"You don't tell me anything! You don't let me do anything! I hate you!" Her daughter's melodramatic words had certainly been fueled by teenage angst and hormones, but Natasha couldn't deny they had an element of truth to them. Ostensibly, Lily was upset about not being allowed to go to the nearby village during her free day, but she knew that there was more to it than that, that her frustrations had been festering for a while.
She'd never been completely honest with Lily. Her oldest lie had started at the very beginning- how she was born. Early on, Lily had asked about her father. Natasha had lied. "He was a good man, and loving man. But he's dead now, I'm sorry." It was a harsh lie, perhaps, but it was the best one she had, because the truth was worse. The truth was that she had no idea. The truth was that Lily's existence should have been doubly impossible- seemingly an immaculate conception from a sterilized mother. There weren't many explanations that Natasha could contemplate, and none of them were pleasant. The knowledge was dangerous, and she hadn't told a soul, not until she'd met the Ancient One. She didn't want her daughter to believe that she was unnatural, or that she was the reason why they were on the run, so she lied.
But that lie had led to more lies. Lily had asked for stories, for details, and she'd asked with a yearning that Natasha couldn't deny. She was all too good at fabricating them. Her father, Natasha said, was noble, too noble for his own good, reckless with his own life but protective of others. The two of them had fought together for many years, until he'd sacrificed his life while she'd been pregnant- saving both Natasha and Lily. Lily had pressed for more, so Natasha told her of his deadpan humor. She told her he was British, that he wore glasses, that he had scars. She told Lily that she had his eyes. She told her a thousand little details, all of them lies.
When Lily was seven, Natasha was forced to spin another deception. They'd been a day out from a settlement in Turkey when they'd been attacked by Hydra soldiers. They weren't even after them, specifically, hadn't known who she was, that she was a traitor and that there was a high price on her head. It had just been bad luck, but sometimes that was all it took. They'd grabbed Lily, and Natasha thought that was it. She was willing to bargain her life away for her daughter's, but she knew how Hydra worked, as soon as they figured out who she was, they would both be dead.
But instead, something completely unexpected happened. One minute Lily was screaming and thrashing in the arms of a Hydra soldier, the next she was curled in a ball at Natasha's feet. All combatants blinked in stupefaction, but Natasha was quicker to recover. None of their attackers survived.
There had been no time for questions in the moment. Natasha had revved up the bike and Lily had hopped on, and they rode in silence all through the night, Lily clinging to her back and shivering.
The next day, Lily dared broach the question "Mom… what happened to me?"
"I don't know, but we'll find out." She lied. Because what was she supposed to say to her? How could she explain that she was a witch, that she was one of the monsters that haunted her nightmares? That because of her abilities the Order would hunt them down, abduct her, and separate them forever? She didn't dare tell Lily what her abilities said about her parentage, because some things had begun to make a frightening amount of sense. Natasha had been sterilized, but a wizard could get around that. She didn't remember the conception and never would have consented to such a thing, but a wizard could get around that as well.
From there, their travels took on a new purpose. Natasha was no longer merely trying to keep their heads down, beneath the notice of her former masters in Hydra. It was only a matter of time before the Order found Lily. They always found their own when they were born to non-magical people. They ripped the children away from their families, who would never see them again.
That wouldn't happen to them, Natasha would make sure of it. They needed somewhere to hide. They needed protection. Thankfully, Natasha was connected, and not all of her contacts would immediately report her to Hydra. She called on smugglers and cartels, cashing in every favor she had to get them across the continent. She chased a ghost of a rumor. Hydra had investigated it and found nothing, but Natasha hoped that for the two of them, their quarry would allow themselves to be found.
They spent the better part of a year wandering through Nepal and Tibet. The mountainous terrain was among the hardest they'd traversed, and all they could really do was go from village to village, asking about the rumors and receiving only the vaguest answers. In the end, they didn't find Kamar-Taj, Kamar-Taj found them. Another display of accidental magic, in which a local mercenary had tried to intimidate them and been thrown off his feet by an invisible for, had drawn attention to them. A hushed discussion with the sorceress who had confronted them was enough to grant her an audience with the Ancient One.
That was where they had lived for the past five years, and while Natasha had tried to give her daughter space and privacy, she knew that the new environment must be stifling for her. The regimented training, the workload, the lack of freedom, all of it grated on Lily, and Natasha knew that the secrets that she still kept from her weren't helping. By this point, Lily had to know that she wasn't like the other students, that her magic was different. The lie was wearing thin. Maybe it was time to dispense with it altogether. She just… didn't want to hurt her any more than she already had been. It seemed like Lily was destined to be drawn into the war between Hydra and the Order, a war that Natasha had spent Lily's entire life running and shielding her from.
Natasha gave Lily a few hours to cool off. Lily had quite a temper but wasn't one to hold a grudge or spend days sulking. Perhaps Natasha could give her an olive branch- not a trip outside, but maybe something from the shopping district, perhaps more books for her to read. But when Natasha called on Lily, she found her bedroom empty.
Her heart froze, and Natasha saw the full foolishness of her deception. Lily was not safe outside the Sanctum, where the Order could pick her up and steal her from them. But they had not explained that, not explained why the Order would be after her specifically, and why they might be able to track her. And now she was gone.
But her inaction only lasted a moment before a new resolve overtook her. The chances that Lily had run into wizards in the few hours she'd been out were slim. She would find her daughter, bring her back, and finally be honest with her.
-----
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Lily berated herself. Why'd she have to go investigate? She should have just been smart and avoided the camp altogether.
It wasn't like she was a stranger to the outside world, she'd spent most of her life out there, before she'd been cloistered away in the oppressive walls of the sanctum. She wasn't afraid of what lay beyond, no matter how her mom wanted her to be. Her previous excursions outside had all gone off without a hitch. She'd made several trips to nearby villages, where she'd pilfered, bought, and bartered for trinkets, including her second most treasured possession- a spell book.
She had access to more spell-books than she could name, but this one was different. This wasn't the magic of the Sorcerers, but of the wizards. Lily had struggled with her lessons at the Sanctum. While her instructors insisted that she was a natural at magic, Lily knew that she lagged behind the others. She's spent weeks fruitlessly attempting to open her first portal after everyone else in her class had picked it up. It just didn't feel natural, like jamming a key into a lock it wasn't meant for.
She knew she was meant for something different, because she'd felt it. She'd known for years, since an operation her mom had run in Iran. They'd linked up with a resistance cell, and in exchange for safe passage they'd asked for her mom's help in ambushing an Order cell. Lily had not gotten to see the inner workings of the operation, but she knew that it had involved luring the wizards into a building that was rigged with a lot of explosives. It had gone off without a hitch. The wreckage was unrecognizable, and the rebels had written it off as a victory, albeit one with no spoils.
But Lily had managed to find one thing a value in aftermath, a shaft of wood that could easily have been dismissed as part of the destroyed building had it not called to her. The moment Lily grasped the handle, she'd felt the rush of magic, and she'd known what she was.
She was a witch. She was one of them. If anyone found out what she was, she'd be hated and feared. If Hydra found out, she'd be dead. If the Order found out, they'd turn her into one of them, and that sounded like the worst fate of all. She also realized that her mom must know, she had to know. The more time passed, the more the lies hurt and the more it became clear that she didn't belong anywhere. She didn't belong with the Sorcerers. She didn't belong with the Order. She was alone.
When she'd started sneaking out, she didn't think she'd actually run into a wizard. Her curiosity upon seeing the man standing outside that heavily warded camp was too much for her to resist. After all, she knew that their kind was the key to… what she was, even if her mom and the sorcerers wouldn't admit it.
For a moment, it seemed like something out of her mother's direst warnings. She was no match for him in a fight, and blind panic had paralyzed her. She was incredibly lucky that he wasn't trying to kill her. She knew he could have done anything to her he wanted if he were so inclined. But he hadn't, he was letting her go with nothing but a promise.
In a way, this was what she'd never even dared dream of. A wizard who wasn't evil, who might be willing to teach her. Who might show her a place where she belonged. It was an impossible fantasy that Lily had always dismissed, but for the first time it seemed… almost possible. She desperately wanted this to be real, to not be a trick, for this Harry Potter to really be what he said he was.
Nevertheless, he had just put her into a very awkward position. In order to fulfill his request, she'd have to come clean about her nightly excursions. Her mom would have a fit. On the other hand, she could just lie, say that she'd pass the message along, and forget about it. But it would be only a matter of time before he contacted the sorcerers anyway. At that point her cover would be blown.
So if she was going to get in trouble anyway… why not?
"Who are you?" He asked. His words weren't casual, they were filled with awe and confusion. She'd never had someone look at her with such longing. It should have made her uncomfortable, but somehow it didn't. She took him in, his hair, his eyes- so similar to her own. She could hardly explain it, but he looked warm and kind, he felt comfortable.
"Lily. Lily Romanoff."
"Lily." He breathed, breaking eye contact "Of course." He wiped a hand over his face "Of course you are."
"Wh-what's going on?" She asked "Who are you? Do you know me?"
With a tearful half-laugh, Harry shook his head "It's complicated. I-is your mother…"
"She's here." She said.
Harry smiled in relief "Thank Merlin." Then he looked at her shrewdly "Does she know you're out here?"
Lily cringed, feeling like she'd been caught out by a teacher "Not… exactly?"
Harry chuckled "Is that so? You sneak out often?" Now he was looking at her with something akin to pride, and it made her feel warm inside.
"I've been doing it for months. No one even suspects me." She couldn't help but preen. "I've even gotten…" She hesitated, should she really be sharing her exploits with a stranger? No matter how safe he made her feel?
Thankfully, he didn't press her. "Well, I hate to ruin a good thing, but I really need to talk to the Sorcerers. Is there any way-"
At that moment, a portal opened in front of them. Her mom dove out and snarled "Get away from her!" She brandished rope of golden magic at him, sending Harry's wand clattering to the ground.
Harry barely responded to the attack. He looked stupefied to see her. "Look, I'm not here to-"
"Shut up!" Natasha shouted, lunging forward lashing at him again. Harry ducked backwards, still not fighting back.
"Mom, stop!" Lily shouted, stepping between them "He wasn't attacking me. He was actually nice!"
That only seemed to infuriate her further "Don't listen to him." Natasha hissed, a desperate energy behind her words "He's trying to take you from us. You'll never see me again if you go with him. Please."
"Why, mom?" Lily snapped "Because I'm a witch?" Natasha gaped, and Lily plowed on "What, you think I didn't know? I'm not stupid, mother, I know that I'm not like anyone else. Just because everyone refuses to talk about it doesn't mean its not obvious!"
"I'm not with the Order. I'm not here to kidnap anyone." Harry said. Unfortunately for him, five more portals opened up around him. Sorcerers filed out and took defensive positions- forming shiels and weapons composed of their magic. Harry gave a long-suffering sigh.
"Then explain yourself." Her mom said, her voice venomous "Ten words or less."
It took Harry only a moment to formulate his response "I'm from another universe."
"Bullshit." Her mom spat. She took a step forward and grabbed his arm. Lily had seen this many times before. In seconds she'd have Harry in a submission hold.
Or at least, that was how it was supposed to go. By all rights, without his wand Harry should have been defenseless. However, the instant she touched Harry, green energy lanced between them, so bright that Lily saw spots. Her mom went limp and tumbled to the ground, Harry reacted quickly, outstretching a hand to slow her fall, so that she landed softly on the ground.
There was a moment of silence, punctuated only by a faint moan from her mom. "Shite." Harry muttered. The remaining five sorcerers attacked, and Lily got a front row seat as Harry dismantled them. One rushed him, bringing his sword, composed of luminous magic, down in a wide arc. The sword smashed against a magical shield, sending orange sparks flying. Harry responded with a stunner that he formed from his fingertips. The sorcerer was too exposed and off balance to avoid it.
The next sorcerer was more prepared, and when Harry sent a volley of multcolored spells her way, she created a set of portals to redirect them back at him. Harry, however, was prepared for this, and apparated the instant the portal opened up. He appeared behind the sorcerer, stunning her instantly.
The remaining three tried to take him on simultaneously. One formed shields from his hands, using them to deflect Harry's spells. The second flung bolts of energy at Harry, but while she did this far more effectively than Lily's earlier mangled attempt, she had no more success. Harry ducked, rolled, and weaved with ease, all while keeping up a steady stream of return fire. The third sorcerer got creative, opening a portal behind Harry that unleashed a deluge of water at him. However, Harry parted the torrent and sent it streaming towards his opponents, blasting two of them off their feet and forcing the third to take cover.
"Can we stop, now?" Harry asked.
Another portal opened, and the Ancient One stepped through. "I think that's enough." She said. Without a thought, Lily put herself between her and Harry.
"Wait!" She said "We don't need to fight! We were just talking. He said he has important information for you! He said-"
The Ancient One held up her hand "I heard." She nodded to Harry "I've been waiting for you, Harry Potter. Kindly reawaken my students." Harry waved his hand, and at once the stunned sorcerers began picking themselves up, looking chagrinned.
"I really am just here as… hopefully an ally." Harry said "I'm not with the Order. Not with Hydra. Not with anyone, really. I didn't know where else to turn."
"And you came here?"
"I was friends with some Sorcerers, in another time." Harry said.
The Ancient One nodded "I think this is a conversation better had in private." She turned to her students "Please take Natasha back to her room."
"I want to stay with her." Harry said "If this is what I think it is, she's going to have a lot of questions. And I… need to make sure she's alright."
"What about me?" Lily asked, fully expecting to be excluded, as always.
"She deserves answers, too." Harry said without hesitation.
"Is she?" The Ancient One's looked inscrutably between Lily and Harry.
"Yes." Harry's answer was just as indecipherable to Lily. Despite the promise of answers, it was frustrating to be so lost in the conversation.
The Ancient One raised her eyebrows. "If you insist, but you will have to answer to Natasha. Believe me, you don't want to be on her bad side."
Harry looked down fondly at the woman. "I know."
------
Natasha remembered.
It didn't feel like the memories were being forced on her, pressed into her mind from outside. That would have made it possible to dismiss them as a trick. But it wasn't like that. She wasn't being forced into anything. She was remembering. And each new memory felt like it was always meant to be there.
She remembered meeting him. They were in a bar, and she was on a mission. She'd seduced him against her better judgement. It was so visceral- how tempting it had felt, how sweet and earnest and gorgeous he'd looked, the crackling chemistry between them. She remembered the sex. God, she remembered the sex. There had been so much of it over those first few days and relived it in detail. She remembered the thrill of taking him to bed the first time, the desire as his body was laid bare for her, she remembered her surprise and endearment as he eagerly pleasured her. She remembered how incredible his mouth had felt against her sex, and how desperately she'd wanted him inside her. She remembered riding him. It was utterly unlike anything she'd experienced in this life. She hadn't known that sex could feel that good, that it could be fun and wonderful. She remembered drifting off, blissed out and tangled together with him. She remembered coming back to him again and again, unable to resist. She remembered coming to care for him.
The memories came faster, but she felt them all. He'd told her he wanted a family, and she'd pushed him away. She'd lied again, and it had hurt them both. She remembered Skye and Wanda. She remembered fighting by his side, saving the world together, as a team. She remembered being given a second chance with him. She remembered going to bed with him again, finally. She remembered the sex. There were too many times to count, and the scenes began to overlap with each other. Harry, her, and their lovers, pushing each other higher and higher. She remembered loving him. She'd trusted him with her life. She'd cared about him with passionate intensity. She desired him like she'd wanted no one else. She'd wanted to spend the rest of her life by his side.
She remembered Lily, discovering that she was pregnant. She remembered the joy and love that they'd shared. She remembered naming her. She was named after Harry's mother, who had died to save him. It had been a tribute Natasha had been happy to make, honoring the woman who'd made it possible to bring this wonderful man into her life. She remembered being so incredibly, indescribably happy- starting a family with the man she loved, with her sister and the best friends she could ask for by her side.
And then she had lost it all. Thanos. Her friends, her sister, and her unborn daughter vanishing to dust. She remembered pushing Harry away again. She remembered Harry's love persevering. He'd never given up on her. She remembered coming back to him, falling asleep in his arms once again. She remembered the plan to reverse it all, to bring everyone back. She remembered him killing himself for it, for her, for their daughter. She remembered lying on the cold ground helpless, feeling like she was being physically ripped apart by despair as he fell.
Natasha woke up.
She was back in her bedroom. He was right there, looking at her with cautious, concerned eyes. "Hey, I'm sorry about that." He said "I know you have no reason to trust me, but I'm not here to take Lily from you. I swear."
She felt the world swirl around her as her mind tried to reconcile the two sets of memories, the two very different lives she had lived. Neither life had been easy, but in one of them she'd known love and friendship and joy. She couldn't make sense of it all yet, and she knew there were still massive gaps that she was missing, but she knew one thing for certain.
She loved him.
She looked at Harry with new eyes, taking him in. He felt so familiar to her now, and it was comforting. Her love for him rose up, an uncontrollable tide. She couldn't fight it, and more importantly she didn't want to. "Nat?" He asked, using a nickname that made her heart flutter "Are you alright?" He was careful to respect her personal space, keeping several feet of distance and not reaching out. It was considerate of him, but Natasha wanted nothing more than to eliminate it.
She beamed at him. "Harry."
"Nat?" She could hear the hope in his voice, but it was closely guarded. He didn't want to get his hopes up, he didn't want to get hurt. It wouldn't have been the first time she'd hurt him, she realized. Too many times she'd let grief and fear ruin their relationship, but no more. She was going to wipe that doubt from his mind.
She kissed him.