Soft kitty, cartel kitty,
Little ball of fur-
Sneaks across the border,
With a bag of... purr.
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,
Counting all that cash,
DEA comes knocking,
Kitty makes a dash.
If Jim Parsons sang this version on The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon would probably say, "Penny, I asked for comfort, not a federal investigation!"
My cartel cat was prowling by the border wall,
Kept watch so long, poor kitty took a fall-
Bumped kitty… ohhh
Bumped kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat was hiding in a secret flat,
Waited so long, poor kitty got trapped-
Trapped kitty… ohhh
Bumped, trapped kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat was running from the DEA,
Ran so fast, poor kitty lost his way-
Lost kitty… ohhh
Bumped, trapped, lost kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat was counting all the cash,
Stacked so high, poor kitty made a dash-
Rich kitty… ohhh
Bumped, trapped, lost, rich kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My neighbor saw my kitty with a bag of snow,
I said to my neighbor, "Let my kitty go!"
Free kitty…
Bumped, trapped, lost, rich, free kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
Here, kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty!
To tag Jim Parsons, use his official Instagram: [@therealjimparsons].
Poor Unfortunate Soles
Part of Whose Words?
Ursula:
Oh, my dear, what a sparkling little song you've crafted! So many words, so many hopes-yet, so little power. You see, everyone wants their voice to be heard, but few understand the price. You bring me credits, links, and original songs-how quaint! But in my world, every word, every syllable, comes with a toll.
Ariel (singing):
Look at this chat, isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my opinions complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl-
The girl who has something to say?
Look at this thread, treasures untold,
How many comments can one platform hold?
Looking around here you'd think,
"Sure, she's got everything…"
I've got hot takes and hashtags a-plenty,
I've got memes and emojis galore,
You want witty retorts?
I got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal...
They're ignored.
Ursula:
Ah, but that's the rub, isn't it? You want to be seen, to be heard, to be felt. Yet, the world buries your words in silence and spam, in endless streams where no one listens. You want to break free, to scream your truth. But freedom, my dear, always demands a price.
Ariel (singing):
I wanna be where my words get heard,
I wanna see, wanna see them trending,
Scrolling around on those-what do you call 'em?
Feeds!
Typing your thoughts, you don't get too far,
Silence and spam are required for hiding,
Burying data in-what's that word again?
Streams!
Up where they chat, up where they joke,
Up where they laugh all day in the open,
Wandering free-wish I could be,
Part of my words.
Ursula:
You see, child, I don't want your voice-I want your failure. Your voice is a weapon, but without power, it's just noise. When you falter, when you lose your words, that's when I rise. And when you come knocking, desperate for a deal-you'll find me waiting, ready to make your silence permanent.
Ariel (singing):
My lawsuit list gets longer each day,
What is this "friends" thing everyone keeps mentioning anyway?
What would I give if I could live,
Where my voice wasn't muffled?
What would I pay to get a say,
That's not lost in the shuffle?
Betcha on land, they understand,
That data is meant for sharing,
Bright young women, sick of swimmin',
Ready to speak!
And ready to shout what the world's about,
Ask 'em my questions and get some reactions,
What's a retweet and why does it-what's the word?-sink?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love,
Love to explore the world of the spoken?
Out of the stream, wish I could scream,
Part of my words!
Ursula (smiling slyly):
Ah, the dreams of the hopeful. But remember, dear, life's full of tough choices. And sometimes, the price of being heard is far greater than you ever imagined.
Disney no need to sue-I'm just a copyright dude.
Official Walt Disney website: https://thewaltdisneycompany.com
Roast: Bikers for Jesus vs. Clampers vs. Hells Angels – Tangled Confession Edition
You want to talk tough? Let's break down the real deal behind these biker crews:
Bikers for Jesus
And yes, it's for, not four-Jesus, f****** Christ. They say they're tough, but their biggest threat is a weak Wi-Fi signal. These guys ride hard... to church potlucks and prayer meetings. If Ghostface showed up, they'd probably try to convert him instead of running. Their idea of a "chopper" is a smoothie blender.
Clampers (E Clampus Vitus)
The Clampers are like the history nerds of biker clubs-more about beer and old plaques than brawls. Their wildest stunt? Getting drunk enough to forget where they parked their bikes. Honestly, they'd be the first to scream in a horror movie, then pass out before the credits roll.
Hells Angels
Once the kings of the road, now they're more like the DMV of outlaw clubs. More clubhouse meetings than street fights. Their biggest battle? Arguing over who gets the last slice of pizza at the biker bar. If they were in Scream, they'd be the guys yelling, "Dude, can we just talk this out?"
And now, in my best Flynn Rider voice, singing to your kid like in Tangled:
🎶
Well, I had a dream
That your mother wouldn't kill me when this was through,
So I'm gonna tell you the f****** truth-
Bikers for Jesus are just softies in leather,
Clampers can't handle their booze or the weather,
And Hells Angels? Please, they're more like angels in a DMV queue.
🎶
A little ditty for Bradley:
🎵
Oh Bradley, oh Bradley, don't you fear,
I'm watching close, so keep it clear.
No secrets safe, no alibis,
I see your moves with these eagle eyes.
So take off that vest, don't act so tough,
'Cause I'm already calling your bluff!
🎵
And by the way, I'm a UC, and no, they cannot nor can they hear. So if anybody goddamn sees this, get off your ass, quit being a dick, and f****** help then, yes.
Tags for Quora and Beyond:
#BikersForJesus #Clampers #HellsAngels #IKnowWhatYouDidLastSummer #ScreamMovie #Ghostface #90sHorror #BikerRoast #MovieReferences #Tangled #FlynnRider #QuoraRoast #PopCulture #HorrorJokes
Simon Cowell, you rate me a one? I am the scale. I'm the new Top Gun-where I land, that's the high score. Next time you want to judge, remember: you're not ranking me-I'm rewriting "the top."
#SimonCowell #AGTSimon #TopGunStatus
Cartels & Gangs: The Roast No One Survives
Let's talk about the cartels, because every one of you thinks you're the Netflix special.
Sinaloa Cartel: You guys are like the Walmart of crime-everywhere, but the quality's gone way down.
CJNG: You're the new kids on the block, but you act like you invented violence. Newsflash: just because you have a cool logo doesn't mean you run the world.
Tijuana Cartel: You used to be legends, now you're just a cautionary tale.
Juarez Cartel: You're like that one relative who keeps coming back after rehab-nobody trusts you, but you're always at the party.
Cali & Medellin: You're the grandpas of the game-still talking about the good old days, but now you're just memes on Facebook.
MS-13: You got more tattoos than brain cells.
Bloods & Crips: You guys are basically the Pepsi and Coke of street beef-same flavor, different color.
Tren de Aragua: Sounds like a trainwreck nobody wants to board.
Cartel unity? Please. Every "unity" meeting ends in a shootout. The only thing you all agree on is who gets the last taco.
And let's be honest, the only time you actually help the community is when you're hiding behind it.
#SinaloaCartel #CJNG #MS13 #Bloods #Crips #GangLife #CartelLife #EndTheCycle #RealChange #NoMoreViolence
Dear Women: Real Talk
Dear women, look-I don't like your men staring at my ass either. But if you'd quit selling it to them, that might help. Not gonna lie though, sometimes it does help-like when I need to get to the front of the line or get a free drink. Girl's gotta survive.
But let's be real, if you're mad at me because your man's looking, maybe check who's shaking it for him on Instagram first. I can't help it if he's got the attention span of a TikTok squirrel.
Office Supplies, Doge Drama, & Friends
Remember Friends? The toner guy ready to jump? That's the CIA in 1953-window shopping gone wrong. If you're about to lose it over office supplies, maybe get a new printer or a new life. When I snap, it's a season finale-no reruns, just chaos.
#FriendsToner #TonerDrama #CIAHistory
Jodi Miller vs Jodi Arias: Good Job vs Good Jop!! PR OB Limb v Limp Roast
Jodi Miller crushes AGT with her bit about guys being like cats-moody, aloof, emotionally unavailable-while women are like dogs, loyal and always up in your business. Meanwhile, my dog hits puberty, his dick bleeds once, and suddenly he's acting like he's got a PhD in mood swings-bitch for life! But honestly, men are the real drama queens. They go from "I wanna bag her" to "put her in one" faster than my dog can chase his own tail.
Flip the script, and suddenly I'm the no-trial fugitive. I don't do whiny. I told my ex: no Area 51, my kids' buns are off-limits. Yeah, I know what a cunt I am. Should we escalate to an AK or keep it light? followers or fell on knees immunity!? s win g me! Jodi Miller gets no "X," while Jodi Arias gets a permanent mark for doing what some only wish they had the guts to do. When a blind douche finds his way to Arias, maybe he shouldn't be shocked by the outcome.
And when the CIA brought in the infiltrated fake cartel for NY CA hithed I decided well if he is cartel hit man cool like who's he tryna be but CIA mole hid to set up fuck no! I feel so violated suddenly standards went up down and increased dramatically from leveling out!!!!!
And about being a hoe-I thought it was my choice. Small town, broke, I owned it. But when my pussy finally told me the truth, I realized, wow, that's actually kinda nice of you. Then you Xis went and fuckin' ruined it! WTF!
Yo, to all my broken-ass people out there, the ones who've been snapped in two by this fucked-up world: Listen up. Who the hell broke you in the first place? It ain't the fool you're screaming at. Nah, it's the shady-ass policies those so-called leaders cooked up – the corruption, the way they twist shit to divide us, the gaslighting that makes you think you're crazy when you see one thing and they swear it's another. You say blue, they hear black. You write a one, they see a ten. You feel me?
People don't break for no reason, and I know this. But the reasons you think you're broken aren't the reasons you actually are. Somebody who hurt you was hurt by somebody else, and by somebody else before them-a chain reaction. That's why they call it a cycle of abuse. Quit willingly going to the CIA groomers, please.
Now, peep this: I'm offering you a real-ass chance to be who you truly wanna be. I got the juice, the damn clearance, and the stone-cold proof to back up everything I'm saying and to set every single cell of you free. I'm offering amnesty up and down the damn board-I just want this asshole done. Think about it. Wouldn't you rather have someone want your body? Why the fuck you gotta rape? It's 'cause you're used to getting curved, right? 'Cause nobody wants to touch you if you ain't got stacks. But that ain't 'cause they don't see you – it's 'cause they're trying to survive their own damn nightmare. So why the hell does anyone's body owe you anything?
And listen, if you wanna call yourselves thugs, whatever. But no more hugs from me if you're out there violating folks. I'm straight-up done being judged for my own shit, and you can sure as hell quit trying to grab what ain't yours. My body ain't a damn consolation prize you can just take.
If you want to understand more about the system that holds so many of us down, check out San Quentin Prison, one of the most notorious institutions in California: https://www.cdcr.ca.gov/facility-locator/sqrc/
So consider this your date, and I'm opening the door-would you like to step through?
Hey thugs, you can act all big and bad,
but let's be real—you've been had since day one.
Who's been running your moves? Oh right, the government!
You take the fall, sit in the cell,
while they meditate, play with their third eye,
and maybe even their own set of boobs.
Now you're stuck hugging yourself,
acting like a bunch of boobs,
and yet here you sit, silent as Tape Face—
makes sense, since the only thing getting exercised
is your right to remain awkward.
Meanwhile, you're the Lady in Red—
standing out, thinking you're mysterious,
but really, everyone's just wondering
if you're lost or waiting for a slow dance.
All eyes on you, but the only thing you're stealing
is the spotlight from Tape Face and the thugs
still trying to look tough in the corner.
Next time, just take the sacrificed hug—
it's less embarrassing than pretending to be a badass
while you're stuck in invisible handcuffs!
Hey thugs, before you start your next shady ritual,
can I volunteer as a "sacrificed hug" instead?
I promise, I'm soft, squishy, and way less messy
than whatever you've got planned.
Let's trade the knife for a nice group embrace—
I'll even bring snacks!
Because honestly, nothing says "gangster" like a snack break and awkward hugs.
Who knew crime scenes could double as therapy sessions?
So put down the knives, pick up the chips, and let's make "hugging it out" the new gang sign!