The older cat-woman groaned with theatrical exasperation. "I've told you a thousand times—stop calling me Big Mama! It makes me sound ancient and decrepit."
She gestured emphatically, unintentionally causing physics to commit several violations of public decency.
*BOOBY PINGO LEVEL TWO: MILF MODE CATASTROPHICALLY ACTIVATED.* Drake's brain short-circuited with emergency alarms.
"But come on, our names are both Liana—it would create endless confusion," Elsa teased with impish delight.
*Wait. Elsa's full name is Elsa Liana... and this bombshell is also Liana? Too many Lianas in this equation,* Drake's mind struggled to process.
The older cat lady shook her head with fond exasperation. "Still impossibly dramatic, I see. It's genuinely wonderful having you back, kid. This place has been far too quiet without your particular brand of chaos."
Elsa beamed like a miniature sun. "Don't worry, Big Mama—the chaos is officially back in business!"
Drake remained frozen, caught between terror and aesthetic appreciation as his brain continued its complete meltdown.
Elsa leaned close to his ear, her breath warm against his skin. "Pro tip: don't stare too obviously. She has a tendency to bite first and ask questions later."
Drake didn't respond. He was too busy internally screaming for divine intervention.
Big Mama raised an elegant eyebrow, studying Drake with predatory interest. "And who's this handsome young man? Is he your—"
"Don't even finish that sentence!" Elsa shot back, her emerald eyes practically glowing with indignation.
"Eep!" Fluffbun flinched in Elsa's arms, tiny ears drooping at the sudden outburst.
"Oh no! I'm sorry, Fluffbun—did Mommy scare you?" Elsa immediately melted, cradling her celestial bunny with maternal tenderness.
"Sheesh... I didn't know you hated the idea that much," Drake muttered, managing a half-smile despite his wounded pride.
Big Mama's eyes sparkled with mischief. "Ouch. That's pretty harsh, Elsa. Look—you completely shattered the poor boy's heart."
Before anyone could protest, she swept forward and pulled Drake into a suffocating embrace, her considerable assets threatening to completely overwhelm his already fragile mental state.
*Paradise... is this what angels feel like?* Drake's coherent thoughts dissolved into blissful static.
Elsa threw her hands up in exasperation. "Not you too, Big Mama!"
"What? I'm simply offering comfort to this devastated young prince," Big Mama purred innocently. "Aren't I, sweetheart?"
"I think... I might actually be ascending to a higher plane of existence," Drake mumbled dreamily.
He managed to gather enough brain cells to offer a gentlemanly nod. "The name's Drake Lorenzo, ma'am."
"Aww, what an absolutely adorable name! I'm calling you Drakey from now on," Big Mama cooed with maternal affection.
*My first pet name... from a gorgeous older woman. I've officially peaked in life,* Drake celebrated internally.
Elsa marched over and physically separated them, her face burning crimson. "That's quite enough maternal comfort!"
"Nooo... my slice of paradise..." Drake whimpered like a abandoned puppy.
"You shameless little pervert!" Elsa huffed, delivering another precise forehead strike.
"OW! My poor, abused head!" Drake rubbed the growing bump with theatrical tears. "That's like the fourth concussion today! You're going to give me permanent brain damage!"
"Don't be so rough with the poor dear," Big Mama giggled, her laugh ending with an adorable feline trill. "Besides, why are you getting so worked up, Elsa? You literally just denied any romantic involvement."
"I told you not to finish that sentence for a reason!" Elsa snapped defensively.
"Pfft! Hahaha~ nya!" Big Mama's musical laughter filled the air.
*Even her laugh is weaponized cuteness,* Drake observed with growing appreciation.
"What's so amusing?" Elsa demanded, hands on her hips.
"Nothing at all. I just missed having my favorite little firecracker around," Big Mama replied with a knowing wink. "It's wonderful to have you home, kid."
Elsa's expression softened despite herself. "Thanks... it really is good to be back."
Big Mama suddenly pulled out a chair with practiced grace. "Alright, enough playful teasing. You mentioned needing to see me about 'that thing'—where did you put it?"
Elsa's entire demeanor shifted, a mischievous smirk returning. "Exactly. So where is it?"
"I've kept it safe and hidden, though it wasn't easy," Big Mama said, reaching into her apron pocket with deliberate mystery.
Drake watched this exchange with growing alarm. *Should I even be witnessing this? This feels like some kind of underground black market transaction...*
"Oh, thank you! I've been dying to hold it again!" Elsa said with dramatic longing.
"Here you go, dear." Big Mama slid the mysterious object across the table.
Drake's throat went dry. *HELP. SEND BACKUP. I'M TOO YOUNG TO BECOME A CRIME ACCOMPLICE.*
Both women stared at him with barely contained amusement.
Big Mama produced... a sleek, polished MirrorNet device.
Elsa gasped with genuine delight, stars practically sparkling in her eyes. "My precious baby!" She cradled the device like a long-lost treasure. "I missed you so much!"
Sweat beaded on Drake's forehead. "All that ominous buildup... for a communication device?! Are you two serious right now?!"
"For a terrifying moment, I genuinely thought I was about to witness a murder," Drake muttered under his breath.
"Meow-hi~" A soft, melodic voice tapped his shoulder from behind.
"AHHHHHHH!" Drake nearly launched himself into orbit.
Elsa and Big Mama turned to see Annie approaching with her characteristic grace.
"Sorry if I startled you, nya," Annie purred apologetically, her tail swishing with nervous energy.
Drake clutched his racing heart. "It's... it's perfectly fine..."
*Fine?! I almost had a cardiac episode!* his mind screamed.
"Did you enjoy your meal?" Annie asked with genuine sweetness.
"Absolutely! It was incredible," Drake beamed with authentic appreciation.
"Well, aren't you quite the charmer," Big Mama grinned with obvious approval. "I'm delighted you enjoyed my cooking, sweetheart."
Drake offered his most winning smile. "Thank you again. I could definitely get accustomed to cuisine this exceptional."
Big Mama's eyes lit up with sudden inspiration. She leaned toward Elsa and whispered conspiratorially, "Since he's not spoken for... can I adopt him?"
Elsa turned the approximate color of a ripe tomato. "Big Mama! Absolutely not! Not you too!"
Annie's enhanced feline hearing caught every word. "Nyaa~ That's completely unfair! I saw him first!"
"Too bad, kitten," Big Mama smirked with competitive pride. "He'd be much better off with a mature woman who knows how to properly care for her man."
Annie's tail bristled indignantly. "He'd have way more fun with me than some... some busty grandma!"
Elsa stood frozen in mortified silence as both catgirls began circling Drake like predators evaluating premium prey.
*What dimension have I stumbled into?! Am I trapped in some kind of romantic comedy fever dream?!* Drake's thoughts spiraled into beautiful chaos.
"ENOUGH!" Elsa finally exploded. "You impossible felines! Drake is not a collectible pet! You can't just claim ownership!"
Big Mama and Annie exchanged meaningful whispers.
"She's definitely jealous."
"Like, super jealous, nya."
Elsa's eye developed a dangerous twitch. "I CAN HEAR EVERY WORD YOU'RE SAYING."
They dissolved into synchronized giggles.
"You know what? Drake, we're leaving. Now." Elsa grabbed his hand with determined authority. "We've eaten, I retrieved what I came for. Time to make our exit."
"But... but I want to stay longer," Drake protested weakly.
Elsa fixed him with a withering stare. "So you can continue flirting with every bouncy catgirl in the establishment? Absolutely not. We're departing immediately."
"Aww, come on, Elsa," Drake whined with practiced puppy-dog eyes.
"Stop acting like a spoiled child and move!"
As she began dragging him toward the exit, Big Mama and Annie waved with theatrical sadness.
"You're absolutely precious, Drakey," Big Mama called out sweetly.
"What was that?!" Elsa whipped around suspiciously.
"Nothing at all~" Annie replied innocently, though her expression suggested otherwise.
"Oh! I almost forgot payment," Elsa said, producing an elegant velvet pouch adorned with a glowing solar crest seal. She placed three gleaming Sun-Blessed Gold coins on the table.
"Thank you again—everything was absolutely delicious!"
*So that's how currency works in this world... I need to learn the economic system fast,* Drake noted mentally.
Big Mama gently pushed the coins back across the table. "Don't worry about it, Elsa. This meal is my welcome-home gift. You'd better have missed my cooking while you were gone."
"I really want you to accept payment—"
"Fine, fine," Big Mama relented with a warm smile. "But next time, you're definitely paying."
"Deal," Elsa chuckled, her mood lightening.
Big Mama leaned close and whispered conspiratorially, "Just make sure you bring Lorenzo with you next time, hmm?"
Elsa's cheeks reddened adorably. "I... I will..."
"Nyaa~ Do you really have to leave right now?" Annie suddenly launched herself at Drake, pressing her generous curves against him in an enthusiastic farewell hug. "Stay with Annie instead~"
*Another heavenly pillow attack... my brain is turning to cotton candy,* Drake's thoughts grew pleasantly fuzzy.
Elsa immediately yanked him free from Annie's embrace. "THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH!"
Annie licked her lips with feline mischief. "If you don't hurry up and claim him properly, I'll steal him away~ nya."
Elsa met her gaze with surprising steel in her emerald eyes. "We'll see about that. Come on, Drake."
"But I don't want to leave! I want to stay with my adorable catgirl friends!"
"You're absolutely hopeless! We're leaving this instant!"
"Bye bye~ Please come visit again soon, you two!" Annie waved enthusiastically.
"Don't worry," Drake called back with a confident grin. "I'll be back sooner than you expect..."
"Of course you will," Elsa sighed with fond exasperation.
Big Mama watched them disappear into the bustling crowd beyond the tavern. "They're going to make an absolutely perfect couple."
Annie pouted dramatically. "No fair! He's destined to be mine!"
Big Mama rolled her eyes with maternal patience. "Sure, sure. Now get back to work, girl—we have a full evening shift ahead of us."
"NOOO~ nya! I just want to cuddle with Drake instead!"
"Work first, romance later."
Big Mama grabbed Annie by her fluffy tail and began dragging her back toward the kitchen.
"MY PRECIOUS TAIL~!" Annie clawed desperately at the wooden floor.
"DRAAAAAKE! COME RESCUE MEEEEE~!"
Her plaintive cries echoed through the tavern as the door swung shut behind them.