Chapter 49 – He Has to Find His Own Way Out
"Cough, cough."
Before long, a middle-aged man in a crisp suit stood straight and composed behind Bullet.
He carried himself with an elegant bearing, and the gold-rimmed glasses perched on his nose added a touch of aristocratic refinement.
Clearing his throat to draw Bullet's attention, he offered a polite smile.
"Bullet, was it?"
"Mm."
"I am Tocos, the butler Lord Ross assigned to help you get acquainted with this place. You can simply call me Tocos."
Tocos—Ross's steward, and in a way, a gift from his grandfather.
He had been serving Ross loyally for many years.
Just moments ago, when Ross returned home, he entrusted Tocos with a new responsibility:
Take this… child?—around and help him settle in.
Tocos glanced at the boy in front of him—
Only about a head shorter than himself, despite being eight years old.
For a moment, he felt an awkward tightness in his chest.
He's picked up another monster, he thought wryly. That's Lord Ross for you.
The last one, Sakazuki, had already climbed the ranks to Navy Commodore and was on his way to the pinnacle of life.
Well—
It would be his job now to guide Bullet around and show him the estate.
"Mm."
Bullet gave a simple acknowledgment, then stood silently, staring at Tocos.
He asked nothing.
He reacted to nothing.
Like a machine awaiting orders—
If you commanded it to start, it would operate.
If you left it alone, it would go dormant.
Ross had already warned him about this—
Had praised Bullet's potential in the highest terms—
But still…
"…Sigh."
Tocos let out a quiet breath.
At last, he understood what his master had meant when he'd spoken to him earlier.
---
"Bullet's thoughts and emotions are… fragile at best.
War and a stolen childhood have hollowed him out.
But his talent is extraordinary—so much so that even I can only look at it with envy.
I don't want him to become a tool that feels nothing.
Because if that happens—no matter how much I train him, it will be meaningless. One day, he will run off alone to seek 'freedom.'
I'm not a good man.
I fully intend to use emotions to tether this beast to the Nasdaq family.
But Tocos—
He has to find the way out himself, to reclaim his feelings on his own.
Until then—I am the new, unfeeling master who will wield this tool."
And all of you… you don't need to do anything special.
Just be yourselves.
Show Bullet what ordinary people are like—so he can slowly learn what it means to act like a normal person.
So he can begin to integrate, to sink into this life, to eventually discover on his own the miracle of opening his heart.
In the darkness, there must always be a sliver of light—
That light is me.
And in the ordinary, there will always be room for a little miracle—
That miracle is all of you.
This is a design that will take years to complete.
In the slow passage of time, Bullet will be drawn in deeper and deeper—
Until that single miracle finally opens his heart.
Until my light can truly shine into the misery of his stolen childhood.
And only then, when he looks back, will I be the only beacon in his memory—
And the entire Nasdaq family the sole place where he can anchor all his feelings.
---
Tocos, as a butler, had long since learned that understanding one's master was a necessary discipline.
So he understood—Ross had probably noticed this gifted child a long time ago.
But he had let Bullet remain lost in the darkness of his childhood—
Until now, when Ross judged the time was right to bring him back.
Tocos liked to think he knew Lord Ross better than most.
Across the entire sea, you'd be hard-pressed to find many men more decent than him—
Though Ross insisted on calling himself despicable.
But really, that was only his own judgment.
After all—
For Bullet, being pulled out of hell and given the chance to feel human again—
And in return, only needing to become a loyal protector—
Perhaps not even a mere bodyguard, but a family member who bore the responsibility to wield violence when necessary—
If the world knew the truth, how many people would truly have the right to call Ross a shameless villain, a man who preyed on a child's vulnerability?
Greatness doesn't need flowery words.
If you want to know someone's heart, watch what they do.
Besides—
Tocos thought—Ross must feel a deep ache over this, too.
A man who loved children so earnestly—
And yet, for the sake of his purpose, forced himself to betray his own nature.
All so that he could, in the end, love his family more fully, more fiercely.
---
"Come, Bullet."
Tocos's voice was warm as he placed a gentle hand on Bullet's shoulder.
"Let's get you something to eat. It's nearly lunchtime anyway. You'll also have a chance to meet the rest of the family."
He led Bullet forward, speaking lightly as they walked:
"There are many other children here, all of them taken in by Lord Ross. You don't have to feel like you're different. You're just like them."
As he said this, Tocos gestured with his other hand—
Pointing first to a girl reading a book by the roadside—
Then to a young couple, shy and uncertain—
To a group of friends laughing together—
And to several teachers guiding children toward the dining hall.
When they passed, some greeted Tocos. Some nodded politely.
Bullet watched all of this in silence.
Such ordinary scenes—
Yet they reminded him of the days when he'd first been forced into the ranks of the child soldiers.
That was one of the few memories he still felt any nostalgia for.
The child soldiers had been united in their own way—
Because they were all disposable, all abandoned.
They shared a quiet kinship born of shared misery.
The only reward they could ever hope for—
The only thing worth chasing—
Was a medal that had no real meaning, just a symbol.
No matter how many achievements they earned, they could never expect the privileges given to regular soldiers after the war.
They were tools, nothing more.
And tools only needed a goal—something to keep them striving.
For the sake of that fragile sense of belonging—
Bullet had always tried to protect the weak among them.
Every time he saw a comrade survive, it had made him feel…happy.
But in the end—
His kindness had never been celebrated.
It had only led to betrayal, time and again—
Even to violence among themselves.
He still didn't understand—
Why had he bothered to care for them?
Was it because he still had hope?
But hope for what?
He didn't know.
All he knew was that perhaps strength was the only thing he truly possessed—
The only thing that could protect him—
The only thing that had kept him alive again and again.
Until Ross "saved" him—
And brought him to this peaceful island that made something in his heart stir.
So ordinary.
So unremarkable.
But warmer than anything he had ever known.
---
"This is the dining hall."
Tocos stopped and gestured to the broad doorway.
"From now on, you can come here at eight in the morning, one in the afternoon, and nine at night for meals. There's no limit—if you're still hungry, you can always have more."
Bullet followed him in silence, committing this rule to memory.
He watched as Tocos picked up an enormous boxed meal and handed it to him.
"Today's lunch is curry rice with land beast meat. You're lucky—most of the time, we only have Sea King meat here. Vegetables are only served in the mornings and evenings."
Bullet took the box with both hands—
And stared down at the hearty meal in a kind of daze.
This…
I can really eat all of this?
As much as I want?
Three times a day?