Theo had resumed normal conversation with lord gavin, he told us how he met his wife and as he spoke i could see it, the visible signs of abuse. I wanted to save him.... to help him.... but i knew.....
"Honestly, I'm lucky to be married to such a beautiful woman. Had her family not fallen on such hard times, she never would have considered someone as ugly as me"
"Lord gavin..... you arent ugly... right dear"
"Of course, you are very cute Honestly. " lord gavin looked stunned then his face turned bright red.
"Thank you, its the first time I've heard that."
I bit my lips as I could just imagine the amount of torture he must have been put through because of his weight.
"Lord gavin, if you ever need a place to go, you can always come to us, runan will always be open to you."
"Thank you your grace, but I'mfine honestly. " he smiled sadly... what should I do.... I hate this...
The carriage pulled into the estate as the guards smile as they see us and in the distance the maids and arabella all stand outside waiting for our arrival.
Once the carriage came to a stop i jumped down as arabella ran to me wrapping me in a hug.
"Bella..... i missed you." She squeezed me tight.
"Welcome your grace." The maids echoed in the background.
"Bella, this is theo.... i mean this is duke theodore leandros my husband " bella grinned as i blushed shyly.
"No need to be so formal dear."
"Thats right duchess clarisa" bella teased me nuzzling my sides with her elbow gently.
"Greetings your grace, I'm arabella dumont. I've heard so much about you, It's an honour to finally meet you." Bella bowed to theo.
"The pleasure is all mine lady arabella, I've also heard lots about you, thank you for being a good friend to my wife." I felt a little jealous as the maids all stared daggers into theo's beautiful face, i wanted to show him off but not this much.
Clark lay on the bed wrapped in the blanket, blaming himself for everything that went wrong, he felt it was all his fault, had he been a better son to his mother, a better husband to arabella, had he been a better brother to clarisa none of this would have happened.
Had i not murdered father, mother would still be here. No, had I just fought back when I was younger maybe I would have been able to change mother, clarisa and even arabella's future. What should i have done differently? I should have protected everyone better...I'm a failure.... I'm a murderer and a failure..... I'm a failure..... I failed to protect mother.... I failed to protect clarisa..... and I'm failing arabella right now.... what should I do? What should I do? I'm scared.... I look so much like father..... I'm turning into him..... a monster..... a murderer..... my hands are covered in blood.... the blood of my father.... mother....
"Bella..... what do I do?"
The door creaks open but I was too scared to look up... how can I look at my sweet arabella with these murderous eyes?
The bed behind me dips slightly as I felt a warm hand reach out to stroke my hair gently, it didn't feel like arabella and the scent was different too.
I turned around and the familiar golden locks stared back at me with an expression I could never imagine..... she was smiling.... it wasn't one of her fake smiles but a true smile of real happiness..... she was happy..... my sister...
"Brother" she spoke softly as she stroke my head and I felt the tears stream down, I didnt know why but seeing her face.....knowing she was happy..... i felt so much relief.
"Clarisa" i lifted my self up and she wrapped me in a hug, it was the first time in 18 years that I had hugged my baby sister. Even when she was a baby I never once went close to her, everyone blamed her for our misfortune, so having her arms wrapped around me... i felt like i could breathe easily again, like a heavy load on my heart was gently lifted.
"I missed you brother, thank you for saving me. Im sorry i came late.... im here now." I wrapped my hands around her as I felt my self crumbling in her embrace..... i couldn't explain it..... i couldn't understand it.... but... but....but....i felt glad.....i felt so much joy.
"Clarisa..... sister....clarisa...sister" those were the only words I could say between sobs as she stroked my back whispering 'I'm here' over and over again.
I closed the door silently behind me as arabella ran to my side. I took her hand squeezing gently, she looked like she had lost weight and her eyes had black circles.
"He finally fell asleep, i'm sorry for coming so late bella, thank you for caring for him." She could barely form words before crying, I wrapped her in a hug as she sobbed gently.
"It must have been really hard, i'm so sorry bella. I should have been here, I'm sorry"
"My dear, I'll stay with big brother and let you both know when he wakes up." I thanked theo as he walked into the room closing the door.
Bella and i moved to the reception room and she basically collapsed on the chair the moment we got there.
"Clarisa.... I'm so sorry.... what i said about you before you left for runan.... I'm so sorry..... i didnt mean to undermine all u went through..... i should have been more thoughtful....i'm sorry"
"Bella" i reached over and hugged her again.
"Thank you bella, had it not been for you, I would never have reflected on my life. Thank you for being there for me and for waiting for me, thank you for caring for Clark and being there when he needed someone... truly.... thank you." She didnt say a word she just leaned into me squeezing tightly, as i reassured her that all her efforts weren't in vain. Had Arabella not brought to my knowledge how I had given up the last 18 years I dont think i would have ever realized it. My happiness began the day I accepted her as a friend and sister.
"I'm glad you are doing well clarisa, when i got your first letter I cried allot. I wasn't sure if you were really fine or if you were just living the same way. I was so scared."
"I wasn't sure too, after our talk I realized I had so much regrets. I made lots of mistakes trying to be different but I had really amazing people around me. Theo was my shining light, no matter how dark it felt or how lost it seemed, he always looked radiant while he led me through each storm" she giggled flopping back onto the couch.
"To be honest clarisa..... I'm pregnant but I dont know what to do." I was stunned at her suddenly announcement.
"Everything is such a mess, after count dumonts death, something changed in Clark. He thought I didn't notice but I did, I know he didn't say what happened to protect me but i felt a bit betrayed." I just sat there listening as she poured her heart out.
"When I heard i was finally pregnant I felt joy and fear. How do i tell Clark I'm pregnant? He just lost his father and mother, I feel so bad being happy while he breaks down. I'm conflicted, what do I do clarisa?" She turned to me, no tears just pure confusion.
"I would want to know..... if I was Clark I think I'd feel betrayed you didn't tell me such news when you found out. But ultimately the decision is yours. You know Clark better than i do, so I'm sure you will make the best decision for the situation." She linked arms with me resting her head on me.
"I cant believe you are going to be a mom and me an aunt." She gigled.
"Im sure I'll be the best mom.... you.... well..... a bit touchy but I trust your aunty skills" we both laughed. It felt real, there was no need to fake smiles or pretend to be happy. I could actually be this happy now, it felt good.
"So? How has married life been treating you duchess leandros?" She teased again, as i stared down blushing.
"Theo is very sweet."
"I can tell how sweet he is, have you seen the way he looks at you?" She gigled as she pokes at a lovebite on my neck and my face burns bright as she starts laughing again.
"I'm so happy for you clarisa, his grace looks like he would fight the whole world for you." She turned to me smiling.
"I know and i'll also fight the whole world for him too, that's how much I love him." She looked at me stunned and I turn away shyly as it was the first time i had told someone else how I felt.
"I don't need to ask because I can see how much he loves you too clarisa. You both make an amazing couple"
"That we do" she laughed at my shameless response.
I took over preparations for the funeral as arabella went to bed to catch up on some much needed sleep. I thought interacting with the maids would be awkward but it wasn't. They were all still as nice and they were all swooning over theo, I felt a bit sad that I missed out on all this these past years but I decided to look forward to the future.
Sarah and stella were the only maids we came with and they were immediately accepted by the other maids.
I was too scared that they would talk about my birth mother or worse hate on me so I kept my distance from them but not once did they feel that way.
When the count would hit me,they would help carry me to my room and get regef to heal me, I'm so grateful.
I don't hate my birth mother, but I resent her. I resent her for leaving me alone in hell.... I resent her for loving a married man..... I resent her for giving up her life for me.... I resent her for creating a hell that she never had to live in.
Sarah once asked me after she found out that Clark had told me the truth, if I didn't want to know more about her? The maids were willing to let me know about her, but I didn't want to. Her taste in men was count dumont and she decided to engage in an inappropriate relationship with him, i doubt she was a good person.