The classroom was as rowdy as John remembered it as he stepped through the door on the first day back from spring break.
Laughter echoed from one corner, someone threw a paper ball across the room, and groups of students had already reassembled into their usual cliques loudly swapping stories about their week away. The atmosphere was chaotic, comfortable, and completely unchanged.
John stood by the doorway for a moment, watching the scene. Same noise. Same people. Same everything. He even noticed Liam sitting in the middle of the chaos talking to a bunch of girls.
John: (to himself) Seems he has other people he talks to now… that's great.
A poke on his shoulder broke through his thoughts and when he turned to see who it was, two familiar faces stared back at him.
Ivan: Well, well, look who decided to show up.
Joseph: Back from the dead, huh?
John: (grinning) Barely. Feels like I stepped into the exact same moment we left.
Ivan: Yeah, nothing ever changes here.
The three boys then moved to their usual seats with John's seat close to the window, Ivan's seat right in front of him and Joseph's seat on John's right hand side.
Ivan: So, how was the break? What'd you get up to?
John: Not much. Just… hung out with a bunch of friends and someone.
Ivan: (smirking) Someone? Ohhh? You say that, like it's supposed to be mysterious.
Joseph glanced at John but didn't say anything.
Ivan: Wait… hold up. You got yourself a girlfriend, didn't you?
John looked at the bracelet Kana gave and answered them he gave a small shrug but didn't deny it.
Ivan: (eyes widening) No way. You're serious?
John: Yeah. I mean… It's new. But yeah.
Ivan: Damn! Look at you, man. Got yourself a girl and didn't even brag about it. Who is she? Do we know her?
John: Nah, she doesn't go here. I'll introduce you guys sometime though.
Ivan grinned wide and gave him a playful nudge.
Ivan: You better. I need to know who managed to steal John the ghost's heart.
John laughed, but Joseph stayed quiet, his expression unreadable. He looked down at his desk, fingers tapping silently.
Before Ivan could ask more questions, the classroom door swung open and Mr. Dawson walked in, holding a thick stack of papers.
Mr. Dawson: Alright, alright, everyone take your seats. Let's settle down. Fun time's over.
The chatter died down slowly as students returned to their desks. Chairs scraped against the floor and the murmurs faded.
Mr. Dawson: Hope you all enjoyed your break, because now it's time to start thinking about your future. These (he holds up the stack of papers) are your university application forms.
A collective groan rippled through the room but Mr. Dawson ignored it as he began passing the forms down each row. John took one, stared at the bold black letters at the top: University Application Form.
John stared at the form in front of him, the words blurring slightly as his thoughts drifted. He had never really given much thought to his future beyond just getting through each day and finally finding a way to leave his mother for good.
College, careers, long-term goals, those always felt like distant concepts meant for other people, not him.
Everyone else seemed to have some kind of plan or at least an idea of what they wanted.
But John? He didn't know.
He wasn't sure what he was good at, what he enjoyed enough to build a life around. The truth was, he had spent so long just coasting that the idea of choosing a direction now felt overwhelming.
Staring down at the blank form, he felt a quiet pressure start to build in his chest, a reminder that time wasn't going to wait for him to figure things out.
But then as he sat there, he recalled when he had this conversation about not knowing whatbhe wanted to do with his future with Kana and the words that had stuck to him..
"Take it one step at a time"
With that, he smiled as he knew exactly who wanted to talk to about this.
****
Kana sat on her bed as her hand was attached to the IV drip she was supposed to take that evening and while with that on, she still managed to brush her hair despite one of her hands being occupied with the drip.
She brushed it slowly as she hummed to herself and then her phone began to ring and when she saw who it was, she smiled and quickly tied her hair into a ponytail and then answered the call which turned out to be a video call.
Lonelygirl4556:
You're calling early. Is everything okay?
Gamerboy115:
Yeah. Just got out of class a little while ago. Thought I'd check in… see how you're doing.
Lonelygirl4556:
I'm good. Well, the hospital is good. Same IV, different day. You?
Gamerboy115:
Survived my first day back. The place is still loud and chaotic as ever. You'd hate it.
Lonelygirl4556:
Sounds like nothing's changed. Did you at least get to see your friends?
Gamerboy115:
Yeah. Ivan wouldn't stop teasing me about you.
Lonelygirl4556:
(pretending to gasp) Oh no... You told him?
Gamerboy115:
I had no choice. I said I spent my holidays with "someone" and he went full detective mode.
Lonelygirl4556:
(laughs) Well, I hope I live up to the hype.
Gamerboy115:
You always do.
Kana blushed slightly, looking down at the IV in her arm before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
Lonelygirl4556:
So… how's everything else? Any trouble?
John leaned back, holding something up to the camera: a university application form.
Gamerboy115:
They gave us these today. Mr. Dawson dumped a whole stack on us. Told us to "start thinking about our futures."
Lonelygirl4556:
Wow. That's… kind of a big moment, right?
Gamerboy115:
I guess. I stared at it for, like, twenty minutes and still didn't know what to write.
Lonelygirl4556:
What do you mean?
Gamerboy115:
I mean… I don't know what I want. College, jobs, whatever. I've never had a dream job or a passion. I've just been getting by and now, all of a sudden, they want answers.
Lonelygirl4556:
John, it's okay not to have it all figured out. You just have to take it one—
Gamerboy115:
"One step at a time." Yeah. I remembered you telling me that.
Kana smiled at that.
Lonelygirl4556:
Good. Then why do you look like you're about to rip that paper in half?
John remained quiet for a while before he spoke again.
Gamerboy115:
Because when I think about the future… I don't see me in some dorm or writing essays at a higher institution. I see myself there in Yukimura, with you.
Kana's smile began to fade, her expression tightening just slightly.
Lonelygirl4556:
John…
Gamerboy115:
I'm serious. I've been thinking… What if I don't go? What if I moved to Yukimura, find some work, maybe part-time? That way I can still be around.
Kana looked down for a while and then faced John across the screen.
Lonelygirl4556:
I don't like this.
Gamerboy115:
But—
Lonelygirl4556:
(firmer now) No, John. You're not going to put everything on hold for me.
Gamerboy115:
(defensive) I'm not putting anything on hold. I'm making a choice, okay? My choice.
Lonelygirl4556:
But is it really your choice? Or are you just afraid of what happens if I'm not right here with you?
Gamerboy115:
Why are you making that sound like a bad thing? I just don't see the point in running off to college or chasing some career when you're stuck here—
Lonelygirl4556:
Stuck? So now I'm holding you back?
Gamerboy115:
You know that's not what I meant—
Lonelygirl4556:
You say you're choosing, but you're not. You're clinging. Like if you're not hovering around me, I'll fall apart.
Gamerboy115:
(bitter laugh) I'm afraid of losing you, yeah. Excuse me for giving a damn.
Lonelygirl4556:
Caring doesn't mean sacrificing yourself to that extent. That's not love, John. That's codependency!
He flinched, the words stinging harder than he expected.
Gamerboy115:
Wow… So that's how you see it?
Kana sighed and looked away from the screen.
Lonelygirl4556:
That's how it feels.
Gamerboy115:
Then what is love to you, Kana? Because from where I'm sitting, it sure as hell feels like I'm the only one willing to fight for this—for us.
Lonelygirl4556:
Don't you dare say that.
Gamerboy115:
Well what am I supposed to do?! Go to some college miles away, pretend like I'm not terrified every day I don't hear from you?
Lonelygirl4556:
You're supposed to live, John! You're supposed to build something for yourself, not throw it all away out of guilt or fear or some warped sense of loyalty!
Gamerboy115:
I'm doing it because I love you!
Lonelygirl4556:
And I love you too, but that love doesn't mean you get to treat your life like it stopped just because of me!
Gamerboy115:
So what, you'd rather I leave and forget you?
Lonelygirl4556
(furious) No! I want you to remember me, not center your whole damn life around me!
He swallowed hard.
Gamerboy115:
You know what? Maybe I shouldn't have even brought this up.
Lonelygirl4556:
No, maybe you should've. Because this is exactly what I was afraid of. You love me so much you're forgetting to love yourself.
John shook his head.
Gamerboy115:
That's not fair.
Lonelygirl4556:
Neither are you treating me like some porcelain doll.
John fell quiet, staring at her through the screen. Kana was shaking now, not from anger alone, but from the truth she'd been trying so hard to bury.
Lonelygirl4556:
You know, when you talk like this… like your future doesn't matter… I start to feel like a weight tied to your ankle. Like I'm dragging you down just by existing.
Gamerboy115:
Kana, that's not—
Lonelygirl4556:
Let me finish.
She took a deep breath before she continued.
Lonelygirl4556:
I never want to be someone's regret. I never wanted to be the reason anyone gave up on their life. So if this is where it's going… if you're really going to throw everything away just to be close to me, then I need to say this now before it's too late:
She meets his eyes, her voice trembling but firm.
Lonelygirl4556:
If you keep doing this, putting your future on hold, pretending I'm the only thing that matters, I'll break up with you.
John's throat tightened.
Gamerboy115:
So what, is this a threat?
Lonelygirl4556:
It's a warning.
And with that, she ended the call.