"Are you guys alright?" Zeb marches to us in rapid pace. Mika and Todd trails behind him.
"Y-yeah we are." He replies without meeting his eyes.
"We're starving Boss." All three of them whine.
"Alright alright my treat," Damien says creating a little distance between us.
"Let's go to that place of ours," suggests Mika.
Damien points at me. "You can come too if you want."
He's acting indifferent. What's with him all of a sudden? Did I catch him off guard earlier?
"You guys go ahead. I'll come later alright."
I need to talk to Chris before I come to any conclusion.
As they leave without me I phone him.
"What's up?"
"Come out here. Fast. I need to talk to you."
••••
It takes him five minutes to reach me.
"Chris you always make me wait."
"I literally had to run... Saint. Where's the fire?"
He places his hands on his hips panting. "Wait don't tell me you wanted to thank me properly for everything. You don't have to."
"No. It's.... something else."
He scrutinizes my clenched fists and stern face then cowers. "Did Damien and you fight again? Did another girl try to hit on you? Or are you upset that we couldn't throw you a bigger party? You know time is the main problem. We didn't have..."
"Ugh Chris! Nothing of that kind."
"Then what is it?"
I gulp. The words are stuck. Chris will you hate me if I somehow say it..?
"You're worrying me Saint. Come on say something." He furrows then starts shaking me.
"I... I have fallen-for Damien."
The thing I feared the most has already happened.
Just when I thought I would run away from there a message pops up from Mika. "Where are you Saint? We're waiting."
"I'm on my way." I quickly text back.
Chris keeps looking at me with an unvexed reaction. It makes me stare back at him with an equal stoic expression. For a few seconds we continue that.
But then again I can't keep standing here forever.
"Aren't you surprised or mad?"
"For what?" He scowls.
It's as if my worries were for nothing.
"I'm intrigued yes, that you finally admitted it but surprised? No. I've known you all my life Saint. If I can't understand such a simple thing then what kind of bestfriend would I be?"
I run a hand through my hair in a concerned manner. "I-I don't know what to do Chris... What exactly to feel when he's around."
He put both of his hands on my shoulders in an assuring manner. "If I were in your place I would've told him... because at this point he already has a hint."
••••
I almost bump into the door handle of the diner. This is where they'd eat often or gather for a drink beside that bar.
I enter willy nilly thinking it over. Chris thinks Damien already knows. But what if it's just assumption? What will he do if he comes to know about my feelings?
Their voices reach me from a far. There they're. What are they talking about? They can't see me. I should listen to them. Where's Mika by the way? I don't him with them.
I hide behind a long decorative vase to eavesdrop on them.
"What's wrong with me huh?" Damien puts down his glass of cocktail with a loud clunk. He's frustrated.
Todd tries to calm him. "Slow down Boss."
"And what's his deal?! What does he want?" Damien demands bitterly.
Is he drunk? No he's never drunk. Then what's he grumbling about?
"Why are you mad Damien?" Zeb puts a hand on his back.
"You know Zeb what my plan was in the beginning? Since my eyes met him for the second time in class-I wanted to observe him...closely, keenly, meticulously. Keep your enemy closer kinda thing."
Damien pounds his fist on the table irritably. "Then every girl was vying for his attention. And it made me annoyed for some reason. Even Professor Robert was intrigued by him."
He's talking about me.
He scoffs indignantly. "I wanted to know his side of story. That stone faced Saint Angel had nothing to do with my heart."
He scans his surroundings, raking his eyes over each corner of the place. I shrink fearing he might see me but then he turns back to them. "And he's still not here. Guess he won't be coming."
He closes his eyes for a second and his lips part to say more. He looks tired.
"I kissed him... Yeah I wanted to see how it'd feel... How it'd affect him. But..." He grimaces. "He didn't wear his emotions on his sleeve. He's as they say-stone statue. I hate it..." He pulls his own hair. "I hate it... Everytime he's... Stoic... Him good at acting only makes me wonder more! Such a pity-a profession that requires a myriad of feelings and an actor who in real life doesn't have any."
"Ughhh.." He huffs loudly. Both Zeb and Todd remain silent. "Is Mika still in the bathroom? He's got a woman's system."
"Boss do you really hate him?" This time Zeb asks.
"I hate it...so much... Everytime he's around... The way he makes me..."
I couldn't hear anymore.
"Saint?" Mika's voice from behind startles me.
"Finally you're here," he says.
The phone drops from my hand. It starts ringing. They all heard Mika. Now their wide eyes wander over my whole body. I'm caught. It doesn't matter anymore.
I quickly pick it up with shaking hands. A crack is made at the left side of the screen. An unknown number.
"Hello..." My voice cracks.
"Is this Saint Angel? Is Serena Angel your mother? I'm speaking from S.N.P hospital."
"Hospital?! What's wrong with mom?"
"Would you please come here asap?"
I feel confused scared and pained at the same time. My throat start to ache while talking. My eyes feel ridiculously dry even though I want to cry. Am I really just a stone as he said?
"Saint!" Mika holds me. "Are you okay?"
No. I don't have time to feel all of these right now. I need to be there right beside her.
I push him away then dash out of that place. How did she end up there? I'm a vain son! She never told anything and I never....tried to understand.
••••
Everyone's s followed me to the hospital. Dad's here too. Chris, Mika, Damien, Todd, Zeb.
Everything feels so uncertain... obscured and dark.
"Saint are you feeling alright?" Both Mika and Chris caress my back.
Dad keeps staring at me with gloomy despondent eyes. Right now I don't even want to ask him what he was doing in our house.
The doctor comes out wearing a solemn expression.
"What's it doctor?" Dad asks.
"She needs the operation. Quickly. Today she'll stay here. Tomorrow it will be performed at first hour."
"What's wrong with mom?" I ask, trembling.
"It's... Tumor. Stage II. Any longer and it'd take the form of-you know what."
"Will she be okay? Does the operation holds risks? Can you please..?"
"Operations are often risky Mr. Angel. But we can only hope. 35% people caught in stage II survives."
I feel my legs crumble as if they're made of straws.
"Saint!" Damien scurries to my aid. His arms catches my motionless body.
"Mr. Angel you have to go through some procedures," the doctor says to Dad.
I'm feeling everything. Every single feeling that I should be feeling.
"Bring water quickly!" Damien sits me beside him.
"Be gone Damien Frost. You don't need to be here."
"Has he eaten anything?" Chris asks Zeb. "Didn't you guys plan to eat out?"
Food is the last thing on my head right now.
"I know you probably hate me." Damien rubs smooth circles on my back. "But I don't. I never really hated you Saint."
"Oh save it Damien. I heard everything."
"Not everything. You didn't hear the rest I said... Cause you ran away."
"I don't want to...anymore." I get up slowly then brush off his hand. "I want to see her..."
The doctor comes and takes me to her. Damien despite my hateful remarks follows me inside.
The door to her ward opens revealing her shriveled face. I realise how wasteful and ignorant I became in the past few months. My own problems ate me so much that anything else couldn't be perceived by these blinded eyes.
"Sein my boy..." Her frail veiny hands trace my hands.
"I can't...mom..." The sobs finally escapes me. "You have to be okay mom. You promised me! You promised me you'll come to cheer for me... You'll see my performance -you promised.
I shakes violently holding her as the pain tears me from inside. Is this how it feels to see someone you love suffering?
"I'm happy Sein...to see you. How you've come a long way. Made friends. You've grown up to be a passionate young man."
"No..." I shakes my head through fits of sobs. "I'm nowhere near that word Passionate mom. I failed...I..."
"Why are you crying silly?" Her other hand reaches out to Damien. "If he hadn't come to see me that day... If we never talked.... God knows what wrong I'd have done by bending your wishes my little boy. You have made me the happiest mom. I even want to watch you act."
She smiles weakly. "Don't cry my baby boy...my Sein." She fondles my cheeks with her fragile fingers. "Promise me your performance won't be affected Sein. Promise me you'll win."
"Mom...I can't promise something I..."
"This is my only wish now. Promise me you won't cry again. I'm going to recover quickly for you."
"Mom..."
"I love you more than anything in this world my little angel. Remember that."
She closes her eyes in fatigue. The doctor asks us to come out.
You promised me mom... you'd see me performing. How will I keep my promise knowing you're in this state...mom?! How?
••••
As I drag my exhausted body out of the room Damien saunters towards me.
He holds me close to his body caressing the back of my head. "Everything will be fine. I know it will be."
"I can feel everything Damien. Look...she was fine a week ago...a day before...look how she's suddenly so fragile. My heart aches like I'm stabbed with a rusty dagger twice today Damien. I can feel every single feeling that a human is supposed to feel in a lifetime. I am capable of having feelings Damien. I'm-am not a stone." I tremble in his embrace.
"No you're not." He keeps rubbing my back. "I thought once, you were. But you're not. You're clearly the most resilient and resolute of us all."
He hugs me even tighter. "That's what I know Saint. I hated to admit it-I hated how everytime my heart ached while thinking about you-how I hated it when my feelings went overdrive everytime you came close to me. I hated the way you made me feel without giving the assurance that you'd return my feelings oneday. I hated my insecurity-my impatient nature-my reckless heart... Cause everytime I looked at you, I fell deeper and deeper."
Now a single tear rolls down his left eye. "I love you Saint. Even if you may hate me-even if you'll leave me-I can't hold myself back anymore. I need you Saint. More than you can imagine."
What a turn of events... Should I be annoyed at him that he's confessing to me at a typical time? Should I be happy that my feelings aren't rejected? Should I be angry at mom for breaking her promise? Or should I be mad at myself for not being able to be there when she needed me?
I messed up everytime, didn't I?