively underestimate you. Slap results multiplied by 2x.
"Fantastic," Jiang Chen gasped. "I'm trash with benefits."
The goblin clapped. "Well, now you glow slightly. Progress!"
"I don't even know your name."
"I don't have one," said the goblin, crossing its arms. "Name me, O glowy trash master."
Jiang Chen pondered. "Greedy Flame. Sounds appropriate."
The goblin beamed. "That's perfect! Greedy Flame accepts your leadership! Now let's get rich or die slapping."
"Was that supposed to be inspirational?"
"No. But I've got lizard jerky, want some?"
Later that day, while Greedy Flame picked his teeth with a fishbone, he pulled out a large, slightly cracked egg from a mossy pile.
"Found this near the scorched hilltop. Want it?"
"Does it taste like chicken?"
Before the goblin could answer, the egg cracked and burst open. Out tumbled a round, fluffy creature with stubby wings, a single fang, and the shrieking temperament of a spoiled thunder deity. It immediately flew up and bit Jiang Chen's ear.
"Gah! Get it off!"
> Companion Acquired: Mini Thunderfire Beast (Infant)
Affinity: Explosive Tantrums
Loyalty: 10/100 (Hates you)
Hidden Trait: Cuteness Overload
Greedy Flame was in tears. "It chose you! It really chose you!"
"It's chewing my ear off!"
"That's how they show respect."
"I'm beginning to question everything."
Despite the ear trauma, the system chimed happily.
> Minor Affinity Bonus Gained: Lightning +0.3%
"That's nothing!"
"It's more than zero," said Greedy Flame wisely.
With a new goblin sidekick and a flying furball of fury, Jiang Chen set out to join a sect. That's what people did in these worlds, right? Cultivate, get strong, slap people, profit.
Their first stop was the Ironroot Sect, a humble organization known more for its stubbornness than strength. At the entrance, an elder with a beard shaped like a garden rake looked Jiang Chen up and down.
"Spirit root grade: trash. Potential: negative. Appearance: pathetic. You may leave."
"But I haven't even—"
The elder raised a hand. "I've seen better talent from a dying tree stump. Next!"
Jiang Chen left with his dignity in tatters and a leaf stuck in his hair. Greedy Flame tried to console him by offering a half-eaten mushroom.
"Don't worry, boss. You're just too special for them."
"I was just insulted by a man with beard moss."
Luckily, all hope wasn't lost. The Eastern Recruitment Fair was underway—a massive event where hundreds of sects scouted fresh talent.
The fairgrounds were packed with cultivators, young hopefuls, and various spirit beasts on leashes, many of which looked far too intelligent. Jiang Chen signed up for the Beastmaster Gate's trial. Known for taming spirit animals and dressing like flamboyant peacocks, they seemed like the best of mediocre options.
At the registration table, a young woman with twin buns and a face like she smelled something rotten took his name.
"Name?"
"Jiang Chen."
She glanced him over and sighed. "Another commoner. Try not to die in the first round."
He grinned. "I'll try not to die in the second."
"Trash," she muttered.
> System Alert: Slappable Target Detected
Name: Xiao Qian
Slap Value: 1.2
Crowd Reaction Bonus: Active!
His opponent was a tall youth named Lin Bao, muscles bulging out of his robe, nose tilted so high he risked drowning in rain.
"You dare stand before me, peasant? I've tamed two beasts and mastered six sword forms!"
Jiang Chen cupped his hands. "I've mastered eating noodles with one chopstick and dodging debt collectors."
"You mock me?! Prepare to die!"
Lin Bao charged with a roar. Jiang Chen stepped aside and, on instinct, slapped him across the face with enough force to rotate his soul.
The crowd gasped as Lin Bao spun midair like a slapped pigeon, then crashed headfirst into a ceremonial gong.
> [SLAP SUCCESSFUL]
Slap Value: 3.0
Public Humiliation Multiplier: 2.5x
Qi Points Gained: +500
Reputation: "Mildly Impressive Trash" Unlocked!
Slap Token +1
The crowd buzzed. Even Xiao Qian's jaw dropped.
A girl in the back whispered, "Who… who is that mysterious trash?"
Greedy Flame nudged him. "That's the sound of your first waifu being unlocked."
Jiang Chen waved at the stunned sect elders. "So… do I pass?"
An elder hesitated, then slowly nodded. "Congratulations, Jiang Chen. You're now an outer disciple of the Beastmaster Gate. Welcome… trash."
They handed him a jade token, a robe two sizes too big, and a manual titled Slap First, Cultivate Later.
That night, Jiang Chen sat atop a grassy hill just outside the sect. The stars shimmered above. Greedy Flame snored beside a pile of roasted mushrooms. The baby beast nibbled on his hair.
"System," Jiang Chen whispered, "what's next?"
> New Mission: Cultivate or Be Cultivated
Objective: Breakthrough to Qi Gathering Stage 2
Reward: Mystery Slapbox x1 | Random Harem Encounter (Chance: 5%)
He smirked. "Now we're getting somewhere."
Somewhere in the Xuanjing Realm, a mysterious beauty sneezed violently, startling a spirit crane. She rubbed her nose and frowned.
"Why do I feel like I've just been claimed by an idiot?"