Later on Tuesday, leaving campus, Li Feng spotted Chloe again, a short distance away. She was standing by the curb near the main entrance, chatting casually with a group of friends. "I'm so ready for that party tonight," one friend giggled, her voice carrying. A sleek, dark sedan, windows tinted, pulled up silently. A man, impeccably dressed, leaned over from the driver's seat and opened the back door. Chloe waved goodbye to her friends, then slipped gracefully into the car. The sedan pulled away silently, disappearing into Eastbridge traffic.
Li Feng stopped, frozen. A chauffeured car. He replayed the moment. The smooth, effortless way she'd entered. The driver. Not an Uber, not a taxi. A private car. She had given him her number for "study buddies," but her reality was so far removed from his public transport existence. The small surge of elation withered, replaced by a dull, aching sense of distance. He was just a curious novelty, perhaps, to someone like her. Someone who arrived in a chauffeured car.
Meanwhile, Chloe, as the sedan pulled away, checked her phone. A new contact: "Li Feng." She vaguely remembered the formal, slightly awkward boy. "He seemed nice," she thought, then shrugged, mentally prioritizing the calculus homework she still needed to cram for before her dad's evening gala. Her mind was already on her best friend and what they were wearing to the frat party this weekend. She barely registered his name beyond the moment of exchange.
[Phone Notes: Tue, 3:45 PM – Post-Observation]
* Chloe (Pre-Med): Socio-economic status (SES) re-evaluation. Initial assessment: Average. Revised assessment: High SES (Chauffeured transport).
* Implication: Social distance significant. Networking utility: Low. Potential for casual interaction: Moderate (if maintained).
* Emotional State: Alienation. Gap between self and peers confirmed.
Wednesday: The Deepening Isolation & Practical Needs
Wednesday was a blur of self-study in his apartment. Li Feng was avoiding the main campus, nursing the sting of Chloe's casual wealth and his own social awkwardness. His academic struggles compounded his isolation. He tried to replicate the Kubernetes deployment process on his laptop, downloading virtual machines, crashing his system twice. His room, despite his efforts, felt smaller, colder. The rhythmic bass from downstairs pulsed through the floor, a constant, irritating reminder of other lives lived with casual abandon. He realized the silence of his room, broken only by his laptop's whir, was oppressive.
He needed something. Music. He consulted his budget. He couldn't afford headphones that actually blocked sound, but maybe a cheap speaker? He walked to a nearby supermarket, the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead, the aisles wide and filled with an overwhelming array of choices. He navigated past rows of gleaming, packaged foods, past the organic section and the brightly colored cereals. He avoided the fresh produce, calculating the cost per calorie. His eyes fixed on the electronics aisle. He found a small, cheap Bluetooth speaker, shaped like a squat cylinder, for $7.99. It was hideous, a dull grey, but it was sound. He bought it, the transaction feeling like a desperate indulgence.
He also bought the cheapest rice, some generic brand instant noodles, and a single onion. His dinner that night was boiled rice with a few slivers of onion. He played some traditional Chinese folk music from his phone through the tiny, tinny speaker. The melody, thin and reedy, filled the sterile air of his room, a desperate, pathetic lullaby against the crushing loneliness that pressed in from the silent walls. For a moment, he let himself close his eyes, imagining Nanjing, the familiar sounds, the faces...
[Phone Notes: Wed, Expenses & Needs]
* Academic Progress: Kubernetes 60%. VM crashes persistent. (Debugging required).
* LeetCode: Medium (1/3 Success). Optimization required.
* Balance: $23.00 - $7.99 (Speaker) = $15.01.
* Food: Minimalist. Rice, onion. (Survival Protocol maintained).
* Emotional Need: Sound/Distraction. Fulfilled via cheap speaker. (Temporary Relief).
Thursday: Fleeting Glimpses and Uncomfortable Realities
Thursday, Li Feng forced himself back to campus for another orientation event, a general "Academic Fair" that mingled students from all departments. He navigated the crowded halls, trying to look busy. He spotted a girl walking past, her short, fitted skirt swaying gently with each step, revealing long, toned legs that seemed to go on forever. She had a confident stride, and Li Feng's gaze involuntarily followed her, appreciating the effortless grace. Her skin, lightly tanned, stretched smoothly over her calves and thighs. He quickly caught himself, pulling his attention back to the dull brochures in his hand.
He saw the girl he had deliberately touched on Monday. Her name, he'd heard someone call her, was Sarah. She was talking animatedly with a group of friends near a chemistry department booth, her long, dark hair pulled back in a high ponytail, a simple confidence in her posture that belied the fury in her brief, condemning glance.
Meanwhile, Sarah was recounting a funny story about her summer job at a boutique. "And then this guy, he just—" she paused, shuddering slightly at the memory, a fleeting image of a slightly awkward, earnest face. "—he just touched me. Like, full-on, on the ass. And it wasn't an accident." Her friend snorted. "Gross. What a creep." Sarah shrugged, trying to be nonchalant, but the feeling of violation still lingered. "I just gave him a look. Not worth the drama. But seriously, who does that on the first day?" She glanced around, as if half-expecting to see him again, and her eyes briefly landed on Li Feng across the room, who immediately averted his gaze. She recognized him instantly. He was the creepy guy from orientation.
Li Feng quickly looked away, a fresh wave of shame washing over him. He was a ghost to her, a creepy memory. The incident festered, a tiny, infected wound in his psyche. He was not just invisible; he was negatively visible.
He tried another social interaction, approaching a male student sitting alone in a common area. "Hello," Li Feng began, attempting a casual tone. "Is this chair... occupied?"
The student, a tall, lanky guy with headphones around his neck, glanced up, a faint frown on his face. "Nah, man. Go ahead." He didn't offer a name, or any further conversation. He just went back to staring at his phone. Another failed attempt. He heard a group of girls walking past, one saying, "OMG, I just have to get my nails done before the party on Saturday." Their world felt so distant.
[Phone Notes: Thu, Social & Self-Perception]
* Social Interaction Attempt 3 (Male Peer): Negative. Lack of reciprocation.
* Observation of Sarah: Confirmed awareness of deliberate touch. Emotional response: Disgust/Dismissal. User's perceived status: "Creepy."
* Looksmaxing Goal: Urgency increased. Physical appearance and social cues critical for acceptance. Need to be less invisible, but not negatively visible.
Friday: The IT Departmental Muster
Friday was the official IT departmental introduction, held in a large common room, allowing Li Feng to finally get a clearer look at his direct peers, the ones he would be competing against. The room, usually a vibrant student lounge, had been arranged with rows of chairs facing a small stage. It was filled with students dressed in a mix of casual academic wear – graphic tees, hoodies, but also crisp button-downs and smart casual trousers.
He saw Kevin, the "Meta summer program" guy, easily chatting with Dr. Whitmore. Kevin wore a stylish dark blue polo shirt, and his laugh boomed like a well-oiled machine, eyes holding the casual arrogance of inherited success. "Yeah, I was debugging my AI model at 3 AM," he heard Kevin say to a girl next to him, who nodded knowingly. Kevin seemed perfectly at home, effortlessly integrating. There was Anya Sharma, the "GAN prodigy," a quiet girl with intense, focused eyes, already devouring a notepad filled with arcane equations, a quiet vortex of brilliance. She wore a simple, oversized grey sweater, but her concentration was palpable. She was surrounded by a small clique of equally brilliant-looking students, their conversation a rapid-fire exchange of technical terms that flew over Li Feng's head. "Have you seen the new PyTorch library for transformers?" one of them asked, a gleam in his eye. He recognized the type: the "academic elite," the ones who would effortlessly secure internships at Google and Amazon.
Then there were the "average" ones, like himself, though they seemed less burdened by the weight of their existence. A guy with perpetually messy hair, who looked like he hadn't slept, was arguing good-naturedly with a girl about the superiority of Python over Java. "Python's cleaner, man, everyone knows that," he insisted. "But Java's enterprise-grade!" she shot back, laughing. They were passionate, engaged, even if their conversations felt less groundbreaking. Li Feng saw others, slumped in their chairs, clearly overwhelmed, scrolling endlessly on their phones. The "strugglers," he categorized, recognizing a kindred spirit in their quiet despair.
He judged them all. Ruthlessly, analytically. Not with malice, but with a cold, objective assessment of their strengths and weaknesses relative to his own. He evaluated their clothes, their confidence, the ease with which they spoke technical jargon, the effortless way they navigated this new American social landscape. He saw their advantages, their head starts. And he felt the immense, terrifying distance between them and himself.
The department head, a jovial man with a booming voice and a slightly too-loud tie, began his welcome speech. "Welcome, future innovators! The IT department at Purdue Eastbridge is a crucible of ideas, a hub of innovation! We challenge you, we support you, and we expect greatness!" His voice was enthusiastic, but the words felt hollow to Li Feng. Greatness, he thought, is a privilege, not a guarantee, when you start with $23.
He, Li Feng, was here on a knife-edge, his existence balanced on $15.01 and the sheer force of his will. They were here, many of them, to simply be. To him, they were either the effortlessly brilliant, the comfortably average, or the quietly failing. And he, Li Feng, was just... unremarkable.
He opened his notebook, his pen poised. He had to be more than unremarkable. He had to climb.
[Phone Notes: Fri, End of Week 1 Summary]
* Date: Aug 28 - Sept 1, [Year] (Week 1)
* Balance: $15.01 (Decreased by speaker purchase).
* Food Consumed: Minimal. Survival Protocol maintained.
* Academic Performance (IT Infra, Comp Arch): Sub-optimal. Significant knowledge gaps identified. Requires intense independent study.
* LeetCode Progress: Easy (3/5 Success); Medium (1/3 Success). Slow.
* Social Interactions: 3 Attempts.
* Attempt 1 (Physical Contact with Sarah): Negative. High Shame. High Fear. Perception: "Creepy." URGENT need for social re-calibration.
* Attempt 2 (Networking with Chloe): Initial Positive, then Negative (SES Disparity).
* Attempt 3 (Male Peer): Negative. No reciprocation.
* Physical Observation (Female): High Aesthetic Value (Yoga Pants Girl - Gluteal/Skin; Chloe - Skin/Approachability; Legs Girl - Legs). Impulse noted, but growing sense of futility/risk.
* Looksmaxing Initiative: Push-ups (Initiated, sporadic). Urgency: Critical.
* Mental State: High Stress, Significant Alienation, Shame, Lingering Desire/Loneliness. Resolve: Hardened.
* Business Idea: Pending (URGENT). Need for revenue stream critical.
Li Feng closed his laptop, feeling the cold weight of his situation, but also a hardening resolve. This was his fight. And he was just getting started. The silence of his room, now broken by the faint, tinny music from his cheap speaker, was no longer merely oppressive. It was a crucible.