"Fourth-years, why are we gathered here today?"
"Oh, come off it, George. There are only a handful of us here; what 'gathering' are you talking about?" Lee Jordan yawned as he tried to temper the indignation of the Weasley twins.
It was Tuesday, and they had already endured three long classes. Just as they'd begun their break, the twins had dragged him into an empty classroom. Surely, the chairs in the common room were much more comfortable?
"This is an emergency, Lee. Do you think we'd joke about something this serious?"
"Of course you would, George. The term's barely started, and I'm already on Filch's list. You two are serving detention, and the rest of them? The least any of them did was lose ten points for the house." Lee Jordan dismantled their seriousness without mercy.
Their little group had formed a deep camaraderie in Filch's office, built on shared detentions and misadventures. There was no need to mince words among friends.
"You just don't get it, Lee," Fred said, draping an arm over his shoulder. His tone was solemn. "This is an emergency more terrifying than detention itself. Not even Hogwarts' secret passages can save us now."
Fred continued, his voice grave. "I'm here to deliver some unfortunate news. The fifth-years in Gryffindor have received their second exam paper just two weeks into the term, along with an unprecedented amount of horrifying homework. And all of this comes from the new Professor. We must find a way to save the school from the shadow of endless exam papers."
"Fifth year is OWLs year!" A Ravenclaw student scoffed at the twins' alarmism. "It's only natural for them to get extra work. Besides, don't sixth and seventh-years get treated well enough?"
"Exactly," another chimed in. "You two know as well as anyone that Defense Against the Dark Arts—oh, sorry, the new name's so clunky, Wizard Self-Defense Magic or whatever—never keeps the same professor for a full year. By the time you two are fifth-years, the professor will have changed. What does extra work for fifth-years have to do with us?"
"Yeah, and this year, our professor is Lockhart. Sure, he turned the whole curriculum into boring theatrical reenactments, but what does that have to do with exam papers?"
"You all really think those theatrical performances will last the whole year?"
George's gaze swept over the group, suddenly sharp and intense. "According to reliable sources, Lockhart received a stack of parchment from the new professor at lunch today. Do you think that's a new script for his plays?"
"Stop acting like it doesn't matter!" George's tone turned even more urgent. "From what the fifth-years said, their test questions were all based on first-year content. Do you really think a professor who makes students review would only prepare one set of test papers for first-years?"
The group, who had been laughing moments ago, immediately sobered up. Exam papers were merely a pebble in the mountain of stress weighing down the fifth-years, but if Lockhart was looking for test papers, the problem suddenly felt much more real.
"So… we go after the new Professor? But we don't have a reason; besides, you two are already serving detention. How are we supposed to pull something on the Professor?"
The twins being forced to copy lines had been the source of laughter among their peers for half a day. But when it came to actually confronting the ruthless professor who was notorious for giving detentions even to students outside his house, they lacked the courage. The idea was akin to putting a bell on a cat; easier said than done.
"No way! He'd definitely take action!"
The twins almost simultaneously issued their warning. They had a thick drawer full of rule-breaking records, all meticulously documented by that Professor. How had Filch, at his age, failed to secure even a single drawer?
"Let's talk to Professor Lockhart; get him to stop being so tedious and make him drop the idea of exams entirely. The end-of-year exams are already enough; we don't need more tests!"
"Stop being tedious?"
"Haven't we put enough effort into his performances? I feel like the points I've earned from him are barely enough to offset half a month of deductions!"
"If Professor Lockhart thinks the plays are sufficient, why would he consider holding exams? Could it be because the discussions about exams among students surpass those about his plays? What a joke! We need to keep Professor Lockhart so busy that he doesn't have the time to think about exams!"
A professor's energy was limited, especially one handling four different year groups at once. If Lockhart realized he didn't have enough time to grade the papers, he would simply abandon the idea of holding an exam altogether.
"Pretend to be female fans and send him letters?"
"He already has too many fans. Professor Lockhart has repeatedly asked misbehaving students to help him reply to letters. His room is constantly visited by owls!"
"Yeah, I agree. I saw it when I was replying to one."
"…"
Was the circle of students who served detention really this small? The group exchanged glances, confirming there wasn't anything odd about their shared experiences.
"Send letters to the newspapers, criticize his books, and spark a public debate?"
"Professor Lockhart's fanbase is too large for that to work. He wouldn't even need to respond. Besides, no newspaper would openly criticize a school professor right now."
"So, what should we do?"
It was only then that they realized they were completely out of ideas for dealing with a professor.
As a result, everyone's eyes quickly turned to the meeting's organizers; the Weasley twins. When it came to pranks, the twins were widely acknowledged as the best in the castle.
"Releasing magical creatures or using banned items? No way. That Professor's an adventurer and would easily dismantle any student traps. Those kinds of pranks wouldn't work on him, and I don't think they'd capture his attention, either."
"Causing a big ruckus is out… fan letters are out… wait, I've got it!" George looked at the group with a mysterious glint in his eyes.
"If you were a professor and a first-year student came to you seeking advice about, say… life problems or—hmm—romantic troubles, what would you do? You wouldn't just ignore them, right?"
"Of course not, but how many problems could one student have?"
"If one isn't enough, we'll just have more."
"You, a first-year Gryffindor girl."
"You, from Slytherin."
"Why me?"
"No reason. Every house needs a representative."
"Hufflepuff gets one, and Ravenclaw too?"
"Yes. Let's have a shy one, a bold yet insecure one, and someone popular but overwhelmed by attention; each type. And mimic their tones well. If you're not sure how, read some books for inspiration."
Fred assigned each person their role, detailing the kind of help they needed to ask for.
"What books? Are we supposed to borrow them from the girls or head to the library?"
"Why bother with that? Just flip through Professor Lockhart's own books. He's bound to love hearing about the parts he wrote himself!"
In the dimly lit classroom, hand after hand stacked atop one another, sealing a pact. A carefully crafted scheme targeting the professor was beginning to take shape.
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