It was a hectic afternoon in Diagon Alley. The summer holidays had brought with them the usual magical commotion: enchanted candy carts rolled on their own, lazy owls flew in senseless circles, and a trio of goblins shouted unintelligible deals about pest-repellent cloaks.
The air smelled of fresh ink, chocolate cauldron cakes, and a faint trace of recent magic.
Amidst all the chaos, Kronk's peculiar food truck moved forward with deliberate slowness through the crowd—very slowly.
"Alright, Kronk, Operation Ingredient Restock, Phase One: DON'T run anyone over (this time)," he muttered to himself as he maneuvered the massive steering wheel, covered in goat leather.
After a wild summer, the food truck had earned a reputation as a hybrid between a combat vehicle, professional kitchen, and eccentric work of art. It was decorated with moving paintings of plated dishes, neon lights shaped like dancing vegetables, and an awning that opened to Kronk's voice saying, "Time to eat, baby!"
He'd made a few changes to the décor—and it wouldn't be the last time!
Kronk checked his list:
– Cave moss: no slime (not the purple kind, it causes gas).
– Dormant volcano lava salt (do NOT wake it).
– Rose flower petals.
– Cold-pressed peach bone oil.
Just as he carefully parked in front of Flourish & Blotts, a deafening wave of cheers and screams erupted.
"THERE HE IS! IT'S HIM!"
A throng of witches and wizards had formed a noisy semicircle around a figure who sparkled as if wrapped in a permanent glamour filter: Gilderoy Lockhart himself.
He wore a turquoise robe with enchanted sequins that spelled out his name every time he twirled, and his hair was sculpted so perfectly it looked like Merlin himself styled it each morning.
Poor Merlin…
"Ah, my beloved fans! What a delight to see you!" Lockhart cooed as he signed books, kissed babies, and cast smoldering glances that made single aunts swoon within a five-meter radius.
"Kronk, stay calm, breathe... and gently turn the wheel," Kronk whispered to himself, adjusting the gear and inching forward.
What Kronk didn't know was that one of the enchanted pots inside had come loose. The pot (named Bubulina) rolled toward the secondary brake… and stepped on it.
The food truck gave a small lurch forward.
THUD.
The front bumper (curiously shaped like a smiling piglet) struck Lockhart in the lower back. He dropped his golden, ivory-tipped quill and was launched into the air like a magical arrow.
His robe flared dramatically as he screamed: "DOESN'T ANYONE THINK OF MY HAAAIR?!"
—before vanishing into the sky in a glittering golden trail.
The Weasley twins, witnessing the scene, couldn't resist conjuring a floating magical banner that read: LOCKHART SHOOTS TO STARDOM!
Silence fell over the Alley.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! THAT WAS LOCKHART!" screamed a lady with enormous glasses.
"That hit could seriously injure him—or worse, mess up his hair!" shrieked a young man wearing a Team Gilderoy shirt.
"An attack on magical romantic literature!" sobbed a witch clutching five copies of Brave Heart, Perfect Hair.
Kronk was sweating.
"I think it's time for... a strategic retreat," he muttered.
He dove into the driver's seat, flipped the lever labeled ESCAPE MODE LEVEL 5: RUN!, and the food truck wheezed like a hungover dragon.
It sped toward the exit of the Alley—just as a new group turned the corner.
Lucius Malfoy walked with dignified arrogance, elegantly holding his serpent-headed cane. Beside him, Draco licked mint ice cream with the face of someone bored of absolutely everything in the universe.
"What vulgarity is that?" Lucius muttered as the food truck approached.
"I think it's that Hufflepuff guy's bus," Draco added without looking up from his cone—he recognized the food truck's jingle.
Kronk tried to brake.
…He tried.
But Bubulina decided to do a little happy hop at that exact moment.
WHAM!
The side mirror smacked Lucius cleanly on the side of the head. His cane flew out of his hands, spinning like a helicopter blade.
Lucius was lifted into the air, his robes flapping like a supervillain's cape, and with a high-pitched, drawn-out scream, he became the second person that day to ascend skyward without control.
"I'LL REMEMBER THIIIIIS!"
The crowd watched in stunned silence as Lucius disappeared into the clouds, a new twinkling star marking his path.
Draco blinked, still licking his ice cream.
Kronk made a sharp turn and sped away in a cloud of smoke scented like vanilla and curry, leaving behind a scene of emotional devastation, flying autograph pages, and Draco calmly picking up his father's cane like it was the most normal thing in the world.
...
On a distant rooftop, Lucius landed in a blueberry jam storage tank, mumbling: "I'm going… to kill that chef…"