There was no one at home when John walked into the apartment that evening and after checking everywhere around the house to confirm he was alone, he heaved a sigh of relief as he walked to his room and tossed his school bag to the corner of his room and he fell down on his bed.
As he did so, he began to recall everything that had happened that day and he groaned in agony into his blanket and then he began to think of Kana which made all his tense emotions relax for a bit.
John: (to himself) I did all this for you… I just hope you're able to come back from all this… Kana.
Suddenly, his phone rang cutting through the thoughts he had in his head. Groaning in agony once more, he sluggishly sat up and brought out his phone from his pockets to see who it was and he beamed a smile when he saw it was Kana who was calling him.
It was a video call, like they had always done every time they spoke, but when John remembered the bruise on his cheek, and grew hesitant.
John: I can't have her see this…
So he picked the video call but then he immediately turned off his camera to prevent Kana from seeing the bruise on his face.
He could see her but she couldn't see him.
This sudden development was sure to surprise Kana and he didn't think it through on what he'd say to her, but when he saw Kana's face on the camera, she had this oddly calm but not happy look on her face which surprised John.
Gamerboy115:
Hey… how's it going?
Lonelygirl4556:
I'm doing okay now… Why'd you turn off your camera? You never do that.
John flinched.
Gamerboy115:
Ah… nothing serious. Just tired, I guess. I had a really long day.
Lonelygirl4556:
Tell me about it…
John flinched again.
Gamerboy115:
Huh?
Lonelygirl4556:
Tell me how your day went… I wanna hear it.
John's mind began to race and his mind began to think of multiple things he could tell Kana at once to avoid any suspicion and then he finally arrived at something after thinking for a few seconds.
Gamerboy115:
Uh… yeah. School was a mess today. We had this surprise group presentation in History, and of course, I got stuck with the laziest people and I ended up doing most of the work. It was a really long day. Nothing worth remembering, honestly.
Kana sighed deeply and John could suddenly see through the screen that Kana had a sudden look of disappointment on her face and in the next few seconds he found out why she did.
Lonelygirl4556:
John… Why did you lie to me just now?
John flinched again.
Gamerboy115:
What? Lie? I didn't—
Lonelygirl4556:
John, don't. You always look me in the eyes when you talk about your day. Even through a screen. But tonight, you won't even turn on your camera… and your voice sounds like you're carrying something heavier than a bad presentation. What are you not telling me?
Gamerboy115:
...Kana, it's nothing, really. I just didn't want you to worry.
Kana shook her head.
Lonelygirl4556:
We're already passed that point…
Gamerboy115:
What… What are you talking about?
Lonelygirl4556:
I know you found out who was behind my online bullying and called them out in your school and I know you got into a fight with your friends because of it…
John sighed deeply and scratched the back of his head, already feeling fed up by the whole situation.
Gamerboy115:
Damn it… why does this keep dragging on? (pauses) Yeah… I did get involved even after I promised you but that was because I found out that everything that was happening to you was my fault. I couldn't sit back and do nothing and let that sit on my conscience.
There was a bridge silence before Kana spoke.
Lonelygirl4556:
I wanna see it…
Gamerboy115:
See what?
Lonelygirl4556:
In that video, someone punched you in the face… that's why you're hiding your face from me… isn't it?
Gamerboy115:
Yeah…
Lonelygirl4556:
Then… I wanna see it.
John turned on the camera after contemplating for a few moments and when Kana saw his face she froze.
He stared at Kana through the screen, the ache in his chest growing tighter with every passing second. The bruise on his cheek was now plain to see, sitting like a wound between them.
Kana didn't say anything at first. She just looked at him, looked through him with eyes that glistened but refused to blink.
Gamerboy115:
Say something… please.
Lonelygirl4556:
You got hurt… because of me.
Gamerboy115:
Kana, don't say that. I got hurt because I made a choice…
Lonelygirl4556:
Yeah… a choice I told you not to make. I told you I was going to be fine…
Gamerboy115:
But you weren't… and I couldn't stand back anymore once I found out I was the reason this was happening…
Lonelygirl4556:
But… now your life… that part of you, that you didn't want to show anyone… everyone knows that now… because of me…
Gamerboy115:
Kana… I made that choice. That was my decision to make. You don't need to feel bad about it. It's not like it matters.
Hearing this made Kana grip her blanket tightly.
Lonelygirl4556:
You're doing it again…
John raised his eyebrow.
Gamerboy115:
I'm not doing that. I'm just..(runs a hand through his hair, exasperated) I'm just trying to be there for you. That's all I've ever tried to do.
Lonelygirl4556:
But I never asked you to burn yourself down to keep me warm. You promised me you'd stay out of it.
Gamerboy115:
What was I supposed to do?! Stay quiet while Rachel humiliates you every day because of me?
Lonelygirl4556:
Yes. No, I don't know! I just… I wanted you to care, like always. But not like this. Not by breaking yourself to protect me.
Kana paused and took a deep breath and sat up properly before she continued.
Lonelygirl4556:
I never wanted you to fight for me like this. I'm not some… fragile girl who needs saving all the time. You don't have to protect me, John. I'm not weak.
John froze. The air between them thickened.
Gamerboy115:
But… you are fragile, Kana.
Kana's eyes widened like someone had just slapped her.
Lonelygirl4556:
…What?
John's voice rose, slow at first, but trembling from everything he'd held in all day.
Gamerboy115:
That day… when I saw you in the ICU, hooked up to all those machines, not moving, not speaking… I hated it. I hated myself. I hated how helpless I felt. I kept thinking, If I had just done more… if I had just been there sooner… I felt like I failed to protect the girl I'm in love with.
Kana's lips parted, but she couldn't form a word.
Gamerboy115:
So yeah. When I found out Rachel was behind all of it, I snapped. I didn't care about the consequences. I didn't care if my friends hated me, if the whole school found out the truth about me... All I knew was, I couldn't stand the thought of you going through all that… again. I love you, Kana. And I don't care how much I lose if it means I get to protect you.
A long silence came after that.
John was breathing heavily now, his eyes burning. Kana just stared at him. And then, her hand moved to her mouth. Her voice came out low, pained.
Lonelygirl4556:
…Shut up.
Gamerboy115:
Kana—
Lonelygirl4556:
Shut up! I'm not accepting that. You don't get to call me weak just because you felt helpless. That wasn't about me. That was about you.
Gamerboy115:
You don't understand... I didn't...
Lonelygirl4556:
No, you don't understand! You say you love me, but you're throwing yourself into the fire like you don't care what happens to you. I don't understand it... and I'm not going to be the reason you destroy yourself!!
Her voice cracked slightly, but she stayed firm.
Lonelygirl4556:
I want a relationship where we both stand strong, where we both grow together. Not one where one person has to keep sacrificing everything to protect the other like some tragic hero.
John's expression fell. The fight was leaving him, being replaced with a growing, numbing sense of dread.
Gamerboy115:
…So what are you saying?
Kana swallowed hard. Her voice was quiet now.
Lonelygirl4556:
I'm saying… Maybe we can't stay together. I know you're going to keep doing this. You'll keep getting hurt and keep throwing everything away on my account. And I can't… I can't be the reason you destroy yourself. Not when I love you too.
John sat there in shock listening to what Kana had just said and had just suggested which gave him goosebumps.
Finally he spoke…
Gamerboy115:
What?
Kana looked away and quickly wiped the tear that was about to drop from her eye and then she spoke again.
Lonelygirl4556:
You know… those Internet bullies and Rachel was it?... They all called me weak and some other hurtful words. Sure enough they hurt but… it hurt so much more when I heard you say it.
And with that Kana ended the call.
John stared at the blank screen for a few moments and suddenly fear took over his body. He immediately tried calling her back but it didn't go through. He opened Twibbler to try and find her page and when he searched up her name, he was greeted with a message that made the fear in his body multiply.
"Error: You are no longer able to view this account."
He dropped his phone, eyes wide with disbelief. Then he sat on the edge of his bed, hands gripping his head, as the weight of everything that had happened throughout that day came crashing down on him.