What should I do to make sure I could convince myself in case I lost my memory again? There were several ideas that came up, which I shared. Edmund listened intently and after a while, he gave me a peck on the lips.
"Let's continue this in the morning," he said. Coupled with his warm embrace and the gentle stroke he did on my eyebrows, his actions successfully made me drowsy.
I nodded and snuggled on his bare chest, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat with an attempt to match my breathing. Before long, I had fallen into a deep slumber.
The next morning however, I was all pumped up. I woke up with a determination. I took the yellow book and flipped on the empty pages to begin my entry.
'29th October - I have lost my memory three times as of today's date. The recollection varied with the latest one gone as far back as the car accident. It is true I am now a married woman to a very sweet husband named Edmund. Even if he feels like a stranger to you right now, please be kind to him. This entry serves to remind me in case I lost my memory yet again.'
I reread the paragraph and thought it felt adequate enough to grab my attention. Then below, I listed down all the ideas that I could remember the night before.
'Things that could help me remember when I lose my memory.
Write a daily journal - This book serves the very purpose. Unfortunately, it took a while for me to accept its contents. Edmund was also having a hard time trying to convince me to read it. Poor him. I hope this time you are not as rebellious. Pictures for proof - Same as above. I had trouble accepting the pictures to a point I believe it had been doctored. I even refused to look at MY phone because it was not the same phone I had when I had my accident. So Maisie, that is YOUR phone! Whatever Edmund says, believe him! If he said it is your phone, it IS your phone!'
I felt good reprimanding myself. I felt utterly stupid being such a bitch when he had been nothing short of a gentleman. As I stared at my phone, thinking what I could do to make me convince better, I realised my past self had been trying my best to prove everything. I mean, my past self had put that lewd picture of me going down on him as my display screen for goodness sake! Is that truly not an act of romance? And yet I did not believe it? How daft was I?
The only mistake of my past self was that I was not being as thorough. I did not explain to myself that I suffered memory loss when I wrote down a daily journal. Rather, it seemed as though I was relying on Edmund to inform me and that was pretty much a failure.
It appeared fairly certain that neither of us could guess at which particular moment in my life I would remember and the sudden thought that I might wake up believing I was still happily married to Alistair scarred me. Immediately I jotted down in the book.
'You are no longer married to Alistair! Alistair is now married to his work wife and they have a child together!'
As soon as I read those, I realised there are other things I failed to include as well that should be mentioned in the first place. Again, I jotted them down.
'Don't contact mum! I had gone to see Mum and she refused outright to meet me. She is living in the Mentiri Residence, and has a butler with a past criminal record. Also, Mum had been using my accident as an excuse and took a lump sum of money from Edmund! In case you forgot, Edmund is MY husband. Don't find mum!'
'3. Do a video message -'
Would I even accept it? Considering all the things Edmund had given me, I had been rejecting all of it. What if I created a video message and my future self would refuse to acknowledge it? What if I would make an excuse and accuse the video is being doctored again? Or what if I accuse him for forcing me to do it? Would I even accept to watch it when I had been so strong in denial a few months back?
Negativities began surging within me and I felt almost giving up with any attempt. If I turned out to be waking up in a much worse state than I had recently been, would all effort not be futile? I rested my head against my arms on the table, unable to move forward.
"You're up early," Edmund said with a surprised tone in his voice. He massaged my shoulders and asked, "What are you doing?"
I looked up to see his face and pout. "I gave up," I whined. "I was trying to write down what we were saying last night but now that I read through it, nothing seemed to work. I mean, if this time I woke up not knowing who you are, what if the next time… The next time…" I could not finish my sentence as lumps began appearing on my throat.
Sweet Edmund only wrapped me in his arms and kissed my forehead. "Please don't stress yourself too much. I did not intend to make you feel this way when I asked you last night."
"B-b-but-"
"No matter what it is, I am always by your side," he stated firmly.
"But what if-"
"No buts. I am always by your side, even if you choose not to be with me."
"But what if it ended badly? I don't want to hurt you."
My eyes were already glassy with the tears pooling within. I had already made him suffer, what if the future me is worse than now?
I thought he would be as upset as me but instead he gave a slight chuckle.
"No pain, no gain. I am still with you now, right?" He reassured me, enticing a small smile on my end.
"Well yeah…" I managed to choke out a reply.
"I will always love you. As long as you love me too, we will always be together."