"Wura, how are you doing today?" She stopped at my bunk the next morning, already dressed and ready for class and it was barely 8am. Like a typical housewife, she had her scarf tied around her head and I wondered if she would be wearing that to class too.
"Fine, " I have whimperedout of sleep. She had big eyeball and this lashes, a beauty to behold, the physical example of who my parents want me to be.
"Do you not have lecturers this morning? You've been sleeping since you came back from chapel." She said.
Then I remembered chemistry 102 still existed in my world. That lecture does not take nonsense and he does hell to his latecomers. I dragged myself up. "CHM 101 o chim. Thank you for taking me up." The door will be shut by 9 on the dot and this is, 8:20. I rush d that to the bathroom.
"You're welcome. " I was already in the bathroom. " I'm leaving already. Don't forget to drop the key at the reception okay?"
"HM." I responded, fiddling with my toothbrush.
"Welcome to my room Wura..."
"Aholah!" I was tired of hearing 'Wura', only my mum calls me that everytime.
"Okay, Aholah. See you later!" She left.
I stood still in the shower, confused on what to do. Something just did feel right with me and I wished I could comprehend how I felt. Why is my head this light? Why do I feel so different now? Why do I feel so guilty for doing what I enjoyed? Why do I have to always go this route in the shower? I trusted Emmanuel with my life, what did I suddenly do to deserve neglect from him?
God, I'm ashamed of myself. I can't even open my social media accounts and try to post anything again. I preached chastity ever since I got to know about it.
But now, I'm the victim. Who the hell am I?
A b*tch, yeah a dog. You longed for his touch all night. You pleased yourself with your hands and relived your first sex in your dreams. You even did more , didn't you?
"Ah!" I screamed out while subconscious tormented me.
You're dirty, a mess inside out. Don't fight it, it's your new identity, accept it just like Janet has. She's living her best life.
By sleeping around?
No, by accepting and loving herself for who she is. That is peace of mind.
No, that's a lie. I sucked on a year. "I'm tired of having this conversation. Can you just stop?" I was speaking to the voice in my head. "I have class..."
Wait, what is the use of the class sef? I will not even concentrate. I can tell David to help me mark attendance. I switched of the shower and left the bathroom to send him a message.
Then a useful thought struck me . I took my tablet and switch on one of my best film. One no Godly eyes should ever see. I placed it on the bathroom's window and caressed my naked self with my hands.
If everything else in my life would only torment me, a lit bit of dopamine activation will help me with the peace I need. I thought.
Soon the scenes got hotter and I was bouncing on my own fingers on the toilet seat aiming at climax. Maybe, it's high time I accepted me as the b*tch that I have become.
***
Khadijah returned to the room that evening with the other two few hours before evening service, all exhausted from the day's work. It's how the other two just resumed into their beds while she was the only one who acknowledged my presence. Why are seniors like this?
"Aholah, you're back too? How was your day?"
"Good. " My mind went blank immediately she opened her mouth to talk. It was as if I was lost again. "Huh... And yours?"
"Stressful obviously. " She unbuttoned her shirt and pulled off her skirt. My mind raced at how her cleaveges flew out of her bracup the moment she released them. HM, how full? How good will it be to touch? Eh she will kill you! My subconscious warned.
What a sight?
"Aholah." She called out when she had settled in her bed.
"Yes ma'am"
"Today I met chaplain for you. Esther told me what happened, about the suspension. She said something you don't like to hear and you playfully slapped her. I really do not fancy the fact that a little friendship rift caused a student to be suspended from school."
" Even the SRC is interested and has taken it up. Those security need to know what and what not to take to the SDC"
(SRC meaning ' Student Representative Council' and SDC meaning 'Student Disciplinary Committee')
"HM. " I moaned, unsure how to reply.
"You know everyone who gets a suspension in this school gets into chaplain's black book. More reason why your names should be cleared."
"HM nh" I nodded.
"So I told chaplain about it and he said he will keep an eye on you. My dear, please try to behave yourself more wisely now so you can redeem your name in this university, okay?"
"Yes..." I forced on a smile. Something about what she said didn't go well with me. She was sounding like my father. Why should I be mindful of why a man thinks of me or how a man sees me when I know I'm already in God's black book? Why are religious people like this? Will chaplain's recommendations add to the length of my days or give me the peace that I have lost?
Aargh! Beauty with no brains! I turned away from her on my bed and plugged in my earpods. I will not be a part of the useless religious chase in the school.
Gauche, it sucks!