Truthfully speaking, this 'book' is more like a journal of mine, a secret place for me to store away all those thoughts and emotions that I shy away from sharing with even my closest friends.
I believe I should first write down what brought about me taking these steps. Recently, perhaps the single most important exam in my life was held, and I scored terribly. Worst of all, the exam can be given only once (not exactly, but I can't waste another year.)
I have grown up mu whole life hearing only two schools of thoughts - 'Exams are important' or 'Living life is important'. And both of those are actual good advice, but perhaps not for me. I won't get into details, but deep inside myself, I have always seen and thought of myself as a peculiar person.
This 'failure' of mine (not exactly a fail, but still as bad) cannot actually be traced to a single reason, as much as everyone else may try to do so. Because what no one but me knows is that alongside the various problems clearly visible there lies several other problems deep inside my psyche that have bothered me for years.
People can say 'marks don't matter' or that 'you will stop caring about marks' when you get older, but that isn't really helpful, is it ? If a man falls and breaks his leg, he will be in immense pain, but that pain will be forgotten completely in the next give years. That doesn't really help him to get over his current pain, does it ?
With those few words, let me welcome you to the start of me journaling myself, not just physically, but also mentally and psychologically. How long will I do this journaling ? Until I can no longer endure it, or more possibly, until I find happiness.