In a dark, back alley of Port Angeles, a group of men was drunkenly laughing while harassing a lovely young woman that was passing by. She begged for them to stop, but that only made them laugh harder. When she felt that there was no one man enough to help her, she heard the sound of hope emanate from the darkness beyond.
"Such contempt, such villainy. How can anyone hope to find peace when the inmates are running the asylum?
One of the scumbags pulled out a handgun and grabbed the woman. Holding the gun to her head, he looked nervously back and forth, hoping to spot the one talking.
"Just walk away, guy!" another one yelled out, pulling out a switchblade.
"How can there be justice when good men stand by and do nothing?" they heard the sweet voice of their harasser.
"Where is that voice coming from?!" another one yelled out frightened, looking around the darkened alley in a panic.
"It is everywhere … and it is nowhere …"
"SHOW YOURSELF!"
Suddenly, as if the shadows themselves took form, her savior stepped into the light.
What they saw was an out-of-shape, white man with a black trenchcoat, a neckbeard, a gray fedora, and a katana at his side.
"BAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!" they all laughed, slapping their knees and hugging each other while trying to keep from falling down. When they had finally gotten a good laugh, the leader pushed the woman to the side, and she fell to the cold, hard ground.
Pointing his gun directly at him, he said menacingly, "You should have stayed at home, hero. Any last words?"
They saw only the slightest of nods. "To those who are about to die, I tip my fedora to you."
They burst out laughing again, including the leader. "Just finish him, Johnny," one said, slapping his friend on the shoulder.
Johnny squeezed the trigger. As gunfire echoed throughout the alley, they saw only the flash of bullets meeting metal. The katana spun through the air with such speed and grace that they were sure it was cutting through space and time itself. Clangs rang off the brick walls and sparks shot in every direction as the fedora-wearing vigilante sliced every bullet to pieces.
"What the …" was the last thing that they heard Johnny say as a katana blade exploded through his back, coated in blood. As Johnny fell to his knees, his killer was revealed, fire blazing in his eyes as he pulled his katana from his chest.
"You son of a …" the man with the knife yelled as he charged forward, intent on avenging his fallen brethren. As he swung his knife, the vigilante countered with an uppercut with the blade, removing his knife-wielding hand before swinging low and removing his leg at the knee.
As blood sprayed out, he fell to the ground and slid down the alley floor. He screamed in agony while his severed hand landed only feet away.
While his friends watched in horror, one was roundhouse kicked in the chest, sending him flying to the ground. Before another could react, their attacker was moving. He ran and jumped off the alley wall and kicked him in the face, sending him crashing into a pile of garbage bags. The last one looked on and screamed as he ran off in fright.
"M'Lady, you are safe now," she heard him say. Looking up, she could see the moonlight glinting off of his greasy, unwashed hair. She had never been so turned on in her life. As he helped her up, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye.
"Watch out!" she yelled in terror, just as one of the downed men had gotten up and pulled out a gun and fired. Before she could even yell, her savior was in front of her. She jerked as a loud clang rang through her ears. When her head cleared, he was holding his blade in the sexiest way possible. She watched as the armed gunman looked down just as his shirt began to turn red, and he fell to the floor. The bullet had ricocheted off of the sword and had struck the gunman, she realized!
Unable to control herself, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him harder than he had ever been kissed.
"Was that really necessary?" Edward huffed as Emmett was holding his stomach laughing.
In place of the fedora man was Harry, smiling happily. The girl and the attackers were all gone.
"I said that we could just take the next alley," he said, annoyed. He had read their minds and knew that they weren't good men. He didn't want to bring Bella near them.
"Bleughhhh!" Bella threw up against the wall.
"Now see what you've done!"
Harry chuckled and tossed him a bottle of Pepto Bismol. "She'll be fine in a minute."
"Did you really kill those men?" Bella asked as she gagged from the gruesome display.
"They're fine. They'll wake up tomorrow alive and healthy and think that it was all a horrible nightmare. Hopefully, they'll learn a lesson from the experience," Harry told her.
"Was the girl even real?" Emmett asked, his arm around Rosalie's waist.
"No. I just wanted to see how those men would act. Not very nice, if I'm being honest. They're lucky that I'm in a forgiving mood tonight," Harry told them.
"Would you please act right?!" Bella pleaded, walking up to his side. "I asked you to come to the movies with us so that they could get to know you."
"Bella, that is the real me. That's how I always act. You know that," Harry rolled his eyes.
"I know … but could you at least hold off on your murderous tendencies … please," she said, and when he saw her big, brown eyes, he couldn't resist.
"Fine," he huffed. "No more murders tonight," Harry agreed. "Now drink that Pepto."
Bella shook her head. "I don't like how it tastes."
Harry shook his head and snapped his fingers. Bella immediately held her belly and looked happier. "Thanks. I feel better now." Harry handed her a bottle of mouthwash.
"To get rid of the vomit taste," Harry told her. As she gargled, Emmett chimed in.
"Will we ever see the sword guy again?" he asked eagerly.
"Let me tell you. The Fedora Samurai Simp is the hero that this world needs … but doesn't deserve," Harry told them, staring out into the night sky and earning a snort from several.
Immortals
After they had finished the movie, they went out to eat. Even though Bella was the only one that actually needed food, Harry still ate with her so that she wouldn't feel weird about being the only one eating.
Once they finished, they went back to Forks to call it a night. It was getting late and Charlie would surely want her home soon. As Edward drove her home, Harry was hanging out inside of the Cullen house, sipping on his cherry ICEE. Rosalie eyed the red, frozen drink.
"I've always wondered what those tasted like. Unfortunately, all human food smells like dirt to me," she said. Harry placed it on the table and slid it to her.
"Try it out," he told her. She shook her head.
"It'll just taste bad. I've tried human food before," Rosalie replied. Harry rolled his eyes.
"Just try," he repeated. She looked at him warily and lifted up the paper cup. Wrapping her plump lips around the plastic straw, she sucked in slightly and drank down the smallest amount. Instantly, her eyes widened, and she looked at the cup in wonder.
"That tastes incredible! How is it possible?" she asked, sucking down some more.
"I'm tricking your mind to know how it really tastes. Don't worry, I'm vanishing it before it goes into your belly," Harry explained.
"That's amazing!" she said happily. "Hey …" she complained as Emmett took the cup from her. He quickly drank some down before spitting it out and gagging.
"That tastes like crap!" he exclaimed. Harry just smiled. Rosalie looked between them and laughed hard. Harry chuckled.
"Go ahead and taste it again. I'll be good," he promised. With a little more caution, he drank some down and found that he too liked it greatly.
As they drank their treats, Harry asked, "So where are the others? Jasper, Alice, and your parents."
"Alice and Jasper went out hunting tonight, then they decided to spend some alone time after. They'll be back in the morning. Carlisle and Esme went out on a boat trip. They'll be back in the morning as well," Rosalie explained. Harry smiled to himself. That technically was true, but still dishonest. Rosalie actually wanted to talk to him without the others present and asked them to make themselves scarce.
"So … is there anything that you two would like to talk about?" he suddenly asked, making Rosalie freeze. She sighed.
"You already know?" she asked, setting down her ICEE.
"Of course," Harry replied.
"We wanted to talk about the pregnancy thing," the beautiful blonde confessed.
"Emmett and I have been talking almost nonstop about it. He knows how much it would mean to me, but …"
"It would cause problems. Mainly because it would mean another man being physical with you," Harry finished. "Understandable."
"Yeah," Emmett joined in. "Just the thought of another guy touching her ... " he drifted off. Rosalie touched his forearm in a loving way.
Harry nodded. "First of all, even if you both agreed, I'm not sure that I would. When you consider how long that I've actually existed, having children is extremely rare for me. It doesn't happen often," he told them.
"Also, even though it may not make a difference, I'm not technically a man. I shed my humanity a long time ago. I'm neither man nor woman. I exist as energy … a soul. When I take a human form ...," he indicated to what he was now. "... it naturally comes out as male because that's what I was originally born as. It's what I see myself as."
"That's not the only concern. There's the time that I would have to be away from him," Rosalie added.
"And no offense, but what if you decided that you suddenly loved her and wanted her for yourself?" Emmett asked.
"As for the time, I wouldn't worry about that. While affecting the flow of time on a large scale is a bad idea, I could put a sort of Time Bubble around the house so that time moves much faster within. Several months could pass on the inside while only days pass on the outside," Harry explained. This had Rose's eyes widening.
Harry turned to Emmett. "My emotions are much more muted than a human's. While I can feel things like love and anger, they don't control my actions. I don't really feel things like jealousy or envy. There's no chance that I would try to keep her for myself. There would be no need for that."
"And you wouldn't be open to helping me?" Rosalie asked, looking at him with sad eyes. Harry almost turned away. His one weakness was seeing sadness in a pair of big, beautiful eyes. One of his past wives had figured that out and would use it to convince him to do damn near anything. Harry sighed. The things he did for a beautiful face. Perhaps he was the true simp.
"Fine. If you decide to go that route, I'll help you," Harry told them while standing up. "Now, if you'll excuse me," he excused himself before disappearing. He reappeared above their large house and took a lazy flight around the area. He inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent of rain and pine needles.
He flew around taking in the view of the mountains in the distance before hearing a loud howl. Flying toward the noise, he saw a large, gray wolf running through the forest. Harry already knew about the pack of shapeshifters that lived nearby. He had even spied on them a bit. This particular wolf was smaller than the others, but faster. Judging from her thought patterns, she was a female. That was a bit surprising. All of the others were male. Deciding to have a bit of fun, he dropped down.
Immortals
Leah Clearwater was not having a good time. Only recently, she had phased for the first time and scared her father so much that he had a heart attack and died. If that wasn't bad enough, her younger brother phased right after her. To add icing to the cake, she was now the only female wolf and had to share a brain with her former lover who had imprinted and left her for her cousin, Emily. It was worse than those old, cheesy soap operas that her mother loved to watch.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, something began rising from a cold, mountain stream. Looking closer, she saw that it was a man. It was the most handsome man that she had ever seen. As he rose from the water, she could see him dripping from every muscle on his body. He was only wearing a tight pair of swim shorts as he used both hands to brush the wet hair from his face, and he tilted his head back and closed his eyes. She didn't know what had come over her, but she could swear that he was illuminated in a way that showed every inch of his glorious body. And was it her, or was the song Unchained Melody subtly playing in the background. As she heard the words, "Ohhh, my love, my darling", her tongue was hanging out of her mouth as she panted heavily.
Suddenly, he was gone. She looked from side to side when a hand slapped her wolfy rump. She yelped and thought, "What the hell?"
Turning around, she saw the man completely dressed and smiling.
"If you want a taste of this doggy treat, then you better catch me first," he teased and took off running into the forest. He was faster than she thought possible. Shaking her head, she growled. She'd teach him a lesson for spanking her wolf ass! As fast as possible, Leah tore after him into the dead of night.