When I regained consciousness I was in a place that you could call a library.Surrounded by tons upon tons of books.I immediately rise to my feet and notice that I'm covered in bandages.My stab wound from earlier appears to bo gone somehow too.Oh and if you're wondering where exactly was I resting on if you thought it was bed.Close try a metal table that looked more like one of those cafeteria tables you would see in the school lunch room.I then recalled me and Tama falling into the water and after that.I couldn't exactly remember.Speaking of Tama where is she?I then try to run around looking for her but my legs wouldn't cooperate with me.I fell to my knees with my legs feeling like they were going to be torn off of my body.
"Ta-"
"She's resting for right now."A voice said.
I looked around the room but didn't really see anything.All I saw around the room were tons of books piled up on one another,a cuckoo clock,and a snow owl in a cage.So who could have said that.Then I looked at the owl and I know I sound pretty crazy right now but I've seen some pretty crazy things in this labyrinth today.The snow owl was pretty strange,sure it looked like a snow owl but last time I checked snow owls don't have emerald-green eyes or do they?I'm no owl expert so how should I even know.The owl then confirmed my suspicion about it by opening up it's own birdcage.It then flew out of the cage and into the shadows.Out of the shadows a figure covered in mist exited the shadows.I tried to uncover the figures appearance by squinting my eyes.But when I did that the figure became even more difficult to see.I swear it looked like I was seeing swirls while looking at this person.If that was their voice I heard just moments ago it sounded distorted in a way.Like they were using a voice changer of some kind.The figure then walked towards me covering the room in mist.
"You saved me earlier didn't you?Thanks for that.I've been getting saved a lot today."I said trying to make a joke out of it.
"I didn't save you.You saved yourself."
"Huh?.."
I was surprised they said that.How exactly did I save myself?
"Oh what about Tama?"
"If you mean the fox.She's in the other room resting."
"Oh thank god."
"Gods."
"Huh?"
"Thank the gods she's ok."
"Oh sorry.Thank the gods she's ok."I said wondering what that was about.what's it called when you worship more than one god poly something?
"That fox of yours is actually pretty strong.It's just that you're too weak to utilize what she can really do."
Is this gonna be my training arc is this person gonna train me until I reach post-timeskip strength.
"Soo."I said hoping to hear that special response "Looks like I have no choice but to train you."
"Soo what?"The figure said as he was leaving the room.
"Soo that's when you say sure I'll train you!"
"What are you some kind of main character from a shounen manga?..."
"Come on man!"
"What exactly would I get out of helping you any further?"
"Why did you help us out anyway?"
The figure then took a moment too answer,"Who knows."
"Aww come on you can tell me."
"Let it go!"
I then tried to imagine what expression they were making right now.
"Listen I'm being serious this time please at least teach me how to survive this labyrinth."
The figure then stared at me and walked out of the room.
"We'll start in four hours that should be enough time for you to fully recover and you're fox friend to wake up and join us."
"Oh my names Shaka by the way what's yours?"
They then took another short time to respond and said,"Daedalus the miracle worker."As he then took his leave from the room and the mist with him.
So what to do for about four hours?I guess read since there are tons of books here.I wondered around the room searching for something.Anything interesting to read.Manga,light novels,anything fictional will do.I then came across a book that did catch my eye.A blue book with mysterious writings on it.The only thing I could understand on it was one thing.The name Neptune.A name for the planet and roman god.I picked it up and opened it up.I didn't really understand anything written in it.What language was this?It wasn't any of the languages I've ever seen or heard of before.Maybe that miracle guy could tell me about it?
"Huh?"
I then turn to the last page in the book and the words started to twist and move around.Why I don't know books aren't supposed to be able to do this.But I've seen some crazy shit today.A fox girl who's willing to put her life on the line for someone like me,A creature from myths who tried to kill me.So even though I shouldn't be surprised I am.Just then the room started to glow with an aurora.The words started to pop out of the book in a blue liquid.My pocket also started to glow that same light.I took out the flip phone Tama gave me earlier that I somehow forgot about.What the hell would an old phone like this be able to do for me?I then flipped it open and the number 5 was glowing blue.Listen I know on normal circumstances with supernatural crap like this.You probably shouldn't press buttons like maybe ever.But this was a gift from Tama.So I should be able to trust her right?I pressed the #5 button and...I...I'm drowning?...
No...wait how could I be drowning when I'm in a room with nothing but air that a human like me needs to breath.The room was flooded with water.But somehow nothing looked to be wet.Like at all.Ok what the actual hell is going on?I then turned around to look and saw a giant eye open up.Not just one but five of them surrounding me.What the hell is going on?And the strangest thing is I could somehow breath under this wave of water.Not so well like taking in oxygen but as well enough for me to survive here for maybe a day at best.The eyes then glared at me as if decided to kill me or keep me alive.I don't really know how to describe what this day has been today.But This creatures presence was more terrifying than the medusa chick from earlier.Exactly what the hell is my life right now.
"Tell me were you the mongral that called us?"One of them said in a deep voice.
Mongral?...I'm sorry what?You know if I wasn't scared right now and a badass overpowered main character I would be flexing on these sorry ass goons.
"Speak up already!"Another said but this one sounded like he was in a rush.
"Listen I just pressed this button on this old cell phone...so?...are you guys here to be my familiars by any chance?"
I probably shouldn't have said that.Because one of the eyes then glared at me and I felt a tiny little spark hit my heart.
"Control you're timper."A feminine voice said to the one that glared at me.
"Right my apologies.You take well to watch you're tongue mortal."
"Yes please do otherwise you'd be burned by the Flicker of Neptune's core himself."
"The flicker of neptune's core?"
"We are the gods of neptune and we want to know why we were called upon by some random mortal who looks like he should be still wearing kitty pajamas from how scared he is."Another voice said.
Ok note to self for some reason I feel like I'm not really gonna like this guy.
"Listen I don't really know how I summoned you either.But since I somehow did do you mind helping me out a bit?"I said bowing my head trying my very best not to get vaporized by these crazy gods.
The eyes then turned to one another and gave each-other a look as if they were conversing something.Eyes talking is a bit weird though since they don't have any eyes I mean come on!They then stared at me for a moment.
"We shall lend you aid-"
"I didn't agree to that one."One said probably the one that tried to vaporize me earlier.
"Ok fine I shall lend you aid on one condition."
"And that condition is?"
"Become my star."
Star...like constellation or something?
I know I shoudn't agree but I need all the help I can get right now but I've seen some mythology stories and well the heroes of those stories have it pretty ruff.so I didn't really exactly agree but didn't exactly decline either out of fear of getting vaporized and me trying to keep what little peaceful life I can have after I escape this place.
"I'm sorry if I can't really give you a definite yes or no.But if you could guide and help me and Tama get safely out of this place.I'll think about becoming you're star temporarily of course."I said as I hoped not to be vaporized.
The gad simply chuckled for a bit.
"I guess I can respect that answer for now.We shall keep in touch star of neptune."The voice said as the eyes dissipated and the rooms wave of water started to turn into steam as it clouded up the entire room.
I then fell to the ground in shock after what the hell just happened.
Neptune's star huh?I thought to myself.It seems like earth isn't the only planet with mythical gods and other creatures.Probobly a civilization similar to us humans too?...maybe...the only thing I wanna do is go home.I don't wanna be anyone's star or hero.I just wanna go home so all of this can be over and my life to return to normal.That's all I want.I then checked the flip phone and saw that the #5 was still glowing blue.After what I just saw I emediantly closed it and walked towards the door to go check on Tama.
***
This place was like a maze.Findind the room that Tama's in might prove to be a bit of a hassle.Man I tell ya this place is big enough to be a mansion.That could fit hundreds of people in.Ok maybe I'm over exaggerating again.But come on the guy's got one hell of a place.The only problem is well...there seems to be nothing but books here.I continue to keep walking down the hallway until I noticed the owl from earlier.You know if it were really really dark in here I'm pretty sure I might've been too afraid to approach it.I then lean a bit forward and extend my hand out.Am I allowed to do this?I don't really know since I'm not an owl expert.As soon as I did that however the owl then began to hop up and fly up into the air.It then flew past me and as soon as I turned around.It kicked me in the face at knocking me back a bit.
"OWW!WHAT THE HELL!?"I yelled,I swear as It attacked me it did a mid-air spinning kick with it's full power.
It then descended to the ground and pushed it's hair back and gave me a cheeky smirk.Ok ok I don't usually condone animal violence but this little shit definetly needs to learn it's lesson damn it!I then sighed and continued to search for Tama.I then reached what seemed to be the center of this place.I saw a golden statue of a women wearing an old greek helmet and armor with a spear in one hand,shield in the other and a owl on her shoulder.Man this guy must really be a fan of greek stuff.I thought to myself as I examined the statue a bit more for a couple of seconds.
"If I had to take a guess.That's supposed to be Athena the goddess of wisdom."I said outloud.
This guy must be a super fan or something?Oh wait he did say something like "Praise the gods."Earlier if I remember correctly so maybe he worships the greek gods.Maybe the roman gods too since if I remember correctly the roman gods and the greek gods are basically the same right?Maybe just a little more war-like maybe.I mean even Apollo stays Apollo in the myths right?
I then continued my search for Tama and reached a room with a black door and a sigh that was in a text I couldn't read.It read:Φύλαξαι τὴν γνώσιν ἐν τῇ δωματίῳ τούτῳ.I then backed away from the room and continued my search for Tama.Yeah no way in hell am I going to go in that room.Even with Tama by my side.I then saw the mysterious figure from earlier who helped us writing something down at a desk.I was a bit curious so I decided to take a peek.I used my super cool ninja skills to eavesdrop in on what they were doing.Is what I want to tell you but as soon as I moved floor made that 'creek' sound and I was obviously noticed.
"What do you want I'm busy."
"Sorry to disrupt you're work but what are you doing?"
"I'm currently deciphering something for someone."
"Deciphering something huh?Mind if I stay here and chill with you for a bit."
"No buzz off.'
"Gotcha don't mind if I do."
I then spotted an empty wooden chair and decided to sit in it and wait.
"Didn't I say to go away."
"Yeah but you seem like you could use the company."
"You're really making me regret saving you."
"You were just doing a good deed cause you're a good guy."
"I'm not."
"You soo are."
"I'm not."
"But you soo are."
"Weren't you looking for that fox?"
"Yeah but change of plans."
"..."
"I need you're help.I can't wait for Tama to wake up.Please just teach me how to survive this place and support Tama!"I asked the best way I could.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
You may be wondering what's the best way to ask was.Well I may have slipped in some money to close in the deal.
"Dude."
"Yeah?"
"Is this a dollar and twenty-five cents?"
"Ahh.See that's where you're wrong.In fact it's a dollar and twenty-six cents don't forget the penny see."
They then looked my direction for a moment and even though I couldn't see the figure's face I somehow knew what face they were making.The face that basically says,"man are you serious.What the hell am I gonna do with a dollar and twenty-five,no sorry twenty-six cents."But hey it was worth a shot wasn't.
"So you want to fight by you're familiar's side?"
"Yeah."
"Even if that means death?"
"..."
"So that's a n-"
"It's a yes.It's not fair she has to risk her life for someone as weak and pathetic as me."
"Well I can't disagree.She would have been a better familiar if she was with someone else with more skill."
"You don't have to immediately agree!And what did you mean by skill?"
The Daedalus the so called miracle worker then closed his book and got up from his chair.
"You wanna get stronger don't you?If so then come with me."
I then got up from the o so comfy wooden chair and followed behind.
"I gotta ask though why are you helping me?"I asked.
"You seem promising I guess."
"Really like protag promising?!"
"More like not dying on the first try promising but still eventually dying in the end like an idiot type promising."
"Jeez now that was rude."
"By the way that golden statue.You must really like the goddess of wisdom Athena huh?"
"...I guess you could put it that way."
"So do you like this books?"
"What's with all these questions.I guess they keep me from being too lonely."
"Do you not have any friends?"
"If you must know I did have one.And that one is the only one I ever needed."
"I see so what happened to that friend of yours?"
"She's dead."
I then stoped and replied,"I'm sorry."I said.
"Why are you apologising you didn't kill her."
"Still.So how did she die if you don't mind me asking."
"I do mind and I don't feel like talking about it with some rando."
"Yeah you're right sorry about that."
Yeah I think I went a little too far prying into this person's past.I mean to them I'm just some stranger who was lucky enough to receive help out of the kindness of their heart.
We continued to walk until we reached a bathroom.
"Gotta pee or something?"I asked.
"No this'll be you're training spot."
"The bathroom?"
"Yes."
"Is this a joke?"
"Far from it.I saw what you did."
"What I did?"
"Yeah.To save that little fox of yours.You manipulated the water around you to form some kind of aquatic hand."
"So I have water manipulation?AWW HELL YEAH I HAVE POWERS!"
"Keep quiet you're too loud.This is a library after all."
"Sorry."I whispered."But why a bathroom."
"Well it was either that or the kitchen sink."
"Don't you have a better water spot to train at.Maybe a pool or something?"
"My mother isn't too keen on water for well...reasons."
"What does you're mom have to do with this?"
"Trust me she does."
"Ok then."Even though I couldn't see Daedalus's face I swear he had am embarrassed reaction like his face turning as red as a tomato.
"Anyway I guess I'll leave you to-"
"Wait a minute what exactly am I supposed to do?"
"Jeez if it'll let me get back to work.Try to control you're powers more effectively."
He then pulled out three cards and tossed them at me.I managed to catch one while the other two dropped to the ground.
"Just try not to destroy my bathroom please."Daedalus said as he left me alone in the bathroom.
I then looked at the cards and the first on.The one I had caught first had a water wave on it.The second card had two giant ghostly hands on it.And the third and final card had a bow and arrow on it.So I'm guessing I'm supposed to try and replicate this.
"HOW THE HELL DO I DO THIS IN A BATHROOM THOUGH!"
On the last episode of trapped in a bathroom.I was told I had some sort of water manipulation power and shoved into a bathroom.Yes a bathroom and told to see if I could conjure up three things with my power.Ok let's start off with the easiest thing a wave.I should be able to do that one easy.A mini wave sure but still a wave.I should be able to use the sink for this one.I headed towards the sink and turned the faucet.Water started to gush out.As it was flowing I saw a white rag I could use for my little experiment.I then took the rag and started to try and turn it into a boat.The key word here is 'try.'What came out of me trying to do that was more of a ball.Ok so I may not be the best at making a boat.But come on it was worth a shot right?Especially with a rag of all things.I may have left the water running in the sink for a bit too long though.I quickly turned of the faucet as water started to overflow and spilled on the floor.Could have been worse right?I then placed the rag in the water as it floated there.I then tried to concentrate and make a mini-wave but...nothing happened.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"I yelled.
I then tried to concentrated my hardest and I'm not gonna lie.I probably looked like I was constapated right now.
"Come on damn it!"I said trying my hardest to make the rag move towards me.
Nothing continued to happen for about a minute and then a heard a small sound.And well something happened alright.Sadly it wasn't the rag and wave thing.Hell it wasn't even some mysterious creature just popping in on me.But you know I wish that was the case.Because well...I uh...I-um...I think I just shit myself.And not the gas kind you would call a fart.I think I actually just shit my pants right now.
"You've gotta be kidding me.How the hell did I just?"
You know what I'm irritated about right now though.I got shoved down to this stupid labyrinth,stood there afraid while my familiar handled cannibal sheep,was brave enough to eventually try and help her,got stabbed by a medusa.And all that didn't make me shit my pants but a freaking rag did come on!So now I need new underwear great.Welp looks like the stupid shitty rag will have to wait.First I need new underwear.Or maybe a way to clean them.I open the bathroom door and peek out a bit making sure no one's there.I then exit the bathroom and try to find a laundry room to wash my shitty underwear.Look I know this might be,no it is definitely rude.But come on if you were me would you really wanna be walking around in shitty underwear.I know I probobly should have used the sink or the tube but I really needed to get away from that damn rag.After it just made shit myself I'm just a little pissed right now.I then kept walking around the place until I found another room I didn't notice before.And in that room was a miniature statue of what I like to still believe is the greek goddess of wisdom Athena.With three golden coins placed around her.I walked over towards the statue and saw their was something written on the bottom of it in tiny writing that I somehow was able to read.Call it plot armor if I were a protagonist.It read:If you have a desire or wish you want granted toss a coin into this statue.
Is this for real? I thought,This can't be real any desire or wish huh?Well if this so called statue can grant my wish then.
"I wish I didn't just shit my pants and my underwerar was squeaky clean!"I said as I tried to figure out where to place the coin.I picked it up and saw a spot that the coin was supposed to go in.
I then placed it in that circular spot and the eyes of the statue started to glow a white light as I was even starting to be covered in it.I then felt a light sting on my butt and a massive flash covered the entire room itself and then everything went back to normal in a matter of seconds as if nothing happened.
"Huh?"
I then checked my underwear and it was clean as if I never had that little accident.
"So I guess this thing really does grant wishes."
An idea then popped into my head since this thing grants wishes.And if you think I was going to use that wish to escape the labyrinth that would have been a real smart idea but sadly nope.I had another cool stupid wish I wanted granted.
"Dear statue I wish-"
"WHAT THE HELL!"A voice said charging into the room.
It was the mysterious foged figure also known as Daedalus.And let's just say even though I couldn't see his face I'm definitely sure that he's pissed.
"Was that you just now?"
"Was that me that just what?"
"Did you just use my wishing machine?"
"Thta's what it is.Yes but but I can explain."
"You have to the count of three."
"Ok,ok see I had this little problem."
"One."
"Listen I didn't actually know that this thing could actually grant wishes."
"Two."
"Look I'm sorry man."
"Thre-"
"I didn't think it'd work so I used the first wish as a joke to see if it could help me with my shity underwear!"
Daedalus then simply looked at me baffled for a moment before responding.
"So let me get this straight you used my machine to clean you're soild underwear."
"Yes."
Daedalus started to approach me and I was kinda worried what he was gonna do once he actually did come over here.
"Hey wait I know you're mad but violence isn't the answer."
Daedalus then walked toward me and snatched the statue from my hands and pulled the once golden coin out of the statue.Now it was a copper like color and looked rusted.
"You're paying for this."
"Still want that dollar ant twenty-six cents?"I said jokingly.
Daedalus did not looked pleased so I gave in and decided to do the right thing and asked how I can replace the coin.
"You think you could replace these?"
"I mean sure I could try to at least."
"If you want to then their is a way."
"And that way is?..."
"To get them from the monserious gorgan medusa herself."
My body froze for a split second.Of course it was her.The crazy chick who almost killed me not to long ago.
"Done."I said.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah I always find a way to repay my debts after all.And plus you've helped us more then enough.I just need one last favor before I take on that monster."
"And that is?"
"I just need at least two more hours.Just give me two more hours for Tama to rest up to 100 percent and me to master my water abilities."
"And you think you can handle that in two hours?"
"I mean I won't know until I try right?"
"Do whatever you want just make sure you replace that coin."Daedalus said before leaving the room.
And now I'm on a time limit for two hours me and my wack-ass promises.I then headed back towards the bathroom to get back to my awesome water training.
Now then time to make this stupid rag move.
I continue to keep trying to push the with my water abilities.And this time I'm able to push it a couple of inches towards me.
I then sit down for a bit for a short break.And then I start to hear something.
It was as if someone was scratching on the door.I then open it and to my surprise it was the owl that I'm pretty sure didn't like me for some reason.
"What do you want?"I said.
The owl then pulled something into the bathroom.It was a bag of scooby snacks.
"Are these for me?"I asked.
The owl shook it's head "yes"but I could tell it still didn't like me very much.
I then decided to take a short snack break.As I sat on the ground and was about to take a bite of one of the scooby snacks.
Chomp.
As I put my hand up to my mouth I tasted nothing but air.
"Huh?"
I then grab another and try to eat it but.
Chomp.
It happened again I tasted nothing but air.I then turn to look and I see that damn stupid owl with a grin on it's face and is that crumps I see on it's face?
I then tried to quickly pull out the snack and eat it as fast as posible but.
Chomp.
This damn bird is snack-blocking me!And did this damn bird just chuckle in front of me?
"OK THAT'S IT!"I said as I picked up the stupid but.
I then kicked open the bathroom door,dropped the bird and then kicked it away.
"GOOD RIDDANCE YA DAMN WHO BIRD!"
WHO!The owl yelled as it was now bouncing off of the walls like it was a pin ball.
"Causing trouble already when I just let you off the hook?"Daedalus said catching the owl with one hand as if it were a plush toy.
"WELL YOU'RE DAMN BIRD STARTED IT!"
"What am I gonna do with you two?"
"What'd you come here for anyway?"
"You're fox is awake."Daedalus said.
I was so happy to hear that information but also a little guilty.The only reason she was out cold was because of me anyway.
"That's great."I said.
"You don't seem to be very excited and you also held off on seeing her earlier."
"Of course I am."
"..."
"I mean it's my fault she was in that situation to begin with.She only got hurt because of me anyway.I mean why would she go soo far me?Even if she's my familiar.I'm useless damn it.I-"I then stop myself from saying anymore.I mean deep down inside I guess I am pretty worthless.A shit bag of a human being.Deep down inside I was probably planning to use her to escape this place.Wait who am I kidding that's exactly what I was going to do.
"..."
"Anyway enough of that.Sorry I just randomly bomb shell dropped all of that on you.Can you forget I even said all that."
"Whatever I don't really care.As long as you can get me what I need I don't care about you're personal business.She's awake now so go see her."
I don't know why but I felt as though Daedalus secretly cared for us even though our time was short.I slap both of my cheeks and head to Tama's room.
"Wait?!But I never finished the last too parts of my training."I said.
"Again tough luck."Daedalus said pushing me to move forward.
I then cracked a small smile and raced to go check in on Tama.
I'm now standing in front of the room Tama's in.And well...I'm pretty freaking worried.What do I say?"Morning sleepyhead thanks for fighting those wolfs for me you ok?"Yeah naw that'd just be a dick-thing to say.
Knock,knock x2
"Tama!It's me.I'm coming in."I said opening the door.
As I walk into a pitch black room.The first thing I noticed glowing in the moonlit night was a fox girl.The same girl that protected me and was willing to throw her life away for someone like me.
"H-"
Before she even let out a sentence I rushed at her and gave her a hug apologizing to her while boiling my eyes out in my tears.I felt guilty letting her go through that alone.Sure I wanted to leave this hell-hole but not at the expense of someone else's life.
"Tama."I said as tears were dripping from my eyes and snot leaking from my nose."Thank you.And welcome back."
She then smiled at me and replied with a gentle voice,"I'll always be here to protect you master."
I continued to ball my eyes out for a couple more minutes.I eventually calmed down and also told her everything I've been through while she was out.I even told her about the Neptune deities that was summoned thanks to the help of that trusty phone.
"I see."She said."I really wanted to be awake when you finally used it so that I could protect you if anything were to go wrong."
"Huh?"
She then apologized sincerely If I ever got hurt or threatened by anyone of them.To be brutally honest with you.I didn't really like those so called "God's" very much.I then explained to her about the promise I made to Daedalus for using his well wishing statue if you want to call it that even.This time however I wanted to be prepared.And last time I checked the only way to beat a medusa gorgan whatever the hell she is.Is to chop off her head.My qustion is why didn't she petrified me when she obviously could have.Oh well whatever no point on dotting on it now.
Knock,knock
I heard at the door.Man I swear if it's that damn owl again I'm gonna kick it like a soccer ball.I then open the door and see Daedalus standing there.
"So how is she?She back to full health?"
I then turn to look at Tama as she got up from the bed.
"Hey hold on maybe you should stay in bed for a couple more minutes."
"I'm fine."She said as she got up.
I then noticed for just a slight second that she made a face.The same face I always make when I'm usually in pain.A face that basically yelled,"Damn it!"
As Daedalus walked in he then handed me a brown bag.
"You'll be needing this."
"Huh?"
"You'll be cutting off her head right?If so then you probably wouldn't want to carry it back in hand.I wouldn't want to."
"Good point.Oh right Daea."
"I'm sorry Daea?"
"Yeah it's short for Daedalus like it?"
"No I don't."
"Come on we're friends aren't we?"
"Not even close."
"Aww come on."
"Absolutely not!"
"Anyway back to what I was originally supposed to ask.That mist of your's it can conseal you're presence right?"
"Yes in a way.But it can also be used to drive a person insane."
"You don't say.Hey mind if I borrow some of that stuff."
"What?"
I then went through the bag and pulled out a thermos.I then open it up and try to catch some of the mist.Hey it's magical mist soo it's worth a shot right?
"Get off me!"
"Come on sometimes you've gotta share."
"I've shared mor than enough with you!"
"Come on I'll pay you!"
"FOR THE LAST TIME I DON"T WANT YOU"RE STUPID DOLLAR AND TWENTY-FIVE CENTS YOU CHEAP BASTARD!!!"