The wonderful (and absolutely terrifying) woman in armour had barely finished placing the decorated monster horn on the guild floor, with the casualness of someone leaving their shopping on the kitchen table, when she suddenly turned to the entire hall with the most serious and judgemental expression I had ever seen on anyone who wasn't my mother on school report day.
"Listen up, everyone!"
Her voice cut through the air like a blade. A dead, immediate silence. It was impressive. The mages who were mid-punch froze, the chair that had been flying paused in mid-air for an instant before falling with a dull thud.
She raised her voice with a firmness that made the air vibrate, her hands on her hips, like a goddess of discipline about to rain down thunder upon us, mere mortal sinners. "On my way here, I heard a lot of rumours. A lot. That Fairy Tail has been... causing trouble. Again."
I swallowed hard. Beside me, even Happy stopped smiling and hid a small fish behind his back.
"Master Makarov might pretend he doesn't care to keep morale high," she said, her brown eyes narrowing and sweeping across the hall, making several members shrink back, "but I care. A great deal."
And that's when the serial verbal massacre began. It was methodical, it was precise, and it was gloriously terrifying to watch. She turned to Cana, who was casually trying to hide behind an ale barrel bigger than my fridge.
"Cana. You need to go easy on the drink. It's the third time this month you've used one of the guild's pillars as a dancing pole and tried to teach the Fiore Anthem to the cellar rats."
"Coff! Cough!" Cana nearly choked, spitting a spray of foamy ale into the air, her eyes wide.
"Wakaba. Stop smoking inside the guild. The place already smells of sweat, magic, and disappointment; we don't need your fumes to complete the bouquet."
Wakaba extinguished his pipe on his shoe with such impressive speed that I swear he burned himself in the process.
With every step she took, Erza seemed to carry an invisible aura that screamed in capital letters: "Do the right thing or I will throw you through the nearest window... and then fix it, because someone here needs to be responsible." She looked at several mages with that glare that could strike down ogres. And then, she stopped before Macao... and simply sighed.
One sigh. But a sigh so laden with paternal disappointment, with existential weariness, that it made the poor man look like he was about to confess to a crime he hadn't even committed, just to end the tension.
"Honestly..." she murmured, running a hand through her fire-red hair. "There's so much wrong with this guild lately that... sometimes I wonder if it's worth trying to fix it or if it's easier to just wait for it to implode once and for all."
At that moment, I got a glimpse of what it must be like to lead a pack of mad, super-powered people. And my empathy for her grew by about fifty levels. That woman was a force of nature.
"Wow..." I murmured quietly, leaning discreetly towards Mirajane, who was observing everything with professional amusement. "Everyone really listens to and... is afraid of her, aren't they? Is she some kind of authority in the Guild? The head girl of the apocalypse?"
Before Mirajane could reply with one of her sweet and venomous remarks, it was Happy who puffed out his chest as if he were the Titania's official spokesman and answered, with a pride that was almost comical: "Of course they do! She's Erza!"
As if the name, in itself, explained everything. And, apparently, in the chaotic lexicon of Fairy Tail... it really did.
"Even though she's so... strict, she seems much calmer than the rest of you," I commented, genuinely impressed. "She's like... the only functioning adult in this nursery for grown-ups with magical powers."
It was then that Erza turned to the hall again, and her voice, now even more relentless, sounded like a sentence: "Where are Natsu and Gray?"
Out of nowhere, as if summoned from the great beyond by a spell of forced friendship, the two of them sprouted in the middle of the hall. Arms around each other. Smiling nervously and breaking out in a cold sweat.
"We're right here! Best mates! Thick as thieves! The greatest partnership!" Gray was talking far too quickly, with a frozen smile on his face that wasn't fooling anyone.
"Aye, Sir!" Natsu replied, with pathetic conviction.
Yes. Natsu. The same Natsu who blows up buildings for fun, eats fire, and has the reasoning capacity of a burnt-out toaster. He said "Aye Sir" as if he were Happy. At this point, I was beginning to seriously consider the hypothesis that Erza wasn't a mage, but some kind of higher entity that feeds on pure fear and reluctant obedience.
"What was that?" I asked, horrified, turning to Mirajane.
She smiled, with the calm of someone who has seen this play a hundred times. "Oh, those two are always trying to challenge Erza to a fight... and they always get thrashed. It's almost a tradition."
"Thrashed... as in, metaphorically? In a battle of wits?"
"No, darling," she laughed. "As in... they literally go flying, hit a wall, and leave an imprint of their bodies. It's quite fun to watch, actually."
"Not to mention she's seen Gray naked about four or five times, accidentally, of course," Mira added, rolling her eyes with an air of boredom. "The last time, she decided the punishment for public indecency was an educational beating. I don't think he's ever gotten over the trauma. Or the beating."
In the corner, I saw Gray shiver discreetly, even with his shirt on.
Cana, having recovered from choking on her ale, added between sips, "Erza also once punched Loki so hard, when he tried to flirt with her in that way of his, that he saw stars... literally. Little magical stars flew out of his head. It was beautiful. And he deserved it."
I could only laugh nervously. This woman was my new idol. And my greatest fear.
Erza took another look around the hall, as if expecting to see someone specific. "Is Azra'il back yet?" she asked, and her voice, suddenly, lost that authoritarian tone. It was... almost soft?
Mirajane let out a little laugh, leaning her arms on the bar. "Not yet. If I know that lazy wolf, I bet she's in the forest around Magnolia, sleeping on a rock or upside down in a tree, complaining about the air quality. As she always says: 'The Ethernano in nature is purer, Mira, you should try it, instead of filling your lungs with the smell of baked pie and cheap testosterone from the guild'." She perfectly imitated a lazy, drawn-out voice.
Erza let out a sigh. But it was a different sigh from the others. It had a hint of... nostalgia. Almost longing.
Curious, I leaned towards Mirajane, trying not to seem nosy. (I probably failed). "Who's this Azra'il? Everyone talks about her like she's some kind of urban legend."
"The laziest mage in Fairy Tail!" replied Happy, with a mocking little grin.
"That's right," agreed Gray, who was back in his pants again (how?!). "The girl's always saying it's 'tiring to have so much talent for such a mediocre world'."
"And that she won't spend magic unless there's a good reason... like food, a comfy bed, or high-quality jasmine tea," added Cana.
"I remember the time she pretended to be passed out for three hours just to avoid helping clean up the mess from a party," Natsu laughed loudly. "And then we found out she was meditating... or sleeping... on the roof."
"Azra'il has immense talent," said Mirajane, her smile now more affectionate. "She just prefers to spend that talent on getting out of work rather than actually doing the work."
Everyone laughed. Except for Erza. She crossed her arms, looked away for a second... and then murmured, so quietly I almost didn't hear it: "She's not... that bad."
Silence. The entire guild turned to stare at Erza with wide eyes. The shock was palpable.
Gray arched an eyebrow with a half-smile. "Well, well... Erza defending Azra'il. What a surprise. No surprise at all, actually."
"Azra'il must have brainwashed her or something!" commented Happy, bringing a paw to his mouth in feigned shock.
"Oh, come on… everyone here knows Erza has a thing for troubled girls," commented Cana, with the wisdom of one who has seen many a pub drama. "It's that classic: 'I can fix her', only in Azra'il's case it's more 'I can convince her to at least get out of bed before midday'."
Erza shot a look so sharp at Cana that I thought the ale in her barrel might freeze. But the subtle blush that rose on her cheeks didn't help her defence in the slightest. I just stood there, looking from side to side, trying to process all the gossip. Who was this Azra'il who could be called a chronic slacker by some... and make the most feared mage in Fairy Tail sigh like that? My novelist's curiosity was piqued.
Erza spun around with a warrior's precision and faced the two louts. "Natsu. Gray. You two. You're coming with me on a mission."
"WHAT?!" they shouted in unison, dropping their little act.
"A m-mission?" Natsu swallowed hard.
"With him?" Gray pulled a face.
"Is there a problem?" asked Erza, arching an eyebrow.
"N-no, ma'am!" Natsu saluted. "Aye, sir! I-I mean... ma'am?"
Gray just shook his head, trying to look cool, but I saw the sweat trickling down the back of his neck.
"Wow... it's been a while since I've seen Erza form a team," Mirajane commented to me. "Usually, if she needs help, it's Azra'il she calls. Just the two of them. Quite the duo, although one half is usually asleep somewhere unusual."
Erza glanced towards the guild door. "This mission requires more hands. And probably more heads… even if they're not very functional."
"OI!" Natsu and Gray protested.
"There are rumours of a dark guild on the move," Erza declared. "The name 'Lullaby' has started circulating again. I can't ignore it."
The name hung in the air, chillingly.
"A dark guild…?" I asked.
"As I explained before, Lucy," Mirajane said, seriously. "These guilds operate in the shadows. They're no joke."
Erza began to walk away. "We leave at dawn. The train station. Be prepared. And, please... try not to kill each other before then."
She was already leaving when she stopped. "I almost forgot... I'm going to get Azra'il."
A silence. Followed by an explosion of noise.
"A-AZRA'IL??" exclaimed Cana, nearly spitting her ale. "That bugger's done for! I'm even going to grab my barrel and get a front-row seat!"
"Serves her right!" retorted Gray. "If there's any justice, she'll pay for all the naps and the coffees she's nicked from my mug!"
"I bet she's already burying herself so she can't be found," Natsu laughed. "Just like that time she pretended to be a rock."
"If Azra'il has any sense, she's already digging a hole," Cana let out. "And if she doesn't... well, she'll be digging one anyway, but with Erza holding the shovel."
Erza ignored them all, her aura pulsing. "I will find her. Even if I have to strip every leaf from every tree in that forest where she's pretending to be a lazy ancestral spirit."
Happy shook his head pityingly. "Poor thing. She's going to be plucked from the forest like a lazy turnip straight into the hell of productivity..."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
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I've been interning for a week and I already want to retire...💀